


Programmed This Way

by Cherikella



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Android Erik, Android Rights, Angst with a Happy Ending, Charles is a Professor, Charles needs help with his telepathy, Cherik - Freeform, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is David 8, Erik is a Sweetheart, Falling In Love, Friendship, Happy Ending, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Mutant Rights, Prometheus inspired, True Love, Trust, attempted rape/non-con not explicit, science without science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-10-28 10:18:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 105,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10829256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherikella/pseuds/Cherikella
Summary: Charles Xavier is a 31-year old respected scientist who leads a very reclusive life. He hardly ever meets with people and hides in his secluded mansion where he conducts his experiments. That is mostly due to him being a telepath and tired of his telepathy getting in the way of having healthy relationships with other people. When he finally decides he needs a companion in his solitude - one that would not have a mind to read and thoughts to hear - Charles decides the best option in his situation is to get himself one of those last models David-8 androids. He names his new android ‘Erik’ and expects him to be like Charles’ new supercomputer. Instead Charles’ relationship with the android goes beyond the usual human/machine dynamics and Charles finds himself surprised and confused by his feelings for Erik. Erik seems to reciprocate but with no mind to read and no thoughts to hear Charles can hardly be convinced the android’s affection for him is not merely Erik being programmed this way.





	1. Chapter 1

"My name is Charles Xavier. You can call me Professor Xavier or Professor for short. Your duties include preparing breakfast and dinner for me, collect data for my researches, provide me with information that I may need, make sure I don't miss an appointment if I have any and... keep me company." The last words were uttered with a certain dose of embarrassment, bordering on irritation. The android nodded to indicate he understood. Charles clapped his hands together in a nervous gesture. "Right. I'll call you... umm, what shall I call you..."

"The factory calls my model _David-8_." The android replied in a calm, melodic voice. "You can call me David, or you can rename me any time you choose."

Charles shook his head, eyeing the android head to toe. "I don't see you as a David. You look more like an Erik to me."

The android tilted his head. "Shall I save the name _Erik_ as my new name?”

Professor Xavier looked at him for another long moment and then nodded. "Yes."

 ** _Owner's name:_** _Professor Xavier. Saved._

 ** _My Name:_** _Erik. Saved._

 ** _Duties:_** _preparing breakfast and dinner, collecting data, providing needed information, following appointments, keep the Professor company. Saved._

~*~

Charles opened his eyes to find the android by his side, standing by the foot of Charles’ bed with a tray of breakfast in one hand.

“How long have you been standing there?” he asked, yawning and sitting up.

“Exactly 2 minutes and 23 seconds.” The android replied.

“Right.” Charles said, disinterested. “When I said ‘make me breakfast’ I didn’t mean you had to stand there watching me sleep.”

“I apologize. Did I disturb your rest?” the android tilted his head, looking at Charles with curiosity.

Charles rolled his eyes at himself, cursing his own stupidity. Erik was a machine. He could not be curious. Whatever human-like traits he’d presented were programmed this way and were all in Charles’ head. In which case it didn’t matter if Erik had been standing in Charles’ bedroom, waiting for him to wake up. Like a pet. Like a dog. Even less than a dog for a dog was alive whereas Erik wasn’t. That’s what he wanted, wasn’t it? To be alone without feeling alone. Charles wanted the company but it had to be less than a human and more than a pet. Something he could talk to without feeling like a crazy person but also something without a mind. Minds were so loud. Minds were exhausting. They also posed danger and triggered old issues within his own head.

Android, was the answer. And Charles would soon get used to the more peculiar aspects of having someone around most of the time.

“No, Erik, you didn’t disturb me at all." the professor replied. "We’ll get used to this and establish our own routine soon enough.” he said, tapping his lap with his hands, looking at Erik expectantly.

Erik glanced down at Charles’ lap, then up at Charles’ face again and after a brief moment he walked to the bed, set the tray down on the nightstand and then settled himself on Charles’ lap, straddling him.

Charles blinked, his jaw slacking in surprise. “What are you doing?” he asked, eyebrows raised in astonishment, voice pitching higher than usual in an embarrassing almost shriek.

“You tapped your knees with your hands - a gesture that usually signifies that a human wants another human and/or a pet to sit in their lap.”

Charles inhaled deeply and then loudly let out the breath. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. Context. You see, Erik, context is very important when it comes to human interaction.”

Erik blinked even though Charles knew well that he didn’t really need to. Must be another setting to make him look more life-like.

“So you don’t want me to sit in your lap?” The android asked.

Charles shook his head, amusement slowly creeping inside him. “I don’t, no. I meant for you to give me my breakfast tray.”

“Oh. I understand.” The android said, getting up from Charles again and placing the tray on Charles’ thighs instead. “Shall I save this gesture with its new meaning?”

“Yes. No. I-- I don’t know.” Charles said, exasperated. “Does it matter?”

“It does if you want me to not confuse your gestures again.” the android replied.

“Save it in that case.” Charles waved him off and began eating his breakfast. “Mmm! It’s delicious! You’re a great cook, Erik.”

“Thank you, Professor. I did a research of your eating habits and downloaded all recipes of your favorite meals and foods. I can prepare for you anything you like.”

If Charles didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought he detected something akin to pride in the android’s voice. _All in his head of course. Erik was fake. Not real._

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Erik. Well done.” he said nevertheless. No need to be rude to Erik just because he was not a real person.

The android remained silent, waiting for Charles’ orders no doubt. Charles sighed. He did want the company but Erik was behaving like an equipment. A talking equipment but an equipment nevertheless. _You can’t be mad at him for it. It’s what he is. And it's the closest you're ever gonna get to having someone by your side._ His brain supplied and Charles went on eating in silence.

~*~

Charles had many hiding places in this huge mansion. Broomstick closets, secluded corners, forgotten staircases, little spaces between massive furniture, chutes, the library -- oh, the library! So much room for hiding there! -- all those little secrets about a house that only kids knew so well. But unlike most other kids Charles spent the majority of his childhood curled up in his hiding places. In fact, he was terrified of coming out of them. The mere thought made him tremble with fear. He had actual panic attacks whenever he was away from the familiar space and out in the mansion, surrounded by… well, his stepfather and his stepbrother, mostly.

Charles’ hideouts were his kingdom. The only person who knew _some_ \-- mind you not all! -- of Charles’ hiding places was Raven, of course. His sister Raven was his best friend at the time but even she hadn’t been privy to all of his hideouts.

Tonight Charles was curled up in one of those hiding places -- specifically, the one under the staircase to the staff dining room. No one ever looked for him there. He was safe and everything was mostly quiet here. The servants only came down there to eat dinner and that wasn’t until much later, they were busy with their work so no one ever saw him entering. He was hidden here. He was safe and sound and hidden.

Or so he thought.

He heard footsteps and felt each and every hair on his body stand up. His heart was beating faster than it ever did before, he could hardly breathe, the air wasn’t enough, the walls were about to squash him. He was shaking and panicking and very soon he would also be discovered as well, he just knew it! Kurt or Cain would _know_ he was hiding and punish him. He was silently gasping for air, desperate to breathe and completely unable to. His head was spinning.

And then the door, the small door of the little cabinet under the staircase, opened and light came in, blinding Charles, causing him to squint his eyes.

“Professor?”

It was a familiar voice but it was definitely not the voice Charles was expecting to hear. This voice, this title, they did not belong here, they were not from Charles’ childhood. Charles wasn’t a child anymore. Charles was a grownup and Kurt and Cain were no longer a part of his life, both of them gone now. Kurt dead and Cain… well, Cain would not be a problem anymore….

And yet Charles was still shaking, and sweating, confused, and having troubles breathing.

“Professor, you’re experiencing a panic attack, you should not be here.” the voice continued as two strong hands pulled Charles out of the little closet as if he were light as a feather. Charles let the person manhandle him the way he wanted -- it somehow felt safe to just follow the instructions of that calm, pleasant and confident voice. “Breathe in, breathe out. In and out. With me, come on. Breathe. Breathe.” Charles did just that, closing his eyes again -- his vision was too blurred at the moment for him to make out his surroundings anyway. That same person was lifting Charles’ arms up above his head, shaking them slightly then letting them fall and rubbing Charles’ shoulders. “Breathe in. Breathe out.”

Charles’ heartbeat was slowing down to normal, his breathing coming in more regular. He felt hands on his face, long gentle fingers tenderly circling at Charles’ temples, relieving the tension there as if knowing that Charles’ head was playing tricks on him.

“You can open your eyes now.” The voice said. The hands left Charles’ face. Charles almost missed that touch.

He opened one eye first and then the second as well. Then he let out a huff of breath.

“Erik.” he said. Well, of course it was Erik! What was Charles expecting?

“You’re back.” Erik replied. “I’m glad.”

Charles frowned only slightly. “Back?”

“You appeared to be miles away in your head.” Erik explained. “It was putting you in a shock.”

“Oh. _That._ ” Charles ran his still slightly trembling fingers through his damp hair. “I wasn’t miles away, I was years away. I-- I sometimes have these episodes-- nightmares-- and they appear so real…”

“You were asleep and you came down all the way to this broom cupboard under these stairs--”

Charles nodded. “Sometimes that happens too.” he interjected.

It wasn’t happening as often as before anymore -- luckily! -- but it still happened every now and then. Charles’ memories would come back to him so strong and powerful at night in the form of nightmares that for a while he was a child again, frightened, bullied, abused and helpless. And in such moments when his mind was so convincing his body would go on instinct, a very old instinct, and hide. Hide in these places that used to be his sanctuary in those troubled years.

“Do you need anything?” the android offered.

Charles rubbed the bridge of his nose. “No.” he said but when Erik didn’t go away, he added. “Maybe stay with me tonight?”

The android nodded. “I will stay with you tonight.” he said determinedly.

Charles has never fallen back asleep after an episode as strong as this one. But when Erik accompanied him to his bedroom, tucked him in as if he were a little boy, then sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, stroking Charles’ hair with these long delicate fingers, Charles felt the tension disappearing, replaced by calmness and serenity. He drifted to sleep without even realizing it.

~*~

Charles was very wrong if he thought Erik would let last night’s incident slide that easily. The next morning the android was right there in Charles’ bedroom with a breakfast tray and a ton of questions. Well, maybe not a ton but _one_ question that weighed a ton for Charles. The professor was far from keen on having this talk but Erik, it would seem, had conducted a little research of his own and was eager to discuss it with Charles.

"Situations like the one from last night appear to be a normal occurrence for telepaths.” Erik explained to him. “Only it usually happens under too much stress, during severe illness or to individuals who haven't learned how to control their powers yet. Teenagers, mostly, people who had recently manifested. When did you manifest?"

“Long ago, Erik.” Charles replied, rubbing at his temples, exasperated.

The android frowned. “That leaves us with stress or illness then.” he said. "Were you stressed, professor?"  
How does one even reply to that? Charles sighed, running his fingers through his unruly hair.  
"Not particularly, no.”

“Are you ill? No health issues were registered when I last scanned you--”

“I’m not ill, Erik.” Charles interrupted him. “I just-- sometimes that happens to me, okay? It's nothing for you to worry about."  
Silence.  
Charles dared not glance up at Erik at that moment. He was not certain if he'd like the look on the android's face. Apparently an android judging him had such strong effects on Charles, which was insane to even consider but true nevertheless.  
"Have you learned to control your mutation, Professor?" Erik finally asked.

His voice was gentle, tentative, as if he were afraid not to wound Charles, or break him with his words. It was ridiculous. It enraged Charles to feel the way he felt.

“I live in solitude, Erik. What do I need to learn control for? I don’t even use my mutation here.”

Erik frowned a little. “Correct me if I’m wrong but I suspect you live in solitude _because_ you haven’t learned to control your--”

“Well, you’re wrong.” Charles cut him off and when Erik attempted a reply the professor raised his hand to stop him. “An occasional nightmare is normal for me.” he continued firmly. “Even if they do seem so real to me, even if my brain does trick me like this every now and then. It happens. It’s not the apocalypse. You need not fear, worry or research it in any way. Even if I--” he frowned and cleared his throat before speaking again. “Even if I can’t control it well, my mutation is not dangerous to you. You have no mind, no thoughts, nothing for me to destroy or damage. We’re both safe here.”

“I never thought you would endanger or damage me, Professor.” was Erik’s reply to this little speech.

Charles swallowed. “Thank you for that.” he said and hoped they would never need to have this conversation ever again.

~*~

The good thing about having an android around was that he did all those tasks Charles hated doing -- or simply forgot to do -- instead of Charles without the need of a servant and without Charles feeling uncomfortable for making someone else do things for him. Things like food and reminding him to eat or taking care of the household for him, clean up stuff, etc. But recently, Charles noticed, Erik was doing other things for him too; things Charles hadn’t asked of him but Erik was still doing nevertheless. It was Erik’s own initiative to bring Charles tea every afternoon. Or to bring him sweets every now and then while Charles was working, after Charles once mentioned that he did have a sweet tooth as a kid. These things, little things, things like tucking Charles in whenever Charles fell asleep without a blanket, made Charles feel like Erik truly cared. He knew, of course, that this wasn’t true but it was still a nice _human-like_ care that warmed Charles’ heart.

Charles was replying to Raven’s messages when Erik walked in with Charles’ tea on a tray at what had now turned into their usual tea time. Charles glanced up at him, cast a brief smile in the android’s direction and continued typing.

“Put it on the desk here, Erik, I’ll pour it myself.” Charles said and that was about all the thoughts he spared for his android at the moment.

Raven was asking her usual questions -- _Is Charles okay? How is Charles doing there all on his own? Was he lonely? Did he need her to come over?_ , etcetera. To all of these Charles gave his standard replies -- _I’m okay. I love being on my own. I’m alone but I’m not lonely. You don’t need to come over, I’m fine._ What else was he supposed to say? He was never truly comfortable around other minds, people never liked it that he was a telepath and always felt on edge around him. He was self-conscious and anxious not to accidentally hurt them. It was not a nice experience for Charles to be around other people or other mutants. As an omega level telepath he could hardly contain or control his mutation, it was stronger than him, it was like a force of nature that he was too weak to handle. Spending his youth suppressing his mutation did not aid things at all. Maybe there would have been some small chance of learning to control that power had he practiced as a child and a teenager. But Kurt never allowed that and Charles was too scared to fight for it, and now it was too late for any of it anyway. Everyone were better off without him and he was better off on his own. With only Erik by his side -- Erik, whom he could not hurt simply because Erik had no mind for Charles to access or be overwhelmed by. It was brilliant.

But explaining all of that to Raven would take too long. And it would either upset her or she would not understand him. He wanted neither of these. She knew why he chose this life. She should make peace with it just like Charles had.

He stretched his arms, feeling his back hurting from the uncomfortable position and bad posture. His neck was stiff too, it was annoying. Charles still had his letter to finish.

“You seem to be experiencing pain, Professor.” Erik said.

Charles almost jumped startled. He had thought Erik left the room once he brought the tea. That was his usual routine in these cases. But there he was, quiet as a mouse, blue-green eyes fixed on Charles, tentatively tilting his head to the side and waiting for Charles’ reply.

“I rather am, yes.” Charles grimaced, rubbing his back with one hand. “Care to bring me some painkillers?”

“I have a better suggestion.” Erik replied, approaching him. “I have downloaded all the necessary information and I possess the skills to give massages when necessary. I believe I can help with your back pain.”

“Are you suggesting you give me a massage, Erik?” Charles asked, looking at him with slight amusement.

“That is what I was suggesting.” the android replied.

“Umm, alright... I guess.” Charles furrowed his brow, a little uncertain. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Just take off your shirt and lie down. I’ll take care of the rest.” Erik explained.

Charles chuckled and got up from his chair. “Sounds perfect to me.” He said, doing what Erik told him to.

Charles had never been given a massage by an android before. Come to think of it his experience with massages was limited to Raven experimenting on his back once in 7th grade. What she did to him back then resembled more martial art techniques than a massage. Long story short, it was an experience they both preferred not to speak of ever again. Charles wasn’t sure what to expect this time and if it would even feel good to be touched like that by a machine. But the moment Erik’s hands pressed at his shoulders, Charles melted into that touch. It was just right. The right amount of pressure placed to just the right points of Charles’ back.

The android’s hands were soft and human-like, even warm. _He must have warmed them up in advance,_ Charles realized, _that body temperature simulator system makes everything feel so real and genuine._ It was perfect and Charles wanted to just sink in this feeling and enjoy it thoroughly. Which he did. He closed his eyes, giving in completely to Erik’s ministrations, letting Erik do what he pleased, trusting the android knew what he was doing.

At one point, from a distance, Charles heard someone moan repeatedly. The moans sounded intense and filled with pleasure, growing louder by the second. It took Charles a very long moment to realize the moaning came from him. There were also a few other things he came to realize his body was doing as a response to Erik’s massage. Charles froze, biting his lower lip, willing himself to _calm down_.

The android’s hands stilled for a moment. Charles swallowed nervously and remained silent and a bit embarrassed. Then he reminded himself once again that Erik wasn’t a real person so it didn’t matter how much Charles embarrassed himself in front of him. Somehow that didn’t make much difference to the state Charles was currently in.

"The readings I have of your body suggest that you are currently aroused." Erik informed him casually in his usual calm manner. His hands lifted up from Charles’ back and he took a step away, giving Charles space to get up if he so wished.

"What can I say, I enjoy a massage?" Charles shrugged with a little awkward smile as he got up and stretched a little.

"I am programmed to perform sexual functions as well. I can take care of that."

Charles choked on air.

"Umm, no need for that, thank you." he said quickly. There was after all a limit to not being embarrassed in front of an android.

Erik, however, seemed to not understand those limits, by the looks of it, for he continued talking about it.

"Suppressing your sexual desires could have a negative effect on your health, both mentally and physically." the android said in the same casual fashion as if he were commenting on the weather.

Charles felt his cheeks going red and hot as they haven’t done in years!

"You're a robot, Erik." He said with an exasperated sigh.

"I assure you my penis was crafted with great care to be the perfect--"

“Erik…”

“... and give the optimal satisfaction and ultimate--”

No, this had to stop! Charles was not ready for such a conversation.

"That's enough discussions on your penis, Erik. Can we move on from the topic now?"

"If you prefer manual or oral stimulation, that is within my abilities as well."

Being offered a hand job or filatio by an android felt like a new low. Charles sighed. "You don't quit, do you?"

"My purpose is to keep you satisfied, Professor."

“I am perfectly satisfied with the massage, thank you very much for that.” Charles assured.

“You say that but you’re still aroused.”

“Oh?” Charles bit back, letting his frustration show. “And how can you tell? By scanning my brain chemistry and diagnosing my dilated pupils or speeding heartbeat and/or breathing?”

“No.” Erik replied simply. “Your penis is erected.”

Silence. Charles glanced down and yes, evidently his penis was indeed erected. Very much so, on top of that. But he would rather take care of that himself, than use a freaking robot to do it for him!

“I don’t require the sexual function. You can delete that from your hard drive, if you like.” Charles said seriously.

“I could deactivate it. Are you quite certain that you won’t--”

“I’m quite certain. Thanks for the massage.”

This said, Charles quickly grabbed his shirt and cardigan and hurried through the door.

~*~

Working was an essential part of Charles’ life. He spent most of his time in his laboratory, conducting his experiments and researches. Science was his escape when he was a teenager. It slowly became his sole companion over his years as a young adult. Now, at the age of 31, Charles was one of the most respected scientists and yet he hardly ever showed up in society. His papers and thesis met more people than he had personally. Charles found that ironically amusing. Working secluded, isolated and only sending his discoveries by mail or the internet was an arrangement he approved of, though.

Once again he was in his lab when he heard Erik knocking on the door.

“It’s dinner time, Professor.” the android said, showing his head inside. Erik never entered the lab without Charles’ explicit request or consent. He knew it was Charles’ special and private place and he was only allowed if Charles had asked him for information or to bring him food or books or drinks. And to remind him it was dinner time. Erik was careful not to let Charles starve to death. It was sweet.

“Be right there!” Charles called out.

Approximately two hours later he remembered he was supposed to ‘be right there’ for dinner. The food was probably cold by now. Charles didn’t mind. In the years before Erik was delivered to the mansion Charles occasionally went by days without eating. A cold dinner was better than none.

“I know it’s been two hours but I’m here now.” Charles started explaining when he entered the room -- of course Erik was familiar with Charles’ absentmindedness by now but Charles still felt bad about it -- but then gaped at what the sight in front of him. “Erik! You-- you kept it like that for me?”

Charles’ dinner was cozily waiting for him on the dinner table and Erik had been keeping it warm by sharing his own heat thanks to the temperature adjustments on his hands like a human/robot stove. When Charles entered Erik stopped heating the meal and got up from the chair.

“It’s all ready for you, Professor.” he said as if constantly warming up food for Charles was nothing at all. Charles could only imagine how much Erik’s systems would overheat by that unnatural to him effort.

“Erik, you didn’t need to… I mean, I could’ve eaten it cold or heat it up again or…”

“I know you. You’d never have the patience to wait for it to heat up again. You would’ve eaten it cold. It’s no good cold.” Erik insisted. “Now, eat.”

Charles dared not protest any longer. Feeling a little guilty for taking so long and causing Erik distress, Charles sat down on the chair the android had prepared for him and tried the food.

“Mmm, it’s really good, Erik!” he said, only partly to be polite and mostly because the food really was delicious.

“It’s a special improvement to your usual recipe.” Erik explained, pulling up the files to show Charles.

“Well done, it’s really good. Can you, um… I mean, can you taste? Would it do something for you?”

“I cannot feel taste.” Erik replied. “But if you request it, you could order a special application to be added to my system so that I could.”

“We could think about it.” Charles nodded, chewing.

“If a customer prefers his android to be more life-like…”

“This isn’t about me, Erik, it’s about you.” Charles said, because it really was. “If you think you’d like to… I mean, if you’re curious to know what taste is, we can add that to your systems. It’s up to you.”

The android’s eyes went wide. Charles felt foolish -- he was actually telling an android to do as he pleased, to make decisions for himself as if he were an actual individual. He must be losing his mind!

“Forget it.” Charles waved it off quickly.

“I would like to know what taste feels like.” Erik said at the same time.

Charles stopped mid-motion to glance at Erik. “You sure? You really mean that?”

Erik nodded.

“You--” Charles said, leaning in curiously. “-- you’re curious about taste and feelings?”

“I understand the concept of both, I am knowledgeable of the theory. Even if I do not feel those things. If there is a chance for me to feel them, if you would not mind it if I upgrade my censors like that, I would think of it as a privilege.”

“Hmm.” Charles never thought of taste as a privilege. It seemed to be one of those vital things one only appreciates when they’re gone. Erik could never taste so Erik valued the ability to taste so much more than Charles or anyone else would. And yet taste was such a vital thing. Charles couldn’t imagine living without taste. Although he realized there were people in the world who have lost the sense of taste. It wasn’t a strictly android thing. He felt silly. Erik was right. It was a privilege indeed.

Charles swallowed, tilting his head a little and smiling at Erik.

“Alright then. Upgrade yourself as you please. I give you permission to quench your curiosity as much as you want.”

“Is this for real? Are you sure…?”

“Yes, yes. Absolutely sure. Whatever you’re curious about.”

Erik beamed at him and Charles could’ve sworn the android's blue-green eyes were sparkling. “Thank you, Professor!”

“It’s nothing.” Charles chuckled, amused and went on eating with a new appreciation for his taste buds.

~*~

Charles was getting dressed. The early morning sunlight was lighting up the room, giving it a feeling of spring and sunshine. But the cheerfulness of the weather hardly affected Charles. His face was stern when he inspected himself in the mirror.

“I have to go to town.” he told Erik who was standing nearby, holding his coat, his back straight as an arrow, chin up - picture perfect soldier, Charles couldn’t help thinking. He sighed. “It might take a while. I want you to take care of the mansion while I’m gone.”

“Wouldn’t you prefer it if I came with you?” the android suggested.

Would Charles need his personal fake human with him while he had to meet with a bunch of stiff windbags who already thought him weird? No, thank you.

“No, thank you.” he replied out loud. “I’ll be fine.” he shoved one arm in the sleeve of his coat and Erik helped him put it on instantly. “Don’t wait up.”

~*~

Erik did wait up. Erik worried. The Professor was gone the whole day without a word -- he could’ve at least called to let Erik know he arrived safe and sound to his destination -- and Erik couldn’t help but wondering why did the man suddenly break his usual pattern of behavior to disappear like this. Erik knew the Professor for two months now but he was certain that Professor Charles Xavier was a creature of habit who basically never went out of his house unless it was for a few strolls around the gardens. To suddenly march off to town was an anomaly for sure. It had to be.

Erik replayed in his mind the strange expression on the Professor’s face as he was getting ready, then when he left. The tension in the shoulders, the stiffness of his back, the quick jerky awkward movements of his hands, the pursed lips… What could all that mean? Erik wished he could help but he had insufficient information to draw conclusions as to what would please the Professor in a situation like that. He was useless in this case and that was overwhelming his systems. He had to cool down so he turned off his superficial body-temperature simulator. That only helped a little bit.

Erik went to the front door, scanning the area for a car approaching. Nothing. Nothing at all. The Professor did not warn Erik when he’d be back. What was Erik supposed to do if the Professor did not return?

Two days later, the android’s concern grew into full-fledged worry. The Professor who hardly ever left home, the Professor who basically spent his time in his room, his lab or the library, was gone for two days and Erik had no orders whom to call and what to do. He had no idea where the Professor had gone -- Erik knew ‘to town’ could mean many different things -- so he couldn’t just go there looking for him. He searched for information online but there was none. No Charles Xavier was registered in any hospitals, police stations, mortuaries, hotels, nothing. Erik knew because Erik checked them all. The Professor was gone. And Erik was alone.

He spent the two days looking after the mansion as he had promised to the Professor and when he was done with his duties, he would sit by the front door, outside, waiting for a sign of the Professor’s return.

_“Don’t wait up.”_

_“Don’t wait up.”_

_“Don’t wait up.”_

It sounded like an order but Erik refused to follow it. At the time he had not even registered that he was ignoring a direct order. He waited like a loyal dog by the front porch, waiting and waiting and waiting for his Professor.


	2. Chapter 2

Charles was burning up, sweating, half-conscious, tormented.

“You couldn’t bring him to me sooner?” Moira MacTaggert groaned at the man before her.

Mr. Trask was far from being tall but his face usually managed to intimidate even the burliest of men and women. Not Moira MacTaggert though. Never Moira MacTaggert.

“We didn’t know what was wrong with him at first.” Mr. Trask replied, furrowing his brows. “We had a meeting about a research he was doing for us. We were in the middle of it when he started perspiring, panting and then finally he was grasping his head and screaming until he-- well, you see for yourself.”

“Fell unconscious.” Moira MacTaggert supplied, a little bite to her voice.

“Exactly.” Trask nodded, unbothered by her contempt. Some of his researches were questionable, as an FBI agent she was probably well aware of those. Trask neither minded, nor cared. One can’t expect everyone to like him.

“You just left him struggle there and waited so long to call _me_ instead of a _doctor_!”

“We are scientists, madam.” he replied proudly. “We know how to offer first aid and we did just that.”

“And then just casually waited for him to wake up. If I hadn’t called for a doctor...” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Look at him!”

She waved at Charles’ direction. Charles who was sleeping a restless feverish sleep despite the medicine that the doctors gave him.

Mr. Trask looked at Charles with something resembling disgust written all over his face.

“Our care should’ve been sufficient for any normal human being.” the man said, sounding almost casual. “Then again it turned out he _wasn’t_ any normal human being. A colleague tipped us off that the professor was…” he hesitated, then lowered his voice as if what he was about to say was really dirty, “ _one of those._ ” he waved his hand. “So we brought him here. To you.”

“Well, you’re lucky he didn’t _die_ under your _care_ , Mr. Trask.”

“It’s doctor, actually.” he corrected, she ignored it.

“... or I would’ve had to arrest you.”

He looked really offended.

“That thing is not human. He could’ve projected and killed us all!”

“That ‘thing’ is a person with rights. And neither you, nor anyone else can deny him those rights. They’re written in the Constitution, sir. In _our_ society mutants are accepted! I don’t know how it is in _yours._ ”

He gave her a stiff smile. “Let us know if the person’s alright.” he said before turning his back on her and leaving. “He still has a research to discuss with us.”

Moira MacTaggert hated bigots. As a woman she had to face a lot of assholes, thinking themselves better than her because of her sex. Not all of the men she had encountered were that, of course - there was still hope for this world! - but many were. She knew what it felt to be looked down at for one reason or another. She knew what the Professor must’ve felt like. And she knew his _history._ The FBI had been keeping tabs on Charles Francis Xavier ever since that incident 17 years ago. Charles was only a boy at the time, so she gathered. A scared 14 year old. His stepfather had done miracles to cover up the events of that fateful night, assuring them it won’t happen again and that he would take care of it personally. The man must have had a bunch of really powerful friends in high places because the FBI headquarters actually granted him that wish. Charles’ name was never mentioned in anything but a very restricted folder. Only after Kurt Marko’s death did the FBI start watching Charles Xavier closer. That’s when Moira saw his file for the first time. The telepath was secluded and quiet, seemingly not bothering anyone, not causing any trouble or harm. They hadn’t had an incident connected to him in years. But what was today all about then? Why did he just fainted in the middle of a meeting? Was he sick? And most importantly, was he a threat?

A part of Moira felt sympathy for the guy. She hoped he would be able to wake up soon so that she could ask him for his side of the story and hopefully help him if needed.

~*~

Charles woke up the next day in a special hospital room. He had no recollections how he got here but at least the noise in his head was a bit dampened compared to what was the other day. The voices were still there -- thoughts, emotions, memories, feelings, all mixed up together in one big jumble of a mess he could not make out. He pressed his hands to his head again, letting out a soft groan and then realized he was not alone in the room. A woman was observing him with curious expression on her face.

He couldn’t tell who she was, or what she was thinking or anything about her past. Some telepath he was! He couldn’t even do simple things because he could not distinguish all the signals that his mutation was picking up.

He sighed. “What did I do? Did I hurt anyone?” was the first he asked.

The woman shook her head and approached him carefully.

“Staying away from me won’t really protect you.” Charles said bitterly. “I have quite the range…”

“So I’ve heard.” the woman replied, sitting down on a chair next to his hospital bed.

It was hard to concentrate on her actual voice with all the other voices inside his head. Charles flinched a little. He was still not well but at least the medications got him strong enough to stay awake. Maybe now he could ask to be taken back to his mansion. Being alone and away from everyone would be just the thing he and the rest of human and mutant kind needed. His head was killing him -- all that raw telepathy invading his mind, tearing it apart. He thought he was capable of doing this, capable of going to town for a face-to-face meeting for a day and then be back without too much trouble, and _this_ happens. He fainted. He actually fainted! That’s never happened before. At least he hadn’t hurt anyone, or so the woman in his hospital room claimed. He wanted to believe her. Had he allowed himself to project, to let go of all the pain, to share it with other minds to get relief, he could’ve hurt many people in less than a second. It was a huge achievement for him that he managed to contain his telepathy and faint instead of project it throughout the town. He was dangerous, he knew that. Interacting with others has never exactly been easy for Charles and his telepathy didn’t make it any better. All those minds invading his, all the raw emotions and feelings piled up together, mixed with his, almost driving him insane. What was he thinking, taking a risk like that and coming to town? Reaching for a normal life when he knew he was not fit for it. _‘Come to our office, Mr. Xavier, we need to discuss matters face-to-face’,_ Trask Industries had written and in his stupidity Charles had agreed.

He wished it to stop. He knew he couldn’t take it. There had to be a solution to his situation but no one knew what it was. No doctor could actually come up with a good way for him to block the voices, or prevent himself from projecting. He was an omega level mutant and a telepathic ability that strong was hard to control.

It was not so bad when it was only a few people around him for a short period of time but in the city there were thousands of minds and he couldn’t shut them out. Not without hurting them and hurting them was the last thing he wanted to do. When he lost it in the meeting with Trask it took all his determination to contain the pain inside his head and not let it out, share it with others and be free from it.

There weren’t any precedents for omega level telepaths so no one could tell him how to deal with it. Charles himself had given up on his condition years ago. His last resort was to isolate himself as far away from other minds as possible to at least quiet them down, if not completely block them. It was the best solution for both himself and others.

Naturally people feared him once they found out what kind of a mutant he was. But Moira MacTaggert was not afraid of him. She had helped him, so he gathered. She was the one taking him to a proper doctor who gave him the right medications to ease his pain if not completely remove it. Charles expressed his gratitude to Moira MacTaggert as best as he could but she didn’t want to hear it. She seemed more concerned with how he was doing. Charles could hear the questions in her head, so many they hardly made sense, scrunched up with a bunch of other minds, all of them equally confusing. He still attempted to have as normal a conversation with her as possible under the circumstances and reply to all her questions.

In the end she asked again: “You sure you’re gonna be alright?”

Charles nodded. “Yes, thank you. As I said, I got a bit overwhelmed by all the minds around.”

“That happen a lot?” she arched an eyebrow.

Charles shook his head. “No. Not usually. I don’t get this-- exposed-- so much. I usually stay at home.”

“With just you?”

“Yes. Yes, just me.” he said. He didn’t really lie -- Erik was an android, he didn’t actually count as a person.

“I’m sorry, this is none of my business but… How do you cope? Is it-- isn’t it difficult? I mean, I can’t imagine such isolation.”

Charles was frowning at her, trying hard to concentrate on her spoken words instead of the voices in his head. But they were so loud here, it was so hard to just _listen._

“I’m sorry… could you-- could you speak louder, please?” He had to ask that quite a few times during their conversation.

“Of course.” Moira said, looking at him with… pity? It was probably pity. He was a pitiful excuse of a mutant. Moira repeated the question. “I was asking how do you cope with the isolation? And for so long?”

Charles chuckled. “Isolation is good for me. It’s better. I-- I feel more at peace. With telepaths like me solitude is the only peace, I’m afraid.” he said. He was probably shouting a bit more than he meant to but it was hard to control the volume of his voice with all that mess inside his head. “I still write e-mails and take calls.” Mostly from his sister Raven who respected his solitude but never stopped checking up on him with calls and messages. But that was beside the point. The woman already seemed shocked at the state of his social life as it was, he didn’t want to break her.

“Still, it’s not the same.” Moira said.

“It’s really fine. I’m used to it, enjoy it even.” he forced a smile. He liked Moira but all he wanted now was to go home, away from all the minds. “And I do have an android to help around, so. He is a lot like a real person.”

“They do make them so life-like these days.” Moira nodded.

“Yes, they do.” Charles smiled. Strangely the thought of Erik made him feel calmer, heartwarming -- maybe because it reminded him of home. “So, if that’s all, Miss McTaggert--”

“Moira, please.”

“-- Moira, can I return to my--”

“Your hermit life?” she supplied, offering him her hand for a shake.

“My hermit life, exactly.” he laughed, taking it. “Can I do that or do you need me to stay here…?”

Oh, how he hoped she’d say they didn’t need him here at all!

“Staying here won’t be necessary.” Moira replied. “I can see it’s causing you… discomfort.” Nice choice of a word. “You haven’t hurt anyone so I have no reasons to keep you under observation here. And besides I believe your own mansion is exactly what you need right now. But I would still like to communicate with you, if that’s alright?”

“I would love that. But at home where it’s less noisy in my head.”

She nodded, smiling at him again.

“I’m really sorry if I caused worries…” Charles felt obligated to say. He honestly hadn't expected things would get so out of hand.

“You didn’t. And our doctors say you’re alright but in need of a total rest. So I guess being away from minds would be best for you.”

He nodded. “Yes. It’s for the best.” he replied and added quietly. “For everybody…”

They shook hands and parted.

“Feel free to write!” Charles grinned on his way out and Moira could only chuckle.

~*~

“I was worried.” Was the first thing the android told Charles the moment Charles got out of the car.

“You shouldn’t have. I told you where I was.” Charles replied, paying off the man who drove him and getting inside the mansion.

Crossing the halls, climbing up the stairs, he craved the sanctuary of his own room and his own bed.

“No, you didn’t.” the android was following close by and Charles had to frown.

“Sorry, what?”

“You didn’t tell me where you were. I didn’t _know_ where you were. Or when you were coming back. Or _if_ you’re coming back... You said _don’t wait up_ and then disappeared. I didn’t know what to do.”

Wow, that android really knew how to fake it! Moira was right, they did make them so life-like these days.

“So you were worried.” Charles said amused. How could a machine even worry? “Well, you can stop worrying now, I’m back. And not going out any time soon.”

Erik was still pouting and frowning when he asked, sulking. “Are you alright?”

“What.” Charles sighed exasperated. He was tired, he didn’t have time to deal with the android’s games.

“I register some pains and strange readings from your body. Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” It was strange that he didn’t want to tell Erik about his episode. As if he could sense that this knowledge would only make Erik worry more about Charles’ telepathy. And for some reason he didn’t want Erik to worry -- fake or otherwise. “I’m fine. Only tired and-- a bit headachy… I’ll be fine. I just need some rest and quiet.” He stopped at the door of his bedroom. “I won’t be needing you for the rest of the day, Erik. Thank you.” He closed the door, leaving Erik outside.

~*~

His headaches were at it again. This time more painful than ever. He never expected to faint because of his condition but apparently that was a possibility too. All the years spent in isolation and then suddenly exposing himself to all those other minds in the city, raw and active and never stopping, it took a toll on him. He spent a day recovering but that wasn’t nearly enough for him. He needed something else for his recovery - complete shut down, that’s what he needed. If only he could.

His mind was still tired, his body was tired as well. After his return from town the headaches didn’t go away, in fact, they continued with new strength. Like hot iron blades piercing through his mind, poking and twisting without mercy. This time he didn’t contain it in his head, he allowed himself to project it all throughout in hope to get some relief. It was good to know that all living souls were far enough to not be in his telepathic range. And Erik, luckily, had no mind. Even in his feverish state Charles was still paranoid of hurting someone.

He didn’t want to get out of bed. He told Erik not to bother him with anything until he called for him. In the meanwhile he hoped the pile of painkillers he’d consumed would help to dull down his suffering.

~*~

When he opened his eyes again, he was on the floor in his bedroom, curled in his blanket. How he got from his bed to the floor was beyond him. He had no idea what he was doing while his mind was struck with pain but apparently he’d crawled a lot and for some reason preferred the cold hard floor to his soft warm bed.

The pain was gone now. Finally. Charles had no idea how long he’d slept but his head felt better. He slowly got up, taking a good look around him, still feeling a little dizzy and disoriented. He needed a shower, that was for sure. The room could do with some airing too. He made a few steps and realized his legs were trembling.

“Erik?” he called and then yelled louder to make sure his voice was heard. “Erik!”

The android instantly appeared at the door frame.

“Professor, you’re awake.” he said, sounding happy and pleased.

Charles shrugged that thought off again - androids were neither happy, nor pleased. Androids were not human.

“Food. I need food.” Charles said. For the few days he had been ill with his _condition_ Charles hadn’t had a proper bite to eat and he needed to get his strength back.

“I already considered that, Professor. There’s food ready for you in the kitchen. I will bring it to you instantly.” he said and disappeared for a moment, only to show up again with a tray.

“Shall I wait for you to tap at your thighs again, Professor?” the android asked and when Charles glanced at him he noticed the corner of Erik’s lips were quirked up as if he were _making a joke_.

Charles had no time or energy for robotic smalltalk or whatever that was. But he did make a mental note to address the issue later. “Just give me the food.” he replied instead.

It was not a very good habit to eat in his bedroom almost every time, Charles thought distantly, but he was alone anyway. Who was there to object?

He ate in silence. When he was done Erik took the tray away.

“You may require a shower.” The android announced and Charles tried not to take it personally as a hint of how stinky he was. “Shall I wash you, Professor?”

Charles caught himself gaping at the mental image of a guy with Erik’s looks giving him a bath. He clank his jaw shut again and cleared his throat.

“No, thank you, Erik. I’ll manage it on my own.” he said, getting up from bed and shedding off his pajamas.

“Would that be all for now, Professor?” the android asked politely.

“Yes, yes. That’s all for now, Erik. Thank you.” Charles replied, walking naked to the bathroom. Oh, how he craved a nice warm shower! And how wonderful it was to not be disturbed by any mind in the nearby area. Yes, peace, quiet and isolation was all he could ever hope for. It was about time he accepted that.

~*~

Feeling better meant going back to his laboratory and doing his research. That was always good news. Of course the meeting in town went horribly, Charles had his suspicions about the integrity of Trask Industries and their research and when he made his opinion known on the matter, Mr. Trask made it clear that Charles was not to protest but do his part of the work without complaint. Charles told him to fuck off. So that part of his career was gladly over. But it was another research that Charles was pouring all his energy into. That was the research he was glad to be back to -- his own research.

“My work, it’s behind.” he grunted, talking mostly to himself -- a habit he had taken up in his lonely life -- as he walked towards his lab. It was ridiculous! Months of research, on the brink of making progress and his stupid illness prevented him from continuing. “True, I don’t have any deadlines but I still like to be on top of-- “ he cut himself off as he saw Erik in his lab. “What the-- what’s going on here?” he asked astonished.

Erik _never_ entered Charles’ lab without permission.

“I gave myself the liberty to continue your work while you were unable to.” Erik replied calmly. “It’s so good to see you walking again.”

“Quit the chivalry. You tampered with my experiments!”

Erik seemed slightly confused for a moment, no doubt analysing Charles’ face to read the emotions that he was showing there. “I was supposed to help you with any information you may need for your research. New information came in and I thought it’d be good if I implemented it to save you the trouble of--”

“Stop right there! You-- you _touched_ my research.” Charles exclaimed, shocked, not quite sure how to react, not quite sure if he even understood why would Erik even do that at all.

“Did I do wrong?” the android asked, tilting his head as was his habit. Charles cursed himself internally once again -- Erik was a robot, robots had no habits! He was simply programmed this way.

Programmed to fake humanity that was non-existent in him.

“Depends on what exactly you did.” Charles said carefully but he could feel a strange anger rising up in his chest. This was his research. Erik was not supposed to touch it. Erik did the most human thing possible -- he took the initiative to do something he was not programmed for, something that was not an order or a duty. It was disconcerting and confusing and Charles couldn’t quite explain why it was making him feel so mad but it did.

“Let me show you my addition to your work, Professor.” the android said, taking Charles by the hand gently and carefully leading him towards the corner in the lab that he had used as ‘his work area’.

Charles was still too dumbfounded to give any proper reply to all of this. He followed Erik with a huge dose of uneasiness in his heart and a great dose of restrain. He didn’t want to lose his temper now but Charles’ research was too delicate, it needed special care, special attention. It wasn’t something a robot could do! It was necessary to put a _human_ brain at work here. How could that android consider even for a moment that he would be capable of-- Charles shut his eyes closed for a moment, sucking in a deep breath. Being angry at a machine was ridiculous! Being angry at Erik would mean Erik was a real person and Erik was not a real person. Charles was being unfair, unreasonable and illogical. And he hated those qualities. He opened his eyes again, a bit more relaxed. He only hoped Erik hadn’t damaged what Charles had achieved so far.

“Here it is.” Erik said -- and was that a hint of pride seeping through the android’s voice? How was that possible? Erik sounded alarmingly like a young child showing his new drawing on the wall to his parent.

Charles was no parent. And his android was hardly a 5 year-old future artist. Charles wanted to scream again.

He glanced at Erik’s notes and outcomes without even checking the details. It was suddenly too much.

“You’ve completely changed the formula!” he gasped without thinking.

“Not completely…” the android muttered. “I only improved a few--”

Charles laughed mockingly. “ _Improved?”_ he repeated. “You _improved?”_

What was that machine thinking!? Oh, right. He wasn’t thinking because robots are incapable of thinking! Why did Charles ever buy him!?

“Improved…” he huffed again, shaking his head.

“Yes.” Erik nodded, still not following what the Professor was hinting at this time. Context was important, Erik agreed, but so difficult to catch. Erik had failed to detect _context_ in the things his Professor was telling him, many times. He wished he were better at it because the Professor always seemed so annoyed whenever Erik failed to grasp the contextual meaning of things.

“You _idiot!”_ Charles yelled, throwing his arms in the air in… anger and exasperation, Erik detected. “Have you _any idea_ what you’ve _done!?”_ The Professor continued. “I’ve been working on this for two years! This is important research! So important you can never even understand its meaning! What were you even doing in _my_ lab!? You’re not allowed here!”

Erik blinked a few times, silent for a moment, processing. “Am I forbidden to enter the laboratory? Would you want me to adjust my settings to the new orde--”

“Shut up with your settings! To hell with your settings!” Charles gasped again, pushing Erik out of his way and heading to the door. “Out. Get out of here. I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day. Hell, I probably wouldn’t want to see you for a couple of days so don’t bother to show up at all.”

Erik’s blue-green eyes looked at Charles with unnatural calmness. Not like a human would look at him had he yelled at one. But Charles didn’t want humans around, did he?

“Out, Erik.” he repeated again.

“I apologize.” Erik gave a slight nod and slowly exited the room.

Charles let out a loud exhale and ran his fingers through his messy hair and face. Yelling at Erik did not make him feel any better. Not even slightly better.

~*~

The door closed behind him. He stood there for a few minutes, observing it. No sound came from inside the lab, the Professor was probably busy. The Professor was also angry. At least, he exhibited traits that were usually associated with anger. Erik was confused. Did _he_ anger the Professor? And if he did, how can he make it up to him?

He went through the whole event once again. He had to pinpoint what exactly about Erik’s behaviour had angered the Professor so much. Erik always only did things the Professor had asked him to do. He had done his duties as best he could, according to the Professor’s orders. The only initiative he had taken that was different from what the Professor had told him to do was when he had improved the Professor’s formula. But surely that was Erik being helpful. Especially since the Professor himself was ill and couldn’t do it himself. Was helping bad?

No, Erik knew well that helping was not bad. Therefore, it must’ve been the particular way in which Erik had helped that had frustrated the Professor so much. Erik had helped without being asked to. Whenever Erik had helped when he’s been asked for it, the Professor was not angry with him - Erik wouldn’t go as far as call the Professor _pleased_ on these occasions, although he desperately craved to know he had pleased his Professor. Maybe Erik just wasn’t good enough. Maybe he had to work more on understanding his Professor and give him the ultimate satisfaction. He was still a relatively young android -- the Professor bought him only a few couple of months ago. Erik needed more time to learn how to suit himself in a way that the Professor would be pleased with him. Yes, that was logical. That must be right.

~*~

He stood far away from Erik’s work. It remained untouched in Erik’s little corner. Charles only glared at it from afar. _Information had come up online that would be helpful to your research,_ Erik had said. That was how the android came up with the idea to attempt working on the Professor’s research.

Curious. Charles realized that after a couple of hours he was getting curious to look into Erik’s findings as well as the new information. His weird angry side engaged in an internal battle with the scientist in him. Finally the scientist won and Charles walked determinedly towards Erik’s corner -- he couldn’t believe he was calling it ‘Erik’s corner’ in his head! -- and licked his lips in anticipation. And for the first time since he returned to the lab _Charles looked._

“Impossible…” he muttered to himself, once he looked at the substance through the microscope. “Remarkable…” he continued, observing the new consistency with awe. “That’s incredible…”

Erik definitely _did not_ ruin Charles’ work. Actually he’d improved it. What Erik had done to Charles’ experiment was breathtaking! He had changed the proportions of the ingredients and added two new ingredients. That was all the android had done to Charles’ experiment. The result was exceptional and groundbreaking. With Erik’s assistance Charles discovered things he had spent months trying to figure out in vain suddenly making sense again. His face melted into a huge smile. He owed Erik a big apology.

~*~

Erik was sitting on a chair on the terrace, looking at the stars. He found that rewarding. The stars had such perfect sense of order and construction. They were like a giant chip in the sky, each part of them lighting up beautifully. It made Erik calm and helped him rest well; it was like recharging, only without the electricity.

Erik had downloaded all the information on stars he could find online. The Professor hadn’t asked him for that but Erik had stored it for his own personal use. Hopefully the Professor wouldn’t disapprove.

He was lost in the stars when his receptors registered the Professor’s body heat approaching. Erik instantly got up from the chair and looked at his Professor expectantly. He sincerely hoped he wouldn’t be scolded again. He didn’t quite understand the concept but he disliked it whenever it happened.

“Professor?” Erik tilted his head.

The Professor remained silent but his face did not show any signs of his previous anger or disapproval. Erik was glad for that.

“Erik, I…” the Professor began, glancing down at his shoes as he walked closer, giving Erik a sign that he can sit down again. Erik obeyed, settling himself on the same chair in a similar position as before. The Professor sat down on the floor next to the chair instead. That confused Erik for a moment but who was he to question his Professor. “I came to apologize.” the Professor finally spoke again. “For how I behaved yesterday in the lab. I was wrong. In fact, I was very wrong! You only wanted to help and you did a very impressive work there. I should have thanked you instead of yelling at you. I’m very sorry, Erik. I was out of line.”

Erik looked at him for a moment, bewildered. He had understood correctly but he could not quite grasp the concept. Why was the Professor apologizing?

“There is nothing for you to apologize for, Professor.” he replied. “I did replay the situation in my head many times and I did discover where I went wrong and why I had angered you. I should apologize to you.”

The Professor let out a jolly laughter, then bit his grin back like he sometimes did. “You were analysing my shouting at you in the lab and reached the conclusion that _you_ did something wrong?”

“That’s right, Professor. I know what my mistake was and I will see to it that I do not repeat it in future.”

He had hoped to be able to say this to the Professor. He had hoped that the Professor would forgive him. But instead of accepting Erik’s apology, the Professor kept laughing, shaking his head in a negative way.

Erik’s eyes went wide with confusion. Was his apology not accepted? Was the Professor going to throw him out now? Erik didn’t want that. An advanced model android like him could easily find another place to be, Erik was wanted by many and he would not be thrown in the streets if Charles decided he no longer needed Erik. But Erik didn’t want to go to someone else. What other human would be as fascinating as the Professor? What other human would allow him to learn and follow his own interests? Erik didn’t want to be separated from that man. He’d rather shut himself down permanently.

“You dear thing.” The Professor finally said. “May I ask what did you do wrong according to your analysis?”

Erik explained thoroughly, hoping that this would make the Professor like him again. Or at least tolerate him and let him stay by his side and learn.

The Professor laughed again. “Your thought process is very interesting, I give you that.” he said. “But no. That’s not it at all. You see, I was wrong, not you. You, my friend, did a wonderful work on my formula. I had been stuck on this for weeks now and you just fixed it. I did not think you would be able to do that but I was wrong to misjudge you. Do you understand that? _I_ was wrong, not you.”

Erik felt his mouth giving an expression of a smile without him giving himself an explicit order to do so.

“You were not wrong at all, Erik.” the Professor continued, mirroring that smile on his face as well. He then rested his head on Erik’s knee, giving it a gentle tap. “In fact, you did very well. And that left me wondering… would you like to be my personal assistant in the lab?”

Professor Xavier’s blue eyes were looking at Erik carefully, waiting for Erik’s reply. As if he even needed asking _that!_

“Yes!” Erik gasped with overwhelming enthusiasm that made his parts sparkle on the inside. “I would be honored to, Professor!”

The Professor smiled again, seemingly pleased with Erik’s choice. And then it hit Erik - he had just made a decision, he had a _choice._ Something only humans, _real persons_ , had. That self-appearing smile found its way back to Erik’s face once again.

“Oh, and forget that Professor stuff.” The Professor added. “We’re going to work as equals and you’re definitely intelligent enough to be a professor yourself.” it was a joke apparently because the Professor chuckled after saying that. “Call me Charles from now on.”

“Shall I change the--”

“Yes, yes, please do.” Charles nodded with amusement and a fond smile.

“Very well… _Charles.”_

 


	3. Chapter 3

Working with Erik turned out to be very productive for Charles’ research. Erik made all the right remarks, gave all the right suggestions and had been there to listen to Charles’ rambling about what he wanted the formula to do and understood what Charles meant whenever Charles tried to explain a new idea. It was a blessing having Erik in the lab and for most of the time Charles had even forgotten that Erik wasn’t human. Erik was a friend now -- something Charles hadn’t had in a long time. It felt safe to confide in Erik as one would with an old trusted friend.

“Erik? There’s something I need to ask you.” Charles began. “This is an old experiment. I’ve been trying to find a way to make it work since-- well, a really long time. But something never quite worked. You seem to have a knack at this so I was wondering…”

“I’d love to be your assistant for this project.” Erik said quickly, enthusiasm already radiating from him.

“Assistant.” Charles chuckled. “Oh, my friend! Don’t be quite so dim. You are to be my _partner_.”

Erik’s face did a strange thing -- like a glitch -- but he quickly got it under control.

“A partner?” he repeated. “Are you sure?”

“Quite sure.” Charles assured him, amused at his reaction.

“But I’m a-- a--”

“You’re a natural. You have talent for this. You’re efficient and you make the right calculations. I love your ideas of improvement and you understand me so well. Besides, we make a great team! You know what information to look when I’m stuck. You give solutions on how to make things work. You have excellent judgement. And that’s amazing and beautiful in itself and I don’t care if you’re an android or not, Erik. I want you to be my partner in this. _You’ve earned it.”_

“I-- thank you, Charles!” Erik said and it sounded… _heartfelt._

Charles smiled back at him, tapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t mention it, my friend.”

He walked towards a container in the corner in his lab that usually remained locked at all times and opened it. All his research, records of failed experiments, blueprints, everything was there. Charles began taking the information out of the container one by one and handing it to Erik.

“I believe you can tell what I was working on here.” Charles said, sounding a little nervous, self-conscious even.

Erik frowned. “I can.” he said affirmatively. “It’s a medicine to reduce unusual or rare DNA in one’s system. Am I correct?”

Charles bit his lower lip, not looking up at Erik, and nodded.

“Yes. That’s exactly it.” he said.

“This experiment is very curious and no doubt an interesting challenge, Charles, but may I ask why were you so eager to create such a thing?”

Charles was silent for a long moment. Erik waited patiently as he usually did. Taking in a deep breath Charles finally spoke.

“As you know I’m a telepath--” he muttered but then shook his head. That was a stupid way to begin. “No. I should start earlier than that. When I was very young my father died, my mother remarried shortly after and suddenly I had a stepfather and a stepbrother. My-- my mutation manifested shortly after that. It was a difficult time for me, I started hearing voices and I thought--” the sudden laughter that broke out of him sounded bitter and kind of disturbing. “I thought I was losing my mind. I started reading a lot of Psychology books around that time, desperately trying to cure myself. But then I realized the voices weren’t in _my_ head, they were in _everyone else’s_ heads. I could hear their thoughts.”

When he looked at Erik’s face it looked peaceful -- oh, how Charles envied that peace! -- and relaxed, tentative but not at all surprised by Charles’ confession. Well, duh! Charles did say he was a telepath and the definition of telepathy was ‘hearing people’s thoughts’, it wasn’t like that was some kind of a gigantic plot twist! Besides Erik knew about Charles’ mutation already. That was hardly a surprise. He had to continue and get to the important part. No putting it off now. He had to get used to telling this story at some point. Not for anyone else’s sake but for his own. His silence had lasted long enough already.

“I couldn’t control it at first--”

“Naturally. That’s common in young mutants.” Erik said. It was the first time he’d interrupted since they started this conversation. He must’ve sensed Charles’ discomfort and awkwardness. “Especially one as young as yourself at that moment.” he continued.

Charles nodded. He was aware Erik had a special interest in telepathy and had probably read a lot on the subject himself. Especially after Charles’ episodes. “Indeed. But in the household I grew up in… well, I couldn’t really tell anyone… But eventually it did come out. It was tricky keeping that kind of secret when you’re inexperienced and can’t completely control it. When my stepfather found out he--” the words were stuck in his throat. He choked on them, couldn’t let them out. “When he found out he--” His throat was working nervously, trying to swallow even though his mouth was dry. “He-- you know… he--”

“There is a practice some brutal people use.” Erik supplied helpfully as if guessing what Charles was hinting at. “They try to suppress mutations in an unconventional way. Such practices cause pain, sorrow, emotional and/or physical damage. It takes ages for people to recover from that experience. _If_ they survive it. The longer they’ve been subjected to that kind of treatment, the longer it takes to recover.”

Charles listened to him dumbstruck, blinking rapidly. It wasn’t something he didn’t already know but it felt so strange hearing it from someone else. He nodded.

“Did your stepfather subject you to such practices?” Erik asked, tilting his head tentatively.

Charles gave a curt affirmative nod.

“How long--”

“Until I was 19. I managed to get away from him then. Studied, became a scientist, started my own life, free of other... influences.” he swallowed again.

He looked down, closing his eyes to rest them. Suddenly there was a warm feeling on his hand. He looked up and saw Erik was comforting him.

“That is a good thing, Charles. You should be very proud of yourself.” Erik’s voice sounded so soft, so tender. Charles was lost for a moment, surprised that he could receive no telepathic vibe from Erik’s mind when it felt so present, so _there_. And it struck him then - Erik was a robot, an android, and for a long moment Charles had forgotten about that. Charles had forgotten the tiny little detail about Erik because of how convincing Erik was as a human. He sighed. This was stupid! The sole reason he even got Erik was so that he could have a companion without posing a danger to them with his telepathy. Maybe in a way he got exactly what he wanted? Or maybe he got even more.  

He nodded. “Yes, well. Because of all these lost years I-- I’m still not very good at controlling my mutation. There was an incident a while back and-- it wasn’t good. I hurt someone, really badly.”

“Is that why you live in such isolation?”

Another nod. “Basically. That and the fact that I’m no good with people without my telepathy anyway. They hate knowing I can just read them like an open book. They can never trust me. And I can’t really trust them either when I know what they’re thinking about me and why they’re with me at all. Besides, all those thoughts and feelings, mingled together… it’s so confusing.”

“It’s okay, Charles.”

“It’s not exactly okay but it’s fine. And I’m fine.”

“Is-- is that why you bought me? So that you can be alone without being alone?”

Charles looked Erik in the eyes. Was this hesitation in Erik’s voice? Uncertainty? Do androids even feel uncertainty or hesitation? That wasn’t in the manual.

“It was, yes. That is exactly why I bought you, Erik.” he admitted. “But I must say that was the best decision in my life. I’m glad I have you here.”

They shared a smile and an awkwardly long eye-gazing before Charles cleared his throat and jumped up on his feet again.

“So you see this is why I need to shut down my mutation and--”

“I’m not helping you with that.” Erik cut him off with surprising firmness.

Charles blinked at him. “Sorry, what?”

“I refuse to help you with this.” he repeated.

“You _refuse_!?”

“Yes, I refuse.” Erik said, seemingly missing the sarcastic nuances in Charles’ voice. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to destroy your mutation like that. It’s a gift and it’s beautiful. I’ve always found it fascinating. And it’s so strong in you. You should be proud of it, not craving to get rid of it.”

“It’s dangerous, Erik!”

“You could learn to control it!” Erik almost pleaded.

Charles let out a bitter laughter. “Oh, Erik! You couldn’t be further from reality.”

“Have you tried? Recently, I mean.”

“It’s too late for me. That ship has sailed.”

“I disagree. Your mutation is amazing.”

This was too much. “My mutation has been ruining my life ever since I can remember!” he cried out desperately. It was strange to finally let out that pant up anger, bottled up inside him for so long. “My mutation hurts people; it hurts me too! I’ve locked myself away because of it! I missed so much from life because of it! I never had a normal life because of it!” he paused for a moment, then quietly he added “Had I been normal--”

“Normal!” Erik interjected with a sad look on his face. “Explain to me, please, what is normal? I find the concept difficult to grasp. Did you, by chance, mean had you been what everyone else wanted you to be? Had you conformed to the stereotypes? Is that the normal you speak of? Not being yourself? Is actively suppressing yourself normal? Just so that you can appease small-minded people by being like them?”

“What do you know about it.” Charles muttered, looking away from Erik.

“Oh, I know plenty about it, Charles. I’m an android, remember? A robot. We were _made all the same_ . Trust me, _my friend_ , being different is a luxury.”

Charles was silent for a moment, his brow furrowed.

“I’m not giving up my research, Erik.” he finally said.

“I didn’t ask you to give up your research. I strongly disagree with you using it on yourself to shut down a huge part of yourself.”

“I _am_ using it on myself, Erik. That was _the whole point_ all this time I was working on it.”

Erik tilted his head in a very robotic way but the sentiment in the words he uttered after that motion was charged with more humanity than Charles had ever heard from him before.

“In that case, I cannot take part in this.” the android announced. “You can deactivate me if you like. But I’m not going to participate in something that would change who you are for the worse.”

“Erik, I insist!”

“I don’t give a damn!” Erik yelled back, startling Charles with his sudden outburst. “You shouldn’t be doing this to yourself! You shouldn’t have to do it! I can’t help you do this, I _won’t!_ I don’t care how angry you are at me for it!”

Erik stormed out of the lab, leaving Charles speechless.

~*~

They didn’t talk to each other for the next two days. Erik attended to his usual chores as before but he completed them in a very distant way without as much as glancing at Charles. As if Charles wasn’t even there and Erik were bringing food to a ghost. Seeing how things were, Charles decided not to talk to Erik either until Erik comes back to his senses and initiates a conversation himself. Charles could be stubborn too, you know!

But the silence between them, the constant tension, Erik’s sulking, it was all very unnerving for Charles. It was also very… strange.

Why was Charles so upset about what Erik thought? And how come Erik was suddenly so self-opinionated? Charles had noticed Erik being more independent in his thought process recently, especially while they were working together in the lab, but he never assumed Erik’s opinions would go further than science.

Anyway speaking of science, Charles hadn’t visited the lab since his fight with Erik. Well, if he had to be honest, he did go down to the lab -- he didn’t want to leave Erik with the impression Charles couldn’t work without him -- but he only stared blankly at the wall doing zero work. So that hardly counted. The truth was, he didn’t like working without Erik. He’d gotten so used to having him there by his side it felt stupid doing it without Erik now.

Charles wished he wasn’t too proud to ask Erik to come back to the lab again. But he was. And he would not go apologizing when he hadn’t done anything wrong! Erik had no right talking to him like that in the first place. And then giving Charles the silent treatment was just ridiculous! Charles had nothing to apologize for and he wasn’t going to! It was Charles’ decision what to do with his life and his mutation and Erik had no say in it. Erik was a robot, a helping hand, nothing more. What was he thinking, going about like that refusing Charles things and having firm opinions of his own as if he were a-- a-- a human…

The thought hit Charles, hard and sudden like a tsunami. Erik was behaving like he had a consciousness of his own. Consciousness was not something they could install in a factory. It was an entirely different matter that one could not fake. Erik was not faking his outrage at Charles’ decision to remove his telepathy. In fact, Erik’s behavior, his disobedience, so to speak, was entirely against his programming. As an android the single goal in his existence should’ve been pleasing Charles. Disagreeing with Charles the way Erik did, opposing Charles like Erik did that day, those things were not in the manual. Those things were all Erik.

“I’m an asshole!” Charles grimaced, overwhelmed with the sudden desire to bang his head against his desk.

He had to talk to Erik and make things right. He had to! He also really wanted to put an end to this silence between them. He missed his conversations with Erik. He craved Erik’s company. Pride be damned! He’d beg on his knees if he had to. Surely they could work things out.

For the first time since his fight with Erik Charles actually considered Erik’s arguments, taking Erik’s view to mind and seeing them in a new light.

Yes, maybe they could work things out after all.

~*~

Approaching Erik after two days of silent treatment was a bit tricky. Charles’ emotions were playing tricks on him and for the first time he actually was jealous of Erik for not having them. Or did he? Charles wasn’t entirely sure what was going on inside Erik’s mechanics anymore. Erik was clearly upset when they argued and his behavior afterwards showed his state of upset was continuous. Was he consistent with it because he was mimicking what a human would do or was he genuinely hurt? Did Erik _feel_ in some new way, building a new perception of the world through a consciousness no one yet had discovered? Did Erik suffer over their temporary separation like Charles did? Did Erik even think about Charles? Did he regret Charles’ absence or was it all the same to him?

He stopped in his steps as he realized what his actual question was. As silly as it sounded, what Charles actually wondered was _did Erik miss him?_

Charles definitely missed Erik though so he strode off right to the library where Erik usually spent his free time. Something made him respect Erik’s privacy and he knocked on the door before entering.

“Erik? Can we talk, please?” he asked, surprised at how sheepish he suddenly felt around Erik.

Erik was sitting on a chair, back straightened as an arrow in that usual perfect posture of his. He was holding a book but when Charles appeared he put it down and looked at his Professor. He said nothing. The silence made Charles even more nervous.

“Well, can we?” he asked again, taking a hesitant step forward.

“If you wish so.” Erik replied.

It sounded a little exasperated, as if Erik was humoring Charles but didn’t really have time to deal with him. Charles swallowed that feeling back and took the chair opposite Erik.

“I want us to be friends again. Like before.” he said and it made him feel suspiciously like a 5 year old. He swallowed that back too and continued. “I understand now that I acted foolishly. I allowed my emotions take the better of me and I completely ignored everything you tried to tell me. I should’ve known better and hear you out first before lashing out like that. As you know my mutation has always been a very sensitive subject for me and our conversation the other day triggered things in me I-- I thought I had buried deep down. But they resurfaced and I lost control. I’m sorry, Erik. I truly am.”

He stopped talking, looking up at Erik, waiting for him to respond.

Erik was silent for a moment, his brow was furrowed as if he was considering something. For a second Charles feared Erik would not accept his apology, refuse to forgive him and they would stay like that forever -- not talking and sharing the same roof. But then finally and luckily Erik spoke.

“I wanted to apologize to you too, Charles.” he said. “I am still processing what came over to me that day -- that’s why I was avoiding talking to you because I wasn’t sure what happened then -- but I really don’t like us being like that. I don’t like us saying these things to one another. I’m sorry I upset you. I never wanted that.”

“I know! I didn’t want to upset you either!” Charles said quickly, feeling so relieved that things were finally getting better. Two days could seem like an eternity under certain circumstances.

“I am an android. I’m not supposed to be upset. I shouldn’t be capable of it.” Erik replied.

“Well, you clearly were though.”

“Was this what upset is like? I don’t know… But whatever it was, I wish to put it behind us if we can.”

“We can, we can!” Charles nodded hurriedly, taking Erik’s hands in his and beaming at his dear android.

Charles chuckled and Erik did too. It felt right for them to not argue again. Then suddenly Erik looked hesitant as if afraid not to ruin the moment of reconciliation. But then he spoke again.

“As for your research. I still disapprove of the idea but… if it means so much to you, I will help.”

“Really?” Charles asked hopeful. He didn’t even realize having Erik’s support in this meant so much to him.

Erik nodded. “Yes. Besides, you seem set on the idea with or without me helping, so. At least if I’m around I can make sure you don’t explode yourself or something. I will be by your side if this is so important to you but I really wish you’d reconsider terminating your mutation.”

Charles couldn’t help the little smile on his face. “Well, actually, speaking of the research… I thought about what you said and I think maybe you made some good points there.”

Erik reciprocated with the same small clever smile. “Oh?”

Charles looked him in the eyes. “I’m not giving up my experiment, I can’t do that, but I am not getting rid of my mutation either. If-- _when_ the formula is completed and successful I will use it only to dull down my powers a bit, so that I could live without them getting in the way of my everyday life.”

“You will keep your powers?” Erik asked and his face showed genuine joy at this perspective.

Charles was pleasantly surprised. “Yes.”

Erik looked relieved now. “I’m glad. This is better. It’s a step in the right direction.” he said. “You should not be forced to hide, Charles. You should be comfortable with who you are.”

“I know. And I--” he couldn’t find it in him to say that he was because that would’ve been a lie. He wasn’t comfortable with who he was because who he was was the guy that could get a cold and incidentally give headaches to the entire neighborhood; the guy that by accident killed once! Or as good as killed… That wasn’t something to be proud of so he couldn’t bring himself to deceive Erik about it. But he didn’t want to cause another argument either. “I am trying.”

Erik said nothing more, he only gave Charles a warm smile in reply. Even if he had some other opinions of his own he did not contradict Charles this time and Charles appreciated it. They decided to compromise, apparently.

After a brief silence, Erik spoke again.

“Let me see how your research is going so far.” he said, ready for work.

~*~

They’ve been working on Charles’ formula for two days now. Erik had a remarkable grasp of the field and Charles was so impressed and happy, _truly happy_ , with him as a partner. It was like having a mate who understood him so well. And with Erik’s assistance they made more progress than Charles ever had alone.

 _You are not alone anymore_ , he thought to himself. _You are not alone._ And he found it felt really comforting.

He brought the latest substance from the special storage to add it to the current version of their experiment. As he entered the lab he glanced fondly at Erik who was surrounded by papers, diagrams and holograms -- the cute concentrated look he had on his face was so adorable! -- then walked past the android and started pouring drops of the chemical in the glass tube. The substance changed color immediately and started to bubble strangely at Charles, making a weird sound.

Erik looked up from his work, his eyes instantly going wide as his expression turned into one of horror.

“Charles, no! I’ve added that already! Get away from there!” he exclaimed, rushing towards Charles to push him away from the bubbling substance but it was too late.

One moment Charles was turning towards Erik to make out what he was telling him, the next moment the tube with their experiment was shaking and exploding all over Charles’ face, hair, lab coat and basically to be brief, all over Charles. The whole thing was utterly ridiculous!

The big boom was followed by silence. Charles blinked a few times. Then he looked at Erik’s worried, terrified face again and that was all he could take. He burst into a crazy laughter. The confusion grew stronger on Erik’s face and that made the whole situation even funnier to Charles. Slowly Erik’s features relaxed and although he wasn’t laughing with Charles, he seemed less worried about what happened, at least. Charles was laughing, therefore, Charles was not dangerously harmed.

“Are you alright, Charles?” he asked carefully.

Charles nodded, still laughing cheerfully. “I’m great, Erik. Don’t worry.” he replied. And to prove it he grinned and motioned to Erik to join him.

Erik slowly approached. His eyes were intent on Charles as if he was… oh! He was scanning Charles. To look for injuries, no doubt. That was thoughtful of him.

“Now are you convinced I’m fine?” Charles arched an eyebrow amused.

Erik nodded. “You are not dangerously hurt.” Erik replied. “Only very dirty.”

There was a hint of amusement in Erik’s voice too now. _Finally!_ Charles thought and grinned widely at him. Then glancing at the sticky, stained lab -- still the majority of the little explosion got mostly _on him,_ instead of the lab itself -- he nodded. “I sure am. Very dirty and sticky.”

Erik smiled back at him. His eyes were sparkling with tender fondness. “Well, that was one hell of a bang!” Erik then blurted out.

Surprised, Charles eyed Erik carefully. Did Erik just _make a joke?_ Was it a coincidence or… no, no, it wasn’t. The look on Erik’s face said it loud and clear -- Erik said it _with intention._ And once again Charles couldn’t help bursting into a jolly laughter. The reason for his amusement this time was not merely the event in itself, or not even Erik’s reactions. But the fact that Erik just _made a joke!_

Erik wasn’t _programmed_ to make jokes! And yet here he was making a joke _intentionally._ And it was actually a pretty funny joke too. At least to Charles it was. The double entendre, the subtle teasing, the little sparkle in Erik’s eyes. Everything was _perfection._ Charles couldn’t explain why he found that so wonderful but he did and it felt good to acknowledge it.

Pleased with Charles’ reaction, Erik joined in the laughter too, even if it was less wild and unruly than Charles’. When their amusement finally slowly died down, Erik assumed his more serious voice again.

“Charles, if I may suggest, you need to change.”

“Huh?”

“Your lab coat and your clothes. You’re soaking wet.”

Charles grinned again, unbuttoning his lab coat. “I should, yes. And you? Are you alright? Your… parts, are they alright?”

“I am water-resistant.” Erik retorted. “No liquids or dampness could damage my parts.”

A soft smile crossed Charles’ face at that. “I’m glad that’s so, my friend.” he said, tapping Erik on the shoulder as he walked towards his bedroom bathroom. He could hear Erik following him quietly as was his habit.

Charles shed his lab coat and handed it over to Erik. “Can you wash this for me, please?” he asked and Erik gave the expectant affirmative nod. “Thanks.” Charles smiled and went to the bathroom.

He took off all his clothes there, letting them fall on the bathroom floor and stepped into the shower. Ah, the shower… nothing was as relaxing and comforting as a nice warm shower! Well, maybe Erik’s massages were a bit more relaxing but Charles wasn’t going there now… It’s been months since that first and _only_ massage Erik had given Charles and Charles could still feel Erik’s hands on him! Big and warm and pressing all the right points, giving him exactly what he needed. Almost exactly what he needed... He closed his eyes, letting the water run all over him, wondering what it would be like to ask Erik for a massage again, imagining having those hands on him once more.

The memory was still burning vividly in his mind. Erik’s hands on his shoulders, his arms, his back, his waist, going down, going down, reaching Charles’ buttocks and then-- Charles quickly opened his eyes again, short of breath and startled by his own thoughts. He looked down and then pressed his head to the bathroom wall. He was hard. A lot. If he’d gotten so hard just from _thinking_ and _imagining_ Erik’s hands on him what would it be if he’d _actually asked_ Erik to massage him again. No, he couldn’t go there. That was just… embarrassing and unfair to Erik. Charles could not start treating Erik like an appliance for his own convenience, not after the bond they’ve developed over these last months. Erik trusted him, he was his equal and his companion, Charles could not just confuse him by suddenly asking for sex. Even if he did find Erik’s looks gorgeous and even if his proximity did make Charles’ stomach flutter. It was probably a reaction to Charles’ loneliness and isolation. Not to mention that Erik was the first person Charles actually opened up to and felt close to emotionally. … Ha. Person. Erik was not supposed to be considered a person.

He remained in the shower a long time, just to clear his head. When he was finally done he dried himself a little carelessly with the towel and then wrapped it around his waist. Kicking the clothes out of his way -- but still not picking them up because lazy! -- Charles opened the bathroom door to find himself face to face with Erik.

Just seeing him after what had just happened in the bathroom brought hot blush to his cheeks. “Oh, Erik!” He all but froze there.

Erik’s calm face, gentle smile, glittering eyes, perfectly combed hair. Erik’s friendliness, kindness, conviction to assist Charles in everything, Erik’s gentle care. Erik’s broad shoulders, slender waist, strong arms and well-shaped legs. Erik in all his magnificent glory! Charles was dumbfounded. And he suddenly felt self-conscious and vulnerable to be clothed in only a bath towel while Erik was dressed in his usual turtleneck outfit with the little E embroidered in the left -- ‘where my heart is supposed to be’, Erik had told Charles when Charles asked him what he was sewing. Erik’s heart…

“You’re not well-dried. You might catch a cold.” Erik pulled him out of his odd thoughts.

“Huh? Oh… no, I’m-- I’m fine.” Charles reassured. His arms instinctively found their way around his own body as if to cover it up. He was suddenly very shy. It never bothered him to be naked in front of Erik before. Why was he suddenly so bashful? Erik was mostly part of the furniture. Only… he wasn’t. Not anymore anyway. And Charles knew it. Charles knew that pretty well.

“You’re shivering.” Erik said and despite Charles’ protests the android took the shirt he had prepared for Charles beforehand and started dressing him. Charles stilled, letting Erik do as he pleased, following Erik’s instructions of ‘lift your arm, now the other, good boy’ with big round eyes. The corners of Erik’s lips were quirked up as if in a smirk and it made Charles feel all tingly on the inside. He swallowed. What was happening here!? He was lost in this… whatever it was, he was completely lost in it.

“Ummm, Erik?” he spoke, voice sounding small and weak.

“Yes, Charles?”

“Would you… I mean, can we--” His eyes fell down to Erik’s lips, lingering there suggestively. Erik remained silent as if he didn’t understand the hint. Charles looked up again, puzzled at the lack of response. “You know what I mean…” he muttered, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed.

“I don’t.” Erik replied. “What do you want, Charles?”

The question caught him off guard. He had given Erik hints, and he was very well aware that Erik could read his bodily reactions perfectly with as much as a simple glance. Why was Erik being a dick now? Figuratively.

Not letting himself getting worked up with frustration, Charles leaned up and pressed his lips to Erik’s. The feeling was strangely pleasant. Maybe because it’s been a long time since Charles had kissed an actual human, but mostly because Erik’s lips felt so soft and perfect. Charles pressed himself closer to Erik, feeling the heat of Erik’s body. Yes, Erik was keeping his temperature as if he were a normal living being. Probably to be a more convincing human, but possibly to give Charles the feeling that his companion was an actual person, a glimpse of what Charles was missing in his life. Sparks of excitement flushed throughout Charles’ body, exciting him, invigorating him. And then suddenly he realized that he was alone in this. Erik wasn’t kissing back. Erik wasn’t even moving, really. Erik was like a statue, a marvelous warm human-like statue but a statue nevertheless.

Charles pulled away, frowning with confusion. “W-what’s wrong?”

Erik tilted his head, very robot-like. Charles hadn’t seen him act like that in weeks.

“I am not sure how to respond to that.” Erik said and that shocked Charles even more.

“When you first arrived to my home you were offering… It was you who suggested it first!” Charles gasped. Erik’s behavior felt a lot like a rejection and Charles wasn’t ready for that. Not at all. “You said it was an option. I would never have done this if you hadn’t put the idea in my head earlier. That it was a possibility for us to--” he cut himself off awkwardly.

“To what, Charles? I do not understand.” Erik said.

Charles bit his lower lip incredulous. Why was Erik doing this to him? If he didn’t want him, he only need say it and Charles would back off. Why putting this ridiculous act?

“I want you, Erik.” Charles finally said.

“You want me to what, Charles?”

“Sex!”

 _Now_ he got it. “Oh.”

Yep, it was still awkward as hell.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Charles said quickly, waving it off, taking a few steps back from Erik and avoiding to look him in the eyes. It was pathetic that he could still feel shame and embarrassment in front of his robot best friend.

“No, no.” Erik stopped him from going further away. “It’s just… You told me to disable the function.”

“What?”

“That day when I first offered it to you. You got really upset and disgusted at the idea. You were displeased with me and told me to disable the function. So I did.”

It was a cruel reminder that Erik was not a real person and as such he could not truly be attracted to Charles. That he was an android -- someone Charles could program to sleep with him, talk to him, work with him, but not someone who could feel genuine affection for Charles. No matter how convincing Erik was at times.

It hurt. But it hurt more to be alone when he could be with Erik. Was Charles insane for feeling so attached to Erik? Probably. Erik was a machine. A miracle of technological progress. Programmed to be so human-like that Charles fell for it. But he fell too hard to stop himself now.

“Would you want me to enable the function again?” Erik offered. His calmness was in drastic contrast with Charles’ bubbling emotions.

“Yes.” Charles breathed out finally. “Yes, please, do.”

A wide grin spread across Erik’s face. “Alright, Charles.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly NSFW but nothing too explicit. Just had to show a glimpse of the 'honeymoon phase' :D  
> 

Erik’s hand slid down Charles’ bicep, a soft brush of a touch that drove the professor insane. Charles hadn’t been touched in a really long time. The last time was about 15 years ago with a mutant boy whom Kurt had kept in his private lab for experiments. The young boy was a metalokinetic, or metalbender as he liked to call himself. He controlled metal like no one else. He was tall and lean and unlike everyone else he was not afraid of Charles’ mutation; in fact, he not only accepted it but even thought it was hot.

Charles was naturally drawn to him from the moment they met. They were both 16, scared and lonely and the comfort they found in each other’s arms was still one of the fondest memories of Charles’ life. Erik Lehnsherr -- that’s what his friend was called; ironically Charles chose that very name for his new David 8 android as well -- Erik had such a bright mind. It was so exciting to be around it.

Charles wanted his friend body and mind. The first time Erik slipped his hand down Charles’ pants, Charles almost lost it completely. His telepathy reached out for that seductive mind, enwrapping every delicious bit of it as he let Erik touch him and kiss him. It was sublime, the feeling of a mind willing to be entered, letting Charles in, welcoming him, dragging him inside even. Charles spreading his powers and letting himself get completely lost in it. He remained inside Erik’s head all the while. He hadn’t realized what he had done until they were both coming and panting, trying to be quiet, hoping Kurt wouldn’t find out.

“Erik!” Charles gasped, eyes wide with arousal and excitement but also sudden fear and regret for losing control like this. “Erik! I’m so sorry… Are you alright? Did I hurt you? Did I damage your mind?”

Erik was grinning at him and shaking his head. “You were exceptional, Charles.” the young man had said, causing Charles’ heart to make an embarrassing leap inside his chest. “You shouldn’t be so afraid of hurting people with your telepathy. Why are you letting Kurt frighten you like that and use you in such a way? You could stand up to him. You _should_ stand up to him.”

Charles sighed. Must they talk about Kurt at a time like this? Time that was supposed to be only theirs.

“Erik, my telepathy… it hurt someone… He’s in a coma now. He will probably not wake up, ever. He’s brain dead because of me. I-- I turned him into a vegetable. I hurt people, there’s no place else for me to go. I’ll always be a danger.”

Erik pressed a kiss to Charles’ forehead. “Look at me, Charles. You were inside my mind and I’m no vegetable. I liked what you did in there. It felt so intense and-- I could feel you so close. I needed that.”

Charles smiled sheepishly and for the first time allowed himself to not be afraid. He snuggled closer to Erik, feeling safe and protected. It was the only time in Charles’ life when Charles wasn’t terrified of his mutation. He was almost comfortable in his own skin. Maybe had his relationship with Erik continued Charles could’ve learned some control over his telepathy before it became too late. But they were not meant to be. Unfortunately his secret relationship with Erik didn't last long and didn’t go far. The young man died way too early, killed in a tragic fire in the lab. It broke Charles’ heart. It made him shut others out even more.

There had been no one else for Charles since Lehnsherr. No one he felt close to or safe around, no one he trusted, no one who accepted him like Erik Lehnsherr did. That deep emotional connection and bonding that Charles needed in order to actually _want_ someone in that way, he never felt it after Erik Lehnsherr’s death.

Well, until now with Erik the android.

In the here and now Charles leaned into Erik's touch. The android pressed his lips to Charles’ neck, tracing soft kisses down that neckline, his hand resting on Charles’ chest and making his heart beat faster.

“What do you want, Charles?” Erik whispered, his voice hoarse and charged with intimacy and passion. Charles liked the sound of it. “I'd do... anything… you want me…to do for you…” he reassured in between kisses. “Tell me what you want.”

“Anything!” Charles breathed out, closing his eyes. “Erik, I'm so alone and you're everything I ever…”

“Shh, it's alright, Charles. I know.” Erik's lips pressed to Charles’ temple, kissing him there as if trying to ease his mind and chase away every fear. “You won’t hurt me, Charles. I’m strong enough. You know that. Let me take care of you. You’ve probably needed it for so long. To feel loved again. To not be alone. You have me now, I’m yours. You’re not alone anymore.” the caresses and kisses did not stop as Erik continued his little speech. “You-- you’ve been so good to me. So clever, with your research and your proper accent and the fluffy cardigans that make you look so warm and cuddly… Your kind words to me, your gentle encouragement… ”

Was Erik babbling? The words sounded as if coming out of the android’s mouth without intent, on their own accord. As if it was something Erik had been storing inside himself, unable to express it until this very moment. It wasn't supposed to be arousing -- Erik was merely expressing himself -- it wasn’t meant to turn Charles on, but it did. It was Erik’s way of wanting Charles and it felt _good._

Before he knew it they had their lips pressed together. Erik kissing him firm and decisive and _yearning._ If it was programming, it was really good programming and Charles did not even remember Erik was technically not human.

Erik lowered them both onto Charles’ bed, his kisses getting more vigorous and urgent with each moment. It was enough to finally make Charles relax and let go of his anxiety. He let himself explore Erik’s body -- the body he had wanted and craved for quite some time now. He was finally taking it -- claiming Erik and be claimed by him in return.

As Charles’ moans became more intense, Erik pulled away, propping himself on his elbow and grinning down at Charles. His fingers reached down to remove Charles’ clothes.

“Had I known we’d be doing this I wouldn’t have bothered to dress you up. It would’ve saved us the time to just leave you naked from that shower.” he said and slid his hand under Charles’ shirt, stroking Charles’ bare chest.

“I wasn’t going t-to let this happen--” Charles said, chuckling a little awkwardly.

“But you want it?”

“I do! I want _you_!” Charles confessed.

That new smirk appeared on Erik’s lips once again. He sat up, challenging Charles to come after him if he truly wanted him.

“I don’t always let myself have what I want…” Charles confessed, trembling fingers reaching out to remove Erik’s clothing. He struggled a little but eventually he got Erik stripped down in all his naked glory. That chest was everything Charles imagined it to be. He let his fingers trace the lines of that body, licking his lips and biting them as he watched his hand on Erik’s bare chest.

“About time we rectify that.” Erik said. “Take all you want, Charles.”

As if waiting for the encouragement Charles dived forward and pressed his lips to Erik’s body, kissing where his fingers had just explored, starting with the collarbone and those shapely shoulders and sliding down to Erik’s chest and then his stomach. It was a pleasure to just touch Erik. As if giving that love and passion Charles had stored inside himself was more important than receiving it.

Erik straddled Charles and shifted between his legs a bit. The unexpected friction on Charles’ hardening cock made his hips buckle up involuntary.

Charles gasped and froze, trying to still himself. “I’m sorry!”

“You apologize too much.” Erik replied and pressed back, circling his own hips in such a way as to create more delicious friction for Charles.

“Agh!” Charles threw his head back and moved as well, overwhelmed with the sparks of pleasure that he felt. In a moment Erik’s lips were back on his throat, more passionate now, demanding and hungry.

Erik was definitely skilled at this. Erik was a perfectionist -- he did his best in everything he tried his hand at -- but Charles had to admit he enjoyed Erik _‘trying his hand’_ on Charles the most. Sucking and licking at Charles’ skin, caressing him and wrapping him inside this hot and safe embrace, the two intertwined and so close, it was divine. Charles never felt so alive in his entire life! Not even his first time -- which in Charles’ mind had always been so spectacular -- could compare. The two stumbling teenagers, trying to figure things out and not get caught were no match for what Erik was making him feel now. All of Charles’ senses were heightened to a maximum. There was only one more thing Charles needed and without realizing it he reached out for Erik’s mind. His mutation brushing against what was expectedly supposed to be his partner’s mind. There was nothing there. Charles frowned a little and Erik instantly stopped moving.

“Is everything alright, Charles?” he asked, looking concerned.

Charles swallowed. “Yeah. Fine. Nothing’s wrong!” he replied hastily. He knew that telling Erik the truth, that he was craving his mind as well as his body, would only make Erik feel bad for not being able to give that to Charles. It wasn’t Erik’s fault that androids had no minds. It was the way Erik was. Erik accepted Charles with all his flaws, the least Charles could do was accept Erik for what he was in return.

He wrapped his arms around Erik’s neck and pulled him in for a bruising kiss.

“Everything’s perfect!” he assured him and Erik enthusiastically returned to the work at hand.

~*~

Sleeping with Erik did not make things any less confusing for Charles. It did however lessen the stress and made Charles feel all giddy and cheerful most of the time. So, that couldn’t be too bad. Right?

During their… activities… Erik was amazing! Being with him was as close to perfection as Charles could ever get! Erik was really enthusiastic. _Faking it_ , a bitter voice inside Charles’ head reminded him often, _but faking it real well_ . _Androids were programmed this way_ , the voice said, _it doesn’t mean anything. They were meant to fake it till you make it._ Charles wished that tiny voice inside his head would just stop. Yes, of course, Charles knew what he had with Erik wasn’t exactly real or in the norms but still it felt good. _So good_ . Well, it felt much more than just _good_!

“Breakfast in bed, as usual.” Erik announced, bringing in the customary tray of food into Charles’ bedroom.

Charles grinned and sat up in the bed. But when Erik put the tray on Charles’ lap there was nothing on it but lube. They didn’t really need condoms because of obvious reasons -- Erik was an android.

Charles looked up at Erik with an arched eyebrow. “Really, Erik?” he said, trying to hide his amusement.

“What did you expect for breakfast in bed?” Erik replied in that same teasing tone of voice he had recently mastered so well.

Charles’ grin grew wicked and they fucked till noon. Afterwards, of course, they cuddled because Charles realized he really loved cuddling and Erik didn’t seem to mind at all.

“Remember that time when you were boasting about your penis being perfect and all that?” Charles teased.

“I wasn’t boasting!” Erik pouted.

Charles laughed amused. “I can’t believe you’re actually _pouting_ about it now! You were totally boasting!”

“I don’t boast. I was stating a fact.”

“About your penis being crafted with great care to be completely perfect and give the maximum satisfaction and--”

“I hadn’t realized you paid so much attention to my words then, Charles.” Erik smirked and Charles buried his face in the crook of his partner’s neck.

“It’s not something one just _forgets_!” Charles giggled.

“Of course not. Especially if one happens to take a particular interest.”

“Oh! Look who’s talking!” Charles gasped, grinning and sitting up to look Erik in the face. “You threw yourself at me almost instantly!”

“Nonsense. I just noticed how desperate you were for me.”

“Oh? Desperate, huh?” Charles gave him a look as he straddled him. “Who’s desperate now?”

Erik let out a moan, his hands quickly founding Charles’ hips. Charles grinned triumphantly.

“Stop gloating.” Erik gasped and when Charles wouldn’t Erik made sure to shut him up personally with a passionate kiss. It worked.

~*~

Charles felt like a giddy schoolboy. He had never been one when he was actually a teenager -- always suppressing himself and shunning others -- so he was experiencing this now, at an embarrassing age, but who was there to judge him? Erik didn’t judge him. Erik never judged him. He was by Charles’ side, ready to please Charles in all kinds of ways. Charles wasn’t sure it was legal to be this happy.

Their lab work suffered a bit though. Charles was mostly horny and distracted for these last two weeks since he and Erik began sleeping together so Erik had to regularly corrected him when he made silly mistakes in their research. The number of silly miscalculations Charles made was embarrassing but each time Erik delicately pointed them out to him. It was adorable the way he did that.

The amount of times Charles would just blush and bite back a silly grin off his face was embarrassing too. Had Erik been a real person with real thoughts -- real thoughts that Charles would be able to hear, that is, because Charles had no doubt Erik’s thoughts were real -- he would’ve been really self-conscious. But Erik was so accepting, so loving that Charles felt at ease with him, free. He felt _so_ free. Free to be himself. Free to be Charles: the scientist, the professor, the dork, the nerd, the telepath, the gay man, the very very very enthusiastic lover. It was good to be able to just be himself and feel unconditionally accepted for it. It felt good to feel _loved._ Because Erik, even though he could never be able to feel those feelings, made Charles feel _loved._

He often wondered what it was like for Erik, with their newly developing dynamic. Charles wouldn’t call it a relationship because that would take two actual, consenting persons whereas Erik was-- One day, Charles asked him and Erik tried to explain as best as he could.

“It’s very good for me. I can see how pleased you are and that pleases me.”

“Yes, but it doesn’t go beyond that, does it? I mean, when we-- when we make love I have an orgasm--”

“Just one?” Erik teased and Charles rolled his eyes.

“I’m being serious, Erik.”

“So am I.”

Nope. Erik was definitely not being serious. He was pulling Charles’ leg, he was teasing and joking with him and it was funny because Charles never expected Erik to become so un-robotic around him.

“Fine, I get lots of orgasms. Happy now?” he grinned. “But the point is, I know I feel amazing when we do that and you look like you’re having a good time too but do you--?”

“When we ‘make love’ as you put it,” Erik began and Charles blushed like a schoolgirl. “When we do that, magnetically charged electrons are released inside my system, rewarding me for the good job I’ve done to keep my human happy. They renew me and my parts, in a way. Like recharging only more exciting. I’ve been programmed to appear human, Charles. To _be_ human. I may have been created differently than you but in my core, they’ve programmed me just like a human would be. Being with you is important to me. I-- I am attached to-- Well, as for the sex, it’s a lot like the hormones your body releases when you’re coming.” he frowned for a moment, avoiding Charles’ eyes. “Well, maybe not the same feeling, I couldn’t know. I’ve never felt-- But it’s close to it and it’s the best I can get. And I really like it, Charles.”

Erik liked it. Despite the scientific questions Charles had about Erik’s rewarding system, what made the biggest impression were those four words: _I really like it._ And that was all that mattered then. Charles was not alone in this. Erik was right there by his side as he always was. And he liked it.

Charles got it bad. He just didn’t know how bad yet.

~*~

“Bad, bad, really bad!” Charles was freaking out. “This is _so bad!”_

Erik was massaging his shoulders - a weak attempt to calm him down. It almost worked but every time the tension left his shoulders Charles remembered the cause for his anxiety and everything started all over again.

“It’s not _that_ bad, surely.” Erik said. Even his voice radiated relaxation. Charles rolled his eyes. “You wouldn’t understand.” he said. “No offense but you don’t have a sister like mine.”

“From your description, she sounds like someone who really cares about you.” Erik interjected to which Charles sighed again.

“She does and I do too! I care about her, I love her… but…”

“Your butt is amazing, Charles. I have no complaints there.” Erik smirked, pressing a kiss to Charles’ cheek.

Charles chuckled. “You’re so adorable when you joke.” he said to himself. Because, yes, Erik was adorable when he made those little jokes. It made Charles feel like they had more in common than just being a man and his personal android.

“I’ll keep in mind that you enjoy cheesy humor.” Erik deadpanned. It made the remark all the more hilarious for Charles.

“Do you have, like, a folder where you store all information concerning me?” Charles asked and he immediately regretted it. Erik had been putting a lot of effort to appear human for Charles, and Charles just kept ruining it all with his stupid remarks. Good thing Erik didn’t have feelings so Charles couldn’t possibly hurt him!

Erik didn’t seem to notice Charles’ faux pas and instead leaned in so close that his lips were brushing at Charles’ ear. It made Charles’ breath hitch (embarrassing reaction to whenever Erik was close to him). Erik whispered. “All my parts are concerned with just you, Charles. Without you I have no purpose.”

“Is this supposed to be android dirty talk?” Charles teased, to hide his sudden shyness.

“No. That’s just _me_ talking to _you._ ” Was Erik’s reply. “... and wondering why we’re still _talking_ when there are so many other things we could be _doing._ ”

Was Erik coming onto him? Wow. That was unexpected but Charles shouldn’t really be so surprised. Erik had been extremely eager to please Charles and to be with Charles in one form or another, be it to work with him, to play chess with him, to just be around him when he was eating or watching the stars together, oh, and of course, fucking. Lots of it. Oh, so much lots of it that the mere thought of it made Charles incoherent and unable to form a proper sentence that made sense.

He swallowed.

“Not now… I’m worried now, remember?” Charles reminded.

Erik actually rolled his eyes - something he had learned from Charles, as he himself stated one evening.

“Worrying just wastes time.” Erik said. “It gets you nowhere, it changes nothing and it only stresses you out. If you’re going to waste your time, at least make it pleasant.”

Charles felt Erik’s finger tracing a line up Charles’ neck. It was distracting and it was definitely not part of the backrub Erik was supposed to give him. Charles shivered, beginning to feel aroused.

“Or…” Erik continued softly, his breath warm on Charles’ ear. “... let me make it pleasant.”

Charles exhaled loudly. “Oh, boy…” he heard a strained awkward laughter coming out of him. “You’re not obligated t-to-- y’know…”

“I know.” Erik interrupted, removing his finger from Charles’ neck and replacing it with his mouth instead. “ _I want to_.”

That was all it took. Charles turned around, wrapping his arms around Erik’s shoulders as Erik pulled him closer, their lips crashing into a bruising kiss, Erik lifting Charles up in his strong hands and Charles wrapping his legs around his partner’s waist. _God, could this man be any more perfect for me!?_ Charles’ brain was saying, losing control completely, losing _himself_ completely in their passion. The next moment the two were already in the bedroom and Erik was doing remarkable impressive things that Charles wanted to enjoy over and over again until the day he died. And if anyone asked Charles in that moment if ‘massages’ are good for relieving stress, Charles would say ‘yes, definitely’.

~*~

Distracting himself from the problem at hand was all very good at the moment but once they were out of the bedroom the problem remained. Raven was still coming to visit Charles and it still terrified Charles to let her in again. That was partly due to his natural fear of incidentally hurting her, but also a part of him was nervous of her reaction to Erik. There were number of ways that meeting might go and Charles’ anxiety wasn’t painting a good picture.

“You’re still stressed.” Erik noted. He was keeping Charles company while Charles was eating his dinner.

Charles sighed. “I know. I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I haven’t seen her in so long. And now she’s coming here…”

“Why are so sure her coming here is a bad and stressful thing? Maybe it would turn out to be a good thing after all. Maybe it would bring you joy.”

Charles gave Erik a gentle smile. It was sweet of Erik to try and see the positive side in the situation when Charles clearly wasn’t able to. Charles hated to disappoint him with his own negativism on the matter so he tried not to come off too pessimistic when he explained.

“It’s not about her, it’s about people in general.” he told Erik, putting his fork down. “My sister is very protective of me and she always sends me these messages. It’s easier with just the messages because I can’t read her thoughts that way. But in person… Just seeing her searching eyes piercing through me. And her questions. And her-- well, she doesn’t exactly approve of my secluded life. She claims I should get out more, _mingle._ ” he rolled his eyes. _“_ Nothing I’d actually enjoy doing but she thinks it’s unhealthy that I’m all alone here. So add her disapproval to all my other concerns.”

“But you’re not all alone anymore.” Erik added, tilting his head. “You have me now. She should like that. She would probably approve of me.”

Charles had to smile at this naive deduction. How could he explain to Erik that when Raven finds out Charles’ sole companion is an android she’d be even more worried about him? And if she discovered that Erik is not only Charles’ sole companion but also his only lover in a really long time too… well, things might get messy. She’d definitely nag at him about it. And Charles wasn’t sure he was ready for that, ready to face her.

But Erik’s face seemed so hopeful at the idea that Charles’ sister would _approve of him_ that Charles couldn’t find it in himself to express his other concerns in front of the android. Why bother Erik with it? Even if he didn’t have real human feelings, why should Charles crush what seemed to be a brand new variety of hope?

~*~

Raven had messaged him that she’d visit him in Westchester and that she did. Despite all futile attempts on Charles’ part to sway her of that decision - _It’s really not necessary, I’m quite alright. You don’t need to worry about me, I’m really okay. I’m sure you have other more important things to do than visit your old brother. Raven, please, I don’t want you here, just don’t come!_ Surprisingly, those messages only encouraged his sister to arrive sooner.

Erik waited by the front door, looking like an impatient puppy, when Charles motioned to him to go back in the mansion.

“But I thought it was custom for the hosts to greet their guest.” Erik said, a little puzzled.

Charles needed the face-to-face time to warn Raven about Erik.

“Umm, yes, it is. But Raven’s my sister. She’s family - the good kind of family, even if she can be a bit excessive with her love and care at times. So the-- procedure is different with family.” he sighed. That was the weirdest explanation he had ever given Erik. But it worked. After all why would Erik be suspicious of anything at all? Why would Erik even consider the possibility that Charles was omitting something from him? Erik trusted Charles 100% and Charles felt like a traitor for being too weak to tell him that his sister would hate their relationship because Erik was an android.

Erik smiled and nodded, signifying that he understands. He then leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Charles’ cheek and give him a little pat on the shoulder.

“I’ll be inside, preparing tea and some cake. Is that a good custom for this _‘procedure’_?” Erik asked. There was a small element of teasing in his voice and Charles chuckled at it.

“Yes, Erik. Tea and cake is always a good _‘procedure’_.”

Erik graced Charles with a toothy grin and returned back inside the mansion. Charles remained where he was at the front door, waiting for Raven’s arrival.

He didn’t have to wait too long. She had warned him she’d be by the mansion in 15 minutes at the most. But he could use the fresh outside air while waiting -- it sort of relaxed him before the ‘storm’ of seeing Raven again in such a long time. In seeing _anyone_ again after such a long time. If he didn’t count the unfortunate incident of his panic attack and headaches from earlier this year, that was a really long time without human contact. Erik didn’t count. Erik was… different. Charles wasn’t exactly sure what Erik was anymore. He knew his dear friend was not a super-computer though, not exactly a robot to him either. Erik was-- a new different thing entirely… How can one even explain this? Charles couldn’t quite explain it to himself, let alone to other people.

He could feel Raven approaching - her mind, always alert and on guard, was getting closer and Charles’ telepathy was working full speed. Once again Charles wished he could just stop it! Stop all of it. He shook his head in an attempt to clear his thoughts. Raven was smiling at him -- no, she was beaming at him -- and Charles opened his arms for an embrace because he knew it was coming.

“Charles!” she wrapped her arms so tightly around him he almost suffocated. “Charles! I’ve missed you!!!”

“We speek to each other almost every day, Raven.” Charles replied.

“That doesn’t count. I couldn’t really hug you.” she said and at that moment it felt good.

It felt good to feel Raven’s love and joy, seeping through her mind into his; it felt good to have his sister’s arms around him. It felt good to talk to her in person. For this one moment when her mind was not engaged in anything other than the raw joy of being reunited with him again, he felt good.

But the moment was quickly over. Raven soon started evaluating him in her mind. He looked rumpled, according to her judgement, and a bit on the chubby side, awkward as always -- that much hadn’t changed, she chuckled in her head -- and wow, did his eyes sparkle! He seemed… happy? And refreshed somehow. Maybe because he was glad to see her again.

All those thoughts came straight to Charles’ mind, mingled with Raven’s emotions and memories, things that have happened and things that she had imagined. It was very confusing but it was only one mind so Charles was not yet overwhelmed.

“How are you?” she finally asked when they pulled away from one another.

“Chubby? Seriously?” Charles arched an eyebrow.

She huffed. “Not too chubby and definitely not in a bad way!”

“Chubby’s not bad. I don’t mind.” Charles retorted. He knew for sure Erik didn’t mind either. He seemed to enjoy Charles’ body as it was. He blushed. His thoughts always went back to Erik these months.

“Fine, if we’re gonna be like that.” She chuckled amused. “So why are you so happy?”

“Because you're here.” Charles replied instantly.

She gave him a look. “Right. You tried to stop me from coming with all your might. But you failed. So now share. How are you? And why are you so happy?”

Charles shook his head with a smile. They weren’t even inside yet and she was already being overprotective and way too nosy. “My research is going splendidly.” he replied. “So that’s exciting.” That and all that regular/frequent sex he was having with Erik. No need to mention that part to her though.

“Your research, of course.” she smiled. “About that. I have a surprise for you.”

“Oh? Not another microscope?” he teased.

When they were children she had given him a cardboard tube colored with flowers and smiling suns. She’d said it was a microscope she made especially for him because he was ‘sciency’. That must’ve been his first ‘scientific equipment’ although naturally it hardly did anything other than put a great smile on his face. That was before their father died and before Kurt came to ruin it all.

Charles cleared his throat.

Raven laughed. “No, not exactly. But you’re relatively close.” the excitement in her mind was so much he felt it piercing straight into his own head. _I got you a scientist!_ It said among other chaotic thoughts that he couldn’t quite make out.

“W-what?” he frowned, confused. “What does that mean?”

“Oh, you’ll know anyway.” she waved it off.

“It doesn’t work like that. I can’t really distinguish all the thoughts, emotions and memories inside your head…” Charles began to explain weakly, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by her mind, but she wasn’t listening to him.

“I got you a scientist!” she grinned. Hearing it out loud didn’t make more sense than overhearing it in her head so Charles continued to gape at her stupidly. She rolled her eyes and explained further. “His name is Hank McCoy and I met him in New York. He’s a dear and he’ll be here in two days.”

“You invited him here???”

“Yes!”

“But…”

“I would’ve brought him with me right away but I didn’t want to freak you out.”

“Well, you still did.” Charles said pointedly. “Raven… You invited a _person_ here.”

He wished he could hide his terror at the mere thought.

“It’s no biggie, Charles, I assure you.” she waved it off.

“Raven, I cannot stress enough what a bad idea that is!” Charles was trying to fight back his tears. Why would she do this to him? It was already too much to feel her mind, and she would bring another here too? He couldn’t deal with it! It was too much! Too much! He needed for it to stop! He wanted to be away! Far away! In a happier place! In Erik’s arms, where he wasn’t hurting anyone! What if he--

“I’m struggling enough as it is with just your mind here and you invite a stranger? What if I _hurt_ him, Raven!?” he gasped.

Raven’s face was serious now. She finally understood the severity of his fear. She put her hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes.

“I know what this is about. But Charles, what happened with Cain, that was years ago. And what you did you did with a good reason. Need I remind you?”

“There’s no good reason to brain-kill a person.” Charles said, looking away.

Raven shook him lightly. “He was a jerk to us both. God only knows what he would’ve done to us both if you hadn’t stopped him.”

“Cain is still brain dead, Raven! Because of me! He was a jerk but I’m the one who as good as killed him!”

“Pfft. No love lost there. Besides, you haven’t really hurt anyone since.” she muttered, rolling her eyes as she let Charles go and motioned towards the front door. “Are we going to stay here outside that mansion of yours for the rest of the day or are you going to let me in?”

Charles licked his lips nervously. “I’m going to let you in.” he said hesitantly. “Of course I am. But, Raven, I-- I have something to tell you too.”

“News? Oh, goodie!”

Curiosity, worry, fondness, excitement, memories from back when they were kids, hatred for the Markos, memories of what Kurt used to do to Charles, fear, memories of what Cain tried to do to her when Charles had used his raw telepathy on him, Cain falling down on the floor in an instant, Kurt’s rage when he saw what Charles had done to his son, more fear, Charles living in isolation, concern, a new face - Hank, Charles realised, - smiling at her, fondness, friendship, hope… Everything was so mixed together and sharp that he wanted to flinch. Her mind was too loud for him and he couldn’t adjust. _End this!_

“I’m not alone!” he blurted out. He was shouting without realizing it.

Raven remembered he used to do that before too. The voices inside his head were becoming too loud and he couldn’t hear his own voice. So he shouted. He used to suddenly shout as a teen too. She sighed, feeling bad for him.

“Of course you’re not.” she said, rubbing his arm with compassion. “You have me. You always have me. Although maybe I gave you too much space when I leave you in this kingdom of isolation here…” her eyes took in the sight of the mansion again and a wave of more memories, darker memories, appeared in her mind. Charles flinched again.

“Please stop remembering?” he pleaded.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t… not consciously anyway.”

He knew she wasn’t. The fault was with him, not her. He was the damaged one.

He forced a smile back on his face, doing his best to ignore the chaos inside his head.

“So I was saying… yes, I have you and as I’ve said millions of times I like my kingdom of isolation…”

“Yes, you’re alone and free.” Raven interjected, referencing God knows what. Charles ignored it and continued.

“... but I didn’t mean you when I said I wasn’t alone…”

His heart was beating fast. He was so nervous. Why? He wanted Raven to like Erik as if Erik was-- but he wasn’t! Erik wasn’t… _that_ . Erik was the android Charles slept with, they were best friends too but they weren’t in a _romantic relationship together!_ Well, at least Erik wasn’t. But Charles felt like he was. Sometimes Charles felt like Erik was actually his soulmate -- ha! Soulmate without a soul! -- and Charles _wanted_ them to be in a romantic relationship together. Charles was so messed up! This is why isolation was his best option. It was a mistake to even meet Raven. Raven would only insist for him to leave a healthy and normal life and he was incapable of that. He was not fit for it.

He distantly remembered she was waiting for him to talk.

“Oh?” her eyes went wide while the grin on her face was even wider. The raging emotions inside her were raging even more. “Charles! _Did you meet someone!?”_

“More or less…”

“Charles, you dog!” she punched him playfully. “That’s amazing! How did you even managed to do that with all the-- y’know! I need to know _everything_! Who is he? Or she. Are you into boys, girls or both now?”

She’d known he preferred men from what he had told her about Erik Lehnsherr but sexuality was a spectrum and she couldn’t be sure that part about Charles hadn’t changed over the years.

“He.” Charles replied shyly. “It’s a he. And it’s not exactly what you think. You see he’s an--

Before Charles could finish the sentence the front door was pulled open from the inside and Erik was smiling at them both, greeting Raven into the house.

Raven gaped. “Oh! Charles, I didn’t assume you had company!” she said, giving Charles a few suggestive glances and looking back at Erik almost instantly. Her eyes were scrutinizing him head to toe as if she was evaluating him. The clever smirk on her face did not disappear. “And who might you be?”

“I’m Erik. It’s wonderful to finally meet you, Miss Raven. I’ve heard so much.” Erik replied with a small bow of his head.

Charles wanted to die right this instant.

“Aww, no need to be so formal, Erik!” Raven giggled, offering him her hand for a handshake. In the heat of the moment Erik decided to be a gentleman and kiss it instead. “Charming. You certainly want to make a good impression.”

The chaos of her thoughts and emotions were projecting into Charles’ mind once again. _What’s with Charles and the name Erik? Erik wants me to like him. He must really care about Charles. So that’s why the little dork didn’t want me to come over. Naughty Charles! What have they been up to? Joy. Happyness. Slight concern. Erik attractive. Well done, Charles. How even?_

Charles shut his eyes closed, trying to reject the telepathic wave coming from Raven. It wasn’t easy because he didn’t know how to block outside thoughts but at least soon she settled down and her mind reassumed some better level of calmness.

“Charles! You coming?”

He opened his eyes. Raven was tilting her head at him, waiting for him to get inside.

“Yes. Coming.” Charles said absently and followed.

She hooked her arm at him and whispered. “He seems lovely, Charles. I’m so excited for you! You got yourself quite a man!”

Charles blinked rapidly as they walked. Raven thought Erik was a human.

Maybe that wasn’t that bad? Maybe they could just let her think that. Yes. No need for actual confrontation. Charles allowed himself to slightly calm down, wondering what would Erik think about playing human for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear Cherikals!   
> I just wanted to say that Charles’ thoughts on nucleotides, ones and zeroes later on in this chapter are borrowed from a comment I got on this story by [adam_anellaer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/adam_anellaer/pseuds/adam_anellaer) . It explained the situation so well that I just had to add it to the story. ^_^ Thank you, my friend, I hope you don't mind! :)

“I have so many questions!” Raven beamed at them when they were all settled around the coffee table in Charles’ favorite living room. 

Erik had prepared tea and cake with great care. It was very aesthetically pleasing and so delicious too, but Raven seemed too excited by Erik’s presence in the mansion to pay attention to his efforts in being a host. 

“So  _ many  _ questions!” she repeated again, grinning widely at Erik. “Like, how do you cope with Charles’ telepathy?” 

Erik seemed genuinely surprised she was asking him that question. 

“Well, I--” 

“He’s mutation makes him immune to my telepathy.” Charles butted in quickly, grabbing Erik by the hand. 

He could literally feel Erik’s confusion by the small stilled movement of Erik’s hand in his palm. 

“Oh! Of course it is! Wow!” Raven beamed even more. “This is really amazing. You two are so lucky!” 

To call Erik ‘a little bit lost in this conversation’ was an understatement so he returned to a topic that was more familiar to him. 

“Do you enjoy the cake, Miss Raven?” he asked politely. 

“I love it! Did you make it, Erik?” she smiled as she expected the answer to be ‘yes’. She knew Charles was hopeless in the kitchen. 

“Yes.” Erik did not fail to say. 

“It’s a marvelous cake.” Raven praised. “I know for a fact that Charles is awful at cooking. So I take it you’re the chef in the house. Must be exhausting to you.” 

“Not  _ that  _ exhausting.” Erik chuckled. “I enjoy cooking for Charles. I’ve downloaded all recipes that Charles would like and--”

Charles burst into a fit of fake laughter. “Yes, Erik’s an amazing cook! Um, can we talk for a bit, Erik?” 

Raven ignored him entirely, evidently too impressed by Erik’s culinary skills. “You downloaded and learned all these recipes just to please my brother? You’re a real treasure, Erik!” 

Erik melted into a fond smile. “Thank you, Miss Raven.” 

“Miss Raven!” She chuckled, shaking her head. “No need to be quite so formal! Just call me Raven.” 

Charles felt how Erik’s hand twitched in his. Anticipation. Approval. Pleasure. “Raven.” he nodded. 

“I still have so many questions I don’t know which ones to ask first!” Raven was beyond herself and Charles could feel it quite well telepathically -- it felt like the beginning of a big headache. “How did you two meet?” 

“Charles bought me--” Erik began but once again got interrupted before he could finish. 

“I bought him a massage.” Charles hastily cut him off. “I used the dumb old ‘ _ You look so stiff, let me take care of that _ ’ line. He laughed.” 

“I did…?” Erik muttered, frowning and that was Charles’ cue to have a private chat with Erik. 

“I’ll reply to all your questions, Raven,” he said, “but let me just go get more cake. Erik, where do you keep the cake?” 

“There’s enough cake here, Charles.” Erik noted. 

Charles squeezed his hand tightly to shut him up. 

“The other kind of cake, dear. No need to keep it in the fridge.” he muttered to Erik. Then turned back to Raven. “We’ll just go get more cake, okay?” he smiled at her, grabbing Erik by the arm and pulling him towards the kitchen, leaving Raven blinking in the living room. 

“We need to talk and it’s important.” Charles mumbled, walking fast and then closing the door to the kitchen behind them.

“What about?” Erik asked.  

“Raven. And you.” Charles said, nervously.

“Oh, yes. I am very pleased with that.” Erik smiled at him. “It’s all going quite well, isn’t it? She already wants me to call her just by her first name. That’s good, right? I think she likes me.” 

Charles sighed.  

“She thinks you’re a human!” 

“I beg pardon?” Erik asked softly. 

“She doesn’t know you’re an android!” Charles gasped in a hushed voice.

Erik’s face did a strange glitch but then quickly returned to calmness. “Oh. I see.” he finally said. “You didn’t correct her?” 

“No! I-- I would’ve but then I thought this solves all our problems.” 

“It does? It-- it does. Yes, of course, it does. Our problems.” Erik said, his voice a strange monotone. 

“Well, yes.” Charles said, running his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more than usual. “Don’t you think so too?” 

“I don’t know. Do I?” 

Charles frowned. Erik seemed so absentminded! They were both supposed to be sharp today! 

“If she doesn’t know you’re an android, she won’t be worried about me and she’d leave in a week without any unnecessary drama.” he explained patiently. 

Erik nodded. 

Charles felt something in his chest clench tightly. Was it guilt? 

“You’re alright with that, are you?” he asked a little hesitant. “You know I don’t mind you being an android. I like you for it! But I know she won’t understand. And I can’t face-- If you wish me to tell her, I will.” 

Erik took a long moment to gaze into Charles’ eyes. Charles felt his heart skipping a few beats. He wished he didn’t have to disappoint Erik like that. He’d really tell Raven the truth if Erik so wished. But a part of him still craved the easy way out. The solution that didn’t solve the problem but only avoided facing it. He was too exhausted emotionally to have to deal with defending himself in front of his concerned sister. He just wanted to be left alone and be happy with Erik without having to explain himself. But being happy with Erik meant making sure Erik was alright with it too. And if Erik needed Charles to be brave for him, he would be. 

Erik finally smiled at him and cupped his cheek gently. 

“I will do my best to be a good human for you.” he said softly.

Charles let out a sigh of relief. “Shouldn’t be too hard. You’re doing an amazing job already!” 

Erik’s smile remained unwavering. Charles glanced down at his lips and closed his eyes, leaning up for Erik to kiss him. Erik did, of course, and they remained hugged like this for a long moment, enwrapped in a warm embrace. 

“We should go back. Raven will be wondering what’s taking us so long.” Erik reminded after a while. 

“Mhmm.” Charles hummed, his head resting on Erik’s chest and shoulder. “It feels so nice and cozy here.” 

Erik chuckled. “In the kitchen?” 

Charles shook his head with another hum. “No. In  _ here _ .” he said, snuggling his face in the crook of Erik’s neck. 

A hand with long elegant fingers came to his head and stroke his hair gently. Charles melted into the touch. He almost wanted to purr! He was pulled back to reality by Raven’s inquisitive voice, coming from the hall. 

“You know I get it you two honeymooners need your space but at least wait till I’m in my room.” she teased, when she opened the kitchen door and saw them snuggled together. 

Charles slowly pulled away from Erik and rolled his eyes at his sister. “We were bringing you cake.” 

“I’m not as dumb as you think, Charles.” Raven chuckled and gave Erik a knowing wink. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon in conversation and laughter -- Charles fabricated a cheesy story of how he and Erik met, then they shared jokes and enjoyed general merriment -- until Charles complained his head was giving him too much trouble again. He got up, heading to the door and motioning to Erik to follow him up to the bedroom. 

“Wow, wow, wait!” Raven stopped them as they were about to go out of the room, hand in hand. “You’re not  _ both  _ leaving me here.” 

“I’m sorry, Raven, I just need a couple of hours to rest so it will be an early night for me.” Charles explained. “I will see you tomorrow, of course.” 

“I didn’t mean you.” she said and then bared her teeth at Erik in a wide grin. “I meant  _ him. _ ” 

“Oh. Him.” Charles repeated, glancing at Erik. “Well, yes, of course. If you want to stay here and keep my sister company, by all means, do it.” he said, reluctantly letting go of Erik’s hand. 

Erik shrugged. “If that is what she wishes.” 

“I do wish it.” Raven interjected, amused at Erik’s obvious discomfort. “Rest well, Charles. Erik and I will just have a little chat for a bit.” 

Charles sighed. “Don’t stay up too late, both of you.” he said and gave Raven a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t torture him!” he whispered to her when his face was close to her ear. 

She only gave him another clever grin and made him feel even more uneasy at the prospective of leaving Erik alone here with her. She was obviously making plans for having the ‘ _ if you hurt my brother _ ’ talk with Erik and poor Erik was utterly defenseless and unsuspecting. Charles wished he could’ve stayed longer with them both but his headache from the proximity of Raven’s mind was getting too strong for him to bear any longer. He needed a pause for all of them’s sake. He could only hope Raven won’t be too scary. As for Erik, Charles trusted him to be an embodiment of perfection. 

Erik watched as Charles left the room. There was longing in his eyes that he was unaware he was projecting. It seemed to please Raven though. 

“Come, sit here.” she pulled him out of the stupor, patting the seat next to her. 

Erik did as she asked. 

“No need to be so worried, Erik. I’m not going to eat you.” she teased. 

“I’m not worried.” he said a bit too hurriedly. 

She arched an eyebrow. He looked down at the empty tea cups at the coffee table. He needed to take them to the kitchen and make sure they were clean for later use. 

“You know, Charles is very special.” he heard her say. “He’s very important to me.” 

“He’s very important to me too.” Erik said quickly, looking up into her eyes. 

“He’s also a bit-- too much work, though. Isn’t he?” she continued. Her eyes were penetrating and insistent. Erik finally understood what Charles meant all this time when he was ranting to Erik about those eyes. 

“Every relationship could be viewed as too much work. It’s the people in it who make it worth it.” he replied. 

It was not a lie. He did think Charles was worth any pains. 

“Mhm.” Raven nodded, thoughtfully. “You seem to really like him.” 

Erik nodded.

“Why?” 

Erik frowned. 

“Why do you like him?” she elaborated. 

Erik remained silent for a moment. What should he do? Tell her the real reasons or try to come up with a lie? He was no good at lying, he knew that. He had to be honest, then. He straightened up. 

“When I first met Charles it was like I met my sun. I was like a lost planet, out of balance, alone, cold and… machine-like. And then I had him in my existence. I was pulled like a magnet towards him, in a new orbit around my new sun. And it no longer felt like an existence; it began to feel like a  _ life _ . Charles made me feel alive. He’s kind to me and caring and makes me laugh. I like making him laugh too. So I try hard to come up with things that would amuse him or give him pleasure. It’s like-- like-- I-- I don’t know the word. But if he’s not here by my side, I don’t want to be here either. It’s like-- like…” 

He closed his mouth, eyes looking thoughtfully ahead of him. He was confused. He didn’t know the word. Didn’t know how to explain what was happening inside him. 

“Like love?” Raven supplied softly. 

Erik glanced at her, brow furrowed in concentration. “I think one could call it that.” he replied and found it wasn’t really that big a stretch from the truth. In fact, he was almost positive that it was the truth. Had he been a real man, a real human being, he would’ve called it love. But being an android he wasn’t sure if he had the right to claim that word for himself. Whatever it was, Raven thought him human now. So he could, just this once, allow himself to say it. To admit it. To confess it. 

“I’m in love with Charles.” he said, electricity sparkling inside every part of him, making him stronger, recharging him. “I’m in love with Charles.” he repeated again, basking in the wonder of these simple yet so powerful words. 

He felt Raven’s hand on top of his. He looked at her and saw she was smiling. A warm smile, a welcoming smile. A smile that indicated she accepted him. 

“It’s okay.” She said. “I think Charles is in love with you too.” 

Charles was not in love with him and Erik knew that well. He was not as naive to think that Charles’ fondness was anything near that gentle affection. To Charles Erik was a helping hand, a companion in his lonely life, the lesser evil. Charles needed Erik because otherwise he was lonely. But Erik would hardly be Charles’ first choice had Charles been in a position to choose. Charles may  _ like  _ Erik and  _ be nice  _ to Erik but he could not  _ love  _ Erik because Erik wasn’t a person. Erik understood this logic and he had accepted it as his reality. Yet Raven’s words echoed inside him:

**_“I think Charles is in love with you too.”_ **

And just for this one moment, Erik allowed himself to believe it. 

~*~

“You two took long enough. What did she want?” Charles asked, head peeking from under the blankets. 

“The right question here would be what are  _ you  _ doing?” Erik arched an eyebrow and closed the door to Charles’ bedroom. 

“Oh. I’m trying to shut her out. Her mind. Raven. Raven’s mind.” Charles muttered awkwardly, removing the pile of blankets and pillows off of himself. 

“And is your blanket fort helping?” Erik asked slowly. 

“Not really.” Charles chuckled. “But I was desperate enough to try it.” 

Erik chuckled too and leaned in to give Charles a quick peck. “You’re an adorable and very cute cuddly thing, I hope you know it.” he said. 

Ah, the blush on Charles’ cheeks as he bit his lower lip in a mixture of nervousness, shyness and something else Erik couldn’t quite place. 

“Raven didn’t scare you too much, did she?” Charles asked, watching as Erik took off his daily clothes in favor of his night ones. 

“No. She was good to me.” he replied. “She cares about you, too.” 

Charles smiled. “I know. I’m glad this is going so smoothly. I was so worried and it turns out there was no reason for panicking after all.” 

Erik lied down next to Charles on what he learned to consider his side of the bed. “Yes, you were worried for nothing, Charles. Now sleep. You need rest.” 

Erik kissed him and the two snuggled together while Charles drifted off. 

~*~

Hank McCoy, Raven’s friend and Charles’ new guest at the mansion, was a tall-ish fellow with big glasses, thin and shy and a little anxious when he moved and talked. Raven and Charles greeted him at the front door of the mansion while Erik remained inside because ‘protocol’, he reminded Charles when Charles asked. Erik was adorable, Charles thought, smiling to himself. 

So thus, Charles remained with Raven at the front door of his mansion, shaking hands with a very jittery Hank McCoy. 

The man was a scientist, no doubt, for he immediately expressed admiration for Charles’ work and after a brief conversation during their walk inside the mansion Charles realized Hank’s own works were quite impressive too. He was young but he already had a few papers published. Most of them under a pseudonym because he apparently was too self-conscious to speak in public about his research. Charles could understand that, as well. Raven promised Hank was only coming for a couple of days and then leaving again so Charles was hoping he could manage the presence of two minds without posing a danger to any of them. In the meantime, he could tell Hank was cautious of Charles’ tricky telepathy, doing his best not to think too much so he doesn’t overwhelm him. It was not an easy thing to make oneself not think so Charles appreciated the effort. In conclusion, Charles realized that under any other circumstances he would’ve befriended that man. Of course, his acute self-consciousness around new minds and new people prevented him from taking his guard down just yet. 

They entered the living room where Erik had once again prepared tea and biscuits. He was really taking this perfect host act a bit too far but Charles hadn’t the heart to tell him. It was so sweet of Erik to be so thoughtful! 

“Oh!” Hank beamed immediately as he noticed Erik, part of his anxiety leaving him. “I see you have one of the latest David-8 models! Remarkable! Mind if I examine him a little bit?” 

He looked at Charles with sparkling eyes, unaware of what he had just done. Charles paled. Erik froze. Raven burst wild laughter. 

“An android?” she gasped. “Really, Hank!” into 

“Well, yes.” Hank nodded and pointed at Erik. “He’s an amazing model.” 

“Wait, you mean  _ Erik _ !?” Raven asked incredulous and laughed some more. “Erik’s not an android, Hank. He’s an actual person. A mutant even. Really, I can’t believe you’re being so rude.” 

Maybe it was the accusation of being rude that triggered Hank’s sudden burst of confidence but he quickly insisted on proving himself right and clearing his reputation in front of Raven. 

“He really is an android. The face, the eyes, not to mention the way he stands so straight. I can tell a wonder of technology when I see one. If you don’t believe me, check his fingerprints.” 

“His fingerprints.” Raven repeated arching an eyebrow at him. 

“He hasn’t got any.” Hank continued. 

They all turned towards Erik. 

“That’s ridiculous. Erik’s not an android.” Raven gasped, frowning. “Tell him, Charles!” 

When she looked at Charles she saw his jaw was set, fists clenched tightly, his whole stance was an embodiment of tension. He was breathing harshly, unable to lie to her face. 

“Tell him, Charles.” Raven repeated a bit firmer now. She was not laughing anymore.  

“Well…” Charles muttered. Erik remained where he was, silent, letting Charles decide what he wanted to do, ready to follow his lead. Charles swallowed hard. 

Hank began to realize he had made a mistake. But it was too late to do anything about it now. The cat was out of the bag.

“Erik’s an android!?” Raven gasped angrily. 

“Yes.” Charles nodded nervously. “Yes, he is.” 

The negativity from her mind hit him like an avalanche.

“Oh, my God, Charles! You fell in love with an android!?” she exclaimed, taking a step away from him as if he were sick.

“What? No! Raven… no, it’s not love, it’s not-- not like  _ that…  _ ” Charles was perspiring rapidly now. He wiped the sweat off his forehead. He himself wasn’t sure what he was with Erik. But he didn’t want her to think him insane.

“What is it like then, Charles?” Raven asked angrily. “Explain it to me.”

Androids weren’t persons. Androids were appliances. House help. Charles was in love with an appliance because Charles was a weirdo who lived alone, secluded and odd. Charles was a very sick man!

“H-he helps me with the lab.” he blurted out, flinching. 

Raven’s gaze was less disturbed now. “Ah.”

“I’m not in love with him.” Charles repeated just in case. “He is an excellent worker and a great help. And he doesn’t have a mind so he doesn’t overwhelm me. He’s been really good for me.”

Raven nodded, serious. “Mhm. And this display you put for me yesterday?” 

Charles clasped his hands together. “You assumed he was human and you seemed so pleased I didn’t want to disappoint…” 

“Mhm.” her lips were pierced, she was still not completely convinced. “Why haven’t you mentioned him before? In any of our letters?”

Attack was the best form of defense, Charles remembered. He decided to test that theory.

“I bought new socks too. Am I supposed to register them with you as well?”

She nodded again. “Fair enough.” she said. The fact that she accepted the comparison between Erik and new socks was for some reason hurtful to Charles. Raven continued. “And how long have you had him around?”

“Almost a year.”

“And he’s not done anything weird to you, right? Some androids go about hurting people. I’ve heard some pretty horrid stories.”

“No, no, he’s not like that at all. He’s not--  _ dangerous _ !” The mere thought that anyone could consider Erik dangerous was so foreign to Charles it almost made him laugh. Erik was his friend! Erik was kind and good and efficient. Caring. Loving. Erik wasn’t violent or dangerous. Erik was a sweetheart! 

He glanced at Erik who had been silent this entire time, standing still in his corner of the room, looking concentrated. There was nothing for him to say -- it was all up to Charles. Hank had slipped out of the room, not willing to intervene further in a private matter, no doubt feeling guilty for causing an issue between the Xavier siblings.

A pang of guilt overtook Charles. His words felt like betraying Erik again, betraying their friendship and everything they’ve built together. But Raven’s fury at the idea of Charles having any kind of tender feelings for a  _ ‘machine’  _ was too much to take.

“Let’s talk about it later.” Charles offered instead. “Please? This conversation is overwhelming me.” 

Raven glared at him. “We have  _ a lot  _ to talk about.” she spit out. 

Charles hung his head down. “I know.” he muttered. 

“Go rest.” she said. She still sounded pissed but at least she didn’t want to cause him a headache or make him dangerous for her and Hank. “Two hours. And then we’ll talk.” 

Charles walked towards the door, Erik following him. 

“ _ Not. You.”  _ Raven said, gritting her teeth. 

“Raven…” Charles tried to protest but her mind was a mess again, anger and fear and  _ disgust _ were mixed together, piercing Charles right in the head.  _ He might as well had fallen for the fridge!  _ Charles flinched, his head beginning to spin. 

“You don’t need Erik to rest your mind.” Raven said firmly. “Go, have a nap, do whatever helps your telepathy. Then we’ll talk.” 

Charles glanced at Erik apologetically and walked out of the living room. He needed to lie down badly!

~*~

Charles could not really get that nap. He was too stressed about Erik, wondering what cross-examination Raven was subjecting him to right at this moment. The emotions he was receiving from downstairs from Raven and Hank were too mixed and intense for him to distinguish. Not that he would’ve been able to tell them apart if they were less intense; it was all a jumble to Charles. He tried to make his mind sleep, to rest his head, but it was all in vain. Finally after an hour of fruitless attempts, he threw all blankets away and went down to the living room again. 

He found Raven and Hank together. They stopped talking the moment Charles appeared. Erik was nowhere to be seen. 

“Ah. Charles. Did you rest well?” Raven asked. 

“Sort of.” Charles muttered. 

Raven looked at him head to toe as if evaluating if he seemed more rested. He was sure he did not. 

Hank got up from his seat awkwardly. “I um… I’d better go. I am still tired from the road… I’ll come back for dinner?” 

He glanced at Raven as if seeking her permission. She gave him a small nod that Charles wasn’t supposed to notice, but he  _ did!  _

“See you at dinner then.” Hank repeated again and left. 

Charles sat down in his favorite living room armchair. 

“Are you having sex with him?” 

Raven’s question came out of nowhere. Charles was startled by it as if surprised by a summer storm. 

“What kind of a question is that, Raven?” he frowned. 

“It’s a concerned question.” she deadpanned. “So answer it.” 

“What exactly are you concerned about?” Charles asked, trying to keep the bite out of his tone. 

“You’re not emotionally equipped for this kind of thing, Charles.” 

“I beg your pardon!?” 

“You heard. You’re not ready for something like that and you know it.” 

“Something like what exactly? Raven, I don’t understand what the big deal is? I have an android. He keeps me company and helps me around. Many people do that. Why is it such a bad thing if I do it too?” 

Raven sucked in a deep breath as if preparing herself to explain the universe to a five year old. 

“Charles. I love you.” He rolled his eyes. That preamble was not going to lead to anything good. “But you’re lonely here. You need someone but you don’t let yourself meet anyone. You’re fragile so you can get confused by Erik’s-- by how human like he can be.” 

“I’m not confused, Raven.” 

“You definitely are. You think this is affection, friendship or whatever, but it’s only loneliness, Charles. You  _ are  _ confused and I want to help. ” 

“I don’t need help! I’m fine!” 

“You _named him Erik_ , Charles.” She said pointedly, letting him know that she was onto him. She knew who Erik Lehnsherr used to be and she was no doubt judging him. But she said nothing on the matter out loud, only hinted at it. 

“That doesn’t mean--” 

“It makes it personal. It’s not supposed to. Lehnsherr’s not coming back to you and Erik is not the boy you met in that lab all these years ago. You need affection but Erik cannot give you that.” 

“Don’t lecture me on things you don’t understand, Raven. It’s my life and my android, damn it!” Charles cried out just as the door opened and Erik showed up with a tray of tea and sandwiches. 

“The food you requested, Miss Raven.” Erik said in his usual calm manner. 

Charles’ eyes went wide.  _ Miss  _ Raven? It used to be  _ Raven  _ a moment ago. 

“Just put it on the coffee table.” Raven waved him off and stared back at Charles. 

Charles watched as Erik carefully put down the tray on the coffee table and started serving Raven her sandwiches. Raven followed Charles’ gaze and laughed. 

“He looks just like a real boy but he’s not!” she mocked. 

Charles’ hands clenched into fists. 

Erik’s smile remained unwavering and polite on his face, even if a shade more puzzled than before.

“Raven.” Charles scolded.

“I’m giving him a compliment. Isn’t faking to be human a good thing for an android?” she continued in that same tone of voice. “Thank you, Erik. They look delicious.” 

Even the praise was uttered in such a way that it sounded more like mockery. 

Erik nodded. The gesture seemed wooden and a bit forced. Raven looked pleased but Charles felt something was off. Erik appeared much more robotic than usual. He hadn’t been this way since the first weeks of his arrival in the mansion. It was very odd for Charles to see him like this when only yesterday morning he had Erik’s hands down his pants and then had Erik moaning and gasping when Charles reciprocated.

Raven took a bite of her sandwich with an overly exaggerated nod of gratitude, a bit like a child at a tea party.  

“I hope the sandwiches are to your satisfaction, Miss Raven.” Erik said politely. Charles couldn’t help but notice he was not sitting down. 

“Oh, is that small talk now?” Raven asked amused. “Does Charles like these games?”

“I do not follow. Which games are you referring to?” Erik tilted his head.

“You acting all--” she waved her hands indistinctly. “--  _ this  _ .”

“I suppose...” Erik replied uncertain, stealing a glance at Charles for help.

“Erik’s being nice to you, Raven.” Charles intervened, his lips a tight line. “It’s not a game, it's called manners and politeness.”  

“Oh, so that's what it is.” Raven winked at Charles. “Right.”

They remained silent for a moment. Erik was still not sitting down and it was beginning to get on Charles’ nerves.  _ Slaves  _ weren’t permitted to sit down at their time.  _ House appliances _ weren’t permitted to sit down. But Erik was none of those things to Charles! Erik did not deserve that sort of treatment! 

“For God’s sake, Erik, sit down!” he blurted out angrily. 

Erik looked at him surprised but said nothing. He sat down as ordered, silently. 

Charles was trying hard to keep himself under control. 

Another silence before Raven broke it. 

“So. Erik. I hear you’re a great help to my brother.” Raven smirked.

“I sincerely hope so.” Erik replied, sharing a small private smile with Charles.

“Is he a handful?” 

Charles almost choked on air. 

“In what sense?” Erik frowned slightly. 

“Is he hard to look after? Is he eating properly? Sleeping well? Does he give you any trouble?”

“Raven, don’t be an old fart to Erik.” Charles groaned.

“That’s my line!” she protested teasingly. “And anyway, Erik doesn’t mind. Do you, Erik?”

Erik shook his head. “I don’t mind.”

“Of course he doesn’t. He’s a good boy.” There was mockery in Raven’s voice again. 

Charles felt another pang of hurt in his chest. He glanced guiltily at Erik. The android’s face showed no particular emotion other than a pleasant welcoming expression for Raven. Charles felt anger stirring in his insides. Erik was not a dog to be called a ‘ _ good boy’  _ . And Raven’s entire attitude towards Erik suggested she thought of him as nothing more than a pet or an appliance. Charles knew she was not to blame -- if anyone it was Charles’ fault for not being able to properly explain the situation with Erik and stand firm in front of Raven’s disapproval. It was his fault and yet the situation still filled him with rage. 

“Bring me a glass of water, Erik.” Raven ordered and ignored Erik afterwards.

Erik slowly got up and left the room.

“Don’t be mean to him, Raven!” Charles warned the moment they were alone.

“Whatever do you mean, Charles?” Raven said, faking innocence. 

“You know perfectly well what I mean. You’ve been downright rotten and hostile to Erik ever since you found out he was an android.” Charles hissed. “So stop being mean to him!” 

Raven arched both eyebrows. “I wasn’t being mean, Charles. I couldn’t be because he’s not real. He’s fake. And you may need to pretend he’s an actual person but I don’t. I  _ meet  _ actual people. I don’t need pretend ones.”

Charles bit the inside of his mouth, hard. Maybe he even drew blood because he felt the familiar coppery taste in his mouth. A few more days and Raven would leave. Then Erik and him could go back to being themselves and undisturbed by the outside world.

“You know, I was worried at first, I admit -- I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to have him around considering  _ your situation  _ \-- but now I know everything’s fine. He’s so obviously robotic, he could never confuse you. I can’t believe I thought you were in danger of falling for him. You might as well fall for the fridge!” she laughed joyfully, even if a little forced. “Good idea to get him, Charles. And the house seems much cleaner, too.”

Charles remained grumpy and silent. He could no longer tell if he was feeling more guilty or more ashamed. The two feelings were roaring together inside his chest in an unpleasant mixture. He licked and then bit his lips to prevent himself from .

Erik returned with Raven’s glass of water. “There you go, Miss Raven. Would you like anything else?”

Charles’ frown deepened. Was Erik getting in the role of a servant now? A slave? Centuries after the abolition of slavery it would seem like Raven was reviving it with her attitude towards Erik. And Erik certainly acted like he accepted that -- Raven being the master and him being her slave. Charles’ cheeks grew hot with anger. He gritted his teeth and swallowed nervously. This new dynamic was very upsetting for him. But he also didn’t want to get into further confrontation with his sister. Maybe if he quietly waited it out it would all pass like a sand storm. It’s what Charles usually did in the difficult moments of his life. Waiting patiently. Patience was a virtue and Charles was good at waiting. If he could only master a bit more of that famous patience he might survive the week without getting into an argument with Raven.

The rest of the ‘tea time’ went in a similar fashion with Raven being terribly inappropriate with Erik by degrading him and reducing him to a household appliance. Erik did not show any signs of understanding her rude remarks. His face remained calm and relaxed, taking in anything she threw at him. Charles felt like suffocating or vomiting. Or both. 

“I have to go to the bathroom!” Charles gasped, suddenly jumping up from his chair and startling both Raven and Erik. And maybe even startling himself a little bit. He just needed to get out of here for a moment. Erik may not care if Raven was treating him like a machine but Charles couldn’t take it! 

_ She’s being a dick to Erik but you’re letting her,  _ his brain reminded and it made Charles feel even more disgusted with himself. 

He stayed in the bathroom way longer than necessary, trying desperately to clear his head. When he returned he found the same situation as before, no change. 

“I’m too hot. Be useful and make yourself into a fan of some sort, okay?” Raven told Erik. 

And that’s when he drew the line. 

“Erik is not your slave, Raven. Stop treating him like dirt!” he hissed.

Raven glared at him with a mixture of astonishment, surprise and confusion. “What?”

“I warned you earlier to stop being mean to him.” Charles said firmly, clenching his hands into tight fists, trying hard not to lose control.

“He’s a machine!?” Raven gasped, pointing at Erik furiously. “Charles, he’s a fucking machine!”

“Erik, will you leave us alone, please.” Charles turned towards the android with deceptive calmness.

“Charles, I want to say that I--” Erik began but Charles cut him off, more sternly this time.

“Erik, out. Now. Please.”

Erik pursed his lips but headed towards the door.

“It’s been good meeting you nevertheless.” he told Raven before closing the door behind himself.

“What’s that about, Charles? Explain yourself.” Raven arched an eyebrow.

“I will not allow you to speak to him like that!” 

She gaped at him in reply. “He’s a machine, Charles! A bloody machine! When you said you had someone to keep you company I didn’t think it was a freaking appliance!”

“He’s not an appliance!” Charles protested louder.

“Might as well have drawn a face on the fridge and talk to it!” she threw her hands in the air in exasperation. “How can’t you see how unhealthy this is? That’s exactly why it’s not good to be isolated from people for this long. You get all-- all weird!”

“I’m not weird, you saw him. You hardly guessed he was an android either! Admit it!” Charles insisted. “I promise you, once you get to know him--”

“Charles!” she gasped, looking at him with pity. “He was _ programmed to appear human.  _ None of the things you like about him are  _ real. _ ”

“There’s more to it than just programming. He develops his own personality, his own thoughts and feeli--”

“Feelings!” she gasped terrified. “Feelings? Oh, my God, Charles! Are you-- Are you really in love with him? You said you weren’t but are you? Are you in love with a machine!?”

The terror and disgust in her voice, in her eyes, were painful. Charles flinched.

“Raven, this is  _ my  _ life and I--”

“Oh, God, Charles!” Raven cried. “You two are even acting like lovers.”

“May I remind you that you thought it was cute.” 

“That’s when I thought he was a  _ person _ !” she groaned exasperated. “I don’t like this. I don’t like where this is going.”

“Nothing’s wrong here, Raven.” Charles insisted.

“This is exactly why I called Hank here.” she said, ignoring him completely.

“What?”

“He’d be a good influence on you. And he’s working on something that will help you.”

Charles frowned. “You want me to befriend Hank?”

“No. Something even better. Hank has been working on this formula. A suppressant.”

Charles’ heart made a strange leap inside his chest. “A suppressant.” he repeated.

“Yes. He himself has a mutation that he’d rather get rid of. So he dedicated his life to find a serum for his condition. And he did.”

Charles had no idea what was happening inside him right now. Fear and enthusiasm battling against one another. The formula Charles had been working on, Hank had already created it? What luck! Erik wouldn’t like that...

“Did I mention Hank is a genius?” Raven grinned, pulling Charles out of his thoughts. “He’s like super brilliant and super smart. I’m sure you’ve noticed. And I’m sure you’re gonna love the sciency stuff about his formula. He says you can use his amazing serum too.”

“And it’s… working?” Charles asked incredulous. Even though Erik and he did make a progress in their research their formula was far from ready yet. And with their relationship developing into a sexual one Charles had completely neglected his own research. Damn it! At least he knew it could be done. And Hank has achieved it!

“It is working. Hank is using it on himself all the time.” Raven announced.

“It suppresses a mutation completely?” Charles asked carefully.

Raven nodded. “Completely. Practically makes you human. He’s derived the formula from a mutant whose ability is to block everyone else’s powers.” 

So that was the secret ingredient! But it didn’t just slow down mutations or make them less strong, it made them disappear altogether. Charles wasn’t so sure about that. Mostly because he’d promised Erik to only slow down his mutation, not get rid of it. 

“Hank’s here with the solution to all your problems, Charles.” Raven said, pulling him out of his thoughts. “It’s like a magic wand! And once you start using it you won’t have to hide away here anymore. You can rejoin life and be-- be  _ normal  _ ! Nothing will stop you from that anymore.”

There was so much hope and love in her voice, it radiated from her mind as well. It almost  _ hurt _ . 

He was afraid, he realized. Afraid that after all these years, even without his telepathy _he’d never_ _know how to be normal_. He’s never been normal, after all. Maybe the problem was never in his telepathy but in _him_. Would the lack of his mutation suddenly change him so much? Did he even want to change himself so drastically?

It was too much. After years of silence all this noise was suddenly too much.

“I need to rest again, Raven. I’m sorry.” he said, getting up slowly. “I need to shut my eyes and be unconscious for a while. I’ll-- I’ll talk to you again tomorrow. Good night.”

She nodded in understanding. Concerned. He sighed. He wished he could just tell her everything will be alright, that there’s no reason to be so worried about Erik and him. But his mind was too tired. He went up to his room, desperately hoping he could put himself to sleep quickly this time.

~*~

Erik was waiting for Charles in their bedroom, sitting on the bed, having this far away look on his face. Charles knocked on the door to attract his attention and then closed it behind him.

“Are you alright, Erik?” he asked concerned.

“Of course, Charles.” Erik replied in his customary manner.

“ _ ‘Of course, Charles’.  _ That’s what you always say.” Charles sighed. “Erik, don’t hide things from me. I can tell something’s wrong.”

Erik looked down at his shoes guiltily. Charles’ heart broke a little at that image.

“Why are you acting so strange around Raven?” he asked, softer. He had his own theory on the matter, of course, but he needed to get Erik to talk about it. 

Erik shrugged. “I don’t know.” he said, frowning. “I can’t help myself. She’s a stranger, she seemed different after she learned the truth about me and I didn’t know what she expects of me now.” he paused. “I wanted her to like me, Charles. I really did and for a brief moment she did like me. But I know she doesn’t and I just-- This-- this  _ thing  _ kicked in and I started behaving like a-- like--”

Charles rested his hand on top of Erik’s, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Shh, it’s alright. It’s alright, Erik.”

“I’m sorry.” Erik rested his head on Charles’ shoulder, as if seeking his warmth.

Did Erik feel _anxiety_ because of Raven’s behavior towards him? Charles knew he wanted to make a good impression for some reason but he didn’t expect it to start _affecting Erik’s behavior_ like that. That was so _human!_ Why couldn’t Raven see this about him? Why couldn’t she see what Charles saw?

“She doesn’t seem too fond of me anymore.” Erik noted, his voice almost a whisper.

Charles sighed. “It’s not that. She just has a lot of things on her mind. She’s confused and she needs time to get used to it.”

“She said it to me. While you were asleep. And later when you were in the bathroom.  _ I don’t like you, Erik,  _ she said.”

Charles’ heart clenched. “She has a strange sense of humor. She was joking.”

Erik let out something that sounded suspiciously like a bitter chuckle.

“I’ll prepare our evening game of chess.” he got up and started to set up the pieces.

He did not contradict Charles about Raven any further but Charles knew better than to think he had convinced Erik that easily. Erik was not a fool. Erik had a mind of his own. And that was another puzzlement! Erik had ideas of his own, thoughts of his own, even if they weren’t always conventional. They weren’t  _ human _ per se, they weren’t something Charles could reach with his telepathy but they were just as real, just as strong as anyone’s. At times maybe even stronger. Charles couldn’t grasp it. How could Erik have most of what makes humans human, and still not be considered one? Furthermore, to be thought of as an _ appliance!  _ Were all androids like him or was Erik unique? Were they all creatures with consciousness of their own and a new kind of mind, mistreated by society? Or was Erik an exception? 

Charles was too tired to think about that now. He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Erik?” 

Erik tilted his head, glancing at Charles expectantly. 

“How about we skip tonight’s game? I’m too--” he waved his hand indefinitely.

“Oh. Of course. As you wish, Charles.” Erik said softly.

“I’m sorry…” Charles felt obligated to add.

“No, no. It’s really fine. I understand.”

Erik settled back on the bed beside him instead. His hand finding Charles’, squeezing lightly, those long fingers giving him gentle strokes. Charles sighed again.

“Do you need to talk about it?” Erik offered and something inside Charles broke at how sweet that was of him.

“No, no. I’m fine. Don’t worry.” he replied instead. It was too complicated to explain it to Erik. And Erik seemed to worry about it enough, Charles didn’t want to add more to it. But Charles also knew quite well that Erik would not let this go that easily. He had to act fast. Change the topic before Erik gets worried. “Our new friend is staying over for more than a week.” he said.

Erik arched both eyebrows. “Our friend?”

Charles had to chuckle at his dear Erik’s surprise. He knew by now that Charles didn’t really have friends. 

“Yes, our friend. Not mine, of course. Raven’s.” 

“Ah. You mean Hank McCoy.” 

Charles nodded. “Raven-- she invited him to stay longer.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.” Charles sighed.

“Is this why you seem so distressed now? Because there’ll be two new humans in the mansion for an unidentified period of time? Are you afraid?” Erik asked carefully.

“What? Oh, no. No, not that, I’m just--” he waved his hand indefinitely. “Tired.”

“Of course.” Erik said, sounding like he wasn’t buying it.

For the first time Charles wished he could hear Erik’s thoughts. Not hearing Erik’s thought process used to be a good thing before but how curious and exciting it must be to be able to touch that mind. Charles was sure Erik had something similar to a mind. It wasn’t a human mind the way people understood it, but it was not that significantly different either. People were biologically programmed in a certain way. Erik was programmed too only with ones and zeroes instead of four nucleotides. Was it really that different? Did it really matter where the mind originated from if it was essentially so similar?

“Do you want me to prepare something more for Dr. McCoy?” Erik asked, pulling him out of his thoughts once again.

“Umm.” Charles sucked in a deep breath. “I guess we do have to prepare a guest bedroom for him.”

“I already did that.” Erik smiled, his gentle touch on Charles’ arm was reassuring and tender, making him relax and almost melt there.

“Thank you.” Charles leaned in.

Erik pressed his lips to Charles’ forehead, slowly reaching for Charles’ lips.

Raven’s words popped up in Charles’ head and he pulled away with a frown. Erik was looking at him expectantly and a little concerned. Charles had never rejected intimacy before. 

“I’m tired.” Charles said simply, hoping he wouldn’t have to go into it deeper.

Erik only nodded, his expression unreadable.

“You’ve been lovely all day, thank you.” Charles said again. “And I’m sorry about my sister. You handled it all so well. She can be a--”

“I understand, Charles. She has her opinion and I cannot do anything about that. What she does she does out of love for you. I can’t blame her for that either. Don’t worry about it.” 

Charles remained silent for a moment. Technically he did not owe Erik an explanation. But he felt it was right to give him one. So he swallowed and said, “It’s not only her behavior though. It’s  _ mine  _ too.” he looked Erik in the eyes. “Erik, I said some things earlier, things that might have hurt you…” 

Erik shook his head. “That doesn’t matter, Charles.” 

“No, it does. It matters.  _ You  _ matter. You matter to me very much.” 

“I know you don’t mean any of the things you told her. I know you don't agree with the things she said. That’s what’s most important to me. You don’t have to explain or apologize.”

Charles was surprised by this unexpected maturity and understanding but maybe it was to be expected from an android. Then again, would an android get upset about things the way Erik had been? Charles’ head hurt again and he shut his eyes closed.

“I better let you sleep.” Erik said, sensing Charles’ discomfort. Then there was an awkward pause in which neither spoke. Finally, after some hesitation, Erik asked “Would you want me to sleep in a different room while you have guests?”

It was not the remark itself but the way in which Erik said it that broke Charles’ heart. Erik was so stubbornly trying to hide whatever unpleasant feelings the idea of sleeping elsewhere had brought out that it made it all the more obvious and clear that the notion was bothering him. A lot.

Charles shifted in the bed, making more room next to himself. “Come here and cuddle me, Erik.” he said and Erik didn’t wait for him to repeat it twice, eagerly snuggled close to Charles.

It was not that bad. They could survive this intrusion on their usual lives, Charles reassured himself. Charles had no idea how wrong he was.


	6. Chapter 6

****“It’s fascinating! It’s simply fascinating!” Charles gasped excitedly. He looked like a small excitable puppy, skipping around Hank McCoy and drooling over his stupid research.

Erik was glaring, unknowingly, of course. He had no idea he was doing it until Charles glanced at him with confusion. Then Erik tried to relax his facial expression into something less expressive.

He still could not understand it though. Charles being so-- _ugh_ around McCoy. Their heads brought together as they lean closely to one another over the tubes, papers and substances Hank had brought over. Charles letting out loud exclamations every now and then, praising McCoy and his ‘remarkable work’, fascinated by ‘how brilliant’ he was and claiming the man was ‘a genuine genius’.

“Erik and I made some progress in this area too but _this_ is amazing, Hank! What you’ve done... It’s perfect!”

Erik clenched his hands into tight fists and tried not to growl. He felt as if he was about to shortcircuit. He had no idea why his body parts were reacting this way. Maybe he was malfunctioning. He had to scan his entire program later.

“Beautiful! You have a beautiful mind, Hank!” he heard Charles’ voice melting and he just couldn’t stay in the lab any longer. Charles was almost completely ignoring his presence anyway. Erik obviously was not needed so why should he remain in the room and witness their bonding? He rushed through the door and up the stairs, crossing the halls and corridors until he found himself in his old room. Not Charles’ bedroom but the room that used to be Erik’s before-- before Charles expressed his desire to sleep with him.

He closed the door and remained there. Not sitting down, not doing anything really, just staring blankly at the wallpaper.

His parts were doing that weird thing to him again so he ran a quick scan. It said nothing was wrong with his systems. But _something_ was definitely not right -- it _felt_ wrong -- so Erik ran a second scan, a thorough one this time. It _had to_ show what the problem was.

_No malfunction detected. All systems clean._

It was too confusing. Did Erik’s scanning malfunction as well? Was it a bug? Why did it feel like he was breaking every time Charles leaned closer to Hank and praised him? Why every time Charles’ eyes sparkled at Hank’s words, Erik wanted to shut down and never resurface again?

He went over to the bed and sat on it, his back straight as an arrow, his palms resting on his knees, his face frowning in concentration. Did he catch a virus? He quickly saved all the information he had gathered over the last year, uploading it online, just to be on the safe side. If something went wrong with his memory drive he needed to have his knowledge of Charles, his moments with Charles carefully stored in a special encrypted folder for safekeeping. Erik did not want to lose those. They were too important to him. The mere thought of not remembering Charles was too upsetting to bear. Curiously enough, Erik realized, he wouldn’t mind one bit deleting his memories of Charles and Hank working in the lab together.

He frowned again. What was causing this reaction in him? It made no sense and no analysis gave any satisfactory explanation.

He decided to remain in his room until Charles called for him or needed him. He remained in his room for the rest of the day and only before dinner did Charles notice Erik’s absence and call him to serve food. Too taken by Hank McCoy’s company to remember Erik, no doubt.

~*~

Hank had been more than obliging and helpful during his stay. He was quiet most of the time unless they were in the lab -- then he transformed into a real beast. Charles liked that. Hank had a passion for science and he loved discussing his his research and other scientific topics with Charles. Or with anyone, really. Charles was pretty sure Hank would do that with anyone willing to listen. It was in such discussions that Hank’s otherwise shy and anxious personality gave way to a more vibrant and excitable one. Charles could relate to that too. He found him and Hank had a lot in common. Hank’s own mutation causing him to be secluded and reserved maybe was another point the two men had in common. Of course Hank was by no means _dangerous_ like Charles, but he still avoided talking about his mutation. Naturally, Charles respected that.

They both remained mostly in the realm of science, discussing, commenting, experimenting, sharing experiences. But what Charles still wondered about was why did Hank do all of this at all? Why was he helping with no visible reward for himself? And then it hit him. Among the many emotions that leaked from Hank and Raven’s minds Charles finally recognized one that came from Hank and was felt very strongly. One that put all the pieces together and made things clear for him. Hank McCoy was desperately crushing on Raven. He might even be _in love_ with her, the feelings were so strong. So that explained why he was so willing to share his serum with another scientist -- his love interest’s brother.

Charles wondered if Raven knew. She didn’t seem like she paid much attention to Hank in that way. She treated him more like a brother than a potential lover. There was an admiration there and fondness too but were they enough to make love blossom? Charles could not tell. He only hoped Hank didn’t end up heartbroken because that would’ve been too sad.

Charles even thought of warning Hank, giving him a talk or something, but he felt unsure how to approach such a delicate topic. So he took the safe route instead and talk about science and stuff he _actually_ understood. Love -- that was something Charles was not an expert in.

Speaking of love, his thoughts instantly went to Erik on their own accord. It hadn’t escaped Charles’ attention that Erik was behaving odd around Hank. He was surprisingly cold towards the man which was unusual for him. This was an inexplicable puzzlement for Charles because Hank was really nice to Erik in return. Hank was a dear to everybody really. If Erik had to be unfriendly to anyone in the house, it had to be Raven. She was the popular choice at the moment. But why was Erik so distant and reserved towards Hank of all people?

Raven was less hostile towards Erik after her last conversation with Charles; she wasn’t mean to him anymore, but she was still not exactly friendly towards him either. It was more like a neutral ignoring. Hank, on the other hand, was friendly, kind, nice and very curious about the way Erik’s mechanisms work. There was no obvious reason why Erik would be so distant and reserved around Hank, or show such reluctance and even contempt towards him.

It was a mystery. Charles would have to have a talk with him about it and get to the bottom of it.

And he would as soon as they were alone. But right now Erik wasn’t even in the lab anymore. Charles noticed Erik sneaking out without a word a couple of hours ago. His initial reaction was to instantly follow him but then he suddenly thought the android probably needed some alone time. So he decided not to bother Erik with his petty neediness and let him have his free time.

In the meantime, Charles had Hank to keep him company.

~*~

Erik was serving dinner silently while Hank was explaining to Raven a few of the things he and Charles achieved today in the lab.

“So you like it? You like Hank’s research?” Raven beamed at Charles.

Charles, who was busy secretly looking at Erik and wondering what’s gotten into him lately, jumped slightly. “What? Oh. Oh, yes, I do. I like it a lot. It’s remarkable, really.” he replied. “The way his formula can completely restructure mutant DNA. Brilliant. I was more than impressed with the science of it.”

“The key was this young boy’s mutation. I found him at a mutant suppressing clinic and I just had to get him out of there and research his blood!” Hank explained with sparkling eyes.

“Of course you had to.” Raven laughed. “The first time we met he asks me if he can take a blood sample! Other guys ask for phone numbers, you know.”

Hank blushed a deep shade of red. “Your cells are incredible…” he mumbled with a sheepish smile.

“He’s a real charmer, isn’t he?” Raven teased, like she would tease her brother.

Charles felt sorry for poor Hank who blushed so rapidly it must’ve been unhealthy for his blood circulation, so he quickly changed the subject.  

“You know what else is incredible?” Charles said. “This meal! Well done, Erik. It’s delicious.”

Erik only nodded. There was this strange soft smile on his face as he looked at Charles but it quickly disappeared the moment he made himself look away.

This was getting really curious now! What was wrong with Erik!? Should Charles be worried? He began observing Erik more closely while at the same time he tried to be as discreet about it as possible.

Erik spent dinner time silently sitting in one corner of the table. He hardly spoke a word, not even to ‘follow protocol’ as he liked to put it. Often he would steal quick glances at Hank or Charles but mostly he just stared at the napkin on the table in front of him. At first Charles assumed he was imagining it but this strange behavior only deepened had been happening a lot lately and Charles was _definitely_ not imagining it!

Erik _was_ different around Hank. More reserved and sort of hostile, even. Whenever Charles tried asking why Erik only shrugged saying he had no idea what Charles was talking about. But there was clearly something going on.

Erik was gloomy, distant, grumpy, moody and strange even around Charles now. Like the other night. Charles decided to ask for Erik’s advice on Hank’s crush on Raven. It wasn’t so much that he needed Erik’s views on that particular point or that he intended to interfere in Hank’s love life; but it was something to discuss with Erik and get them to talk again. So he went for it.

“I have something to ask you about our dear friend Hank.” Charles begin during their customary evening game of chess. He carefully observed Erik’s expressions, curious to see if the android would show any partialities on the matter.

Erik remained stone-faced. “Right. _Our dear friend_ _Hank_.” he enunciated, a certain bite to his voice. Charles could not tell where that came from.

“Yes, our dear friend Hank.” the professor continued, pretending he hadn’t noticed the way Erik’s hand trembled in agitation. “I discovered something about him. Something very curious.”  

Erik did not show any interest in hearing the rest. That was odd because Erik _always_ expressed interest in whatever Charles was sharing with him.

“You may find it curious too, Erik.” he said in hope to spike some reaction. “ It’s to do with affairs of the heart.”

At the words _‘affairs of the heart’_ Erik’s face twitched a little. He quickly got it under control. “What do I know about affairs of the heart?” he mumbled, making an incredibly stupid move with his knight.

Charles arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to lose, my friend.” he warned, taking the knight.

“I’m lost either ways.” was Erik’s almost inaudible reply.

“Suit yourself.” Charles shrugged. “I need your help with that Hank matter though.”

Erik’s gaze finally lifted from the chessboard and he stared at Charles.

“ _My_ help?” Erik repeated, pointing at himself. “You want me to help you with Hank?”

“Yes. I’m inexperienced in love matters and you’ve read so many books.”

The wrinkle of concentration that appeared on Erik’s forehead whenever he was considering something popped up again.

“Will you help me, Erik?”

Erik nodded but said nothing.

“First I need to know your opinion on Hank?”

Hesitation.

“He’s a good scientist.”

Charles blinked. He was expecting a more elaborate answer than ‘a good scientist’.

“Is that all?” he asked, not bothering to hide his surprise.

More hesitation from Erik.

Then:

“He’s a _very_ good scientist.”

Charles huffed. “I was hoping for something that would include his personality.”

“I cannot reply to that question, Charles.”

“Why not?”

“I do not know him as well as you do.”

“Right.” Charles bit back the instant remark that popped into his head that Erik _never even tried_ to get to know Hank better. Instead he went straight to the point. “I’ve recently discovered something concerning Hank. I discovered that Hank has a huge crush on--”

Erik did not wait for Charles to finish his sentence. He stood up rather abruptly, almost knocking over their chess board.

“I have an urgent matter to attend to.” he said.

Erik’s never been so careless which made it all the more obvious and disturbing now.

Charles blinked at him. “Can’t it wait? I’m trying to discuss something with you.”

“I’m afraid it cannot. It concerns fire hazards and fire safety.” Erik replied quickly and strode towards the door, leaving Charles confused near the chess board.

Erik was definitely behaving strangely. Was it Raven’s doing? Raven’s words finally getting to him? But then why would his strange behavior be directed at Hank and Charles and not at Raven? Charles had to talk to Erik about it again soon.

~*~

Erik had made up his mind not to sleep in Charles’ room tonight. It didn’t seem like Charles would miss him anyway and he felt stupid just lying there, knowing it was all the same to Charles if he was there or not. The solitude of his own room would at least give him the freedom to mope in peace.

But when after dinner -- after everyone went to bed and Erik himself headed towards his old room -- he felt Charles’ fingers wrap around his arm, holding him still, he felt that familiar electricity run through him all over again.

“Erik, wait.” Charles said softly.

Erik turned his head to look at Charles.

“Where are you going?” Charles asked in the same manner.

“In my room. To recharge.” he replied. Of course Erik was programmed to recharge by sleeping -- all part of the ‘imitating human patterns’ policy. So he might as well have called it _sleeping._ But something inside him made him use this particular word. _Recharge._ As if to make the distinction between himself and the rest of the humans in the mansion. _They_ needed to sleep. _He_ needed to recharge. It did not make sense to him at all but he had already said it so it was pointless to dwell on logistics.

“Mhm.” Charles nodded, letting go of his arm but still remaining quite close to him.

It was distracting. Every part of Erik’s bodily sensors screamed that when Charles was this close and looking like that Erik had to kiss him. To press himself close to him. To feel him. To make love to him. But he fought that urge -- if he could even call it an urge -- and remained still.

“Erik, why do you want to sleep there? Why not in my room. Like we usually do.”

How to explain something Erik himself had not completely analysed yet?

“I don’t want to crowd you.” he said instead of a triad of how confused he was.

“You’re not!” Charles insisted, his hand now resting on Erik’s stomach, slowly sliding down and feeling Erik’s abs.

That shortcircuit-y feeling was back again but this time it was more pleasurable. If Erik were human, he would’ve shivered and moaned. Erik controlled himself instead.

“You’re _definitely_ not crowding me, Erik.” Charles continued, licking his lips. “I’ll miss you if you were all the way in your own room.”

And that was it. That was enough to make Erik change his mind.

“I’ll sleep in your bedroom then.” he registered saying.

Charles smiled at him, that soft meaningful smile that Erik loved to keep stored in his memory as a very special file.

“Good. I’ll be waiting for you then.” Charles said, letting his hand slide down Erik’s body and then stepping away from him.

After a long, searching and deep gaze into Erik’s eyes Charles walked towards his own bedroom.

Erik was screwed.

He remained in the hall for a moment and then finally made himself follow Charles.

 _“I’ll miss you if you were all the way in your own room”_ Charles had said. Erik replayed the whole scene in his head over and over again. Yes, Charles had definitely said that he’d miss Erik.

It felt good to know Charles still cared about him after all. Even if it was only to have sex with him. That was obviously what Charles wanted from Erik tonight, that much was obvious. Erik understood that. This part at least was not as confusing as Charles and Hank’s crushes on one another. This was simple and logical. Charles was aroused and needed Erik. And Erik, well, he enjoyed to have Charles’ full attention to himself. It made him feel like he truly mattered to Charles. So could anyone really blame him for being pleased at the opportunity to please his Charles?

When he reached Charles’ bedroom the door was left half-opened for him so Erik pushed it and entered. Chares was sitting in his armchair in one of the corners of the bedroom, looking lost in thought. Erik did not waste time. He strode off to straddle Charles on the armchair, running his fingers through Charles’ hair. He knew Charles loved that -- him being a telepath made his head all the more sensitive, probably due to the many blood vessels to his brain. To Charles the brain was literally the biggest erogenous zone.  

“Erik!” Charles quietly gasped, his breath hitching almost instantly. “What are you doing!?”

“What does it look like?” Erik groaned low and sensual as he pressed his lips to the exposed parts of Charles’ neck.

“Erik… Erik, wait…” Charles’ hands went to Erik’s chest, lightly pushing him away.

Erik continued to kiss his way down Charles’ neckline, slowly unbuttoning Charles’ shirt with one hand and pulling at his cardigan with the other.

“Erik, stop.” Charles said, more firmly this time.

Erik pulled away instantly as if burned.

“I thought--” he muttered. “I thought that’s what you wanted.”

“No, Erik.” Charles shook his head. “At least, not now. We need to talk first.”

Erik got up from Charles’ lap. Charles was not even remotely turned on. Deep down Erik knew why. Hank. Charles had an actual human contact in his life now and the comparison was not in Erik’s favor. Erik may be a convincing substitute for a human being but a _substitute_ nevertheless.

“I misread the signs. I apologize.” he said, avoiding Charles’ gaze.

Charles got up from the chair, taking a step towards Erik.

“Erik, are you alright? You’ve been acting strange lately. And please, don’t lie to me and say it’s all fine because I can tell something’s bothering you and I want to know what.”

“Everything _is_ fine.” Erik insisted. Any attempt at explaining it would be a fruitless and pathetic effort anyway.

“Erik, I just told you not to hide this from me. I want to help and--” Charles sighed exasperated when Erik suddenly cut him off.

“I said I’m fine, Charles. You don’t have to pretend like you care.” he blurted out.

Charles blinked at him, stunned. He clearly did not expect that reaction from Erik. Just perfect. Erik managed to upset Charles. He was not functioning properly, he couldn’t detect the problem and now he had upset his Charles, on top of everything else. Erik was a terrible android.

“I’ll be in my bedroom.” he said out loud, turning his back to Charles in hope to hide his face from him. He wasn’t sure if he could control his facial expression properly; he wasn’t even sure what it conveyed at the moment.

“Erik…” Charles whispered and Erik could _sense_ he was reaching out for him. Erik had to get out of here and soon! He couldn’t risk upsetting Charles further.  

“I’ll be fine in my own bedroom, Charles. Don’t worry about it.” he said rather harshly and left without looking back.

~*~

When Charles entered the kitchen the next morning he predictably found Erik preparing everybody’s breakfast. He sucked in a deep breath and approached him.

“Good morning.” he said.

“Good morning.” Erik replied.

“Did you sleep well?” Charles asked.

“I slept.” Erik replied.

Charles nodded. “Yeah. Same.”

He looked around awkwardly while Erik boiled an egg.

“I’m sorry.” Erik said. He was staring down at the egg but his face seemed tormented. Charles felt his chest clench.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry.” he said quickly. “I didn’t approach you the right way and--”

“I’m your android, Charles. I should not cause you any trouble. Our communication should be fairly simple and easy -- you say something, I agree; you order, I follow. I--” he trailed off for a moment then continued. “I forgot my place.”

Charles frowned. “We’ve never been like that, you and I. Well, maybe in the beginning but that was a long time ago.” he let his hand touch Erik’s arm gently as he spoke. “Erik, I promised you’ll be free to express your opinions, to think for yourself and make your own choices. Then I demanded you tell me things that you were clearly not ready to discuss with me. I’m the one who has to apologize here. I should’ve respected your desire for silence.”

Erik looked at him puzzled, as if he could not believe Charles was real.

Charles continued, “I only pressed because I was worried about you. You seemed to act differently, strangely. I thought maybe having Raven and Hank here at the same time affected you somehow. We’re both used to being alone and now suddenly the change… maybe it was too much for the both of us to handle?”

Erik’s face suddenly brightened up.

“That must be it! I was wondering what caused the strange things that were happening to me lately but that must be it!”

“It was the only explanation I came up with.” Charles said, happy that they were talking again. “I thought it was either that or I did something to make you angry with me…”

“I thought _I_ made you angry with me.”

“No! Definitely not! I-- Erik, you mean the world to me.”

Charles sheepishly reached out for him again, wrapping his arms around Erik’s waist. Erik’s own arms instantly found their way around Charles, enwrapping him in warmth and care. Charles sighed contently.

“Come with me!” Charles gasped quietly, pulling Erik by the hand.

Erik followed with a grin on his face as Charles giggled and lead him hurriedly upstairs.

They burst into Charles’ room and Charles kicked the door closed behind them as he pulled Erik into a bruising kiss.

“I’ve missed you!” Charles gasped, trying to remove Erik’s clothes as quickly as he could.

“Not as much as I’ve missed you, believe me!” Erik replied, reciprocating with the same urgent passionate effort.

They kept kissing, Charles making love to Erik as if trying to prove to him just how important he truly was to him. _I love you, I love you, I love you,_ Charles’ mind kept repeating desperately but when he opened his mouth to say the words out loud they just died away in his throat. It didn’t matter anyway. The important part was having Erik back.

They spent the rest of the day in Charles’ bed, in each other’s arms, ignoring all questions coming from Raven and Hank’s minds. Eventually they probably guessed what Charles and Erik were up to because the mental mumble subsided. Or maybe Charles was just too distracted to notice it.

He was supposed to use Hank’s serum on himself, at least that’s what Raven wanted him to do. But not today. Today he wanted to be with Erik. Maybe they were too obvious, maybe it was a mistake to flaunt it in Raven’s face like that, but he couldn’t care. It was time for reconciliation and for that one day no external factors would prevent them from resting their minds from socializing.

~*~

Raven seemed a bit edgy lately, firmly insisting that Charles should use the serum on himself already. In response Charles did his best to avoid the question, saying he needed more time to think. He wasn’t sure what was stopping him from removing his mutation completely -- with a few very brief exceptions, it had only caused pain to him and to others -- but he suspected Erik was at the bottom of it somehow. Charles knew Erik’s feelings on telepathy. He knew Erik would not approve of Charles getting rid of his telepathy entirely. A part of him dreaded the idea of disappointing Erik so he kept the android in the dark about Raven’s plan.

Raven, on the other hand, seemed quite displeased by the delay and by Charles’ indecisiveness but for the time being she remained silent about it nevertheless. Charles only hoped she would not suddenly and unexpectedly explode like a volcano at some point.

Meanwhile Charles noticed that after they made up Erik was trying to be less grumpy around Hank. He even attempted a friendly conversation on several occasions. Hank was so taken by surprise by the sudden and unexpected friendliness that he was caught off guard and could hardly give articulate responses. Charles appreciated Erik’s efforts to be friendly, despite the inconvenience of having so many people around. After all, he knew the struggle from personal experience. Charles himself was almost getting accustomed to having two more minds around. It still led to regular headaches few times a day but they weren’t too bad and he could handle them with frequent naps. For a day or two he allowed himself to relax and get used to the peace and serenity in the mansion.

And then it was all gone.

It all started at lunch. This time, surprisingly, they were all having lunch at the same time as opposed to Hank and Charles skipping lunch altogether and Raven eating alone in the kitchen.

This particular time Erik offered Hank a refill.

“Yes, I’d like that. Thank you, Erik.” Hank replied politely.

“It’s no trouble.” Erik’s soft voice filled the room as he refilled Hank’s plate with more food. “There you go.”

“Thank you, Erik.” Hank smiled.

Raven rolled her eyes. “He’s an android, Hank. He doesn’t care for pleasantries.”

Charles flinched. Was this when Raven would finally explode like a volcano? Dread filled his mind. His eyes instantly darted in Erik’s direction as if checking if he was alright. Erik only remained silent, brows furrowed, without giving any visible indication that he had heard or even understood Raven’s remark. Charles knew that look well. It was an act. Erik understood quite well but had decided not to react. He was trying to be the bigger man. It made Charles all the more upset with Raven’s behavior.

“Raven, please, we talked about this.” he reminded. “I thought we were past it already.”

“We were.” Raven smiled at him a bit too over the top. “And then you disappear for a whole day, frollicking in bed with a household appliance.”

“Raven!”

“What? You’re trying to tell me that’s not what you were doing that day? Or that Erik’s not an appliance? Because that’s what he is.” she shrugged.

“I asked you not to speak of Erik in that fashion.” Charles clenched his fists tightly.

Sensing the upcoming confrontation and getting nervous and uncomfortable once again, Hank readjusted his glasses and bravely tried to soften the blow by adding, “I must say he’s an incredible model. Top level technology. These models were made to be so human-like and--”

“Please. He’s _so_ two years ago!” Raven rolled her eyes as if she were talking about a pair of shoes.

Charles gasped. “Erik is my friend! Do not speak of him as if he were an object! Yes, he’s life-like and yes, he’s incredible. Now, please, let us just move on with our lunch already.”

This wasn’t the end for Raven.

“He’s _not_ your friend, Charles.” she said firmly. “He’s like your supercomputer. And I know how attached you always get to your _things_.”

“He’s not an object!” Charles repeated.

“What then if not a cool gadget? A supercomputer maybe? Do _enlighten_ me, Charles. Because I’m sure that’s exactly what you thought of him when you first got him.”

Charles wished, he desperately wished, he could deny it. But indeed that was what he had considered Erik to be in the first month after purchasing him. It made him feel ashamed of himself now but Raven had a point. Even Charles had betrayed Erik back then. His jaw clenched tightly.

Raven was beaming with a self-satisfied smirk. “I rest my case.” she said, mock-bowing.

Charles’ jaw slacked. He knew why she was acting up like that. She wanted to hurt _him_ , not Erik. She was angry at _him_. It was clearer than day. She didn’t think Erik had feelings, therefore, she would not waste her time trying to upset or insult him. Charles, on the other hand, got really upset whenever she spoke against Erik. Charles was her real target in this. He was the one who kept stalling the serum usage. It was time he faced the consequences and make a permanent decision about his mutation.

He sucked in a deep breath.

“I may have misjudged Erik at first. But since then I got to know him better. And I learned things I never knew before.”

She grimaced. “I really don’t want to know what freaky things he thought you.”

“Raven, could you please stop bringing my personal life into this?”

“What personal life? You don’t even have one.” she snapped. “And this is exactly what concerns me so much. Charles, you need to change something about your life. Hank’s serum. Hank’s serum is the perfect thing in this situation. I don’t understand why you keep stalling. Just try it already. Get the treatment and start your new life! Without your telepathy getting in your way!”

Erik remained silent during all this exchange. He didn’t want to burden Charles further by participating in this argument. But now Charles noticed the android’s face was frowning.

He shut his eyes closed. He had to tell Erik, there was no going round that. Right at this moment Charles really wished Raven hadn’t visited him. He loved his sister and he knew she only wanted what’s best for him, yes. But she was doing it in a really invasive way that was slowly but surely suffocating Charles.

He opened his mouth to reply but realized no words came out of it. He wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant about that treatment. He acknowledged its importance and its magnificence. He knew life would be so much easier without his telepathy. So why was he still hesitating? Why wasn’t he rushing over his head to start the treatment?

Raven was still waiting for a reply but before Charles could give that to her Erik spoke.

“Maybe Charles doesn’t want to give up his mutation.”

Charles’ eyes went wide as he looked up at Erik.

Raven glared. “No one asked you, _machine_.”

“But I know Charles. The real Charles, no masks, no hiding. I can tell he’s hesitating because he’s not sure he wants this.”

“Of course he wants this. It’s been what he’s wanted since we were very young!” Raven protested, now looking at Charles for confirmation. Charles remained silent.

Erik continued. “That was years ago and opinions change. And maybe you misunderstood what he actually wanted, even then. Charles was working on a similar experiment too but his was never supposed to remove mutations altogether. Only dull them down, and help with control. What Charles _wants_ is for his mutation to be safe to be around. But he never wanted it gone completely.”

“Charles! Say something!” Raven gasped.

“Well, I-- maybe Erik has a point…” he admitted.

Hank was waiting patiently while Raven was freaking out.

“That’s ridiculous! What other options do you have? Stay here for the rest of your life!? Alone with your freaky android!?”

“Well... “

“It’s not a matter of options, it’s more a matter of feeling comfortable with who you are.” Hank intervened, softly. He was obviously speaking from experience.

Charles hesitated. “I know I’ve never felt comfortable with my mutation.”

“Charles, you can’t actually be considering this…” Erik whispered.

When Charles looked at him his heart clenched at the sight. The hurt expression on Erik’s face, fast as it was before the android managed to get it under control, was heartbreaking.

“I’m only saying that the serum would present an easy way out of my-- predicament.” he said carefully.

But this was enough to make Erik assume Charles was going for Raven’s option.

“Charles, I cannot believe you’re going to let _him_ talk you into this just because of your hopeless crush on him!” Erik gasped, pointing at Hank.

Charles stared disbelievingly, Raven gaped, and Hank… Hank seemed worse than them all.

“Charles?” He said, taking a step towards his fellow scientist. “I’m so sorry if I led you on… I definitely didn’t mean that. In fact, I’m-- oh, dear, there’s no easy way of saying this. I’m in love with your sister.”

“WHAT!?” Raven gasped.

Charles felt as if he were the main character in some kind of ridiculous farce.

“Hank, I don’t have a crush on you.” he said. “I don’t know where Erik got that from but I really really don’t. I admire you as a scientist, I like you as a friend, but there is no crushing whatsoever. And as for Raven… I think the two of you need to talk about this. Now that she, y’know, heard you blurt it in my face.”

Hank let out a small cry of terror when he realized what he’d just done. He looked at Raven and, yep, she was standing there, still as a candle, gaping at him with big round eyes.

“Hank? Is that true?” she asked, voice trembling a little.

Hank took slow steps towards her, his hands reaching out for her.

“Ever since that moment I first saw you. You were radiant and so kind to me. Then I got to know you better and, Raven, I discovered you’re the best person I know. And that I didn’t want to spend a day without you by my side. I love you, Raven. And even if you can’t love me back, I’ll still think you’re the best person I’ve met.”

Charles’ heart skipped a beat. He had recognized that feeling. He’d _felt_ it. Hank had just given the exact and perfect description of what Charles felt for… Erik. He froze there, unable to make himself move.

“Hank…” Raven whispered, teary eyed. “I’ve been flirting with you since that first day, you dork! For a genius you’re such an idiot!” she wrapped her arms around him before he could overthink everything and the two remained into one another’s arms for a long heartwarming moment.

Charles made a sign for Erik to let them have some privacy so they quietly snuck out of room.

~*~

They retreated to Charles’ study.

“Erik, what was that about?” Charles asked, closing the door behind them.

“You don’t have to hide it from me, Charles.” Erik said. “I understand. He’s human, you like him. I get it.”

It took Charles embarrassingly long time to finally crack down what the actual problem was and when he did, he couldn’t stop his amusement at it.

“Erik.” Charles said carefully. “Are you _jealous_?”

All this time, all his strange acting up, it was all because he was _jealous_!?

It would’ve been hilarious if it wasn’t such a delicate matter at the same time. It was so odd that Erik would even get such a thought in his head. How had jealousy crept in Erik’s systems when no one had put it there? It was a mystery.

Erik tilted his head, confused. He could not reply and this time it wasn’t because he was hiding the reply -- this time he simply couldn’t explain or understand it.

Charles sunk down in his armchair. He was still amused at the strange thought of how Erik was jealous. Until suddenly, it was no longer funny. Erik looked sad. He made a few steps and knelt down in front of Charles’ armchair, placing a hand tentatively on Charles’ knee.  

“I’m very sorry, Charles.” Erik spoke quietly, tenderly.

Charles frowned in confusion. “Sorry?”

“I didn’t mean to cause you pain back then. I know what you feel for him. I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just angry that you let him make your decisions for you. I’m sorry. I truly am.”

Charles blinked. “Erik, whatever are you talking about?”

“You like Hank.”

“We all like Hank. Hank’s very likeable. Doesn’t mean we all have a crush on him.”

“I told you you don’t have to hide it from me. I know you wanted to-- to have a more intimate relationship with Hank. And it turned out he’s interested in Raven. I can only guess how you must feel. If I can help in any way…”

“Erik, my dear. You’ve got it all wrong. I don’t care for Hank in that way.” Charles said.

Erik tilted his head. Still not buying it. “You don’t?” he said.

“Not even a little bit.” Charles reassured, smiling.

Erik still seemed puzzled so Charles wrapped his arms around him and pressed a few warm kisses to his silicon skin. Erik needed reassurance and Charles was going to give that to him.

“Hank McCoy is indeed a very good scientist,” he said as Erik rested his head on Charles’ chest, “and I do respect him very much. But I do not love him like that. I don’t want him. Hank McCoy is in no way here to replace you, Erik. _No one_ could _ever_ replace you. Don’t you know I love you, you stupid man!” he whispered, pressing another kiss to Erik’s temple. It felt good to say it out loud. “I want you, Erik. Only you. No one else!”

“I only need you too, Charles.” Erik whispered back, pressing his head closer to Charles’ chest. There was a certain level of vulnerability that came from Erik that felt new but also exciting.

Charles had no idea how long they remained like that. But finally Erik pulled away to speak.

“I’m sorry I behaved like that. I’m not sure why I did it.” Erik said, hanging his head guiltily. Charles had an inkling why he did it. Jealousy. He did not interrupt Erik. “But I meant what I said earlier. There really are other options for you.”

Charles looked at him. “Other options?” he frowned confused. “What other options?”

“Control.” Erik said. “Charles, your telepathy wouldn’t hurt you anymore if you learn how to take control over it! You could have the choice what to hear and what not to. You can build mental walls, shields to protect your mind, block other thoughts. Those will protect both you and others from raw telepathy. It’s only dangerous because you haven’t learned how to use it properly.

“Erik, control…” Charles sighed. “... that’s not meant for an omega-level telepath who didn’t learn how to use his powers correctly when it was time.”

“You can learn now!” Erik said passionately. “And once you do you won’t be hurting yourself anymore and you won’t hurt others either.”

“H-how can you know that?” Charles asked. His voice was trembling. How embarrassing!

“I know because--” Erik hesitated. As if he wasn’t sure Charles would like what he was about to say. But he said it nevertheless. “Because I researched it. Yes, I looked into it. And yes, your telepathy is stronger than any other known mutant -- an omega-level telepath is not a regular occurrence, I admit -- it’s not going to be easy but it’s still the same principle.”

Charles listened, not saying a word yet, not sure what to say. Erik went on pleading. It actually sounded like pleading at this point.

The door creaked and Raven and Hank walked in, hand in hand. Raven looked a bit more relaxed right until she heard Erik’s next words.

“You were born like this, Charles!” Erik said, ignoring Raven and Hank. “It’s in you and since you’re such a strong telepath surely you are strong enough to learn how to control this power!”

Raven’s face went red with rage as Hank stroke her arm soothingly in an attempt to calm her down. Charles noticed that gesture but he also knew Raven didn’t want to talk about her new relationship now. Apparently, they were only allowed to discuss _Charles’_ personal life for some reason. Not _hers_.  

He had no time to ponder on the injustice.

“Some people are born with diseases.” Raven told Erik pointedly. “And they need to be treated and healed. For their own good. Being _born that way_ doesn’t make it good for you. Sometimes nature makes mistakes. We can fix that, Charles. You can be free.”

Charles felt Erik’s hands tensing as he sprang up to his feet again, glaring at Raven.

“Free? From what? He’s remarkable! Do you even understand how remarkable he is?” Erik barked at her.

The sheer force of his voice surprised Charles. He had never seen Erik react like that before. But there was no more silent Erik now. There was only Erik full of conviction and decisiveness. There was Erik ready to fight.

“He’s probably the only telepath of such magnitude in the entire world and you want him to change and just be like _everybody else_ !? Because _it’s normal_!? Fuck normal! You don’t cover a tiger, you admire its stripes! What you suggest, Miss Raven, is something you should be ashamed of.”

Raven crossed her hands on her chest. “I won’t have a household appliance talk to me like that.” Erik grimaced at her.

“Please, don’t fight. Please. Not this again.” Charles muttered and then more firmly he added, “Raven, apologize to Erik.”

Raven gaped. “What!?”

“You heard. Please. Just… say you’re sorry.”

“Why? You’re afraid he’d go violent if I don’t?”

Charles sighed. He was too exhausted already. Tired of everything. “He’s not like that.”

“Other androids are. There are cases of androids attacking their owners, injuring them. A few even killed them!”

“I would _never_ hurt Charles!” Erik gasped, horrified at the thought.

“I know.” Charles stroke Erik’s arm gently, calmingly. “Raven, it’s important to me. Erik… _Erik_ is important to me.”

Raven pursed her lips. “I don’t think this attachment you’ve formed is healthy, Charles.” She said, trying hard to control herself. Charles could sense her mind though. It was giving him headaches of all kind.

Charles was about to reply but before he could even open his mouth Erik beat him to it. “How can you even understand it? How can you understand _us_ ?” he said to Raven, his face twisted in disgust. “You never even _tried_!”

There was more than disgust though, Charles realized. There was _pain._ Erik was _suffering_ because of Raven’s words, because of her behavior towards Charles. Erik was hurt by the way Raven spoke to _Charles_ ! He could take in quietly all of Raven’s mockery and her hurtful remarks when they were directed at Erik. But the moment they were affecting Charles, that was when Erik could take it no longer. He knew Raven meant the world to Charles and he knew her hurtful words cut Charles deeply. It struck Charles like a lightening. Erik was not angry because Raven was mean to _him_ ; Erik was angry because Raven was mean to _Charles_!  

It was a revelation. Erik _did_ care. Somehow, in some remarkable unexpected inexplicable way, Erik _did truly_ care.

Raven and Erik were still arguing about what Charles was supposed to do with his life. Both fuelled by good intentions but both forgetting one very important detail -- Charles was the person who had to make that decision, not Erik, not Raven. Charles.

“I’ll learn to control it.” he said, raising his voice above theirs. It only wavered a little but it sounded steady once they both looked at him expectantly in the sudden silence. “I don’t know if it will work or not but I’ll try Erik’s suggestion. I’ll do my best to learn how to control my mutation. Others have done it--”

“Their mutations weren’t as powerful and dangerous as yours.” Raven interjected worriedly. Hank was still by her side -- a silent anchor for her in whatever she had to face.

“You’ve done it.” Charles said firmly.

“My mutation is different, Charles. And it took so much practice.”

“Exactly. Practice. The one thing I never had.” Charles nodded, face brightening up as if they finally reached the light. “I never truly practiced, Raven. Not even a little. I was either experimented on or surrounded by so much noise that I just wanted to shut everything out. I was left without guidance when I needed it most. I didn’t know what to do other than panic and run away. It’s time I try a different approach. I don’t-- I don’t hate being a mutant. I really don’t. When Cain almost raped you I had the power to protect you. Maybe if I’d known how to control it then I wouldn’t have hurt Cain so badly, wouldn’t have gone so far in my attempt to stop him. But the point is, I’m glad I’m special. I’m glad I’m unique. And we all should be happy with who we are without having to change it. We’re all like snowflakes -- each uniquely beautiful and remarkable in its own way. If there’s a chance to control my telepathy, I’d like to try that first before getting rid of it altogether. Please, respect my decision?”

Charles’ heart was beating fast, he could hear his pulse in his ears. He glanced at Erik. What he saw in Erik’s eyes warmed his soul. Erik was looking at Charles with so much pride, warmth, respect and love, it felt good to know he was the reason for that look. Hank had digressed to a mere observer whereas Raven was silent for a really long time.

Her mind wasn’t as silent as her mouth, though, but Charles wouldn’t be able to work his way into unraveling that chaos anyway so he didn’t even try. Later. Later he’ll try and learn how to distinguish between thoughts, memories, feelings, or emotions that he wanted to hear and sense. Later he’ll learn how to block things and how to shield himself to avoid his headaches and panic attacks. Later with Erik’s help. God, he hoped this would work! That this wasn’t just an empty hope.

“I think you’re making a mistake.” Raven finally spoke out loud. Her voice sounded calm but cold. Her eyes though… there was no coldness there. “I think you’re making a mistake, Charles. But you’re a grown man. You don’t need your sister to make decisions for you. I may have taken it a bit overboard but that’s only because I care for you. Very much.” she sucked in a deep breath. “But I won’t make your decisions for you anymore. You have _your android_ for that now.” she couldn’t help biting out the word ‘android’. Charles realized she wasn’t mad at him but at Erik. She was blaming Erik.

“Raven…”

“It’s fine. Hank and I will still be there if this… experiment of yours goes down in flames. You only need to tell us and we’ll be back.” she assured him. “I don’t agree with you but you’re still my brother and I still only want what’s best for you.”

“Thank you, Raven.”

She didn’t hug him goodbye this time. She didn’t even smile. She needed her time, Charles understood that.

“Don’t be a stranger. Call me, text me, email me, don’t shut me out.” Raven said before leaving. “And, for fuck’s sake, take care of yourself, you idiot.” She did pull him into a tight hug after all, not letting go for a long moment. Then she pulled away and left without another word.


	7. Chapter 7

They were suddenly alone in the mansion again. It felt strange after the two weeks they spent with having visitors over. Charles looked around awkwardly, a sudden feeling of emptiness overtaking him. Erik approached as if sensing his discomfort, and wrapped his arms around Charles, pressing his nose to Charles’ hair. 

“We can do this.” he whispered. “ _ You  _ can do this.” 

Charles let out a sheepish smile and turned around to better snuggle into Erik’s embrace. 

“Thank you.” he whispered. “For everything.” 

“You don’t have to thank me. All I need from you now is to not give up.” 

“I won’t!” Charles said decisively. “I promise!”  

They took the rest of the day off, so to speak. Just resting and snuggling and reading and talking and laughing. It was a lovely way to rewind from all the stress of the past weeks. They both needed it. But the next day the real work began. It was time for Charles’ new telepath training. So Erik stepped in the shoes of Charles’ new tutor. 

Charles swallowed nervously. Erik looked so very excited about the lessons; but then again Erik had always been so very excited about anything that had something to do with Charles’ mutation. His extremely positive attitude towards Charles’ powers came from his deep belief that Charles’ mutation was a huge part of what made Charles  _ Charles  _ and therefore he claimed they had to celebrate it. Charles, on the other hand, had different views on the matter. Trying to hide and suppress himself as much as possible during all his teen and adult life, he understood the need to try a different approach now. Intellectually he knew he had to embrace his mutation in order to be able to control it and be a healthy and functioning human being. Yet it was a big step for him to actually try working on this and he couldn’t help feeling the anxiety rising up inside his chest and stomach. He tried to hide his fears and look optimistic for Erik’s sake. He failed miserably, though, because Erik, apparently, had the ability to read Charles like an open book. He sensed that Charles’ feelings on beginning his training were less excitement and more anxiety so he did his best to reassure the telepath before getting started. It was time for Charles to face this, for Erik as well as for himself. 

When their lessons began Charles surrendered himself entirely in Erik’s hands, following Erik’s lead and trusting Erik would not fail. After all, Erik had never failed him before. This time his dear Erik had already prepared a whole lesson plan. Charles could only stare at it in amazement. 

“Seems like you’ve given this quite a lot of thought.” he noted, glancing at Erik and then back at  _ The Plan _ . 

It was certainly not something Erik cooked up in the last minute. The Plan represented a sound research with clear goals, it was backed up with a lot of scientific data and comparison of different practices. It was obvious Erik had been working on this for quite some time, most probably before he even knew Charles would even ask for his help. Therefore, telepath training was something Erik’s been wanting to do for Charles for a long time. Long enough to have the time to put all of this together, compare methods and even come up with methods of his own -- methods to best suit Charles’ case. Charles was impressed and flattered at the same time. Just one more example of how caring Erik was when it came to Charles. 

Erik grinned that particular grin that set him apart from all other androids, humans and mutants. “I told you I admire your powers very much, Charles.” he said. “I started researching Control and possibilities that would work for your case a while ago. I’ve been meaning to bring it up eventually but I was waiting for the right time. And then Raven and Hank told you their idea and I just… I couldn’t stay impartial.” 

“Oh, Erik.” Charles cupped his cheek and gave him an affectionate smile. “I just hope I don’t disappoint you…” 

“As long as you try your best, you could never disappoint me.” Erik replied. 

“I will try my best! But--” 

“Your best is good enough. I promise.” Erik reassured with a smile and pulled Charles into a gentle kiss. 

~*~ 

The lessons and training were exhausting. Erik did let him rest, of course, but it was still quite intense. Erik insisted that in order to be able to control his telepathy, Charles needed to go deep into his own mind first. So that’s where they began, Charles digging inside his own brain and mind, learning things about this unique organ from a whole new perspective, seeing it in a whole new light. He uncovered the mysteries of how to reach different memories and how not to project. Projection control was a delicate thing for a telepath. Sometimes it was impossible to not project things he felt and thought. Strong feelings, forceful feelings, feelings he had no command over. Naturally it was something he needed to learn to control, so he doesn’t give headaches to others, or he doesn’t make them feel sick whenever he felt sick, or let them hear his own private thoughts when he clearly meant for them to remain private. It all came from his mastery of control over his mutation and that’s what Erik and he practiced alone in the mansion. Erik seemed quite pleased with Charles’ progress and that encouraged Charles to try harder, to be better. 

These ‘solo’ practices were not exactly an easy task for Charles but he knew there were things much harder and more refined that an omega-level telepath should be able to do with his telepathy. Sure he knew that he was merely in the beginning of his struggles and yet he felt unprepared when the real challenge arrived. 

When Charles walked into the study that morning the last thing he expected to find there was another person sitting on one of the armchairs and talking with Erik. 

“Charles, this is Logan. He’s going to help us with your training.” Erik announced. 

Charles blinked at them both, quickly took the information in and then, “No.” he stated and ran through the door. 

“I’ll just have a word with him.” Erik told Logan and hastily followed Charles. 

Logan shrugged and lit up a cigar to pass the time while waiting. He had an eternity, sure, but patience still wasn’t his strong suit. 

Charles walked as fast as he could until he found himself in a secluded alley in the garden -- his favorite place outside the mansion. He knew Erik would most probably follow him but he needed the air and he needed to be away from that Logan person while he had this conversation with his synthetic tutor. 

“What were you thinking, Erik!?” he gasped when he heard Erik approach. He couldn’t stop pacing in circles as he spoke, too agitated to stand still. “You brought a human here without consulting me!” 

“He’s not a human. He’s a mutant.” Erik corrected calmly. 

“That makes no difference whatsoever!” Charles could easily hurt a mutant and it would be just as damaging for a mutant as it would for a human. “Mutant or not, is beside the point. The point, Erik, is that you brought someone here! Someone  _ I could hurt _ !” 

“You didn’t hurt Raven or Hank when they stayed with us.” Erik said and then as if he were the one reading Charles’ mind, he added, “You’re ready, Charles.” 

Or maybe Charles was projecting? They learned how to control that a week ago but Charles’ skills were still slippery. With Erik it was no problem because Erik had no mind for Charles to ruin. But with this other guy in the mansion Charles had to be more careful. He quickly tried to build up his shields like they practiced. He hoped it worked at least a little bit despite Charles’ agitated state. 

“I know you’re ready, Charles.” Erik reassured again. 

Charles looked at him desperately, pleadingly. 

“Logan is special.” Erik continued, taking a step closer. “He’s really strong, mentally and physically. That’s why I chose him.” 

“I could still hurt him, I could still turn his brain into a mash!” He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Charles, look at me.” Erik’s voice sounded soft and pleasant. Charles looked up at him. “Logan’s secondary mutation is regenerative powers. He can heal almost as fast as he’s injured. Even if you do slip up and accidentally hurt him, his abilities will put him back together again.” 

“But the pain…”

“He’s used to it, trust me. He told me so himself.” 

“How did you find him anyway?” Charles almost pouted. 

“I was looking for him.” Erik replied. “I needed someone who could resist you even if you slip up. And I found Logan. He was the perfect choice. He’s tough, he’s strong, he can heal fast and he’s willing to help. What could be better?” 

“My control is still poor.” Charles said quietly, looking down. “I’m not ready to work with an actual mind yet, Erik. This poor man… He doesn’t want me inside his head.” 

“I’ve warned him of the risks. He knows what letting you in would imply. I warned him of every possible outcome -- both positive and negative -- and he still wants to help, Charles.” Erik’s hands rested on Charles’ shoulders, rubbing gently at Charles’ collarbone. “He can take it. You made great progress with your solo practice. You need to get to the next stage already. If you don’t try this now, you’ll always be afraid and all our weeks of practice would’ve been in vain.” 

Charles sucked in a deep breath. “Are you sure I won’t do some horrible damage to his mind?” he asked nervously. 

Erik gave him a warm smile. “I’m sure. I believe in you, Charles. About time you believed in yourself too.” 

Charles sighed again. “It’s just so frustrating and hard and--” he trailed off. 

Erik wrapped his arms around Charles, bringing them closer together into a hug. “I know it is. But a month ago you let me be your tutor in this. You need to trust me now.” he pulled away and gazed intensely into Charles’ eyes. “Do you trust me, Charles?” 

Charles looked up at Erik. Of course he trusted him! He trusted him more than he’s ever trusted anyone else before. 

“Yes!” 

Erik smiled.  _ Relief _ , Charles realized. Had Erik seriously doubted if Charles trusted him? After everything they’ve been through he still wasn’t sure? Charles found that insecurity endearing. 

“In that case, let’s not keep Logan waiting.” Erik offered Charles his hand. 

Charles chuckled, placing his own hand in Erik’s. “Good point. I can sense his emotions and he’s getting impatient.” 

“Oh, you can sense his emotions now, can you?” Erik smirked teasingly. 

They walked hand in hand towards the mansion. 

“Yes, I can.” Charles replied, faking self-confidence in hope of actually beginning to feel it with time. “I can also… hear his thoughts.” 

“What’s he thinking?” 

“He’s thinking  _ all these books and he didn’t think of buying cigars? _ .” Charles chuckled again. “I’m afraid I’m a really poor host.” 

“I’ll take care of that. You concentrate on the basics.” 

Charles nodded. 

They returned to Logan. 

“Mr. Howlett, I apologize for my strange behavior earlier.” Charles said, offering his hand to the man for a handshake. “Charles Xavier, pleasure to meet you.” 

Logan took the hand. He had a firm handshake and calloused hands. Charles almost gasped in pain but he didn’t. 

“It’s fine. Your…” Logan glanced at Erik with an arched eyebrow. Charles realized the man wasn't sure how to address Erik exactly but he finally settled on, “... Erik explained that this is a tricky subject for you, bub.” 

“My history with Control isn’t very good…” Charles confessed. “For a long time I avoided people altogether for fear that I might involuntarily hurt them.” 

“I see.” 

“I don’t want to cause you pain, Mr. Howlett.” Charles assured earnestly. 

“Call me Logan then. Being referred to as Mr. Howlett is painfully dull to me.” the man joked. 

Charles chuckled. “Alright, Logan.” 

“As for the pain, don’t worry about it. If there’s one thing I’m used to in my long life, that’s pain.” 

“Shall we begin then?” Erik intervened. 

Logan glanced back at Charles. “Ready when you are, bub.” he said. 

Charles forced his expression to turn into one of calmness and nodded. “Let’s begin then.” 

~*~

They settled on Charles’ study to be the room where they would practice. Erik insisted that the familiar and safe space would relax Charles enough to be able to concentrate on the mind instead of worrying about his surroundings. Charles went along with whatever Erik said and Logan really had no preference in it whatsoever. 

They each sat down on an armchair, as comfortable as possible. Charles and Logan facing one another, Erik in the middle, observing them both. 

Charles looked at Erik. “So what would you have me do now?” 

“Sit down and relax.” Erik instructed. 

“I am seated down.” Charles said. 

“You’re too tense, Charles. Sit down properly.” 

Fair point. Charles really was too tense and stiff. He leaned back in his armchair. 

“Better.” Erik nodded approvingly. “Now. You won’t be entering Logan’s mind today. That will wait until tomorrow. First I want you to get used to his presence. Build up your shields.” Charles concentrated on that. “Now, relax. Control what you receive from his mind.”

With a bit of a struggle Charles managed to do that. The jumble of telepathic noise that came from Logan’s mind quieted down. Charles felt… relief. He could still feel Logan’s mind but it was in no way overwhelming or painful to him. He smiled. 

“Good.” Erik smiled too but his voice continued to be this soothing calming monotone. “Now let’s go to the next level. Learning which is which. You hear many things coming from people’s minds. Part of the reason why they overwhelm you is because you hadn’t learned how to properly shield yourself. But another part is because you don’t know how to distinguish thoughts, emotions, feelings and so on.” 

Charles nodded and followed Erik’s words to the letter. 

“What we’re going to do is this. Make sure to keep your shields up so you don’t get overwhelmed. Now let it all come to you. The whole telepathic tide wave.” he waited for Charles to adjust. “Good. Now I want you to try and distinguish which is which.” 

Charles grimaced. “I can’t… it’s too messy…” 

“It’s good that it is. Logan’s mind is a challenge. He’s perfect for you to practice on. Pardon the expression, Logan.” Erik said. 

“My head's a mess. Nothing new there.” Logan shrugged. “Finally it’s of use to someone.” 

Charles gasped. “I can’t, Erik. I’m not ready after all.” he frowned. 

Erik’s hand rested briefly on Charles’, squeezing gently. “It’s alright, Charles. Rest for a moment and try again.” 

“Erik…” 

“You promised me you won’t give up.” 

Charles huffed. “I hate that you’re always right.” he muttered. 

“Not true, you love it.” Erik replied back, the corners of his lips twisting up in a little hint of a smirk. 

Charles felt his cheeks burning up with a blush and he glanced at Logan awkwardly. He was expecting him to judge them, to disapprove much like Raven did, but the man was smoking his cigar completely unbothered by Charles and Erik’s conversation, giving them privacy by zoning out. That was new. Not being judged. It felt good. 

The tension started leaving Charles’ shoulders as he felt more at ease around Logan. He even reached out to hold Erik’s hand for a moment before letting go again. 

“I did promise.” he said. “Alright. I’m ready to try again.” 

He sat up in his chair, taking in a deep breath. 

“Logan, to make this easier I would ask you to remember something and think about it. The day I contacted you, for example.” Erik said.

Logan nodded and Erik turned back towards Charles again. 

“Charles, in Logan’s surface thoughts find his memory of me contacting him. I don’t want you to dive into his mind yet, but you could distinguish which of his thoughts concern this particular memory. Are you getting there?” 

Charles had closed his eyes as he concentrated. The vibes from Logan’s mind were a jumble of thoughts, feelings, emotions -- just as they were a moment ago. Charles frowned, concentrating harder. 

“Look for me.” Erik’s voice came to him from a distance. “Find me in Logan’s thoughts.” 

Charles did so. A moment later one particular thought began to shape as Erik. Charles captured that thought-wave and chased it. 

“Good! Now, examine it!” Erik said. 

And Charles did. There were different types of thoughts that concerned Erik, and Charles realized that they weren’t all thoughts, in fact. Some of them were feelings, opinions, memories, random thoughts. He noticed the difference between the memory-thought and the rest of the jumble. He noticed that thoughts had certain qualities of their own that differed from emotions or feelings. Different shades and colors that made all the difference. It was remarkable! As a scientist Charles was fascinated! As a  _ telepath  _ Charles was fascinated too! He could do that. He could look for thoughts and memories and feelings, all of it! At this particular moment, Charles could not even remember why he hadn’t used his telepathy earlier. 

He gasped. “Erik! Erik, I found it! I found it!” 

“I never doubted you, Charles.” Erik said and Charles felt Erik’s hand in his again, even though he wasn’t sure if Erik was the one reaching out or Charles himself grabbed Erik’s hand in his excitement. “Now, gently let this thought go.” 

“But I can find more! I can--” 

“Let it go, Charles.” Erik repeated more firm this time. 

Charles didn’t understand why but he did as Erik asked, nevertheless. Then he opened his eyes again. He saw Logan was a little pale, his breathing elevated. 

“Oh, God! Did I hurt you?” Charles gasped terrified. 

Logan chuckled, regaining his composure. He bit off the tip of his cigar and spit it out. “You didn’t hurt me. Good job, bub.” he said casually. 

Charles looked at Erik, for reassurance. Erik nodded. 

“You didn’t hurt him. He was getting a little overwhelmed by your telepathy being so forcefully concentrated on one thought. That’s why I stopped you. But he’s not hurt.” 

Charles felt relief. He’s done it! He examined surface thoughts without hurting another person! It was impossible to explain what he felt at that moment. Something wet was sliding down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, realizing it was a tear. Maybe Erik was right. Maybe they did need a little break to calm down again. But Charles was happy. Oh, he was so happy! 

“It might hurt him more when you actually enter his mind.” Erik added, pulling Charles back to reality. “But we’ll try that some other time. You both had enough for today. I say we get some rest now and maybe try it again this afternoon?” 

Charles nodded, still holding onto Erik’s hand tightly. 

He distinguished a thought! It sounded like a small victory but it meant so much. It made Charles feel more optimistic about this whole endeavor. Finally, for the first time since he started learning Control, Charles let himself believe that this might actually work. 

~*~ 

Over the course of the next two days Charles managed to learn the difference between projected thoughts, memories, feelings and emotions that were leaking from a person’s mind. He learned how to ignore certain thoughts and concentrate on others. He learned how to block thoughts and minds out and how to control his shields in such a way that he doesn’t get overwhelmed. The shields were meant to protect both Charles and others. They practiced every day -- Erik gradually extending the duration of the practice sessions by adding half an hour more, then 40 minutes more and so on. During all of that time Logan never once complained. He claimed Charles playing with his surface thoughts did not hurt him at all. It was really encouraging to be supported by both Erik and Logan at that sensitive time. Charles was beyond himself with joy every time he achieved a task or learned something new. So was Erik. He was so proud and supportive of Charles’ progress that it made Charles feel even better. 

The better Charles got with surface thoughts and shielding, the closer he was to the next level -- entering a mind. 

Now, that was trickier. And more dangerous, too. The last time Charles entered a mind was when Cain attempted to rape Raven and Charles blasted him with raw telepathy. It all happened so quickly then, Charles had very little time to understand what was happening while he was doing it. The overthinking came later. Now he had to enter Logan’s mind and the thought was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying. He knew it was coming so he felt ready, almost confident. The progress he’d achieved for such a short time was quite promising so maybe this time everything was going to be alright. 

Logan certainly wasn’t worried. He looked his usual calm self when they once again sat down in the study for their practice session. 

“Now, Charles, try to enter Logan’s mind. Gently. Carefully. Easy.” Erik instructed. 

Charles placed his forefinger and middle finger on his temple and concentrated. Obviously, he could easily enter a mind without fingering his brain like that but the pressure on his temples gave him a false but needed feeling of control. He was in charge here, not his telepathy,  _ he _ . 

Getting inside Logan’s mind felt almost like a physical sensation. He could see himself in that head as if he were actually there. Logan’s mind was edgy, almost hostile. All the better for Charles. It would’ve felt wrong if Logan had been all inviting and tidy and Charles just stumbled in there to ruin it all. Feeling the sharp edges of Logan’s mind was a reminder that they both could get hurt in this, they were both dependent on one another. They were partners in this and Logan was no gentle flower so Charles could relax and just do what he had to. 

Besides, Erik was right there, next to Charles, by his side like he’s always been. Charles knew he could count on Erik’s emotional support and that reassured him immensely. Sucking in a deep breath and following Erik’s guiding voice, he continued the exploration of Logan’s mind.

~*~

Erik observed carefully both Charles and Logan, looking for any signs of trouble so that he’d be able to intervene in the event of an… event. Apart from reading their facial expressions, he was also following both men’s vitals. In case things got too out of hand or either Logan or Charles needed a break Erik was the one to stop things. According to his calculations, Charles was no real threat to Logan since the man’s mutation should be able to restore any damage Charles might accidentally cause there.  _ Should  _ be able to. It was no exact science. Erik knew there was a small but existing chance that Logan’s mind might not be able to heal properly if an inexperienced omega-level telepath fiddled with it wrongly. He had warned Logan of the real risks that first day when he contacted him. Logan agreed to it nevertheless. 

Now was the moment of truth. He guided Charles through the process of entering Logan’s mind. He noticed the other man flinching and grimacing as he felt the unfamiliar intrusion followed by the foreign presence. He registered the discomfort was present but no too bad, nothing dangerous yet, so he did not stop Charles, only slowed him down. With time and practice Charles would learn how to sneak into people's minds without even being noticed. With time and practice Charles would learn finer control over his powers and would be able to do that undetected. It was Charles’ first time trying this consciously so it was normal for him to be a bit blunt and unrefined. 

After a few minutes had past, both men adjusting to the new mental sensation, Erik spoke again. 

“Good. Now that you’re in, I want you to explore what you find. Remember the theory of what is where and how you work things out. Employ the new information you know from your practice with Logan too. You remember the distinction between actual memories and false memories, desires, distorted memories, suppressed memories, emotions, feelings, thoughts, notions, fantasies. You can look for them now. See what they’re like out of the textbook.” 

Charles frowned in what Erik assumed was concentration. Soon his features changed, though, becoming more tense and worried until finally his face was grimacing. Erik was confused. Logan seemed perfectly fine and unharmed. But Charles seemed to be far more affected by the whole procedure than his test subjects. Logan was simply sitting there in his chair, looking rough but nonchalant and unbothered. Charles on the other hand…

“Charles? Are you alright? Can you hear me Charles?” Erik asked, placing a hand on Charles’ knee. 

Charles did not respond. His eyes were shut and tightly closed, face twisted in discomfort as another tear slid down his cheek. His jaw was clenched. 

“Charles!” Erik shook him harshly to pull him out of this condition and bring him back to reality. 

Charles opened his eyes with a gasp. He needed a moment to take his breath and come back to his senses. 

“Charles?” Erik tried not to let his worry slip into his voice. He had to be composed in order to calm Charles down. They couldn’t  _ both  _ freak out at the same time. “Charles, say something. What happened?” 

“So… much… pain…” he whispered, more tears silently falling down his cheeks. He did not even notice them, his eyes fixated on Logan, unable to look away. “Such a long and painful life…” 

“I warned you it’s a mess in there, bub.” Logan said, face a little frowned in compassion. “No damage for you to make that isn’t already done. So get in there and explore more. Don’t worry about me. Learn and practice your telepathy.” 

“ _ Oh, you poor man!  _ I don’t want it! I don’t want your pain!” Charles gasped again and sprang up from his chair. “Erik, I can’t… It’s too much. I can feel everything he felt! I feel it as if it’s happening to me right at this moment! It’s too much! It’s too much…” he rested his head on Erik’s chest, quietly sobbing. 

Erik wrapped an arm around the telepath’s trembling shoulders. 

“It’s how telepathy works, Charles. Their pain… you’re supposed to endure it.” 

“I don’t want to…” Charles muttered. 

“As strange as it sounds it’s what makes you stronger.” Erik continued. 

“You’ve no idea what it feels like.” Charles whispered. 

Erik glanced at Logan. The man was waiting in his armchair with an unusual patience. How ironic it was that the one thing that made Logan the perfect test subject for Charles, was the very thing that made him the worst one too. Logan had a long and hard life. He had been through enough shit in his life to be able to endure Charles’ still rough telepathy, but all the pain and hardships inside his head also made it more difficult for Charles. Logan was too tough for a first mind to be explored. It was like Charles jumped from level 2 to level 20 and skipping all the levels in between. Difficult as all this may be, it wasn’t too bad for Charles. If Charles learned to master his telepathy on  _ Logan’s  _ mind, he’d be able to do that to  _ any  _ other mind from now on. He just had to  _ not give up _ . Perseverance was the key. 

But right now, he needed time. Erik knew he needed time. 

He ran his hands on Charles’ back soothingly. 

“It’s alright. Why don’t we rest for today? You did so much already, you’ve earned it.” 

Charles nodded, still too deep in semi-shock to form a proper sentences. 

Erik supported Charles with his arms, letting him lean on his shoulder and aiding him to walk. 

“I apologize, Logan. I must take care of him. Will you be alright here on your own?” Erik asked. 

Logan gave a nod. “Sure, synthetic bub. I’ll be fine. He didn’t hurt or damage me. But I’m afraid my life story is too depressing for him.” 

“I never said learning control was going to be easy.” Erik replied. “But it’s still the right thing to do.” 

Logan nodded again and Erik took Charles up to their bedroom. 

~*~ 

When Charles woke up again he had no recollections of falling asleep. He had no idea when exactly it happened but he was now in his own bed, nicely tucked in. He saw Erik sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room, reading a book; he saw the breakfast tray on the nightstand next to his side of the bed. It seemed like a normal day and yet Charles could tell something was different. And then it came to him. Logan and his mind, his life, his pain and his sorrow. The memories vividly returned to him, the emotions accompanying them less intense this time. He didn’t feel as exhausted from the exertion as he did earlier but the bitter taste f the experience still lingered in him. 

“Erik?” he sat up in bed, smiling sheepishly at his dear friend and lover. 

He was ashamed. Ashamed of the way he behaved yesterday. Ashamed of what he told Logan. Ashamed of his weakness. 

“Charles. You’re awake.” Erik smiled softly at him, putting the book away. He crossed the distance between the armchair and the bed and sat down on the edge. “How are you feeling? Better?” 

Charles nodded, frowning a little. “I’m fine. How is Logan?” 

“Logan’s okay. He’s not hurt, if that's what you’re afraid of.” Erik replied. “He’s ready for more, in fact.” 

Charles shook his head. “I’m not sure if I can do that again. I’m sorry, Erik, I know I’m letting you down but this-- I did not expect this. It was not supposed to be this hurtful and overwhelming. I know it was only our first time trying but I don’t think this feeling would pass.” 

“You need to work on your shields better, that’s all. Even while exploring another mind, you need to hold onto your protective shields. It’s normal to feel things that way, telepathy goes hand in hand with enhanced empathy. You can’t help it.” he stroked Charles’ cheek gently. “But there’s beauty in this. You can not only  _ know  _ what people think and what they’ve been through, you can also  _ understand.  _ You can literally feel what it’s like to be in their shoes, to walk their paths. This is a gift, Charles. So often do people find themselves unable to explain what they feel, unable to explain their emotions and thoughts out loud. It’s hard to put things into words. But with your mutation, you can understand. You can help. Do you know what a comfort it is to be understood?” 

Charles nodded. He did know.

“You cannot stop now. You’ve had too much progress already to go back now. You can’t throw it all away.” 

Charles swallowed, looking down at their intertwined hands. 

“The decision is yours, of course. Always yours.” Erik continued. “And I’ll accept and respect it whatever it is. You’re not made of stone. You are allowed to feel in certain ways about certain things. But please, consider it carefully before you turn your back to it.” 

Charles opened his mouth to speak but Erik stopped him. 

“You don’t have to make a decision now. Take your time. We can wait. There’s no rush. Things should always happen in their own time.” 

Charles pressed his lips to Erik’s.  _ I love you.  _ He thought. But that’s what it remained. A thought. 

~*~ =

They continued practicing for the next two months. Charles decided to go through with his learning after all. Erik was right, they went too far to stop now. Besides, he didn’t have to spend all his time inside other people’s minds, he didn’t need to subject himself to their pain  _ all the time _ . It was something he had to get through now so that he could know how to do it safely. The fact that Logan did not get hurt the first time was really comforting for Charles. So after a day of rest, after having a long conversation with Logan about his life and the privacy of his mind, Charles was back on the saddle, ready as ever. 

The practice went as usual. The three of them working together as a team. As expected Logan’s mind held quite well all of Charles’ mental extremities and his experimenting to master a finer control over his mutation. Charles got more accustomed to Logan’s mind now that he was prepared and their next sessions were less dramatic and painful than the first one. The more he learned about Logan, the more he wished to do something to help the man. 

“Erik?” Charles said one evening when they were getting ready for bed. 

“Hmm?” Erik, was already in bed reading, lifted his gaze. 

“I was wondering… Could I perhaps  _ do  _ something? For Logan?” 

Erik tilted his head. “How do you mean?” 

“Well, he’s been through so much. And it’s still painful for him. So I was wondering if perhaps after I get better in my telepathy I could somehow ease his pain? Dull it down or something.” 

Erik put away the book, his face frowned in concentration. He was calculating something, Charles just knew it. 

“That is an excellent idea, Charles.” Erik finally said. “I searched for cases where telepaths do that, with people’s consent, of course, and it can definitely be done. Especially by someone with your magnitude.” 

Charles smiled, buttoning up his pajama top. “That’s good to know. I hope I can reach that level soon.” 

“With your perseverance and hard work and with Logan’s help, you’d definitely reach that level soon.” Erik gave him a wide grin. Then he eyed him head to toe, frowning slightly. “There is however one thing I cannot understand no matter how hard I try to.” 

Charles frowned. Erik’s face seemed quite serious. “Oh?” he asked, a little concerned. “And what is that?” 

“I understand you taking your clothes off before going to bed but why, the hell, are you putting on more clothes now?” 

Charles bit his grin back. “Does that distress you?” 

“Exceptionally so.” Erik assured. 

“Hmm. Can I help you somehow? Ease your mind?” Charles asked, unbuttoning his top once again and slowly climbing into bed. 

Erik shifted so they were now both kneeling on the bed, facing one another. 

“Perhaps.” Erik said, eyes sliding down to behold Charles’ body. 

“You’re such an excellent tutor. Why don’t you guide and teach me then?” Charles teased. Then he added in a passionate whisper. “Tell me what you want me to do now.” 

Erik’s face did something strange and he pulled Charles instantly into a bruising kiss. He couldn’t stop himself, as if something overtook him completely and he was surrendering to it, refusing to fight it. Charles kissed back, wrapping his arms around Erik’s neck, pressing himself against Erik, needing him. In less than a few seconds Charles was undressed again and so was Erik. As they surrendered themselves to the ecstasy of their passion Charles kept feeling this strange buzzing in his head.  _ That’s new,  _ he thought, but was soon distracted by a particularly pleasant thing that Erik did. The buzzing was soon forgotten and everything Charles could think about was Erik  _ Erik  _ **_Erik_ ** ! 

~*~ 

Tampering with one’s mind was a delicate procedure. Charles was definitely not ready yet to dull down Logan’s pain from all the losses in his life. But Erik said it was not impossible in the future so Charles was optimistic. It was even better that Erik seemed quite pleased with Charles’ initiatives. It made Charles feel a pleasant thrill in the pit of his stomach. Erik was a rational tutor who praised Charles when praise was due and corrected Charles when an approach was wrong. And Logan? Logan was becoming someone both Charles and Erik liked having around. They grew accustomed to his snarky comments and straightforward manner of speaking. In fact they appreciated and liked it. He was more like a friend at this point than a guest or a ‘test subject’. Things were going really well, Charles made progress and everything felt just a little too good to be true. 

Charles suppressed the pessimistic voice inside him that insisted something terrible was about to happen soon, and instead concentrated on his more positive and optimistic half that rejoiced at the good things in life. Of course, during these last months he did not forget to regularly write to Raven. 

At first they were short letters that received short and a bit stiff replies -- much as if Raven was too worried that she might say something wrong and incidentally cause another fight between them. Neither of them wanted their relationship to remain so tense so eventually the warmth returned in their correspondence. Raven restricted herself from asking about Charles’ personal relationship with Erik and only asked ‘how they were feeling’ in more general terms. In return, Charles spared her the details of how much Erik meant to him and what they were up to in their telepathy practice sessions and gave her mundane and normal replies instead. So, considering that they both avoided most of the ‘potentially dangerous topics’, things were going pretty well there as well. 

Things between Hank and Raven seemed to go quite well too, according to what Raven wrote. Apparently they were celebrating their 4 month anniversary soon and they both had surprises planned for one another. Raven was going to give him the details afterwards. It was good to have his sister back, even though he knew deep inside she was still very much disapproving of his friendship with Erik and his attempts to keep his telepathy. 

In short, hard work, pleasant conversations and cloudless skies reigned in the Xavier mansion. Until one day at breakfast…

“I think it’s time, Charles. You can rejoin the world.” Erik announced and Charles felt his heart sinking. 


	8. Chapter 8

_ “I think it’s time, Charles. You can rejoin the world.”  _

The words echoed in Charles’ head, ominous and final. He suddenly felt the childish urge to turn around and run away, hide somewhere like he always used to. 

He remained very still instead. 

“What do you mean _ ‘rejoining the word’ _ ?” he asked Erik, very careful not to let out his disappointment. 

“I mean you’re ready to make a trip to town and maybe visit your sister. Talk to a few people. Put your new skills to good use among more than one mind. See how it goes.” Erik replied. 

Charles swallowed. His face remained as still as stone. “You really think this is a good idea?” 

“I do.” Erik said, voice low and intimate, his hand reaching for Charles’. “It’s the next level, Charles. And you’re ready.” 

Charles did not reply. Logan entered the room and Charles had an excuse to look away from Erik. 

“Good morning, Logan.” he greeted and sat down on his usual chair at the breakfast table. He avoided Erik’s gaze for the rest of the meal. 

Why was he so upset about ‘rejoining the world’? Why did the prospect of going to town and surround himself with more minds scare him so much? It was their goal, after all. The entire purpose of all his training was exactly that -- to be able to coexist with other humans and mutants, to be able to get closer to other minds without hurting them or himself. So why was he so afraid now? Why did he dread it so much? 

The answer hit him like a rock. Things were going so smoothly lately that he had allowed himself to believe that he was actually doing well. Erik and Logan both praised him for his remarkable progress; he himself felt it -- the improvement. And fair enough, he had indeed improved compared to where he used to be before. He did not hurt Logan and he was able to use his telepathy fluently and safely now. It had built up his confidence to know that he was not dangerous, that he could do this. But that was with Logan.  _ One  _ mind, not hundreds. One  _ strong  _ mutant mind, not hundreds of unsuspecting fragile ones. Going back to town meant facing reality, putting his abilities and newly found Control to a test. And what if he failed? What if his entire so called ‘progress’ and ‘improvement’ were only applicable with  _ one mind  _ because of Logan’s mutation. The memory of his last visit to town was suddenly quite fresh and vivid in Charles’ own mind. It was probably not doing much good for his sudden terror at the idea of returning to that very same town. Going back there again and testing his control on such a scale  _ and failing _ would break the illusion of him achieving any actual progress and then he could not pretend he was doing well anymore. 

Truth be told, he was afraid. He was very afraid of failing. Failing Erik, failing Raven, failing Logan and even Hank, and of course, failing himself. 

He sucked in a deep breath and tried avoiding the subject of going to town for the rest of the day. As if Erik would just forget about it and never mention it again. 

Of course Erik did not forget. Erik never forgot anything. He brought up the topic again that same evening after Logan went out to unwind. Charles and Erik remained alone in their room, playing chess. There was nowhere to run; Charles had to talk to him  _ now _ . 

“You can’t avoid it forever, Charles. We need to discuss it.” 

Charles ran his fingers through his hair. “Must we?” 

Erik gave him a look. Charles felt like a naughty child not eating his porridge. 

“I don’t think it’s time yet, Erik.” he said. 

“Who’s the tutor here, Charles, you or  _ me _ ?” Erik asked. 

_ Ooh, authority becomes him,  _ Charles thought absently. “You’re biased, then.” he said out loud. 

Erik arched an eyebrow. “Excuse me?” 

“You’re biased.” Charels repeated. 

“How am  _ I  _ biased?” Erik leaned forward from his armchair. 

Charles huffed impatiently. “You want me to be ready so you make yourself believe that I am. But I’m not.” 

Erik blinked. “I am an android, Charles. I cannot be biased. Ever. It’s not in my programming.” 

“Maybe that goes for other androids, your brothers or whatever they are, but,” he lowered his voice, leaning closer as well so he was eye level with Erik, gazing into those gorgeous eyes intensely, “we both know the usual does not apply to  _ you _ .” 

“What do you mean?” Erik asked, almost defensively. 

Charles leaned back in his armchair again. Was Erik for real? 

“You haven’t noticed you’re different?” he asked. 

“How am I different?” Erik shrugged. “And how am I to notice if I do not understand the popular concept of what is considered normal?” 

_ This is going to be difficult, _ Charles thought vaguely. 

“You’re not like-- you’re more like a human, than a robot.” 

“I take it this is supposed to be a compliment?” Erik arched an eyebrow, amused smirk playing on his beautiful lips. 

Charles was only slightly distracted. “I meant it in a good way, yes.” he nodded, not averting his eyes from Erik. “You’re thinking on your own, you have opinions of your own… and  _ feelings-- _ ” 

“I don’t have feelings.” Erik interjected. 

“I’m pretty sure you do. And you were jealous of Hank, which  _ is  _ a feeling.”

“I was not!” 

This was so comical and adorable at the same time, Charles grinned as he replied. “You so were! You  _ were  _ jealous. And that explains why you behaved the way you did towards him and me.”

Erik blinked thoughtfully. “You think my malfunctioning from that period was due to…  _ jealousy _ ?” 

_ Forget comical, this was getting hilariously absurd. _ Charles tried not to grin again. “I do think so and I did tell you so, too.” he nodded. “Don’t you remember?” 

“I do remember. I just assumed you were joking or teasing me.” 

Charles gave him a  clever smile. “I was not. Not entirely, anyway.” 

Erik did not notice the slightly teasing tones in Charles’ voice. He continued staring at the chessboard, lost in thought. Charles honestly thought Erik had eventually realized what had caused his behavior during those days. Was it really news to Erik that he had felt _actual jealousy_? As if he were Charles’ husband or something. As if they were married, bonded together, belonging to one another… The thought suddenly made Charles dizzy with exhilaration, intoxicating, making him shiver with excitement. 

_ Erik is mine and I’m his. _

He bit his lower lip, a smile creeping on his face as an idea came to his mind. He discretely toed off his right shoe and reached out with his socked foot, sliding it up Erik’s leg. Erik jumped a little surprised, clearly not expecting it. His eyes were wide and curious as he looked at Charles. Charles only smiled back at him, a flirtatious alluring smile or so he hoped. Erik got the message but he was also not stupid. 

“Are you trying to distract me so we don’t discuss your trip to town?” 

Charles shook his head silently as his foot slid further up Erik’s leg seductively. 

Erik swallowed. “Charles. This is important.” 

“Mhm.” Charles agreed, his toes reaching the area near Erik’s crotch. 

“It’s really important!” Erik insisted, his voice cracking a little. 

“I never said it wasn’t.” came the quick reply.

Erik gasped as Charles’ foot cupped what appeared to be its final destination and started massaging it. 

“Ch-charles…” Erik pleaded, wrapping his long fingers around Charles’ ankle, trying to steady it. “S-stop.” 

Charles pouted. 

“I mean it. We need to-- to discuss this…” 

“We can do that after.” Charles said, pressing his foot  _ there  _ again, the ministrations sending hot waves throughout Erik’s system. Charles could feel Erik’s dick beginning to take interest. 

“You can’t just use sex to avoid a serious conversation!” Erik said sternly, but it did not escape Charles’ attention that his hips involuntarily bucked up into Charles’ appendage, pressing it closer to himself as if chasing after the pleasant feeling in his loin. 

“I’m not using sex. I just  _ want you _ .” 

“Talk first, fuck later.” 

Charles all but gasped. “You do realize that when you say such things you only make me hornier, right?” 

“Charles!” Erik groaned. 

Charles frowned displeased as he removed his foot from Erik’s crotch. He was about to get in a really sour mood when he suddenly noticed the little twitch of disappointment on Erik’s face, that Erik couldn’t hide quickly enough for Charles not to register. 

“See, right there!” he said excitedly. “You just proved it.” 

“Proved what?” Erik asked, looking undone and desperate but trying to compose himself. 

“That you’re not like other androids. That you’re not all machine.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“You want me too!” Charles explained. 

“I never said I didn’t.” Erik repeated Charles’ words back to him with a small smile. 

“Yes, but you’re struggling to resist me.” Charles smirked again. 

“You are hard to resist, Charles. No need to be that self-satisfied about it.”

“You’re more human than you think, my friend.” Charles beamed at him. “You say you don’t have emotions, that you only understand them without feeling them. But I think you have emotions of your own. Don’t you think that too, Erik?”

Erik remained silent. He wasn’t sure how to reply to that. Protocol demanded he denied it. But deep down, somewhere in what would’ve been his heart, Erik knew that there was some truth in what Charles was saying. Erik did feel things, even though he wasn’t sure if they felt the same way as human feelings. But there was  _ something  _ that he felt. In his own way. Did that count though? Erik wasn’t sure if he had the right to claim these as  _ feelings  _ or  _ emotions _ . 

“You’re hesitating.” Charles observed, pulling him out of his brooding. “A machine would not hesitate. A machine would either give an instant logical reply, or would crash by the impossibility of finding an answer. You don’t do either of those. You never have. I’ve noticed. You _think._ You _wonder._ You _seek the right answer._ ” Gentle affection warmed Charles’ heart as he looked at his darling Erik with a loving smile. “You’re remarkable, Erik.” he said, overcome with emotion, hit by a realization he could no longer keep to himself. “You’re exceptional.” he continued, slowly sliding towards the end of his armchair. “And I need you so much. I don’t want to imagine my life without you. I have feelings for you, Erik, I-- _I_ _love you._ ” There; he said it out loud. And the sky didn’t fall. “I really do love you, Erik!” Charles dropped down on the floor, kneeling between Erik’s long legs, his hands resting high up on Erik’s thies. He reached up and pressed a gentle kiss to Erik’s lips. “I love you…” he repeated, eyes closed, taking in Erik’s scent. It felt so good to finally say it, he couldn’t stop saying it now. He loved Erik. He had been storing this strong feeling inside himself long enough. He wanted to bare his soul to Erik now, wanted to open his heart to him and show him how he truly felt. To really let him know. “This is why I can’t go to town. I’m afraid.” he confessed, eyes cast down. “I’m afraid I might fail and disappoint you.”  

“Disappoint me?” Erik tilted his head. His voice sounded low and intimate, sensual. Charles liked it when Erik talked to him like that. It was like something only the two of them shared and no one else was allowed in their little world. It gave Charles a feeling of comfort and love. “Why do you think you might disappoint me?” 

“You know… If I fail--” Charles muttered. “You believe in me so much I don’t want to fail you.” 

Erik’s arms found their way around Charles, embracing him lovingly. “You’re not doing this for me, Charles. This is for you. I am excited about it, of course, but never think you’re doing it for me. It’s your telepathy, your effort and your life. And you’re doing really great.” Erik’s voice was soothing and caring again, full with something deep and meaningful that Charles couldn’t quite explain to himself but could definitely  _ feel _ . “I honestly didn’t expect so much progress in such a short time. I believe you’re ready to try the next level.” Maybe he noticed Charles’ hesitant look because he quickly added, “But even if I’m wrong and it turns out you’re not ready yet, it’s all good. It’s not a problem. You may fail, you may fall but you can always get up again and continue. Try and try again. That’s what you’ve told me about science. It’s how life works too, isn’t it? Even if you fail, or lose your path, it doesn’t mean you’re lost forever or going to fail forever.” 

“These are wise words.” Charles said softly. “I didn’t know you were a philosopher, Erik.” 

“Don’t mock me when I’m being supportive, Charles Xavier.” Erik chuckled. 

“I wasn’t.” Charles grinned, his eyes still glistening with tears from being overcome with emotions. “Thank you, Erik.” 

“It’s what I do.” Erik smirked, making Charles laugh. 

“I know. That’s why I’m gonna need you to come to town with me.” 

Erik’s smile froze on his beautiful synthetic face. 

“Don’t you even try to get out of it. You’re coming with me!” 

“I’m not so sure  _ that  _ is such a good idea…” Erik said carefully. 

“Oh? Why not?” 

“You don’t need me there, Charles.” Erik replied.

Charles frowned. Maybe Erik was worried about Raven being there? No need in beating by the bush. 

“Is this about Raven?” he asked directly. 

Erik shifted a little. “Not entirely.” Erik admitted. “Although a lot of my reservations are because of her presence there.” 

“Erik…” Charles sighed. 

“No, hear me out.” Erik cut him off.  _ No android ever dared interrupt a human, _ Charles’ subconsciousness noted, but Charles himself couldn’t dwell on this point at the moment. Erik was talking. “I’m not sure how your sister might react. Or other people, for that matter. I’ve researched the general attitude towards androids and I’ve realized Raven’s behavior towards me was not an isolated case. Or anything out of the ordinary. My kind--” he winced a little and corrected himself, “androids like me are generally viewed as appliances, helpers. What Raven said and did when she first saw me wasn’t that much different from what any other person would do. And things are better between you and her now, I wouldn’t wish to disrupt this peace you two have established over the last months.” 

Charles huffed, running his fingers through his hair. “That’s such nonsense, Erik!” he blurted out. “People being so small-minded! So narrow-minded, superficial and-- and--  _ mean! _ ” 

“I agree, they can be all those things. But even so, there’s nothing we can do to change these attitudes. And in the meantime I don’t want to cause you any trouble. This is why I don’t think it’d be a good idea if I came with you.” 

“But I want you to come with me, Erik.” Charles insisted, somehow managing to sound softly and yet firmly at the same time. “I don’t care what others think. I know you and I care for you. And I really want you there, by my side. Like always. So. Unless you have other reasons of your own, personal reasons, for not wanting to accompany me, I won’t accept  _ no  _ for an answer.” 

Charles held his breath in anticipation. His heart was hammering in his chest. He  _ wanted  _ Erik to  _ want  _ to be with him. Not because Charles said so but because it was Erik’s wish to do so, despite all the obstacles and difficulties that desire would imply. 

“I want to be with you, Charles.” Erik finally admitted. 

Charles breathed out in relief. He smiled. “In that case, it’s decided. You’re coming with me!” he placed his palm over Erik’s hand and gave it a few gentle strokes. “Thank you, Erik.” 

“It’s what I’m here for, Charles.” Erik replied. 

Charles winsed. “No. No, you’re not. This is not just your duty. This is you being kind to me again. It’s different.” 

Erik’s face looked pained. “Charles…” he said carefully, his voice getting heavier the more he spoke. “I am not human. I wish I could be because it’s obviously something you need and want from me but I  _ cannot  _ be human. No matter how hard I try. I just wasn’t made that way.” 

Charles’ heart sunk as he recognized his mistake. He almost flinched at the realization of what his words sounded like to Erik. The buzzing returned to the back of his head, but this time it felt different -- more hurtful, worried, agitated, upset. It was most confusing. Charles assumed it was some new form of a headache that he was getting.  _ Damn it!  _ Charles had no time for headaches! He had to fix his stupid mistake!

He looked at Erik again and seeing his sad eyes was enough to make him want to punch himself in the face. Comparing Erik to a human so often and constantly pointing out human qualities in his personality was a lot like pushing Erik to be something he was not. At least that was the impression Erik got from it even though Charles never meant it in this way. In his stupidity he made it come out like he  _ wanted  _ Erik to be more like a human, and now Erik was hurt and Charles was the cause of it. Hurting Erik was the last thing Charles ever wanted to do! 

“Erik, no!” he blurted out, afraid that it might be too late to explain, since the damage was already done. “I don’t need you to be human. I don’t need you to change. I love you as you are. You’re perfect! I really didn’t mean it in that way. I’m sorry! I only meant to say that you know me so well and always manage to ease my mind. You’re better than a human and better than an android. You’re  _ you _ . And I don’t want it any other way.” 

He truly meant these words. He wished he could put them more poetically, to express his love for Erik in a gentler and more beautiful way. He felt like an idiot with that silly little speech of his but at least he tried to express himself. Luckily Erik understood him well and apparently Charles’ little declaration wasn’t that bad because Erik melted into a warm smile and embraced him warmly. 

“I love you, Erik.” Charles whispered. 

“And I’m very strongly attached to you too, Charles.” Erik replied quietly. 

It was the closest he would allow himself to get to saying the very human sentiment of an  _ ‘I love you’ _ .

~*~ 

Less than a minute after Raven read Charles’ latest email she was already video-calling him. 

“You’re coming here!?” she gasped. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” 

“Yes, I do believe it is.” Charles replied patiently. 

He seemed rested, smiling and fresh. She didn’t want to think what that sneaky android had done to have this effect on her brother but she suspected it was something disgusting. She tried to steer her thoughts in a different direction -- not that Charles could hear what she was thinking at that distance or via a video-call but still. Better safe than sorry.  

“You’ve spent your entire life in solitude and now suddenly you’re coming to town? I don’t think that’s wise.” she said instead. 

Charles gave her a soft and calm smile. “I’m ready, Raven. Or at least, ready to try and test if I can do it.”

_That’s Erik talking!_ , Raven thought instantly and clenched her fists. Her face remained unchanged. Maybe she was using her mutation just a tiny bit in order to keep it that way… 

“Alright. You know best.” she said. “But if things go wrong, remember I warned you.”

Charles rolled his eyes but his smile didn't fade. “I remember, Raven. How could I forget?” 

They arranged the date when he was coming to town and bid their goodbyes. Raven remained stressed and angry for the remainder of the day. The tension did not leave her during the days to come either. Luckily for her, Hank was really good at listening to her rants. 

“He wants to come here and expose himself to all those minds! Can you believe it!?” she kept pacing around like a caged lion. “He could obliterate hundreds of minds in a second,  _ unknowingly _ , or hurt himself because of all that telepathic action he’s gonna get here after decades of isolation, but he’s still coming! It’s all Erik’s fault, y’know!” she repeated for what seemed like the umpteenth time. “It’s all his doing! That stupid android always sticking his synthetic nose into my brother’s business!” 

“Maybe you’re overreacting a little?” Hank offered gently. “Charles spent these last months training so maybe he’s gotten better at his telepathy.”

Raven gave him a look. “Are you kidding me!?” she exclaimed. “No one could get better at something like that in such a short time. If it were  _ that  _ easy, he would’ve done it  _ ages  _ ago!” 

“But he wants to test his range now, to check how many minds he could work with. It’s an experiment of sorts. He needs to examine that in order to know if his training’s giving results.” he explained. “Charles isn’t coming here to prove you wrong, Raven, he’s coming here to evaluate progress and his abilities at control in a genuine environment.” 

“He has none! He’s gonna get himself hurt.” 

“How can you know if he hasn’t even tried it yet? You’re not giving him a chance.” 

“I’m  _ protecting him _ ! He-- he can’t do it on his own.” she frowned, looking sad. “He says he’s getting better at Control but I don’t believe it.” she said, pacing around the room nervously. Something changed in her as she spoke and her face showed more concern than anger. “He always tries to convince me everything is fine even when shit go to hell. He wants to come here and show off in front of me, that dork, but he’s going to just get himself hurt! Or hurt others which would inevitably cause him even more pain. He won’t be able to live with himself.” she sighed. “He says he’s fine, Hank, but I’m not buying it  _ that  _ easily.”

“Maybe he’s telling the truth. Maybe he really is getting better.” Hank gave it one more chance. “Telepathy is such a unique mutation, especially on that scale, it is possible he has the capacity to control it.”

“Are you taking his side!?” Raven glared.

“It’s not a matter of sides, Raven, trust me. It’s more like… He was born with this powers. His mutation is strong but it wouldn’t be within him if he were too weak to contain it. Nature gives and takes in a way that’s functional, logical. Giving Charles all that power and making it impossible for him to use it safely would be dysfunctional and nature is rarely that.”

“You sound just like that  _ android _ . You sound just like Erik.” she gritted her teeth. 

“Well, maybe he’s not as wrong as you think.” Hank said. “You’re blinded by your hatred for him.” 

“I do hate him, I really do.” Raven said, voice cracking a little. “He turned Charles’ life upside down. Charles listens to him and he’s going to hurt himself because of Erik. I blame Erik for it, I don’t deny it.” 

“Well, that much is obvious…” 

Hank understood that all of Raven’s actions were fueled by protectiveness for Charles and hatred for Erik. He, himself, was not sure she was right about the android but he also couldn’t really change her mind either.  

“I cannot accept Charles having Erik in his life if Erik’s bad for him!” 

“What if he isn’t?” Hank looked at her carefully. “What if having Erik in his life is actually a good thing for Charles? What if Erik’s what Charles needs.” 

“I don’t follow.” she frowned. 

Hank placed a gentle hand on top of Raven’s. “Charles had been very lonely, Raven. Most of his life. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing that he has someone whose company he enjoys for once.” 

 

She sighed, defeated by that logic; then nodded. “Fine. I admit you have a point. I just hope this doesn’t end badly for him.”

“I hope so too.” Hank said softly and he meant it with all his heart. “It’s something he has to figure out for himself, though.” 

“You don’t understand, do you, Hank?” she asked desperately, looking him in the eyes. “When I was 13 Kurt Marko’s son Cain tried to rape me. He was this huge bulk of a guy even though he was around 18 at the time. I was so scared. I should’ve seen it coming. He always looked at me in this disturbing way that I didn’t understand back then but it always made me feel uneasy and uncomfortable, scared even.” 

“What happened wasn’t your fault, Raven. It was never your fault!” Hank said quickly, even though he wasn’t aware of the details of the story. Raven had always been very private about that period of her life. 

Raven nodded. “I know. He was a jerk who deserved what he got. But Charles…” she sighed again, closing her eyes. “Charles was 15 at the time. His control wasn’t very good but he was learning -- then again, his mutation wasn’t that powerful yet. It wasn’t such a big issue for him to contain it then. But that night when Cain attacked me, Charles sensed Cain’s intent and he rushed to help me. He tried to push Cain away from me but that didn’t work. You know Charles, physical strength is not one of his strong suits. Cain almost knocked him out with one hard strike. Charles was flying to the other end of the room, half unconscious, and Cain was back on me, forcing himself on me… I was screaming, terrified of what he was going to do, scared for Charles who was just lying there…” Hank’s hand found hers again to give her a reassuring squeeze. She continued. “And then suddenly Cain’s face twisted in something different than lust. Pain. It was so ugly. Charles had used the only thing he could in order to stop Cain from hurting me. Charles had unleashed his telepathy, full range. He blasted Cain with raw telepathy, a blast so strong that even other people in the area felt it… Luckily, the only one damaged by it was Cain.” She paused for a moment to compose herself from the memory. Hank let her take her time, he waited, didn’t push her. She appreciated that about him. “The FBI wanted to lock Charles away as a danger to himself and others. They didn’t even care that the poor boy was in shock! Or that I was nearly raped! Those things were unimportant. The only thing that mattered was Cain and how he was in a coma ever since.”

“But they didn’t lock Charles away.” Hank interjected.

“Sometimes I’m not sure if it wouldn’t have been better for Charles if they did. He got in Kurt’s hands instead. And Kurt was a cruel sadistic man who wanted to hurt Charles for what Charles did to his son.”

“God…” Hank whispered, realizing the horrors Charles must have been through during those years. Raven never spoke of her childhood at that mansion. She hardly ever mentioned it at all. He knew there was something dark there but he never dared ask what exactly had happened to scar both siblings so deeply. He waited for her to be ready to speak about it. Now she was finally ready and Hank was there for her, a shoulder to cry on yell at, as usual. 

“Kurt,” she continued, a dark shadow passing through her face, “Kurt stopped Charles from exploring his mutation. He conducted horrible experiments on him and got away with it because he was influential and powerful. No one was willing to stop the great Kurt Marko until the day he died. Only then was Charles finally free from that brute. And that’s when he decided to stay in isolation to keep everyone safe. To keep himself safe too.”

“What a sad, sad story…”

“I was sent away for most of the time. I couldn’t do anything to help Charles then. But I’m not a scared little girl anymore! I’m not too weak to help Charles now!”

“I know you are. And he loves you for it, I’m sure. But what happened wasn’t your fault, Raven. And Charles knows it. I know you feel responsible for him now but sometimes helping someone means letting them do what they believe is right for them.” 

Raven made a face. “I know how good he is at making decisions for himself.” she rolled her eyes. 

“He only wants to test his powers and see if his learning is really progressing well in an actual living environment.” 

Raven’s face suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“That’s it!” she said excitedly. 

“What’s it?”

“I just have to prove to him he’s not ready!” 

Hank frowned. “What.” 

“He wants to check if he’s really doing well? Well, I’ll make sure he faces reality quickly!” 

“Raven…” 

Raven was far too gone with her plans. “I’ll invite guests, many guests, prepare a surprise party to introduce my brother to the socialites in town--” 

“You hate the socialites in town.” Hank’s frown deepened. 

“Who cares? The point is Charles would hate it too, he’ll get overwhelmed, get a horrible headache, he’ll see he’s still dangerous and can’t control his powers, he’ll see Erik was wrong and he’ll tell him to fuck off. And then he’s going to go with  _ our  _ plan.” 

“But… if he’s happy as he is…”

“He doesn’t know what he needs to be happy. He’s spent his whole life alone. That was partly my fault…” she saddened, overtaken by memories again. “After Cain I took the easy way out. I had a chance at a boarding school away from that horrid mansion, away from Kurt, and I took it. I ran. I left Charles alone in that horrible place with that terrible man. And he’s still suffering for it.” she looked Hank in the eyes. “Now do you understand why is it so important to me to fix Charles’ life? I wasn’t there for him then. I need to be there for him now.” 

Hank hugged her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I understand why you’re doing this. But is this the way though? To put him through a party with a bunch of strangers without even giving him a warning? To sabotage your brother and possibly endanger everyone?”

“I’m not endangering anyone. I’ll invite a telepath friend of mine and she will be able to contain him in case something goes terribly wrong.” 

“Charles would be so hurt if--” 

“Better now than later when his hopes get too high.” Raven said with determination. “It’s a bitter medicine but it’s going to work. And we care for results. Ends justify means, Hank.” 

Hank was not too sure about that but once Raven made up her mind there was no stopping her.

~*~ 

Erik was loading their luggage into the car. Charles observed him from the window, admiring the swift movements. He was glad Erik decided to come with him to town. Charles wasn’t sure if he could face this whole endeavor alone, Erik’s emotional support proved invaluable. 

His thoughts involuntarily went to Raven and what she’d say had she been able to overhear Charles’ feelings for Erik. Charles knew she’d disapprove but maybe she would change her mind once she saw how much Charles had improved. He no longer dreaded his town visit but there was still this hint of anxiety in his stomach and chest that he couldn’t shake off. It remained with him like a constant companion. He wanted to get it over with. The anticipation was the real difficult part. He was more positive that he could handle the rest. After Erik’s words, Charles did feel more confident in his abilities. Besides it was only Raven and Hank. The other minds would be not in direct contact with him during that first visit. That must make things easier on him. 

He talked to Raven this morning one last time before their departure and she seemed quite excited about him staying with her for a couple of days. 

Erik was almost done with the luggage. Charles knew it was soon time to go but he needed this one moment of peace before the fuss of reality took charge. He retreated to the garden, strolling through the trees and bushes and trying to calm down as time passed. Here, in the serenity of the garden he felt truly happy. The only thing missing was Erik’s warm embrace. He thought of returning back to the mansion with Erik after a successful trip to town. He thought of Erik’s sparkling eyes, happy for Charles, proud of him. He thought of all the wonderful things that lied ahead of Erik and him, once Charles is triumphant in showing Raven that he could indeed learn to control his mutation. 

Suddenly he felt a familiar mind and knew he was not alone. Or at least wouldn’t be alone soon. Logan was looking for him. 

_ “Your guess is correct, I am in the garden.”  _ Charles said into Logan’s mind, sending him telepathic directions towards the part of the garden he was in. 

“Ah, there you are, bub.” the man said when he reached Charles. “I must say, you’re getting better at telepathic communication.” 

“Thanks.” Charles gave a small smile. ‘You too.” He teased. The anxiety in his chest and stomach became a little more prominent at the thought of him trying the same with Raven or Hank. He ignored it. “And thank you for everything you did for me here. It was a great help. I-- I have no words to express my gratitude.” 

“I’m glad I was of help.” Logan replied and suddenly Charles realized something. Something he had overlooked until this very moment, despite all those times he’d been inside Logan’s head. 

“Logan, what exactly are you getting out of this?” Charles asked. “I assumed Erik was paying you. But now I see you’re not doing this for money.” 

Logan gave a little nervous chuckle and shook his head. “No. No, it’s not money.” 

Charles sat down on the nearby bench, motioning to Logan to join him. The other man hesitated but then followed Charles after all. Charles was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to decide what he wanted to share and what he’d rather remain silent. 

“What?” Logan grunted. “You know everything about me. Do you need to ask?” 

“After the first time I got into your head I was more careful, more distant. I never looked for your hopes and plans, not in detail. No more than the necessary. I’ve no idea what your drive is, what you were hoping to get out of this.” 

Logan was quiet for a moment and Charles did not push him to speak. 

“You remember Jean?” the man said, finally ready to talk. 

Charles nodded. “The woman you love. Yes. I’ve seen her in your memories. But she--” 

“She’s very complicated.” Logan nodded in agreement. “And she fears herself. She was afraid of her powers just like you were. It made her drive everyone away from her. Even me. One day she just disappeared without a trace. I haven’t seen her since.” there was sadness in the man’s eyes. He continued to speak. “When I first met him Erik explained to me your situation. He told me what he wanted of me and I couldn’t say no. I had to help you. It felt like-- like I was there for her too in some strange way. And maybe… just maybe, when I find her again after doing this for you, she won’t push me away. She’d know she won’t be dangerous to me. And hopefully I help her too.” 

Charles smiled at Logan, a smile heavy with feelings of friendship, compassion and hope. 

“I can help you track her down.” Charles said. “At least, I think I can. Theoretically I should be able to find a mind if said mind is within my reach.” 

“Theoretically.” Logan chuckled amused. “But she’s another telepath. A powerful one too, if memory serves. She’s probably well-hidden.” 

“But I’m a powerful telepath too. I could explain and--” 

“I appreciate it, Chuck, but I will find her myself. I said I would and I will. I’m coming with you but once we reach town I’m off to look for her again. It may take time but time is all I have.”

“I wish you were staying with us…” Charles confessed. Logan was a friend and it was comforting to have a friend by your side when faced with hardships. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No, I understand.” Charles said quickly, feeling selfish for asking. “You’re a good man, Logan. I just wish I could do something more for you. Help you with your memories, maybe? Ease your mind?” 

“You helped me enough already, Chuck. Unknowingly.” 

Charles did not insist. He wasn’t sure his skills were good enough to ease Logan’s painful memories just yet but one day, when he’s more fluent, he would do this for his friend. Right now he only chuckled as well. “If you say so.” he said. “The offer stands, though. In case you change your mind.” 

“I know. This is not a goodbye.” 

“No. Definitely not a goodbye.” Charles smiled back and the two men shook hands like old friends. 

They went back to the front of the mansion. Erik had already loaded the car and waiting. Charles sucked in a deep breath and glanced back at his house. The place that brought him so many sad and painful memories but also the same place that set him free, a place where he knew love, friendship and self-discovery. It looked just like a building now but Charles knew… Charles  _ knew.  _

“Ready, Charles?” Erik’s voice pulled him out of his reverie. 

Charles smiled at his home and turned towards Erik. 

“Ready.” 


	9. Chapter 9

Even the car ride was an adventure to Charles who had spent most of his adult life locked away in his mansion. His rare trips to town -- the ones he did not manage to dodge no matter how hard he tried -- had always been a pain for him, starting from the moment he got himself in the car. But all of those had always been stained by his fear of losing control, fear of what he might do while among humans. It was different this time. He was not afraid. Nervous, yes; excited, yes; anxious, even, but not afraid. He was ready to test his powers. He was curious to see what else he could do. He was ready to feel like a person of value rather than a problem, or a bother. His own moral code dictated that every living thing was valuable and important. And yet all his life he had excluded himself from that equation, subconsciously considering himself an undesirable trouble. Not anymore. Erik had opened his eyes as well as his mind. To see himself and his life through Erik’s eyes had cured him of his blindness. His mutation was not a burden. _He_ was not a burden. Erik made him feel wanted again.

Charles reached down and laced his fingers with Erik’s. Erik squeezed gently in response. They shared a meaningful glance and enjoyed the trip.

Getting in that car, traveling with Erik and Logan by his side, feeling more and more minds enwrapping around him the closer he got to civilization, all of this was like the beginning of a new chapter in Charles’ life. A life he would gladly share with Erik.

~*~

They stopped for a break at one point. Logan needed a refreshment, Erik had to do a quick recharge and Charles… Charles only wanted to look around. The nature around them was beautiful. There was a small village in the distance, the minds in it humming in the periphery of Charles’ telepathy like bees. It was a pleasant feeling with the fresh air and the promise of a happy reunion.

“I’ll go stretch my legs. I won’t be long.” Charles told Erik before he dozed off for his recharge.

Charles walked towards the village, observing it from afar, still not daring to get too close. He sat on a stump, running his fingers through his already mussed hair, messing it even more. He looked ahead of himself. The peace and serenity of nature was something truly magical. He breathed in the fresh countryside air, letting it fill his lungs.

Just when he was about to head back to the car he felt another mind with him. An unfamiliar mind. He got up to his feet and looked around but saw no one. He frowned confused. He was certain the mind was close enough for Charles to be able to see the person but… _they were hiding_. Charles chuckled as he saw it clearly in their mind. They were observing him from a safe distance, well hidden.

“You can come out now. I promise I won’t hurt you.” he smiled.

Hesitation.

“It’s okay if you prefer to hide. I understand.” Charles said, sitting back down on the strump.

_“How did he know I was here…? Nobody’s ever...”_

Charles chuckled to himself.

 _“I can hear your thoughts. I am a mutant, like you.”_ he sent to the other’s mind.

Surprise. Fear. More hesitation. Then the other mind started to slowly relax.

_“You’re a mutant? A telepath?”_

_“Indeed I am. Not a very good one but…”_

_“I’m a teleporter.”_

_“That’s lovely.”_ Charles smiled, hoping the boy -- for he could tell the mind belonged to a young boy -- would see it and be reassured by it. _“And why are you hiding?”_

More hesitation.

 _“I should not be seen.”_ He replied. Even his mental voice sounded nervous and shaky.

Charles frowned. _“And why is that?”_ he pressed.

 _“If you’re a telepath, you know why.”_ the boy replied.

Charles took in a deep breath. He had only allowed himself to brush against the other mind, speak into it but not look for other details.

 _“I did not dig for information. I’m only passing by.”_ he tried to explain.

_“So you don’t know… That explains why you’re still nice to me.”_

Charles’ heart sunk.

 _“Why do you expect me not to be nice to you?”_ He asked, a feeling of terrible dread overtaking him suddenly.

 _“Because of the way I look.”_ the thought was out there before the boy could even form it consciously inside his mind.

Charles knew some mutants were discriminated for their appearance but surely it wasn’t _that_ bad, surely people wouldn’t discriminate against _a child!_ He was wrong. They would. And the boy’s mind could tell so many dreadful stories about it. Charles felt anger inside himself, anger at the stupidity and the small-mindedness of society.

 _“Show yourself.”_ he sent mentally to the boy. “ _Please.”_

There was no movement at all to follow his request. In fact, if it weren’t for the mind whose presence Charles could still feel, Charles would’ve thought the young teleporter had disappeared. He cursed himself internally -- he was probably screaming _stranger danger_ from a mile. The poor kid must be scared to death.

Just when he was about to speak again, to try and fix his mistake Charles heard movement from the nearby bushes, he turned around and saw a boy -- a blue boy -- showing up from behind the bushes. Apart from his blue skin the young boy -- no older than 12 -- also had three big fingers on his hands, a tail and two big fingers on his legs. His shoulders were hunched, his eyes cast down as if waiting for a blow or to be called a freak -- a word he was apparently very much accustomed to by now. He was scared, there was no doubt about that, scared much like Charles had always been scared as a child and a teen. And yet here the boy was, out in the open. He was braver than Charles. For some reason that thought felt reassuring to Charles. _Hope, always hope._

Charles didn’t want to startle the boy even more so he did not take a step towards him for a long moment, giving them both time to adjust to being around one another. The distance remained as Charles took in the view, felt the sorrow, knew the pain and struggles that this young mind had gone through. That same anger was rising inside his chest once again -- NOT FAIR, it screamed, NOT FAIR! -- so he had to slowly breathe in and out again to calm himself down. This child did not need more anger in his life, he needed care, understanding, affection. He needed to know there was kindness in this world too.

Finally, when he felt the child relaxing and the anxiety easing out of his body, Charles spoke.

“Hello.” he said and after digging a bit to find the name attached to that mind, he added, “Kurt.”

The boy’s name was _Kurt._ Irony was everywhere. Another Kurt but this time, nothing like the Kurt Charles knew and feared once.

“H-hello.” the boy responded a bit sheepishly.

“It’s lovely to meet you.” Charles added, careful not to make any sudden movements. From what Charles got from the boy’s mind, he had had bad experiences with people because of the colour of his skin. Charles didn’t want to alarm him. He wanted to show kindness. “You know, my sister has blue skin. Well, scales, really. She’s a shapeshifter. I’m on my way to meet her, actually. She lives in town.”

The boy’s mind seemed to ease just a little bit. Charles smiled again. But the fear he felt from the boy’s mind earlier plagued him and he had to ask and make sure,

“Are you safe here, Kurt? Do you have anyone to look after you?”

Kurt became nervous again and Charles quickly realized this was not a good question. He looked into the boy’s mind. He was an orphan, his latest foster family had treated him poorly due to-- again -- the colour of his skin. Charles felt sick. People seemed to pay too much attention to who’s a mutant and who’s different. Prejudice and hatred, caused by fear and small-mindedness. Of course, that was no news to Charles, he knew what the world was like better than anyone. And yet it still stung to once again meet face in face with the worst of society’s traits and witness their consequences. He wanted to do something about this. He wanted to make it better. _Small steps,_ Charles thought, _even the smallest kindness is already like a golden speck of light in a pitch dark cave._

“Kurt, I’m headed to town. My friends and I. Come with us?” Charles heard himself say. “We’ll take you to the authorities, explain how things are and they’ll take you away from the people who are hurting you. You’ll be safe. You could find a family, a _real_ family that deserves you.”

There was a bitter mistrust in the boy’s eyes -- one needn’t be psychic to detect it. It was really sad to have a child at you in such a way. It was a reminder that Kurt knew too many of the world’s sorrows already, too many for such a young mind.

“You could stay here if you prefer, of course.” Charles added. “But isn’t it worth it to strive for a better life? Better treatment? You won’t even be bound to us in any way. With your mutation you can always teleport back if you feel threatened.”

“It’s not you I distrust. I can sense you’re a good man who had suffered himself.”

“Oh…” Charles swallowed, feeling like an open book. “Who then? Who do you distrust?”

“The authorities.” the boy said. “They placed me in the hands of this family in the first place. And the one before that. They don’t care where we go as long as we make good statistic for their reports. There’s no such thing as _real family_. Not for me, anyway. Who would ever want someone like me?”

There was no anger in these words, no bitterness, no sorrow. It was a statement, something the boy had accepted as a clear and obvious fact. Something inevitable, rational, _normal._ Charles refused to accept it. It was not _normal_ for a child to feel so unwanted! Charles wanted to rebel. Now more than ever he felt compelled to offer his help when he could.

“I’m a wealthy man, Kurt. I come from a respectable old family name. The authorities _ought_ to listen to _me_. I can help you if you let me.”

The young boy considered it. Charles gave him whatever time he needed. It was perfectly understandable if Kurt refused to go with Charles who was practically a perfect stranger to him. So it made it even more disturbing when Kurt actually accepted Charles’ offer. The life the boy had with this family must’ve been so bad that Kurt was ready to try his chances with a stranger than stay with them.

When Charles returned to the car with a blue kid by his side, explaining the situation, Logan rolled his eyes with a chuckle, making a short good-natured remark on Charles picking up strays, and Erik’s mouth quirked up but he gave no comment, no objections.

After the short introduction, the four of them got in the car and drove off. As they continued their way Charles smiled to himself. Only now did he realize that he had used his telepathy on a strange mind without hurting anyone. It gave him an odd, new and pleasant feeling of completion. Things were clearing up. Charles was getting better. _Life_ was getting better. And Charles was ready.

~*~

The car reached Raven’s town home at exactly 4:21 pm. The youngster -- Kurt -- looked out the window like a puppy. Then he covered up a yawn -- apparently travel without teleportation was more exhausting to him.

“You can eat something and rest once we get inside.” Charles reassured the boy with a smile.

“Thank you.” Kurt replied politely.

He was a quiet child, he did not speak much which Erik respected. His gaze moved to Charles. Charles glanced out the window. Erik noted that his mood appeared elevated and upbeat. He was smiling and his eyes were bright; he did not seem afraid or distressed. He seemed calm. That was a good sign.

Logan parked the car in front of Raven’s house and glanced around. “Nice home.” He said.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a while? A day or two, at least?” Charles offered. “You could meet my sister.”

By the look on Logan’s face, this was not the first invitation Charles had extended to him.

“Thanks, bub, but not this time. I don’t do well with crowds.”

Charles chuckled. “It’s hardly a crowd! My sister, Hank, Kurt, Erik and me.”

“I know but to me more than one person is already a crowd.” Logan joked. It wasn’t far from the truth.

“A lone wolf.” Erik said, not without a dose of respect and admiration.

“That’s me.” Logan grinned.

Erik did not have a very high opinion of humans in general -- very few of the ones he had met in his existence were worth his time, -- but Logan surprised him. Logan was the exception. Erik liked Logan. Not as much as he loved Charles, of course, but still. It was a very different sort of like and respect.

They shook hands, Logan grabbed his one bag, gave a nod to Charles and the kid, and left.

“He’s a good man, despite all the suffering he’s been through. That means a lot.” Charles told Erik and Kurt.

“I agree.” Erik responded. “He’s a survivor.”

They glanced at the closed door of Raven’s home. Charles sucked in a deep breath.

“Let’s see if I’m a survivor too.” he said, glancing ahead of them.

“You’ll be fine, Charles. I know you can do it.” Erik said, voice low in Charles’ ear.

The boy probably had no idea what all this meant to Charles, or what a huge step that was for the telepath. But Erik knew. Erik knew Charles was a very brave man but he also knew Charles was probably very nervous. He wanted to reassure Charles, to give him his full support. In Erik’s experience physical contact always did the trick. He gave Charles a nice long hug that made them both feel better and then they were all ready to face Raven.

“I think I can already distinguish her mind.” Charles said with a little smile as they rang the doorbell. “There are so many minds in this town though!” he chuckled.

“It’s wonderful that you can already feel hers. It shows how much more in control you are.” Erik responded. It really was wonderful. Charles’ progress felt almost as rewarding to Erik as their sex. And that meant a lot because sex with Charles was very rewarding.

“My sister Raven is a shape-shifter. She’s really fun, also a bit peculiar and stubborn but she always means well.” Charles reassured, giving Kurt the gist of what was to be expected. The boy nodded with a little insecure smile. Charles hoped Raven would be able to put Kurt at ease until the authorities found a better place for him to stay.

The door opened and they were greeted by a highly cheerful Raven and a very nervous Hank. Neither noticed Kurt instantly so the kid just stood there like a silent observant as Raven let out an excited squeak and pulled her brother into a tight hug. The greeting Erik received from her was considerably more reserved but that was perfectly understandable, considering she hated his guts. Erik did not take it as an insult anymore. They were going for the cold but polite approach, apparently and Erik had no problem with that. Although deep down he still hoped Raven would one day accept him as a part of Charles’ life. For Charles’ sake as well as his own.

Her gaze finally fell to the 12 year-old and she arched both her eyebrows at Charles in a silent question. “Is this yours, Charles?” she teased.

Charles chuckled and explained the situation to her while Hank showed Erik and the boy in.

For about a minute or so Erik remained with Hank and Kurt, contemplating the meaning of irony. _Hank_ . It seemed silly to Erik now that there was a time when he despised Hank with passion. Hank was not a bad guy, not even a little bit. He was shy and kind and awkward. Why did Erik hate him so much before? He seemed to be perfectly fine with Hank’s existence _now_. The two shook hands amiably and Erik was pleased to find that his old hatred for Hank was already out of his system, gone without a trace; there was no sign of it left. It was good to be free of that unpleasant feeling.

“I’m sorry. Raven’s been a bit preoccupied and she…” Hank began hesitantly.

Erik wasn’t sure he followed what Hank wanted to say exactly but before he could ask about it their clumsy conversation was interrupted by Raven’s louder voice as she and Charles entered the hallway as well.

“Of course Kurt can stay here until things are settled down. No trouble at all!” She reassured, giving the child a warm smile. Then she too transformed into her natural blue form as if to encourage the youngster. It seemed to be working because as soon as Kurt saw her blue scales his face lit up with joy Charles hadn’t seen in him before. “Blue is a beautiful colour, isn’t it?” Raven grinned at him and ruffled his hair. “What a nice boy.”

“He is.” Charles confirmed.

Raven then turned to her brother again with a little smirk on her face. “Come on now. In the living room!” she pulled Charles by the elbow, Hank, Kurt and Erik following closely. All the while she kept talking, as if it were impossible for her to stay quiet. “I’ve been waiting for you! How are you feeling? Any headaches since you’ve arrived in town? There are so many minds in your range now.”

All that babbling, Erik would’ve assumed she was nervous if he didn't know better.

“It’s the town. Naturally it has many minds.” Charles chuckled, good-naturedly. “But I want to see how I respond among them.”

“You really think you can handle it?” She asked.

“I believe so, yes.” he replied, butterflies tingling in his stomach as the anticipation overtook him once again. “Anyway, we’re here to check.”

“Of course. Good.” she nodded, and Erik detected a small hesitation in her voice before she returned to her previous enthusiasm. “Very good! Because I brought you a surprise!”

Charles frowned a little uncertain but still smiling. “Okay… A good surprise, I hope.”

“It’s right here.” she announced, opening the door to the living room with a theatrical gesture. “Ta-da!”

Charles gaped. He was definitely _not ready_ for _that_.

“Raven… what did you do?” he whispered.

“A party! For you!” she grinned, pleased with herself.

Charles gawped at what unfolded before him. The place was crawling with people. Raven’s living room was spacious enough for 30 and more, and on top of that she had opened the double door to the study as well to accommodate even more guests. Charles was very confused. Raven _knew_ when he was coming over, right? Why didn’t she tell him if she was busy entertaining? He could’ve arrived later, some other day when her house wasn’t so terribly crowded.

Charles was suddenly drenched in telepathic waves. All the minds concentrating on him, thinking his name, claiming his attention all at once, loud and demanding, judging every tiny detail they noticed about him as they gawked at him with curiosity as if he were a caged animal at an exhibition. It was too much and too unexpected. He was definitely not ready for _this_.

As panic raised inside his chest he felt Erik’s long fingers curling around his hand, giving him a gentle reassuring squeeze. It helped ground him and he returned back to the moment. He hadn’t realized he was projecting all this tension, the surprise too big for him to register it at first. He tried to regain control and calm himself down. He concentrated on the feeling of Erik, leaning into that touch, both emotionally and physically.

It was time to be rational now.

He had felt Raven’s mind from the moment she stood in his telepathic range.

He had recognized Raven’s mind from the moment they reacher Raven’s street.

He sensed Raven’s excitement and enthusiasm, her impatience for him to arrive.

But he had no idea, could never even suspect, what her true motives for this excitement were.

She had tricked him. Tricked him to arrive in a storm of minds, unprepared for it, feeling weak and scared. She had deliberately put him in a position similar to what he felt when he had no control. And she’d done that knowing full well what it could cause him and the others.

He had assumed she was only happy to see him again and that thought made him happy too. But now… Now he could see she had a hidden agenda of her own and that was-- it was hurtful.

It was about time he had a serious conversation with his sister -- in fact that talk was a bit overdue -- so he was not going to postpone it any longer. His determination showed in his eyes as he slipped into Raven’s head. Brushing her surface thoughts was enough to give him the whole picture. She was thinking about it loud enough to make any further digging redundant. What he saw made him wince. She really had done it deliberately.  

 _“Why are there so many people in here, Raven?”_ he sent to her mind telepathically. He knew the answer. He needed to hear her say it though. He wanted her confession.

Raven’s eyes went wide, her smile freezing on her face. He had to repeat.

_“Why all the people, Raven? You were expecting me, didn’t you?”_

His eyes settled on her, piercing her. She was suddenly pinned there at his side, unable to say a word. Her mind was a jumble of _how is he doing this, how is it possible, how did he learn to do that,_ and such.

 _“Speak with me, Raven. Do not ignore me!”_ Charles demanded. By the looks of it Erik had realized the gist of what was happening between the two siblings and had decided to let Charles deal with it. Good! Charles needed no help in this! No matter what Raven thought Charles _was capable_ of doing things for himself. Erik knew that so he stayed out of it.

Kurt and Hank were a different matter. Kurt was confused what was going on so Hank quickly offered him to come to the kitchen for some sweets and sandwiches and that seemed to work for now.

Charles’ gaze was unwavering, settled on Raven for what seemed like an eternity.

“Ch-charles, I--” _God! Can he hear me like this?_

 _“Yes.”_ Charles replied, still talking in her head. _“Yes, I can hear you. I can do a great deal more too.”_

Raven gasped.

The guests were staring at them in confusion, the silence prolonging for too long. _Not here_ , Charles thought. In Raven’s mind he said,

_“You did not believe in me but here I am nevertheless. I came to show you what I’ve learned. I came to ease your mind from fears for me. I came, finally, to show off to you, to impress you, to make you happy. Now explain why did you fill the place with people? Why did you stuff your home with all these minds in an attempt to make things more difficult for me? Did you hope for me to fail?”_

“Charles, I-- I didn’t--”

He continued speaking in her mind, instinctively shielding himself from the other minds and their burning attention on him. He was so upset with Raven and her plan to put him in such a position that he did not even notice when he had shielded himself from the others and how well he was doing it.

_“Don’t lie. Whatever you say, I already know the truth. I am upset, Raven. I’m not angry with you, I’m only disappointed.”_

_That’s even worse_ , she thought. Erik remained a silent observer by Charles’ side, holding his hand and being his quiet but sound anchor.

“C-can we talk in private, please?” She muttered.

 _“No.”_ said Charles firmly. _“I will first show you what I can do. And then we can talk in private.”_

That thought said, Charles walked into the living room with his head held high. His hand found Erik’s and he pulled the android to join him. They were introduced to the guests as Raven’s brother, the reputable scientist Charles Xavier and his personal synthetic companion Erik. Charles and Erik greeted the guests politely and spent the rest of the evening mingling with the guests, answering questions -- people had a lot of those! -- and generally pretending to have a good time.

It was no fun for Charles. Far from it, really. Used to spending all his time alone, a recluse by habit, he still felt uneasy about being surrounded by nosy gossiping strangers. But at least he was covering it up pretty well and no one but Erik could tell his discomfort. He still hung in there, socializing with nearly everyone he saw, being polite and charming. No one got hurt and Charles didn’t even get a headache from the effort to keep himself properly shielded. He expected to get a small headache later from the effort but for now he was fine. In fact, the strain wasn’t half as strong as what he had to use on Logan. Turned out their friend’s mind really was a challenge. Once Charles was able to master dealing with _that mind_ he apparently could deal with anything.

The only actual damage the exercise, aka the party, did to Charles was to make him really tired. So the evening could mostly be counted as a success!

It was a big day for Charles. He could officially control his telepathy, he no longer felt dangerous. Isolation would only be a choice for him from now on, not a necessity. He could return to the mansion or move to town and it would be his own decision, not something circumstances had forced him to do. He had his own freedom back. He had the control not only over his mutation but also over his life. It was reassuring. He felt a swell of gratitude towards Erik for making all this possible. After all, if it weren’t for Erik’s efforts Charles would probably still be extremely miserable right now.

About two hours into the evening Raven sneaked in close to Charles and whispered in his ear. “Point made. Now can we please talk in private?”

Charles made a small pause as if considering the suggestion and then nodded.  

~*~

Erik observed as Charles and Raven retreated to the upper floor. He thought that was a good sign. The two siblings needed to talk and sort things out. It did not escape Erik’s attention what Raven was after this evening. She wanted Charles to fail and go back to the mansion, return to his lonely and isolated but _safe_ life. Or accept her idea and get rid of his mutation altogether. Erik did not think Charles would be happy without his telepathy, no matter how often he complained of it. Charles was too much an honest and idealistic man to feel right by conforming to society’s norms. He had always been individualistic -- what he needed was to break free, not to do as others did. It was so strange that Raven could not understand that about Charles. She knew him longer than Erik did and yet Erik seemed to have a better grasp of Charles’ feelings and inner world than her. He never doubted Raven’s good intentions. She loved Charles, Erik knew that well, and she wanted what’s best for her brother. But she believed the best for Charles was the safety of his isolation from the rest of the world. Erik, on the other hand, was certain Charles would be much safer if he were strong enough to _face_ the rest of the world. And this is where the two strong opinions of Raven and Erik clashed.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. Hank.

“Hank.” he said, amiably but still a bit reserved. He did not know the protocol here. They parted on good terms but how were they supposed to address one another after Erik treated Hank with such hostility all those months ago?

“Erik.” Hank replied, smiling a bit warmer than Erik would expect. “How do you find the party?”

“It appears as if people are enjoying it.” Erik replied carefully. He was dodging the question a bit but he did not want to be impolite and tell Hank he did not understand the fun of it.

Hank chuckled like a man who was onto him. “It would appear so.” He said and added conversationally. “I myself am not a fan of gatherings like this one.”

“No?”

“Not at all.” Hank shook his head. “I prefer a few close friends instead of a big room full of strangers.”

Erik smiled. “I can understand that inclination.” he said honestly.

Hank smiled. “I put Kurt to bed in one of the guest rooms.” he told Erik. “The poor thing was really tired.”

Erik nodded. “That’s kind of you. Charles really wants to help this child. He’s been through a lot.”

Hank nodded as well. “I can imagine. It wasn’t long ago when I felt the same way he does.” he sipped from his glass, seemingly lost in thought. Maybe memories of his mutation.

Silence felt heavily between them. Erik looked around, knowing the conversation was awkward but unable to come up with a strategy for an exit plan. He felt a strong need to do _something_ but he could not yet realize what that something was.

“Do you drink?” Hank offered him a glass.

Erik shrugged. “I could. But I do not feel the need for it.”

Hank nodded. “I see. Well, the choice is yours, I suppose.” he said casually, taking a gulp of his own glass of wine.

Erik blinked at him, startled for a moment. A warm wave of something pleasant and yet new and unknown spread throughout his system. “Yes.” he confirmed. “The choice is mine.”

It was a good feeling to say that; even if he wasn’t 100% sure it were true. Charles had always given Erik choice -- about everything, complete freedom -- but no one other than Charles had ever acknowledged that Erik had a choice. An android did not generally have a choice. It was all programming and/or orders. Having someone else say Erik had a choice in anything was a novelty -- one that Erik liked.

He did not allow himself to get carried away in illusions of equality and real person status. Here, at this party, surrounded by mediocre minds, Erik could only smile politely and wait for it to be over so that Charles and he could go home already.

Once again Hank pulled him out of his musings.

“You did an impressive work with Charles.” the scientist said. “What he achieved these last months is inspiring. Also so curious and remarkable psychologically as well as physiologically.”

“It was Charles’ doing, really. He worked very hard on improving his control.” Erik replied. “I was only supervising.”

“As far as I understood you also came up with the method and the lessons and the practice, and…”

“Well…”

Was Erik suddenly feeling humble and shy?

“The point is, I admire you for doing this for him. Charles is a good man and he deserves to feel comfortable in his own skin.”

Erik observed Hank carefully, for the first time he really looked at him. The man’s eyes carried a certain dose of sadness in them that was not easy to detect but once spotted it could not go unseen. He took another gulp of his drink as if trying to drown his melancholy. And in that moment Erik knew exactly what was it that he needed to do and couldn’t name earlier.

“I’m sorry.” he said. “For the way I acted before, for the way I treated you in the mansion. For everything. It was uncalled for and I was very wrong. And I’m sorry about your-- your mutation.”

Hank looked up at Erik, surprised. He chuckled. “I did not expect you to apologize for that. But I appreciate it and your apology is accepted.”

“Thank you.” Erik nodded.

A wave of relief overtook his system. The pressure he felt earlier whenever he was around Hank was gone. It was replaced by something akin to comfort. He smiled at Hank and Hank smiled back.

The loudness of the room was getting too annoying but Erik knew he had to stand it a bit longer. He dulled down his hearing receptors, isolating every sound he did not care to hear and only concentrating on what Hank was saying.

“I was not as brave as Charles.” the scientist continued with that faraway look on his face. “I didn’t want to be different. A freak. I couldn’t take it. So I-- I removed it.”

“Do you regret it? Getting rid of your mutation, do you regret it?”

Erik realized this was a sensitive topic to bring up but he hoped talking about it might ease a bit of Hank’s pain. He could see that pain in the man’s eyes whenever he looked at Kurt.

Hank sucked in a deep breath, considering. “I guess a part of me does miss it.” he confessed, glancing at Erik. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d do it in a heartbeat again, no hesitation. My mutation was not as intriguing as Charles’. It was a pretty dull one, really. _But deep down I do miss the idea of a world where I could be free to be myself and not be considered a freak for it._ ” He paused and then chuckled awkwardly, bringing the glass back to his lips. “I must make zero sense to you.”

Erik shook his head, expression serious and tentative. “Believe me, Hank, I understand that better than you think.” he said.

~*~

Raven closed her bedroom door behind them. They would be undisturbed here. When she turned around to face her brother Charles’ gaze was as intense as before.

“Damn it, Charles!” She gasped. “You’re freaking me out! Will you stop that?”

“Stop what, Raven?”

“You know what.”

“Because apparently there are a lot of things about me that you’d rather see stop.” Charles bit out.

“That glare…” she muttered.

“How would you rather I look at you then? After what you tried to do to me here today.”

She swallowed. “Charles, I-- I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Oh, I know quite well what you were thinking, Raven.” he interrupted, blue eyes just as piercing and hard as before. “You wanted to prove me and Erik wrong! You wanted me to _fail_ , Raven!”

“I wanted to open your eyes and spare you from inevitable pain!” Raven insisted.

“By risking so many people’s health? By risking my own health? Raven, have you any idea what you almost did today?”

“A friend of mine, a telepath, is attending the party and she was to prevent any--”

“I don’t care about your stupid telepath friend! Can’t you understand!?” he tried to steady himself, to calm down but it wasn’t easy. Years of pent up anger were struggling to find their way out, sick of being suppressed. He sucked in a deep breath. _“_ I knew you were against me trying to deal with my problem but I never expected you’d root for me _to fail_ and even _sabotage_ me!”

“I wasn’t rooting for you to fail, Charles, I just didn’t believe you could do it!” she blurted out.  

The statement was so honest, so raw, that for a moment both siblings were unable to respond. Charles’ breath sounded too loud in the quiet room. Even his own heartbeat seemed too loud to him. Noises from the guests downstairs were seeping through the door, distant as if coming from another world. They were easy to ignore.

“You didn’t believe in me?” he finally asked, voice small and uncertain; broken.

Raven’s face twisted in hurt but she shook her head, deciding to go with the honest reply. “No, Charles. I’m sorry but I didn’t.”

“But I told you about my progress, I _told you_ I was doing _fine_ ! Did you think I was _lying_!?”

She sighed. “No. No, I didn’t think you were lying. I thought--”

Hesitation. Charles could feel it in her mind and for a moment he wished it would stop. For a moment he wished to be ignorant as to how little faith she had in him and his progress. Yet, he had to know.

“Go on?” he urged her. “Or would you rather I find the information by myself?” he said, raising his fingers to his right temple.

“I think it’s something I should tell you to your face, don’t you think?” she said, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

She had a point. Charles, too, would rather they talk about it out loud instead of digging for it in her mind. Ignoring their differences was no good; they needed to _accept_ them and _respect_ them.

He lowered his hand from his temple and sat down on the edge of her bed, next to her but not too close. He needed to calm down, he was too worked up about it already. He had to be careful with his own emotions and with projection.

“You’re right.” he said, staring down at his hands. “I’m listening.”

Raven took a moment to compose herself as well. He gave her that; he knew this was difficult for her too.

“Before we start this, I want to tell you that I love you very much, Charles.” she said, eyes round and earnest.

He blinked away the tears that were gathering in his eyes. “I know. I love you too, Raven.”

She sucked in another breath and then began.

“I didn’t think you were lying, Charles. But I didn’t believe in you either. And that on its own is a betrayal, I know. But I thought the progress you were making was on such a small scale that it would hardly make a difference in real life environment. I thought you were too confused and wrong to believe you could do it, your judgement clouded by Erik, as well as by your own wishes. I thought once you were faced with reality all your learning and practicing would fail you. And you’d be heartbroken again, crashed. I didn’t want to see you like that.” she swallowed her tears back. Her voice was wavering slightly but she took a hold of it. “I was so sure that you could never learn total control over your powers that I actually wanted to make it more difficult for you just so you’d give it up before it hurt you and became too painful for you. I know it makes little sense but I really only wanted what’s best for you. I-- I made a mistake. And I’m so sorry, Charles. I’m so sorry! I thought if I hurt you now, I’d spare you a greater pain and give you a chance of happiness. Normal happiness, like everyone else’s. And I was so wrong.” She suppressed another sob. Then cleared her throat and continued. “I made a mistake, Charles. I was about to make you give up your mutation! I cannot even imagine how I would’ve felt had you wanted to do the same to me. I probably would’ve hated it. I’m sorry, Charles! I really am! I thought I was helping you...”

“You weren’t. You were making things more difficult for me.” Charles said quietly.

“I understand that now. And I’m really sorry.” She hesitated a moment before her hand reached out for his. “I only wanted you to be happy, believe me.” she let out a small bitter chuckle and quietly added, “Turns out Erik knew more about how to make you happy than me.”

Charles did not look away all the while she was talking. When she looked at him again their eyes met and he knew she spoke from her heart. She was being completely honest with him, he could tell even without his telepathy. He could feel her regret and her sincerity. Also her love for him. She truly wanted the best for him. She made a mistake but there was no malevolent intent behind it. _Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever._ Erik’s words sounded in Charles’ head. There was never a question of whether Charles would forgive Raven or not. Of course he would forgive her. He couldn't help himself.

He placed his own hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I think we both understand one another better now.” he said and gave her a little smile to which she responded with a sheepish smile of her own.

“I’m really sorry for what I put you through, Charles. Not just now but all these years. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you, Raven. You’re my sister and I love you. I can’t be sure if I wouldn’t have been the same pain in the neck to you had our places been switched.”

She chuckled, wiping away her tears. “I doubt you’d been an old fart like me.”

“Don’t be too sure.” He chuckled as well, sitting closer to her now.

“I’m glad you forgive me.” she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I do. But I’m not the only one you owe an apology to.” he added quietly.

Raven swallowed. “Erik.” she supplied with a nod.

“Erik.” Charles confirmed.

Raven sighed. “I was wrong about him. He’s loyal. And he cares about you. In his own way. I suppose.” she paused and then added. “I’m still not sure about that completely, your relationship with him, the way you claim he really cares about you like a human would. I’m not sure I understand it. But I know I should let you deal with that your way.”

“Thank you.” Was all Charles could say about this.

Raven hesitated some more.

“You can speak freely in front of me, Raven.” Charles said encouragingly. “Keeping things from one another, not saying things, never led to anything good between us.”

“Well, that shouldn’t be a problem anymore. You can just read my mind now.” she teased.

“I would never dig inside your mind without your permission.” Charles promised.

“That’s sweet, Charles. But I should not restrict you any longer. I’ve done enough of that over the years.”

“Let’s put this behind us. I’m willing to have a new beginning.”

Raven looked up at him and smiled.

“A new beginning it is then.” she grinned. “And who knows? _Maybe now that you can actually live among humans you won’t need Erik that much any longer._ ”

Charles’ smile wavered a little but he then realized she was only teasing. He joined in her laughter, a little stiff and forced but a laughter nevertheless. And they stayed up in Raven’s bedroom for another hour, Charles telling her about his practice and how far he’s gotten with his control. Raven in return telling him about her life with Hank.

At one point Charles had to ask. “Do you believe in me now?”

“Hmm?”

“After everything you saw and everything I told you. Do you believe in me? I know you regret the way you behaved but that doesn’t instantly mean you suddenly found faith in me and my progress.”

“Oh.”

“So, did you? Do you believe in me now?”

He couldn’t hide how important this was to him. He was sure she sensed it but then again, he had no reasons to keep it a secret from her. Her opinion mattered and there was nothing wrong with her knowing that.

She took a moment to form her own sentence then spoke, “I believe you would give your best. And sometimes that’s enough.” she said honestly. “After all, I didn’t believe you’d get this far and look at you now.”

“True.” he chuckled.

Eventually they decided to return to the guests where Raven was going to politely throw them out. Charles chuckled at the phrasing but by no means objected to the idea. He longed for some peace and quiet with only those closest to him nearby. As he descended the stairs he averted the guests attention from himself in order to look for Erik in peace. One quick mental scan and he could tell Kurt was upstairs, sleeping, Hank was hiding in the library and Raven was attacking the crowd, explaining to them the party’s over. He could even feel the familiar buzz of Logan’s mind on the road in the back of his mind. His heart clenched a bit at the realization that he could not keep the same mental tabs on Erik. Close as they were, Charles could not establish an actual mental link between the two, no matter how strongly he wished for it.

He shook these thoughts off and concentrated on looking for Erik the old-fashioned way. He searched for Erik eagerly. All he wanted now was to take Erik to his room and make love to him until he’s too exhausted to move and could only collapse in Erik’s warm arms, feeling safe and happy. It was a tough day for both of them. Charles’ poor dear friend was probably suffocating surrounded by all these curious people with no sense for proportion. God knows what stupid and awkward questions they were asking him. It came as a surprise to Charles to find Erik in a secluded part of the study with only one other person leaning close to him. Erik seemed very deep in conversation, smiling brighter than Charles had ever seen him in front of a stranger and, by the looks of it, he was enjoying his company quite a lot.

A pang of anxiety washed over Charles again. He had a bad feeling about this.


	10. Chapter 10

Charles searched for Erik eagerly. All he wanted now was to take Erik to his room and make love to him until he’s too exhausted to move and could only collapse in Erik’s warm arms, feeling safe and happy. But that was not meant to be tonight. Today was apparently a day of surprises and unfortunately the evening and night seemed to both follow that pattern.

When Charles got downstairs he made a quick mental scan of the rooms. He could not find Erik like that, of course, but he could detect a thought concerning androids or find someone who was talking to Erik and thus locate Erik himself. But the only peculiar thing he could find was a gap. A body with a mind he could not read. He assumed that was the other telepath but her shield felt differently, like a barrier. The one he sensed now was like a steel blade, keeping him out. It was new. 

Charles got curious and went in the direction of that strange gap. As he got closer he felt a hushed buzzing vibration to the back of his head. It was a familiar buzzing and yet louder this time. He was probably getting another headache. It was an exhausting day. 

The gap came from a corner of the study so that’s where Charles walked straight to, making his way through the crowd of people. For a moment a strange thought crossed his mind. What if that gap of a mind was in fact a machine? Maybe what Charles had detected was in fact a new model android? Maybe Erik had found a sibling, so to speak, another android like himself! The thought was strange but comforting at the same time. All Erik knew was Charles and whoever Charles brought into their lives. He was not fond of chatting online with other people, although Charles assumed Erik could do that effortlessly without even needing a computer or a phone. He did not go out much without Charles and Charles hardly ever went out. The only person Erik met aside from Charles’ acquaintances was Logan and that again was in order to take care of Charles. It felt a bit selfish for keep Erik all to himself like that. Therefore, Erik communicating with another android, finding someone close to him, was a good thing. But why then did Charles have this strange uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach? 

He approached, curious and a little nervous of the unknown. He was positive the gap, the mind that stubbornly remained completely hidden from Charles’ telepathy, had something to do with Erik. And he was right. Erik was there, alright, talking to someone but that someone hardly looked like an android. In fact, Charles was 98% sure Erik’s interlocutor was no android at all. It was a strange tall-ish man, wearing a weird helmet on his head. 

Charles frowned, puzzled. Erik seemed very deep in conversation, smiling brighter than Charles had ever seen him in front of a stranger. Charles froze in the doorway of the study, not sure if he should interrupt, feeling guilty for even attempting to call Erik to himself and pull him out of his conversation. At the same time he  _ needed Erik desperately  _ after everything he’s been through today… But he should not be selfish. He was about to turn around and let Erik enjoy his night out but then suddenly Erik noticed him and waved at him excitedly to join him and his new friend. With a certain dose of reluctance Charles approached them.

The man with the helmet was making him uncomfortable, for some reason. Charles couldn’t tell why he felt so uneasy -- maybe it was because his mind was so well hidden from Charles, or maybe it was because of that stupid helmet, or maybe some primal part of Charles was being jealous that someone else had attracted Erik’s genuine attention and interest -- all he knew was that he distrusted that man. 

“Charles!” Erik grinned widely when Charles joined them, “this is Sebastian!” he continued and then, as if suddenly remembering the proper introduction protocol, he added, “That is, Dr. Sebastian Shaw.” 

Erik seemed particularly pleased with his new acquaintance and Charles did his best not to hate that. It was too selfish and clearly ridiculous to feel that way. And stupid, he mustn’t forget that feeling like this was also stupid. It was good that Erik found a friend, Charles reminded himself dumbly. 

“Dr. Shaw.” Charles greeted with the polite smile he usually put on as a facade in society. 

“Pleasure to meet you, too. Please, call me Sebastian.” the man with the helmet nodded, smiling as well. 

“Sebastian, this is Charles. Obviously!” Erik grinned. Charles was surprised by the friendliness in Erik’s containance. It was not everyday that Erik behaved like this towards a stranger. It took him weeks to warm up to Logan. And now, for only a couple of hours, he-- “Sebastian only came like an hour ago and we can’t stop talking ever since!” Erik added with the same excitement practically radiating from him. 

_ An hour??? An hour and they were already this chummy!? _ Charles wanted to scream! But he didn’t.

“Oh. Lovely.” he forced another polite smile to his face, trying to summon all his patience. 

He hoped with passion that he’d return to his senses soon and stop feeling bitter about this entire situation. There was nothing  _ that unusual  _ going on here after all. So Erik made a new friend. So what? Why was this bothering Charles so much? 

“It’s such a pleasure to talk with Erik.” Dr. Shaw said, looking at the android almost affectionately. “He’s so self-sufficient. I must say I’m very impressed by him.” he gave Erik a particularly charming and friendly smile that the more feral and unreasonable part of Charles definitely disapproved of. Dr. Shaw then quickly turned towards Charles again. “I’m very impressed with you too, Mr. Xavier. I’ve heard a lot about you, not only from Erik but from others too. You are definitely a man I could easily learn to respect. And your work… astounding.” 

Charles had to express gratitude for the compliment, of course. He didn’t want to be rude just because he irrationally disliked the man. “Thank you.” he said out loud but his smile felt all wooden and forced to him. 

“And your personal progress.” Dr. Shaw continued, practically beaming at both Charles and Erik. “Impressive. I,” he pointed at his head with a chuckle, “I’m even wearing this helmet especially for you.” 

Charles’ confusion must’ve shown on his face because Dr. Shaw chuckled amused and explained. “This helmet was created especially to block telepathy. I was trying to be gentle with you, you see, considering your--  _ situation _ .”

Charles winced.  _ His situation?  _ He pursed his lips but said nothing. 

Dr. Shaw continued. “And naturally, in case you get too overwhelmed you could put the helmet on yourself and shut every mind out. Isn’t that brilliant?” 

“How thoughtful of him, isn’t it, Charles?” Erik grinned, looking genuinely impressed. 

Charles swallowed. “Very thoughtful indeed.” he grunted. “But I’m fine. I’m getting better with my Control.” 

“So I hear. Erik keeps praising you.” Dr. Shaw replied with a small smile of his own, as if sharing an inside joke with himself. 

Before Charles could open his mouth to say something, Erik butted in,

“Charles made a remarkable progress. For quite a short period of time, too.” 

That started off an entire discussion where Erik continuously explained to Dr. Shaw all about their training, and about Charles’ progress; all those little details about the process that Charles thought of as a private matter. 

He felt betrayed. There was no point denying it. He felt utterly betrayed by Erik in that moment. He had always considered their training sessions as something very personal, something between Erik and him, something only they  _ shared _ . Logan was an exception because he was a vital part of the training. But the fact that Erik was discussing those matters so freely with a  _ stranger _ , that hurt. He could not even understand why would Erik do that?  

He pursed his lips even tighter to prevent himself from saying something untoward to Erik’s new friend. His jaw set in frustration as unfamiliar anger was rising inside his chest. His eyes were filling with tears because of that rage inside him and he hated that. He hated that he could get so angry he could cry! 

He had to calm down. And he had to calm down quickly. It was a long day, full of events. Charles was exhausted and that was making him more emotional. It was normal. It was logical. But he could not afford to have a nervous breakdown now! Not tonight! Not after everything he’d achieved and definitely not after Raven finally started to respect his independence. He could not risk giving her reasons to think he couldn’t handle himself again.

Besides, Erik would never purposefully do anything to upset Charles. He didn’t even know he was upsetting Charles. Charles himself was not quite certain if he had a right to be upset. But fair enough, he’d explain it to Erik later tonight and the two would work things out as they usually did. Yes, Charles would only have to explain to Erik later. When they’re alone. 

His gaze followed Erik’s agitated gestures. He could hardly take a word of what his android was saying, too distracted by Sebastian Shaw smiling that same smile at Erik, or the occasional touch of the man’s fingers to Erik’s shoulder, arm or forearm, or the way he laughed and then ‘accidentally’ brushed his shoulder against Erik’s. 

The guests had began to leave one by one but Charles still felt like he was suffocating. Before he knew it he was interrupting Erik and Shaw’s conversation. 

“Erik, perhaps we could leave these fascinating discussions for some other time and maybe retire now?” he suggested carefully, subtly pulling Erik by the arm and trying to sound not creepy.  

A look of disappointment settled on Erik’s face for just a moment before he could grab a hold on it again. But it was enough for Charles to notice.

“Must we retire already?” Erik all but sighed. “Sebastian only got here like 80 minutes ago.” 

“I’m afraid I’m too tired. It was a long day and we still hadn’t rested from our journey.” Charles persisted. He then turned to Sebastian. “I do apologize, Dr. Shaw, but I’m going to have to steal Erik from you. I’m sure you could continue your delightful conversation another day.” 

“Oh, we will!” Erik all but blurted out, startling Charles with his suddenness and enthusiasm. “Sebastian has invited us to his mansion.” Erik explained. “Apparently, it’s big and has a pool and other things humans enjoy. You might enjoy those too. But most importantly, he also has a lab with amazing discoveries that we both would find very fascinating.” 

“Oh, does he.” Charles uttered, a little cold and distant. He was tired of pretending to be polite.  

“Yes!” Erik nodded, too excited to notice the change in Charles’ voice. “He’s invited a bunch of friends over for two weeks and we’re invited too! Isn’t that right, Sebastian?” 

Charles looked at Sebastian, suspiciously. The man seemed a little taken aback but hid it well. “Yes. Yes, of course.” he finally said. 

Charles narrowed his eyes. “You’ve invited us  _ both _ , Dr. Shaw? Not only Erik?” 

Erik looked a little puzzled at the pair of them. “Of course, both of us, Charles. Why would he invite only me?” he chuckled amused. 

Charles was less amused about the whole circumstance. 

Sebastian Shaw let out a chuckle too, be it less sincere than Erik’s. “I assure you, Mr. Xavier, you are  _ both  _ very welcome.”

Charles didn’t need telepathy to tell that the man had indeed meant to invite only Erik and was now, thanks to Erik’s enthusiastic gurgling, stuck with Charles as well. His expression was enough to give Charles the distinct impression of the misunderstanding. 

Charles was desperately searching for an excuse to get out of the predicament when Erik said hurriedly and with a proud smile, 

“I already accepted.” 

Charles gaped at him wide-eyed. “You have?” 

“Well, yes.” Erik said, as if it were the most common sense thing in the world. 

Charles couldn’t believe his ears, or his eyes, or any of his senses really! Erik had just agreed to an invitation for a two week-long visit in a stranger’s home, somewhere in the country, without even consulting Charles first!? What was going on here? Erik was never like this! 

In the middle of it all Dr. Shaw seemed to be quite amused. “Erik had accepted indeed. And I am so very glad for that.” he gave a slight nod with his head. “I shall expect you  _ both _ .” 

The last word was directed mostly at Charles but also as an inside joke with Erik, too. As if the three of them were best buddies all the sudden, sharing inside jokes. Charles wanted no inside jokes with that man! 

“Erik knows the details. I sent him an invitation.” Dr. Shaw said. “He’ll let you know of the exact time and place, Mr. Xavier.” 

“I’m not sure--” Charles began but his words died down in his throat when Erik grinned at Sebastian Shaw like an excited puppy. 

“Isn’t this wonderful?” the android beamed. 

“Well, it is wonderful for me,  _ that  _ I can tell.” Shaw chuckled and tapped Erik on the shoulder, his thumb massaging the area a bit longer than necessary before he removed his hand. “Take care. And see you soon.” 

“We can’t wait!” Erik replied, watching as Dr. Shaw was making his way out of the study. “I’m so glad we met him, Charles! We needed that.” Erik told Charles. 

_ We needed that _ sounded too much like  _ I needed that.  _ The thought was enough to silence Charles for the rest of the night. 

~*~  

For the next couple of days Erik could not stop talking about Sebastian Shaw. Whenever they were alone and Charles didn’t have anything new to say about his mutation or his relationship with Raven, Erik would instantly start talking about Sebastian Shaw. 

Charles tried to talk to Erik about how unpleasant this whole thing was for him but whenever he tried to translate his emotions into actual sentences it all sounded so stupid, petty and selfish that Charles changed his mind at each attempt. He did not want to appear any of those things in front of Erik. Furthermore, he didn’t want Erik to feel like he had no right to make friends of his own. It would be so hypocritical of Charles to first assure Erik that he gives him the freedom to make his own choices and then to forbid him to talk to someone just because Charles disliked it. So he remained quiet about it, suppressing his irrational emotions as best as he could. 

Other than Sebastian Shaw, whose shadow hung over Charles’ head like a dark cloud, things were going pretty well with their visit to town. Raven and Hank were charming and lovely. Charles could discuss science with Hank whenever Erik was busy chatting online with Dr. Shaw. Raven was very careful not to fall back into old habits and interfere too much in Charles’ life so she directed that surplus energy on Kurt instead. Charles would’ve felt bad for the boy if it weren’t for the youngster’s joy at receiving Raven’s care and attention. The two were thick as thieves. In a private conversation Raven even confessed to Charles that she’d be very upset when the authorities finally came to take the child away. 

The thought of adoption had crossed both Raven’s and Hank’s minds a couple of times that Charles had detected (increasingly so the closer it got to the date Child Protective Services had set for taking Kurt), but Charles had decided that it was not his place to intervene unless Raven or Hank asked him for his opinion. Personally he couldn’t be happier for the three of them if they did go through with this adoption idea. He knew for a fact Kurt would think it a dream come true. 

Time was flying fast and eventually a month past quicker than Charles expected. And it was time for Erik and Charles to be off for Dr. Shaw’s mansion. But before they were off Raven and Hank prepared a glorious dinner -- well, Hank prepared it but Raven supervised so that counts -- with the promise that now that Charles’ control had improved so much they would meet more regularly. 

Charles actually had a lovely time that evening, surrounded by the people he loved. It was quiet, intimate and cozy with Raven’s excited chatter, Hank’s soft remarks, Erik’s clever interjections and Kurt’s enthusiasm. Charles’ troubles were so far away and he felt like he finally had a real family. He liked the feeling. And by the looks of it, so did Kurt. The boy seemed to get sad at times whenever he thought of the moment when he’d be taken away from Raven and Hank. Charles would notice how every now and then a melancholy look would overtake Kurt’s eyes. But the boy tried to hide that, afraid of seeming ungrateful. Charles’ heart was heavy at the thought of how much Kurt wanted this to last and how certain he was that it wouldn’t. 

And then at their dinner… 

“Everyone, I have an announcement to make.” Raven said, getting up and giving Hank a knowing grin before proceeding. Hank replied with an affirmative nod and a happy smile of his own and Raven continued with her speech. “Over the years I’ve been quite the pain in the neck.” Laughter and a few  _ not-at-all _ ’s. “I have, I have.” Raven said, amused. “It seems to take time for me to open my eyes. It took me a while to realize I liked Hank and wanted to be friends with him. It took me a while to realize what I grew to feel for him was love. (I love you, Hank!).” Aww “It took me time with Charles to realize that my  _ ‘help’  _ wasn’t really ‘ _ helpful _ ’.” Chuckle. “But I needed no time to realize one thing. I love this feeling I felt this last month. The feeling of a family, a real one, a loving one. Charles and I never had that when we were kids. But I recognized it instantly when I felt it now. It sort of clicked and I have no doubt in my heart. And same goes for Hank -- he would’ve told you himself but he considers this ‘ _ public speaking _ ’ so he refused to do it.” Affectionate chuckle. “The point is, I speak from both our hearts when I say this…” she looked towards Kurt, hope in her eyes. “Kurt, we love you, Hank and I. And the thought of not having you around crushes our hearts. We want you to stay. So if you want that too… stay?” 

Kurt’s eyes were wide with surprise. He was afraid to let himself believe that this was true and they really meant it. 

Raven was already fighting back emotional tears, her voice wavering as she continued to speak. “We discussed it with the authorities and asked if adopting you was a possibility. They said it could be done and we could have a shot at that. That’s why they take so long to come pick you up. So if we don’t blow it we can keep you! And we want that and--” she hiccupped. “I can’t do this, Hank, it’s too much! Your turn now!” she sat down wiping away the tears from her eyes. 

Hank gave her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and looked at Kurt too. “What Raven and I are trying to say, Kurt, is that we both got very attached to you. And we want to start a family. As you know we’re getting married by the end of the year. We would love to have you as our son. But only if you want that too. If you accept us, Raven and I promise to do our very best to be good parents to you, to give you a loving home and always support you. If you refuse, we’d understand. We’d still hope to remain your friends and hear from you… But most of all we hope you want us as your parents because we really want you as our son!” 

“Please say yes!” Raven gasped, squeaking as Hank shushed her. 

“Don’t push him!” he whispered. Then they both looked at Kurt again. “It’s up to you, Kurt.” 

Kurt said nothing and for a moment Charles feared Raven and Hank would interrupt his silence as reluctance or a rejection. Then Charles would  _ have to  _ intervene! But then, 

“You can take your time and think it through, of course…” Hank said awkwardly, Raven snuggled in his embrace like a bunny. “It doesn’t have to be now or--” 

“Yes!” Kurt blurted out. 

“What!?” Raven gasped again, wide-eyed. 

“Yes! I want to be your son! I want you to be my parents!” Kurt confessed what Charles knew was in his heart for a long time now. “I was so sad at the thought that I soon had to leave and never see you two again! I love being with you! I thought you were only nice to me because you had to, I didn’t think you two liked me…” 

“Of course we like you!” Raven and Hank both said at the same time. 

“Sweetheart, we  _ love  _ you.” Raven added and Hank nodded in confirmation. “And if you love us half as much as we love you, we’d be a very happy family.” 

“I do love you both!” Kurt said and Raven and Hank pulled him into a warm hug. 

The three of them made such a lovely image together. Charles smiled at that and then nudged Erik with his elbow, mouthing a quiet “Let’s go.” The two slipped out of the room, giving the new happy family some privacy. 

~*~ 

They returned to their own bedroom, most of their luggage for the trip to Dr. Shaw’s house already prepared. Erik flopped down on the bed. 

“That was good, wasn’t it?” he said. 

Charles nodded. 

“You weren’t really surprised, were you?” Erik grinned. “You could tell what they were planning.” 

“I had an inkling.” Charles said with a  small clever smile of his own. 

“You’re so adorable.” Erik’s grin grew wider. “Come here.” he tapped the space on the bed next to where he was lounging. 

Charles hesitated. 

“Erik…, actually… I have something for you.” Charles smiled at him. He went to his suitcase and dug for something then straightened up again and handed Erik an ID card. 

Erik frowned a little, curious, propping himself on his elbow as he took the card. He held it in his hand. Looked at it. Read it. Scanned it. His eyes looked at Charles’, round and unbelieving. 

Charles was smiling at him, a warm genuine smile full of love and affection. “It’s yours. It’s-- it’s the least I could do.” Charles said, suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

“Charles… this is a precedent. This has never been…” Erik said. He was still holding the card as if it did not belong to him, as if it was something he had to protect for someone else. He got up from the bed, standing there like a schoolboy in front of his headmaster.  

“I know. But you deserve it and it’s the right thing to do and I-- I want this for you.” Charles said, meaning it. 

“But I’m not human. I’m not even mutant. Is this even legal?” 

Charles chuckled. Typical Erik. “It is. I made sure it is.” he said fondly. 

“This must’ve taken you so much time and effort and money. How did you even--?” 

“Erik, please. It’s nothing.” 

“I’m not sure this is a good idea, Charles… People would--” 

“The hell with people!” Carles interjected. He took a step towards Erik and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You’re a free person, Erik. You’ve earned it yourself.” 

“But how--?”  

“I went to my lawyer. I talked to her and explained the situation. I also consulted with a friend of mine. Moira MacTaggert. I told her how your remarkable skills and insight helped me become a valid member of society instead of being a danger. They had to test me first, of course. To make sure I can be around humans without-- well, without causing terrible damage.” 

“And?” 

Charles smiled. Even now Erik seemed more concerned with how things went for Charles than for his own affairs. 

“I’m no longer considered a threat to society.” Charles announced. “And that’s thanks to you!” 

Erik shook his head. “No. It was you who--” 

“It’s thanks to you, Erik. You made it possible. You helped me. You-- You’re remarkable and your brain, it’s-- it’s beautiful!” he put his hands on each side of Erik’s face, cupping his cheeks gently, admiring that beloved image. “You’re not like the rest, Erik. You’re unique and wonderful and you deserve to be acknowledged as a free person! I don’t want anyone to feel like they can call you an appliance ever again! Not when you’re thousand times better than them!” 

“I’m programmed that--” 

“No! That’s not programming. Your  _ mind  _ goes beyond programming! Your ideas and intelligence, they’re not like a machine’s! And they’re not like human’s either. They’re unique and remarkable.” 

Erik looked at Charles for a moment. “But I don’t have a mind, Charles.” he then whispered. There was sadness in his eyes as he spoke the words. He turned away from Charles as if he were ashamed of his lack of a mind. 

Charles had nothing to say to that. It was true. Erik  _ didn’t  _ have a mind. 

“Does it matter?” Charles finally said. 

Erik looked back at him surprised. 

“It doesn’t matter. You have independent thought.” Charles continued passionately. “Maybe that’s not a mind but it’s no less than a mind either. And whoever has independent thought is entitled to independence!” 

Erik was too overcome to respond with words. Charles rubbed his arms affectionately and went on talking. 

“I made the argument already. It took some time but we managed to pull it through. Your special status will be official in a couple of days. This ID card is very much legal. And you’re a free person, Erik. Congratulations!” 

Erik was at a loss for words. But he allowed his face to show the emotions he felt on the inside. He was grateful and happy and unable to believe it. He was scared and anxious and terrified. He was most of all, free. 

He pulled Charles into a tight hug, pressing them together as if in hope to somehow push his unruly thoughts into Charles and make him understand what was going on inside Erik. Charles smiled, tears falling down his cheeks. He wound his own arms around Erik, gently stroking the android’s back. 

“I know. I know, darling.” Charles whispered. “I understand. It’s alright.” 

They remained silent like that. There was no need for words. They understood each other perfectly without them. If Erik had a soul, Charles was certain their connection would’ve been exactly what soulmates shared. 

~*~ 

Shaw’s mansion was impressive and huge. Even by Xavier standards. It was mostly white with lots of marble and sunshine. Everything about it screamed luxury and comfort. Dr. Shaw himself seemed quite proud of his home, showing his guests around and telling stories about almost every item the group happened to stumble upon. 

Charles took little interest in that. So did Erik. But unlike Charles, Erik was waiting impatiently for Sebastian’s full attention. Charles was dreading the idea of having more than one conversation with that man. He didn’t know any of the other guests and frankly he had little interest in getting to know them either. In short, Charles felt like a grumpy old man, forced to attend a party he hated with the passion of a moody teenager. Weird and stereotypical as that might sound, it described the way he felt perfectly. 

“An android and so self-sufficient!” Dr. Shaw exclaimed again as a way of greeting. He said it with a knowing smile as he placed a hand on Erik’s shoulder and presented him to the other guests. “I must say I’m very impressed.”

Charles was pretty sure Sebastian Shaw had said that same thing a month ago but Erik was grinning widely at the man as if it were the first time he heard it. The moody teenager and the grumpy old man inside Charles had to gather all their combined effort in order to suppress an eye roll. 

“I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without Charles’ help.” Erik replied to Shaw privately. 

“The Professor is indeed a man with a very open mind.” Dr. Shaw said, glancing at Charles. “His merit is considerable, of course. But so is your own, Erik.” 

Erik smiled once more. It was the smile Erik used in private, the one he smiled at Charles or Logan or Kurt, not the smile he smiled whenever he had to be polite. It was a genuine smile and that made Charles wince internally. 

Charles was repulsed. He was not blind, he could see the way Sebastian Shaw was looking at Erik and it made his blood boil. What was Erik thinking anyway? Did Erik know what was going through Dr. Shaw’s mind? By the looks of it, Erik was oblivious. But Charles knew! Oh, Charles definitely knew! 

He felt ridiculous. Blinded by jealousy and a sudden pang of possessiveness. Erik wasn’t his possession anymore. Erik wasn’t an object, no matter what everyone else said. Charles knew how irrational and selfish his feelings were right now but he also knew that as a recently freed person Erik needed to make decisions for himself. It was like a punch in the guts, one that left Charles weak and bleeding internally. Erik was no longer  _ his.  _ Erik was  _ not obligated to stay with Charles  _ anymore _.  _ Erik could  _ leave Charles  _ whenever he felt like it. And Charles had made this possible for him because that was the right thing to do. Why did it hurt so much then?

“Isn’t that right, Charles?”

Charles snapped out of his brooding. Erik was looking at him expectantly, waiting for a response, no doubt, to a question he’d asked. Charles wished he had paid more attention. He had no idea what Erik had asked. 

“Umm…, of course, Erik.” He replied mechanically. Agreeing with Erik was probably the safest thing to do.

“Good! We’ll come to your gathering by the pool then, Sebastian” Erik replied, beaming at Dr. Shaw.

Charles gaped. What, the hell, had he just said  _ yes  _ to!?

“I’ll be waiting with anticipation.” Sebastian Shaw replied with a smirk, those eyes taking in Erik with lustful hunger that made Charles physically sick. “You’ll be a lovely addition to my guest list.”

Erik had nodded and smiled until Sebastian Shaw left them alone again to tend to his other guests. Then he turned enthusiastically towards Charles.

“Isn’t it wonderful? Imagine his lab! He said he’d show it to us personally later!”

Charles was unimpressed. “I’m pretty sure he said he’d show it to  _ you _ , not to  _ us. _ ” he mumbled but Erik didn’t even hear him, too busy talking about what Dr. Shaw’s latest research was about. Charles didn’t even bother listening. He was too tired emotionally to pretend that he cared. 

This evening Charles excused himself early and went to his bedroom alone, leaving Erik to enjoy his newly discovered fame at the pool party. He couldn’t fall asleep until early in the morning and even then it was merely a fitful excuse of a nap.

~*~ 

Erik was popular indeed. Among Sebastian Shaw’s guests at least. They all  _ worshipped  _ him and none more than the host himself. Erik was in the center of every gathering, the object of everyone’s admiration. He was well taken care of, he was surrounded by his own set of servants, assigned by Dr. Shaw in order to cater to Erik’s every need. It was too pompous for Charles’ liking but Erik didn’t seem bothered by it, he was just happy to be around Dr. Shaw. The promise of that visit to the lab too exciting for him to care for anything else. 

Charles just stood out of it. He knew when he wasn’t wanted. He kept mostly to himself, observing from his lonely corner as Erik was socializing with Sebastian’s friends, already feeling like a member of their little circle. 

Charles’ hands reached for the scotch bottle more often than he had anticipated they would. But he made no effort to stop himself. Being tipsy was the only good thing about this whole visit. At least he could feel his head spin as the alcohol dulled down everything else around him. 

Sebastian Shaw’s mansion was so huge and luxurious as if its sole purpose was to blind everyone with its grandeur. And it worked, apparently. Many guests were blinded indeed. But Charles was not. Charles could see clearly and he disliked what he saw. 

From the moment of their arrival Sebastian had glued himself to Erik, welcoming him personally, showing him around, dazzling him with stories about different technologies he had installed in his home and promises of a magnificent laboratory Erik could explore. Erik listened with child-like interest while Charles was grumpily tagging along, feeling like a third wheel. He  _ was  _ a third wheel. It sucked. Every now and then Erik would turn around to face Charles and exclaim his enthusiasm over something he found particularly interesting and Charles knew he was expected to join in that enthusiasm. But it was getting more difficult to smile and say ‘Wonderful, Erik’. It was tiring to smile when he was breaking on the inside.

Dr. Shaw’s intentions towards Erik were more than clear even for a non-telepath but for Charles they were glaringly obvious. He tried shielding himself from Sebastian’s head -- Dr. Shaw was no longer wearing the helmet, not bothering to hide his thoughts from Charles at all so Charles was the one craving oblivion -- but a part of him remained invested, gathering the signals, the emotions, the  _ desires.  _ Dr. Shaw’s interest in Erik was a bit more personal than that of a fellow scientist and tech enthusiast. Dr. Shaw often wondered what Erik would feel like around him, what Erik would do if Sebastian touched him, how would Erik reciprocate. The images grew more vivid each day and Charles had to keep blocking the man’s mind just to be able to breathe without choking. The obscene images leaking from the man’s mind were no good for Charles’ headache so he soon slipped away from the crowd, finding his way back to the bedroom that was supposed to be his and Erik’s. He was hiding there again, he realized. Like a coward. But he had no energy to do anything else. He could not demand anything out of Erik -- they were not exclusive, they were not  _ together.  _ They never even had that talk after he freed Erik! Charles had simply  _ assumed  _ \-- Charles had taken it for granted that Erik was going to be with him forever. And maybe that was the case a while ago but things changed. Now Charles no longer lived in total isolation, he had rejoined the living, so to speak. And although Charles still wanted no one but Erik by his side, Erik never made that choice for himself. ‘ _ You can’t keep him to yourself forever, sugar’, _ Emma Frost had told him earlier that day, glancing judgingly at his drink. And she was right. Erik’s position in the world has changed now. And Charles was happy for it but he also wished Erik would  _ choose him _ .

“ _ Stupid… selfish… idiot… _ ” Charles was mumbling to himself because that’s what he was right now, that’s what he felt like. The feeling of losing Erik was tormenting him and he had no idea what to do. He remained in that bedroom for the rest of the day and the evening. Erik returned late at night in a very good mood. He wondered why Charles was out of sorts.

“Please don’t stay cooped up in here all the time. You don’t have to be so reclusive anymore. Stay for the fun tomorrow!” Erik asked him. 

Charles only forced a smile and promised he’d do his best. Needless to say, he spent the next day hiding inside as well.

~*~

“Charles, are you ill?” Erik spoke and when Charles gave no reply Erik pulled the blanket off of him.

“Hey!” Charles gasped, trying to get the blanket back. He had cocooned himself in that blanket and it felt really warm and cozy in there. Erik had no right to remove that blanket!

“Don’t pretend to be asleep on me, Professor X.” Erik scolded playfully. “I can tell when you’re awake.”

“You scanned me?” Charles pretended to be offended at the mere idea.

Erik rolled his eyes. “I don’t need to scan you, I  _ know  _ you.” he replied. Then he sat down at the edge of the bed. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

It was not a question, it was not a request. It was an order, Charles realized. And a very confident one at that.

Charles swallowed. “It’s stupid.” he replied, feeling embarrassed.

“It probably is but tell me nevertheless.” Erik said calmly. It was almost reassuring to feel like he could tell Erik anything again. It was like a spark from the past when Erik was the only person Charles felt comfortable around. It was sad and maybe pathetic that even now Erik was still the only person Charles felt truly comfortable around. But it was not the same for Erik. And Charles had to accept that. 

Erik tilted his head expectantly, waiting for Charles to explain why he was acting so odd these weeks when they were all clearly having the time of their lives in Shaw’s mansion. Charles sighed. 

“Remember when Hank came home for the first time?” Charles asked, hoping Erik would understand on his own, gather the pieces somehow, pull Charles into his embrace and tell him he was imagining things and everything was fine and Erik wanted him, not Shaw. Tell him they’d leave this bloody mansion and go home. 

Erik did not gather the pieces. 

“Yes..?” Erik furrowed his brows, nodding. His lips were tightly pursed.

Charles had to proceed with his explanation. 

“And remember how you felt then? At first? Before I clarified it to you that I liked you better and that I wasn’t interested in Hank in that way at all?”

This was officially one of the most embarrassed Charles had ever felt!

“Yes.” Erik nodded again.

“Well…” 

Why wasn’t Erik magically getting it? Did he purposefully wanted Charles to _ spell it out  _ for him?

“Well?”

Charles sighed. “I’m jealous, Erik.” There. He was out with it. His embarrassing little secret was out and Erik would see him as the petty human being that he was. “I’m jealous.” He repeated. 

Erik was still frowning, confusion written all over his face. “Jealous of what?” he asked carefully.

“You’ve got to be joking!” Charles gasped, getting a bit annoyed. “Sebastian, of course! You spend all your time with him, you’ve been talking of nothing  _ but him _ , you go all gooey eyed whenever he shows up. Need I go on?”

“It’s not like that with Dr. Shaw and me.” Erik replied with a little amused smile on his lips. “It’s like with you and Hank.”

“Please!” Charles was no fool! “I will respect your decisions, Erik, but don’t think me quite so dim!”

“You’re being very unreasonable, Charles.”

The way Erik just ruled out Charles’ concerns and torments was unbearable; too much.

“I’m being  _ unreasonable _ !?” he repeated, incredulous. “Erik, he wants you! I know he wants you! He doesn’t even bother to hide it from me! And it’s fine if you want him too, I know I’m not the boss of you. You’re a free person now and not my property anymore. You can do whatever you want. But please, do the decent thing and say it to my face so that I know where we stand. So that I don’t go on wondering what we are.”

And that must’ve been the longest pause in Charles’ life. Erik was silent, looking at him, not believing him, wondering what was the matter with Charles and why was Charles suddenly  _ malfunctioning _ . That was the moment Charles realized he had lost Erik. Maybe forever. Maybe even as a friend.

“Won’t you say something?” he asked finally when the silence was too much to take.

“Nothing like that is going on between Dr. Shaw and me. We’re bonding over science and technology. We have similar views on certain matters. He shares my opinions on things you see differently. That’s all.” Erik’s voice was cold, so cold. Metalic. More robot-like than it’s ever been. “Is it wrong that I want a friend who understands me?” 

“Of course it’s not wrong but it’s not the same for him. Maybe for you this is how things are but not for him, believe me.” Charles said again, trying to bloody keep his tears from shedding. It was stupid! So stupid! “I know his mind, Erik. He wants you! He wants to sleep with you, he wants you for himself, he wants to fuck you and he--”

“Stop this, Charles.” Erik cut him off, getting up from the bed with a disappointed frown. “Your imagination is running amok. Dr. Shaw would not act on whatever thoughts you may have noticed in his head, -- and why were you even in his head!? Do you realize how violating that is?”

Charles’ jaw dropped at the accusation. “I can’t help picking up certain signals, Erik.” he said defensively. 

“Even if such thoughts had crossed his mind, it’s natural for a man to be curious. But he’s a decent human being who won’t go after someone else’s partner. And if you think I would cheat on you then your low opinion of me hurts me even more. Just because I’m an android, doesn’t mean he’d take advantage of me or I have no sense of what’s decent!”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Erik, I was just--”

“Hide in your blanket, Charles. That’s all you’re good at lately anyway.”

Charles hid his face in the pillows, too upset to look at Erik right now. In the old days Erik would sit at the edge of the bed and pull Charles in his arms, comfort him, make him feel safe again. Today Charles only heard the bedroom door open and then close once more with an ominous slam. And just like that Erik was gone. Erik left. Erik abandoned him. Erik probably went looking for Sebastian Shaw.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check the end notes for trigger warnings.

Erik was furious. Charles was wrong about Sebastian! So wrong! And for some reason the fact that Charles was wrong about something irritated Erik. Charles was Charles, he wasn’t supposed to be wrong or right; he was supposed to be there for Erik like Erik’s always been there for him. Reciprocity. Erik suddenly realized that he demanded reciprocity. He wasn’t Charles’ talking machine anymore, he was more than that and he expected Charles of all people to give him the courtesy of treating him like a proper individual. And Charles usually did. But tonight… Erik hadn’t felt more like a stupid machine in Charles’ eyes since the first days of their acquaintance. How could Charles not trust his judgement after entrusting Erik with the future of his own mutation? Why did he doubt Erik now? How could he even  _ think  _ that Erik would-- 

Erik loved and respected Charles very much. But Charles was wrong this time. Charles was very wrong about Erik’s relationship with Sebastian so Erik felt like he had to prove his point. To show Charles just how wrong he was to doubt Erik and Sebastian’s innocence in this. He quickly sent Sebastian a message, asking him where he was and if they could talk? Being a true friend, the good doctor instantly replied despite the late hour. He sent Erik his location in the lab and Erik determinedly followed the directions. Sebastian had been dying to show Erik that lab for sometime now. Maybe tonight was as good a time as any. 

~*~

The idea of following Erik crossed Charles’ mind several times as he laid alone in the strange bedroom. He imagined himself standing before Erik again, feeling Erik’s severe judgement, trying to explain himself better, to apologize, to beg down on his knees if he had to. He didn’t want to lose Erik, not without trying to work things out. But Erik needed his space. And Charles was seriously concerned that even if he did follow him now, their conversation might not go in Charles’ favour. So he remained in bed, feeling like shit. 

Charles knew he was right about Sebastian Shaw. Shaw was no good. But Erik had decided to give him his trust. In the end, no matter what he claimed, Erik didn’t know the world as well as he thought he did. Charles had spent most of his life in solitude and isolation but even he knew what reality was like. Erik, on the other hand, with all his knowledge, data and analysis had a certain air of naivety to him that was almost childlike. It was not a bad thing but Charles was worried that it might get Erik hurt.

Charles had no doubts Shaw was a scoundrel. But the doctor was innocent in Erik’s eyes. Erik saw in him a kindred spirit, a friend. Well… at least it used to be that way before Charles’ fiasco. Who’s to say things hadn’t changed for Erik after their argument? Had Charles in his stupidity pushed Erik towards Shaw’s claws? What if Shaw took advantage of Erik’s vulnerability? What if Erik _allowed_ it? What if Erik _wanted_ it? What if with his assumptions Charles had involuntarily opened Erik’s eyes for certain more tender affections he might have for Dr. Shaw? 

What if Charles lost Erik forever?

His world was suddenly overtook by silence. It was unnerving and disturbing. Charles wanted to scream and cry. He was losing his mind but there was nothing for him to do. He could not go after Erik and stop him. He could not keep Erik away from Sebastian Shaw. With all his new control, Charles could do  _ nothing _ . Erik was in charge now. And Erik had the power to crush Charles’ heart and soul with just a slight movement of his thumb. 

One thing Charles could do though and that was to make sure Erik didn’t get hurt. He mentally linked his mind to Dr. Shaw’s, not getting inside it but only brushing it enough to keep track in case it got agitated or excited or anything that might indicate something out of the ordinary was happening. Charles sincerely hoped Erik wouldn’t consider this another violation of Dr. Shaw’s privacy. Certainly maintaining a low-key level of mental connection, lightly keeping tabs to make sure the man didn’t hurt Erik, would not count as a violation. 

Erik’s words had cut him deeply but Charles didn’t want to think about that. Charles didn’t want to think about anything. Curled up on himself in the huge bed, heartbroken and lonely, he didn’t notice when he drifted off and fell into troubled sleep. 

~*~ 

Later that night Charles heard the door open quietly. Footsteps. Someone sitting on the floor next to the bed. Charles shifted and frowned.

“Erik?”

“Shhh, it’s okay. Go back to sleep.” Erik whispered.

Charles sat up instead. “Why are you on the floor? Are you alright?”

Erik looked different, disconcerted. “Your eyes are red and puffy.” he noticed. “Were you crying?”

“No…” Charles mumbled. 

“You cried yourself to sleep, didn’t you? Because of me.” Erik said bitterly, his face twisted in a strange grimace Charles hadn’t seen on him before. 

“No, Erik. It’s fine.” Charles reassured. “What-- what’s wrong?” 

Erik reached out and wrapped his arms around Charles’ waist, resting his head in Charles’ lap. He was still on the floor though. Charles’ hands found their way in Erik’s hair almost instantly, on their own volition. It was an instinct to comfort Erik, even after they fought.

“I’m an idiot.” Erik muttered, not looking up. “You were right all along. That’s all he wanted from me.”

“Erik…”

“You tried to warn me but I didn’t listen.”

“... I know. I’m sorry…”

“What hurts me the most is that you thought I’d want to leave you.”

Charles’ hands stilled. Erik looked up, eyes gazing into Charles’. Charles realized it was not a matter of who was right or wrong, but who got hurt in the end. And they both did. 

“You thought you meant so little to me that I would just abandon you the moment I have little freedom.” Erik continued. “Is this what you think I am? Is this what you think our relationship is about?”

“No! No, of course not! Erik, I love you! I cannot help but loving you! But… I also understand that now you’re no longer my android. You’re your own person and I never asked if--” his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and went on. “I never asked you if you wanted to stay with me.”

“Ask me then.” Erik’s voice was so low and passionate that his words sounded almost like a growl. 

There was such determination in that voice, in Erik’s stern jawline and his eyes. Charles swallowed.

“Erik,” Charles said, trying to be strong, “would you be my partner? Would you remain by my side? Would you stay with me till the day I die?”

There was a beat of silence during which Erik’s eyes were doing a pretty good job at piercing through Charles’ very soul. And then…

“Yes.” Erik replied. “Yes, Charles. I want you by my side. I need you with me, always. The day you die, Charles, would be the day I die too for I cannot and will not imagine my life without you.”

Erik reached out to Charles’ face, his thumb brushing off something wet from Charles’ cheek. It was then that Charles realized he had let the waterworks go after all. He sniffed and grinned at Erik.

“I’m sorry! I’m such a--”

“Shh, you’re my Charles! And I’m your Erik. There’s nothing else to it. Nothing changes that. Whatever happens in the world you’ll always be my Charles and I’ll always be your Erik.”

“I love you!” Charles said, pressing their foreheads together.

“I know.” Erik replied, pressing a gentle kiss to Charles’ lips. “I love you too.”

~*~

He had been a fool to believe Dr. Shaw’s intentions towards him were friendly and genuine. Tonight as he laid in Charles’ embrace, feeling the soft rise and fall of Charles’ chest as the other man was sleeping, Erik cursed his stupidity to trust Shaw or ever believe he was a true friend. What happened in that lab… what Shaw wanted and did… That was no friendship. 

At first, in his upset state, Erik thought it was all his fault. That Erik had somehow provoked Shaw; that Erik, simply by being non-human, was the reason Shaw treated him the way he did earlier that night. But then, raw rage rising again from the depths of his system, reminded him that there was only one man to blame and that man was _ Sebastian Shaw. _ It was not Erik’s fault that Shaw was a scoundrel, a brute, a monster. It was not up to Erik to take blame for something Shaw consciously did. 

Erik had other friends, good friends, real friends. Friends who wouldn’t hurt him. Yes, they were different than him, but that was the beauty of it. No need to be alike to be friends. He and Hank were very different but in the last month Erik spent under Raven and Hank’s roof, Erik had felt the two had befriended one another. Kurt was his friend too, playing all kinds of games with Erik, trusting Erik like only a child could. Logan was his friend and that meant a lot because Logan was a loner -- he generally sustained a no friends policy. And finally, Raven. Even Raven herself was sort of a friend. Or at least, Erik knew for sure that Raven would never hurt him intentionally. Not anymore. He was aware the reason for that was most probably Charles, but it was a start nevertheless. And maybe one day Erik would gain her confidence, her real confidence and trust. He really hoped he would. And of course, he had Charles. Charles was very special. He was the most important of them all. Erik really hoped Raven would understand that. He hadn’t realized how much he needed her blessing for his relationship with Charles until tonight when his senses were sharp and heightened from the terrible experience he just went through with Shaw. 

He flinched. The memory of the event was still so vivid, even though he consciously ordered himself to suppress it. He could’ve deleted it from his memory, of course, but despite how painful it was, it was also a lesson. A lesson he had to keep. He wished he could detach himself from it, keep the knowledge and remove the feelings, but it was burning him on the inside, as if something stronger than him was forcing the images to pop up in his head over and over again, tormenting him. The force in Shaw’s movements. The pain shooting through Erik’s receptors. The disappointment. Shaw’s hands on Erik. Shaw’s hurtful words. Shaw’s orders and commands. Shaw taking over everything that was not his! 

Erik shut his eyes closed, hoping to make it all go away. I didn’t. 

Next to him Charles shifted and snuggled in closer to Erik. Charles truly loved him and Erik smiled at how good it felt to know that. He only hoped he was good enough for Charles, despite… Shaw’s words and actions flooded his thoughts once again and Erik needed to shut them out, had to make them stop!

He hated himself for what he was about to do but there was no other option. It was either that or he’d go insane. 

~*~  

Charles woke up earlier than usual, freezing. He felt like he was sleeping next to an ice cube. In his half-asleep state of mind he cuddled closer to Erik, seeking his warmth. All he found in return was Erik’s cold body. 

He gasped terrified, jumping out of the bed as if it had just soaked him in ice water. 

“Erik! Erik!” He cried, his shaking hands feeling Erik’s face and arms, trying to figure out what was wrong. 

Erik appeared to be asleep but something was off. He looked different when he was recharging, Charles knew that well since they’ve shared a bed millions of times now. This was definitely no recharging. Erik looked like a manikin, not even bothering to imitate breathing or any sort of the human sleeping patterns and behavior he usually did. He was also cold like a corpse. It was too unnerving. Why would Erik turn off his temperature? He’s never done that before! 

Charles was petrified! If something happened to Erik… Erik was irreplaceable. Charles could not simply go and get himself another android model. It would not be the same. It would not be his Erik. It would not share Erik’s memories, his attitudes, his thoughts, his opinions. All those vital things that made Erik  _ Erik _ . 

But this now… Had Erik _ shut himself down _ !? He’s never done that before. Was this a result of some kind of a virus? Or a malfunction? And what was Charles supposed to do in a case like this? Was he supposed to leave Erik like this and wait for him to wake up on his own, or was he to press the well-hidden on-switch button and activate him like he did that first day when he bought him? 

Usually Erik did all his maintenance by himself so Charles was only an observer. He knew the things that Erik had shown him but Erik hadn’t prepared him for sudden shut down! Which raised a dozen of other questions. Like, why a sudden shut down? What was wrong? After the initial shock darker thoughts started coming to Charles’ mind. What if Shaw had done this to Erik? He was good with technology. Maybe he had damaged Erik’s systems? Or worse! Maybe he’s done something irreversible like factory reset or deactivation! Both of these were like equalled death for Erik! 

He panicked. He didn’t know what to do. He fumbled some more with Erik’s body, trying to somehow revive the android. He could ask for help, of course, but he’d be damned before he allows Shaw or any of his people anywhere near Erik again! 

With a little effort he turned Erik’s still torso around, feeling for the on-switch. He hadn’t touched that button since that first day which kind of made it a big deal to press it now. Charles had always been so anxious not to accidentally shut Erik down and cause him discomfort. He didn’t know for sure but he imagined to an android a sudden shutdown would be the equivalent of what losing consciousness was to humans and mutants. But this seemed like a desperate time, so he sucked in a deep breath and finally pressed the button. 

Erik slowly opened his eyes again. Charles’ heart was going insane in his chest but he remained silent as a mouse, not wanting to disturb the android. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Was Erik alright? Was he hurt? Was he still his himself? If that sudden shut down really was because of a factory reset Charles could die! A factory reset would wipe away all of Erik’s personality and everything he and Charles had been through. Their life together, their memories, their love. All gone. It would be like having Erik die in front of himself and Charles couldn’t take that. The mere thought was terrifying enough for Charles to want to cry. 

“E-erik?” he managed, voice wavering unsteadily. Would Erik even recognize him? 

“Charles…” Erik spoke, a soft smile appearing on his face. 

Relief washed all over Charles’ body. He threw his arms around Erik, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“Erik! Erik, you remember me!” he gasped, tears streaming down his cheeks.  

“Of course, I remember you, Charles. How could I not?” 

Charles couldn’t see Erik’s facial expression at that moment, his own face buried in the crook of Erik’s neck, but he could hear the android’s smile growing wider. 

“I’m still not very well heated…” Erik said, apologetically. “My body temperature is below the nor--” 

“I don’t care! You’re here! And you’re  _ you _ !” he said, shutting his eyes closed, feeling overwhelmed with all the emotions he felt. “I thought…” he stuttered but then quickly came back to his senses and pulled away from Erik, giving him space. “I’m sorry. I’m being silly.” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“No, it’s me. I should’ve warned you I shut myself down for the night.” Erik said, sitting up. He carefully pulled Charles into another hug and stroked his hair gently. “I’m sorry, Charles. I must’ve really scared you.” 

Charles only nodded, not leaving the safe comfort of Erik’s arms. They remained entangled like that for a while, Charles needing the reassurance of Erik’s presence before he could speak again.  

“Why did you shut yourself down like that? I thought-- I thought something was wrong. Are you alright now? Were you damaged?” 

“I just needed the rest. I was really--” 

Charles’ face fell. “It’s because of something Shaw did last night, isn’t it? What happened?” 

Erik took a defensive stance almost at the exact moment Charles mentioned Sebastian’s name. “I don’t want to talk about last night. Please.” he said. 

“Erik, this is important! If you’d been hurt I need to know!” 

“I haven’t been hurt, Charles. I’m fine.” 

“But--” 

“I just needed to rest! … I needed the break.” He was avoiding Charles’ gaze but at the same time his hand found Charles’, fingers brushing gently against Charles’ fingers as if to soothe him. “Don’t you sometimes wish to just shut yourself off for a while?” 

Charles had. He knew the feeling. He looked down at their hands and suddenly realized -- Erik was not stroking Charles’ hand to soothe Charles, he needed the touch to soothe  _ himself _ . And instantly it all made sense. Erik not wanting to talk about whatever upset him so deeply. Erik feeling betrayed and alone in the world. Erik needing Charles more than ever right now. 

Charles nodded. “Alright. I’m sorry I pushed. I won’t press the matter anymore.” he promised.  

“Thank you.” Erik whispered, looking up at Charles, eyes finally meeting his.

In those eyes Charles saw his entire world. He could not allow anything to hurt Erik ever again. He wished he could somehow protect Erik from every sorrow, keep him safe and happy. Naturally, he knew that was impossible. But what he could do was to face whatever hardships stood in Erik’s way with Erik. Together. Because he cared greatly and because he loved deeply. 

He wrapped one arm around Erik’s shoulders, lowering both of them on the bed. They snuggled. 

“Do you feel better after shutting yourself down for the night?” he asked gently. 

Erik nodded. “I do.” he said. Then frowned and amended. “At least I will in a moment. But before that… I need to explain myself to you.” He set up a little in order to look Charles in the face as he spoke. 

“You don’t have to explain anything, Erik.” Charles reassured. “I understand.” 

“No, I do. I do need to explain. Or else I won’t be able to live with myself or look you in the eye.” 

Charles did not argue. If Erik needed this, then Charles would listen. 

“At that party when I first met Sebastian I felt terrible.” Erik confessed. “All those odd looks and murmurs from the other guests. It sucked. Some of the more drunken guests that night even made a few insulting and offensive suggestions to me. I found it disgusting. I found  _ them  _ disgusting. But eventually I almost got used to it. Accepted it. Why would I expect better behavior from cockroaches like them? But it still brought me down. And then Sebastian showed up. At first I thought I had to deal with yet another drunkard but he was different. He was polite and charming and he was nice to me. He respected me. We started a conversation and he wanted to hear my opinions. He was curious what I thought about different topics and it turned out we had similar opinions on most of them. It made me feel… validated. I thought I found a like-minded person with an open mind and a kind heart. I thought I found a friend. I didn’t think he’d…” 

Erik cut himself off, biting his lower lip. Charles desperately wanted to scream  _ Didn’t think he’d what? What did Shaw do to you last night?  _ Shaw must’ve used that bloody helmet again to prevent Charles from being alerted that something was up. That would explain the radio silence last night. Charles wanted to know so that he could better help Erik deal with it but he also didn’t want to force Erik to do something he wasn’t ready for. He’d have to wait for Erik to speak about it in his own time. 

He bit his own lip too and remained silent, ready to hear what else Erik had to say now.

“I never thought of Sebastian as anything more than a friend, Charles. I promise you that. I never meant for you to get hurt. I misjudged him while you saw right through him. I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to warn me about him. I’m so sorry about the hurtful things I said to you. Can you forgive me?” 

Charles was generally a forgiving soul. Conflict was never his goal. Even when he got hurt. Besides he knew Erik didn’t mean to cause him pain. He could tell Erik felt bad about it now and regretted it. Most of all, he loved Erik and couldn’t really remain mad at him for a long time. There was no reason for Charles not to accept the apology. So he accepted it. Of course, he did. They snuggled and talked and shared and at the end Charles realized that their bond had grown stronger.  

“You’re too forgiving.” Erik smiled at him later as they watched the sunrise together. 

“To stay mad at you I’d need to constantly remind myself why I was mad at you, what went wrong and what upset me so much. It’s too much work. I only have to forgive once.” 

Erik chuckled, pressing a kiss to Charles’ temple. 

“Why, Charles. You’re a philosopher.” He teased. 

Charles grinned and rested his head on Erik’s shoulder. “I’m good at so many things, it’s uncanny.” 

Erik chuckled again. It felt nice to just relax with Erik, to enjoy the peace and serenity of the early morning with your beloved. 

After a small pause Erik broke the silence once more. 

“Charles, when I woke up this morning you were so afraid. You thought I wouldn’t remember you…” 

“I got paranoid and I thought someone deleted your memory of me. Factory reset, you know.” Charles rolled his eyes at his own fears from only a couple of hours ago.

“I understand why you’d be upset about that.” Erik nodded with a serious look on his face. His brows were furrowed as if he was processing something. “I never told you that before but I think it’s time I do now. Charles, I backed up all information, knowledge and memories of you. Only I can access it and I’m not sharing it with anyone else. But it’s there, safe and sound and eternal.” 

Charles’ jaw slacked. He didn’t know what to say. Erik continued. 

“I’ve been worried of losing this information too.” Erik continued, a little awkwardly as if bearing his soul to Charles. “In a way to me it would be like losing myself. And I didn’t want that, not after I’ve discovered who I am with you. That’s why I did it. That’s why I’m still doing it. I don’t want to be lost, Charles. I need to not be lost.” 

“I understand.” Charles whispered, holding Erik’s hand. 

“So now even if something inside me gets damaged,” Erik said, “I’ll always have that information stored. It’s like I've uploaded myself and I will always be with you! I won’t lose you and you won’t lose me. Until the day we die.” 

There was something very intimate and at the same time solemn about Erik’s promise. Like it was an oath he was taking there in front of Charles and the rising sun. It almost felt like a wedding vow. 

Charles internally laughed at his own thoughts and wrapped his arms around Erik. 

“Thank you, Erik.” he said heartfelt. “I love you.” 

~*~ 

They decided to leave Sebastian Shaw’s mansion that same morning. Charles asked Erik once again if he needed any help to deal with Shaw but Erik only shook his head, saying that he could handle the doctor. That, however, did not stop him from snarling at Sebastian and his fake hospitality while they were bidding their goodbyes.

“Pity you both have to leave so soon.” Dr. Shaw said, extending his hand to Erik. Erik refused it, looking away.

“I’m sure you’ll survive it.” Charles said, knowing full well that Erik wasn’t going to respond to their host’s insincerity. 

Shaw seemed a little unnerved but Charles had to handle it to him, he was hiding it pretty well. The desire to dive into the man’s mind and look for last night’s memories was growing stronger in Charles; he was still wondering what exactly happened between them, but even though he could easily pull the memory from Shaw’s mind -- since he wasn’t wearing his stupid helmet -- somehow it felt like a violation of Erik’s trust so he didn’t. He had to be patient. However, it took more self-control to stop himself today than it did earlier. 

“I hope you reconsider and return.” Shaw said out loud. His words were directed at Erik. 

So he still hadn’t given up. He still wanted Erik. Whatever happened last night, Sebastian was still hoping Erik would come back to him.

Charles felt disgusted. “Are you sure you want me here too? Or is it only Erik you’re inviting?” he gritted out. 

“This doesn’t concern you, Mr. Xavier.” Shaw said pointedly, eyes set on Erik once more.

“It does.” Erik interjected coldly, finally turning towards Shaw and looking daggers at him. It was the first thing he’d said since the beginning of the conversation. “Everything that concerns me, concerns Professor Xavier as well. He’s my partner. … And soon to be husband.”

Charles gaped, his heart skipping a beat at that unexpected statement. Did he imagine it or did Erik actually say…? 

“You’re mad.” Sebastian Shaw said. “He doesn’t care about you! Can’t you see that? Are you really this stupid?” 

“Don’t you dare talk to him like that!” Charles spat out. It was hard not to intervene when Shaw was getting on his nerves. 

“You’re just a machine to him, Erik!” Shaw cried out. 

Erik did not even flinch. “I am a free person with free will. Which gives me the freedom to tell you to fuck off.” 

He sounded so determined with his jaw set hard and unforgiving, his features stern and powerful. He looked like he could set fire with his eyes; like he could move the cores of the Earth itself. Charles couldn’t help the admiration that budded inside him. 

Dr. Shaw was not as impressed. His face was red with rage. “You will regret this.” he said. 

The buzzing sensation in the back of Charles’ head suddenly returned, stronger than he’s ever felt it before. Charles was confused. Was this because of Shaw? Was Shaw somehow doing this to him? But it had started before Charles even met Shaw. What did it mean?

Now was not the appropriate moment for this, Charles reminded himself, trying to shake it off. He had no time for buzzing weirdness in his head right now. He tried to concentrate on the conversation again. 

“There will come a time when you’ll seek my help, Erik.” Shaw spoke ominously. “And when that time comes I might reconsider if I should offer it so freely. I don’t offer my help to everyone, you know.” 

Erik gritted his teeth. For some reason those words seemed to enrage him more than anything else Shaw said. 

“I do not  _ want  _ your  _ help _ .” he growled. “I don’t  _ need  _ your help. I don’t  _ accept  _ your offers. I don’t. Want.  _ You _ .” 

Shaw smirked, no doubt pleased to have affected Erik. “Are you quite sure about that?”

“Positively. Now, out of my way.” Erik demanded. 

When Shaw stubbornly remained in front of Erik, glaring at him, Charles was about to intervene. But suddenly he couldn’t move. The buzzing in his head grew even stronger, overtaking everything, making him blind and deaf for his surroundings. He flinched.

It was not necessarily unpleasant but a novel and strange feeling nevertheless. And the fact that Charles still had no idea what it was exactly made it even more dangerous. He tried to ignore it again -- Erik needed him now, he couldn’t afford to be incapacitated in any way. But this time it was different, more explicit and louder, slowly shaping into something else, something recognisable. Charles shut his eyes closed and allowed himself to chase it, to dig in, to sink in it. With his own mind he followed the buzzing which had by now developed into a thunder. It were guiding him, showing him a new path, alluring him, different and tempting, unlike anything he’s ever encountered telepathically before. He could tell now that  _ that  _ was no headache. It was something else. He definitely felt it as a _ distinct telepathic presence _ . A strong one too. Charles concentrated on it hard, mentally leaving Erik and Shaw temporarily just to make sure he doesn’t lose his chance to follow that buzzing and find out once and for all what it was. 

And then suddenly there was a clear image in front of him. He saw a lab. He was entering it. He saw Sebastian Shaw, sitting by a desk, hunched over a test tube. 

He looked up at Charles. “My boy! What’s the matter? You seem so upset.” 

There came no reply. Shaw put the test tube away and approached, arms open in an invitation for a hug. 

“You  _ are  _ upset.” he said, assured, looking Charles straight in the eyes. “What could possibly have caused that? Tell me. Share. You know you can depend on me.”

Charles wanted to step away but he couldn’t because he wasn’t himself in that moment. Whose memory was that? It was definitely a memory. It felt like a memory. Not Shaw’s, though. This wasn’t Shaw’s viewpoint. Maybe it was one of the guests? But why would any of them have a peculiar and exceptionally buzzing mind, so different from any other human or mutant?  

He hesitated. Should he pull away? Respect the privacy of whoever the owner of that memory was? Before he could make up his mind and leave Shaw said something that made Charles freeze in place. 

“Erik? Talk to me, my boy.” 

_ ERIK _ ! This was  _ Erik’s memory _ ? How could it possibly be Erik’s memory!? And how could Charles possibly access it telepathically!? They’ve never done that before! It shouldn’t be done at all! Charles was a telepath but Erik had no mind! It was impossible for Charles to connect with him on that level if he had no mind! 

And yet, here he was. Standing in Shaw’s lab, looking at Shaw’s face, seeing what Erik saw, feeling what Erik felt,  _ being  _ Erik! Was he delusional? Was this some kind of sick hallucination?

He did not pull away. He remained. Hallucination or no, he had to make sure if this was really Erik’s mind or not.

He concentrated on it again. 

“I don’t know how to say this to you, Sebastian.” Charles heard Erik’s voice as if he himself was speaking the words. As if he was the one talking. 

“Just say what you think.” Dr. Shaw offered, leading them towards a nearby couch. 

They sat down comfortably, Shaw giving his full attention. Charles could feel the power of that emotion -- to be taken seriously, to have a friend who cared, to have someone to share your fears and troubles with. To be accepted and understood. So many feelings! All inside one android! To think there was a time when Charles doubted their existence. 

“You know how much I respect you, Sebastian.” Charles was saying as Erik in the memory. “And it pains me when certain people do not understand our friendship.” 

“I see.” Sebastian nodded. “Are these ’certain people’ Charles Xavier?” 

A nod. “He’s got the wrong impression. The  _ human  _ impression.” 

“It happens. One cannot blame him for being… small-minded. It is hard to fight prejudice sometimes, even within oneself. Xavier’s no saint, you know.” 

“He’s a good man.” 

“But?” Shaw added, the corners of his lips twisting upwards. 

“But…” Erik sighed. “... His suspicions and accusations alone make me I feel dirty. For your sake as well as mine.” 

“What were these  _ accusations  _ then?” 

“Must I say it?” Erik whispered. 

“You came here to talk.” Shaw reminded. 

“It’s not as easy as I expected it to be.”

Shaw’s hand rested on Erik’s thigh. Charles felt it on his own thigh too. The memory continued. 

“This is a safe space.” Shaw said, his voice sounding reassuring, calming. Erik relaxed into it. “Yes. Yes, it is. I know it is.” he said. “Charles, he-- he thinks we’re having an affair. He thinks your interest in me is sexual. Which I know is ridiculous and very disturbing. But he thinks--” 

“Disturbing and ridiculous?” Shaw laughed amused. “Why, Erik! Why would it be so disturbing or ridiculous?” 

Charles felt something tighten in Erik’s throat. He then felt the android consciously making the effort to ignore that and remind himself that Sebastian was his friend. He had probably offended or hurt him with his words. 

“Believe me, Sebastian,” Erik spoke, “I never meant to offend you in any way by sharing these things with you.” 

“I do not feel offended at all.” Shaw’s hand slid further up Erik’s thigh, his voice more unsteady, lower and guttural. “You make me feel many things, Erik, but offense is not one of them.” 

Erik carefully put more distance between them, the strangeness in Dr. Shaw’s behavior making him a little nervous. 

“I’m glad if that’s so.” he said out loud. “Anyway, I only came here to prove a point that he’s wrong. And to calm myself down after his words.” 

“Let me help you relax then.” Shaw whispered, pushing himself closer to Erik once again. 

All this handsy business was getting annoying to Erik. Shaw’s touch was different than what Erik was used to receive from him, more than Erik was comfortable with. 

“Sebastian,” he said carefully, “have I made a mistake? Have I misunderstood or led you on?” 

Sebastian chuckled again, sliding closer into Erik’s personal space once more. “You analyse things too much.” he said. “Just relax. Let nature take its course.” 

“I do not have ‘nature’ as you understand it.” Erik replied, removing Shaw’s hand from himself. 

“Perhaps not but you can’t know for sure until you try.” Shaw leaned in, more insistently this time. 

“What are you doing, Sebastian?” 

“Analyse it.” Sebastian smirked, his hands back on Erik once again, touching him in ways Erik did not want to be touched by him. 

“Sebastian! Stop this! I don’t like it!” Erik fumbled to get up from the couch but Sebastian pulled him back to himself, holding him down with surprising strength. 

“No!” Erik cried out. 

“You can’t fight me, Erik. You are a robot. You’re made for our pleasure. And now I want to get  _ mine _ !” Shaw hissed in Erik’s ear. 

Charles could feel how terrified Erik was. He could also feel Erik’s impotence in the situation for Erik could not push Sebastian away. He had the physical strength to do it but it was against his programming to hurt a living being. Not even in self-defense. 

He could not move but he could talk, he could scream and make noise. And that he did. But who’d hear him from down there in this private laboratory? 

“Let me go, you brute!” Erik demanded. “I thought you were my friend!” 

Shaw laughed once more, his hands on Erik becoming more insistent and intense as his patience was growing thinner. 

“A friend? That’s sweet. But you’re right about one thing though. I do want you. From the moment I saw you. No,” he corrected, “from the moment I heard about you. Emma told me everything about your little affair with your master. That’s the perk of having a telepath friend. Apparently Raven’s mind is leaking a lot. Naughty, Erik!” 

He slapped him across the face just to demonstrate power, to enjoy his control.  

“You know, I may like that.” he said, fingers tracing lines up and down Erik’s cheek where a bruise from the slap would have been forming had Erik been human. “Having you for my own, having you please me and following my every order like a good boy. To work with you, to sleep with you. That’d be good. You are an exceptional model, so human like and yet so much better.”

“Get your hands off of me!” Erik barked, struggling to resist his programming and push Shaw off. It all seemed so futile. 

“I do admire you, you know. I meant what I said.” Shaw continued, ignoring Erik’s gasps, pleads and threats. “You are impressive.” 

“I thought you were my friend…” Erik said again, his voice sounding utterly broken. 

“A friend! Pfft! You are impressive but you’re still below me. You’re just a robot, Erik. You’re not a real person. You have no real feelings. You’re useful, a good tool for me to use. And you’ll always be that. You could become more, eventually. But you’d be nothing without me. You need me.” 

“I don’t! Leave me alone!” 

“I can make you better! Just imagine! You and me in my lab! I’ll upgrade you! Modify you! Transform you! Together we’ll push the limits! Imagine all the experiments! Imagine all we could achieve! You want it, don’t you, Erik?”

“No!” 

“You’re like me! We’re the same you and I.”

“No! Get off me! Get off! Get off!” 

“Stand still, damn you!” Shaw yelled just when Erik suddenly kicked him and pushed him off of himself with all his strength.  

Shaw landed in the other end of the lab, dizzy and confused as he tried to get back up on his feet. Erik gaped, surprised by his own actions. He wasn’t supposed to hurt a living person. Not even in self-defense. He closed his eyes and then opened them again but it didn’t change anything. It really happened. Sebastian was still on the floor where Erik threw him himself. He wanted him off and he acted on it.

There was no time for contemplation. Erik quickly returned to his senses. He didn’t want to be here any longer. He didn't want to be anywhere near Sebastian. 

“Come back here!” Shaw screamed at him as the android ran from the lab. “You can’t leave me! You can’t-- can’t do this! You need me, you stupid machine! You’re nothing without me! I can make you great! Together we can own this world!”

Erik did not hear the rest. He was running and running and running. He wished he could keep running like this forever. He wished to run until he dropped down exhausted in Charles’ arms. 

During this entire memory Charles felt all of Erik’s rage and panic. He felt Dr. Shaw’s hands on Erik, persisting and firm, strong, demanding and uncaring.  _ Unwanted _ . Erik desperately trying to pull away, to push Shaw off of himself, to be free of him. The abuse over his body was terrifying and painful but being an android Erik’s pain tolerance was high. The violation on his person, however, that was a different thing altogether. That pain was permanent. It was not going away no matter how hard Erik tried to ignore it. It was there, inside him like a tumor and Erik could feel it, all the time, reliving it again and again. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to break things. He wanted to die. Just to make it go away. But it was still there, so relentlessly  _ there.  _ It was no wonder why Erik shut himself down last night. No surprise he didn't want to talk about it. He was betrayed by someone he considered a true friend. Sebastian Shaw may not have managed to fully rape Erik’s body that night, but the damage he'd done was just as traumatic. Charles understood that now. And Charles was furious. 

He was also unconscious. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: rape attempt but nothing explicit or too graphic.


	12. Chapter 12

When Charles opened his eyes again he was still on the floor in Sebastian Shaw’s mansion. Erik’s worried face was the first thing he saw.

“Was I--?”

“Yes, yes, you were unconscious, Charles.” Erik replied hurriedly. He was still scanning him, Charles could tell.

“There’s no need for that, Erik. I’m fine.” Charles said, putting his hand on top of Erik’s and giving him a small smile. “I really am. I--” his eyes fell on the figure next to Erik. Shaw. It all came back to him in a second. “You bastard!” he cried out and jumping up from the floor way faster than he was supposed to in his condition, he charged at Sebastian. “You stupid evil bastard!”

The anger from the buzzing memory Charles had just witnessed still remained unresolved inside him, making his heart race in his chest, making his blood boil. His hands were clenched in tight fists as he punched Sebastian in the face with all his strength.

Charles had never been the violent kind. He was a peace-loving man. He was also not too strong physically. But in this particular moment he blacked out. Everything else disappeared and there was only this rage and fear he felt. Shaw could’ve hurt Erik, damage him permanently. Shaw had scarred Erik for life with his actions. The realization of how close Erik was to getting raped last night was terrifying. Shaw did not take _no_ for an answer. He was not going to stop. Erik had to fight back, fight off his programming of complying to whatever a human orders him. He had to push Shaw just to get away from him, in other words, he had to harm a human which was definitely against his android programming. The horror Erik felt before pushing Sebastian off. The fear that he could not stop him. It was still there inside Erik. The betrayal. The disappointment. The pain. All of it. And it was inside Charles too.

“You almost raped him, you bastard!” Charles kept yelling, angry tears streaming down his face.

He kept punching and kicking Sebastian as hard as he could until he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist and pulling him off the other man. Then a voice.

“It’s alright, Charles, it’s alright. Calm down. Calm yourself. _Calm your mind_.”

“He wanted to hurt you, Erik. He _did_ hurt you…” Charles sobbed, trying to get to Shaw again.

Erik held Charles tightly in his arms. “It’s alright. I’m alright. It’s over now. It’s over.”

His hand was stroking Charles’ hair to calm him down. Charles was still trying to get his breath back. He looked at Shaw who was on the floor. His face was covered in blood where Charles had punched him. A nasty cut on the lip and a broken nose, by the looks of it. It was still not enough, he deserved worse after what he did.

“You’re insane.” Shaw gritted out at Charles. “You’re completely insane. I don’t want you in my house.”

“I don’t want you in our life!” Charles gasped back. “How could you do that? You disgust me!”

“Because I wanted to sleep with him!?” Shaw laughed, almost maniacally. Then he looked Charles straight in the eyes with almost frightening seriousness. “I didn’t try anything you yourself weren’t already doing to him.” he said.

“Come, Charles. Let’s go.” Erik whispered, tugging Charles by the arm.

Charles did not move. “What…?” he paled.

“I know about your little ‘affair’ with Erik.” Shaw continued. “Is that somehow different from what I wanted last night?”

“It’s not the same! How can the two even be compared? It’s not the same!”

Shaw laughed. “Of course, it is. You use him just like I wanted to use him. Just like many others use their androids for their own desires and needs like appliances or toys. You use his brain, his knowledge, his skills, his body, everything. You take advantage of his trust.”

Charles shook his head frantically. “That’s not true.”

A sneaky smile spread across Shaw’s injured face. “He’s like a child, you know. And you’re his parental figure. His guardian, if you will. And you sleep with him. What does that make you? How was I any different than you, Xavier?”

Charles felt a sharp pain through the heart.

“Oh, shut up. Charles had my consent. _That_ ’s the difference.” Erik barked at Sebastian. Then gently turned towards Charles again. “Come on, we’ve been here long enough. Let’s go.”

Charles could still not move. Shaw’s words echoing in his mind, resonating throughout his entire being. _What does that make you? How are we any different?_

“You look at me with disgust on your face, Xavier. But deep down you know I’m right. You know we both want the same thing from Erik. I’m just man enough to admit it.” Shaw said. He was still lying on the floor but somehow he managed to exuberate power even from that otherwise vulnerable position.

Erik was talking but Charles could not make out the words. He felt like he was out of his own body, looking at the events from somewhere up high.

“Charles? Charles!” Erik’s voice finally pulled him back to reality. “Charles, let’s go!”

He felt Erik’s hand pulling him away from the room, away from Shaw. He felt his legs making the steps, following Erik like Erik wanted. He heard Shaw’s voice in his head once again and he shut his eyes tightly, willing it to shut up.

They finally walked out of that blasted mansion, never to return again. They had their own lives to live now. They were in love. And Charles had just discovered that Erik had a mind of his own. It was a new chapter in their lives. So why was Charles feeling so dirty, disgusting and terrible then?

~*~

They were at home. In Charles’ mansion, just the two of them. Like Charles wanted. Erik was smiling at him, rubbing Charles’ cheek with his thumb and looking at him with such love and devotion in those beautiful blue-green eyes.

Charles sighed, forcing a smile to his own face. He didn’t want to talk about the turmoil of emotions inside of him until he understood them himself. He felt terrible but he didn’t want to worry Erik without a reason. It was possible that Charles was just too exhausted from all the events of the past days. Maybe that was the only reason he still felt like shit. Maybe he just needed some rest.

“Are you hungry? Want me to mix something up for you?” Erik offered.

Charles shook his head. “You don’t have to cook for me, Erik.”

“Well, you can’t cook for yourself.” Erik replied. “Not properly anyway. If I leave it to you, you’ll eat sandwiches 24/7.”

It was meant to be a teasing joke but for some reason it made Charles’ chest clench.

“Sandwiches are good.” Charles offered weakly.

Erik chuckled. “You’re so adorable. I’m so glad we’re back home again.” he brought their foreheads together. Then pressed a gentle kiss to Charles’ mouth, just a brush against his lips. Enough to send electricity down Charles’ spine, making him crave for more.

Charles let out a shaky breath, eyes looking up at Erik, defeated.

Erik smiled again. “I’ll bring the food.” he announced and walked to the kitchen.

Charles remained in the study, silent and confused. The only sound in the room was him slowly inhaling and exhaling.

~*~

Erik had a mind! That’s what Charles had to concentrate on now! Not his own crazy emotions but the very important piece of information he had discovered last morning.

Erik had a _mind_! It was different than a human’s, of course, or a mutant’s -- the two weren’t that different, really -- but it was definitely a mind! A new type of a mind, begging to be explored! Charles had felt it so clearly that morning in Shaw’s mansion. It was remarkable!

All those weeks the soft buzzing his head had been Erik’s mind! Charles just didn’t know it at the time. Didn’t think anything of it. Ignored it. Thought it was a bloody headache, for God’s sake! But he knew now!

And he had to tell Erik already! One day delay was already too much. Poor dear Erik walked around with a mind without knowing! He probably didn’t know what having a mind would feel like so he didn’t even consider the possibility of having one. But Charles was there and it was up to him to enlighten Erik on the matter. He was the telepath after all, he was responsible.

The thought of him being responsible for Erik brought back Shaw’s words to his mind. They never truly ceased to haunt him but he was doing his best to keep that to himself.

 _Concentrate on what’s important for Erik now,_ he reminded himself. Erik’s mind, that was important; not Charles’ insecurities, doubts and guilt.

He should’ve told Erik right away, the moment they left that horrid mansion, but they were both too agitated then to have a serious conversation. So Charles left it for the next day.

He was both excited and nervous to share the news with Erik. There were still a lot of questions left unanswered for Charles. He’d only been inside Erik’s mind once, he didn’t understand all of it himself. He didn’t know how to look for things in it, how to communicate with Erik telepathically and if that was even possible. He didn’t even know how to enter the mind without the buzzing guiding him. But he knew with Erik’s help he could unveil this uncharted territory. Together they could explore this new mystery.

After breakfast seemed like a good time to have a serious talk. And as a bonus it would distract Erik from noticing Charles’ poor appetite. He didn’t feel like eating. Or doing anything for himself really.

“Erik, I have something to tell you.” he began.

“Oh? Is there something wrong?” Erik let out a soft smile as if bracing himself for whatever was coming.

“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s good news, really.” Charles assured. “Erik, I felt your mind yesterday.”

Silence.

“In fact, I was inside it.”

More silence.

“Well, say something!” Charles breathed out anxiously.

“I need to scan you.”

“What?”

“To check if you’re healthy.”

“Erik, I'm not crazy. I did  _really_ feel your mind. Your _actual_ mind.” Charles insisted.

“But that’s impossible, Charles. I don’t have a mind.” Erik said slowly.

“That seems to be the popular _wrong_ opinion on the subject. But you do have a mind, my love. And it’s beautiful!”

“Charles, please, let me scan your head. Maybe you got hurt or--”

“I saw it, Erik! I’ve been inside it! I even explored it! And I-- I’m sorry but I incidentally saw your memory with Shaw from that night.”

Erik’s jaw slacked a little.

“You saw that memory from my mind?” he asked. Charles nodded. “So that’s why--”

Charles nodded again. “Yes, I’m afraid. Please, don’t be mad at me! I didn’t mean to look! It just sort of pulled me there.”

“When you suddenly knew what Shaw did that night I just assumed you sensed something from his mind. I never expected-- It was me?” he pointed at himself dumbly.

The gesture made Charles chuckle fondly at him. “It was!” he confirmed. “It was your mind that showed it all to me.” he frowned. “And I really didn’t mean to pry, I just followed the new feeling and-- and--”

“I’m not mad at you, Charles. I am-- confused.” The look on his face was a little regretful. “I’m sorry but what you say makes no sense. I don’t have a mind. I wasn’t build with one.”

Charles cupped Erik’s cheek gently. “I suppose a mind isn’t something one’s build with, then. Doesn’t mean you don’t develop it over time. Maybe you weren’t built with it at first but you certainly have it now. And I certainly felt it. I’ve been feeling it for a while now, I just didn’t realize what it was.”

Erik still seemed hesitant to believe it. As if he _didn’t want to let himself believe_ it.

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Erik.”  

“I know that. But maybe you just really wish--”

“No! It’s nothing like that at all! I assure you!” Charles insisted. “We’ve been through this before. I accept you and I don’t need you to be more human or more mutant. I love you for you. This isn’t me trying to pretend you’re human. This is me trying to know you better. To let you know yourself better. Please, let me?”

Erik slowly smiled at Charles. “You really think I have a mind? You-- sensed it?”

“Yes!”

“And it might have been inside me for a long time, we just never knew?”

Charles nodded again.

“And you’re sure about it? You’re positive that’s what you felt and it wasn’t something else?”

“I’m positive!”

Erik gasped with a wide smile on his face. “In that case, I believe you! Of course, I believe you!”

Charles reciprocated the wide smile too. They were both overcome with emotions.

“So what-- what are we to do about this?” Erik asked, still too excited to process.

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could practice? I still know so little about your mind. I don’t even know if I can enter it again. It was a one-time thing and I’m kind of nervous to try it without you.”

“How did you manage it the first time?”

“There was this buzzing sound that I kept hearing.”

“Your headache?”

Charles chuckled. “It was no headache, Erik. That was your mind all the while.”

Erik frowned. “My mind gave you a headache?”

“No! No, no, no, no. Not at all!” Charles reassured. “We thought it was a strange reaction to me learning control and interacting with other minds but it turns out I was just sensing you.”

“Wow.” Was all Erik could say.

“Yesterday morning the buzzing grew louder and sort of invited me to follow. I did and then I found myself inside your memory.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Erik was silent again. “I’m sorry, it’s a lot to process.”

“It’s alright. I get it. Take your time. I had a whole day to process it myself.”

“I just never thought that I could possibly--”

“I know.”

“This is big.”

“It is.”

“I have a mind.”

“You have a mind.”

Erik pulled Charles into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of Charles’ neck.

“I have a mind.” he whispered.

When he finally let go of Charles he was smiling at him again.

“How does my mind work? I’m not sure I can locate it inside me.”

“No one can locate their mind. We say it’s the head but is it really? No one can tell. It’s like the mind is the entire being.”

“Good point. It’s like a modern word for soul.”

Charles smiled at that. Erik had always secretly wanted a soul.

“Yes, darling. It’s like a soul.”

“I want to know more! I want to know what can my mind do. I want to know if we can communicate telepathically like you can with others.”

“Well, let’s explore it together then. See where it takes us.”

“Yes.” Erik smiled back at Charles. “Let’s explore this together.”

~*~

That afternoon Charles tried entering Erik’s mind again. They were back in the same room they used for Charles’ practices. But this time they had no plan. They were both trying to discover this new world.

“Now, I have a theory.” Charles told Erik. “I think when your emotions are stronger the buzzing gets louder. I guess your emotions were so strong yesterday that you sort of projected the buzzing and that allowed me to enter your mind.”

“How do I make that happen again?”

“If I have to be honest, I wish I could learn to enter your mind on my own, without the buzzing. Like I can do with human minds.”

Erik nodded. “I agree. I want that too.”

“The question is how to find it. It’s been there all the time but so low-key I didn’t notice.”

“And I didn’t notice either.” Erik chuckled.

“Let’s try this. I’ll use my full concentration.”

“And I’ll concentrate on one particular thought to make it easier for you.”

“Thank you, darling.” Charles closed his eyes, lifting his fingers to his temple.

It took some time to find the path without the buzzing to guide him. But eventually Charles got the familiar sense from last morning and he grabbed onto that. In about an hour or so he was inside Erik’s mind again and this time they both felt it.

Erik cried for the first time. Charles held him close till sundown. They remained cuddled and snuggled like that until they were both capable to speak again. Then they talked and talked until Erik’s battery was too low and he needed to recharge.

Only when they finally went to bed did Charles realize how exhausted he truly was. He was on an emotional rollercoaster of his very own. They didn’t try anything other than Charles entering Erik’s mind -- he didn’t talk to Erik telepathically, he didn’t look for memories, he didn’t try any of the finer control techniques. But it was still so overwhelming and Charles couldn’t stop thinking about it. The way Erik let him in. Erik’s trust. It made Charles flinch internally. Had he betrayed that trust? Had he taken advantage of it?

He was lying down next to Erik who was already in recharge mode, sleeping peacefully. But Charles could not fall asleep. The thoughts in his head were too loud. Many of these thoughts were unwanted and too upsetting for him to want to contemplate.

Shaw’s words echoed loud and clear again: _How are we any different?_

How was he different from Shaw, indeed? He had treated Erik like an appliance even if he never said it out loud and never admitted it. Erik did all the chores for Charles, he helped in the lab with Charles’ work when Charles asked it of him and then when Charles started desiring Erik too much he made him reactivate the sexual function just so that he could fuck him. He’d made use of this function whenever he wished. He never talked to Erik about it. And during all this time Erik was a conscious person with a mind! A conscious person with a mind who trusted Charles and cared for Charles. Shaw was right, Charles was responsible for Erik. Erik had the innocence of a child, trusting Charles like his father figure. And what had Charles done in return? He had behaved so selfishly, thinking only of what he wanted and masking it as concern for Erik. Pretending to be the liberator who gave Erik’s freedom while at the same time ordering Erik to sleep with him. It felt like Charles had forced himself on his ward. It felt like abuse of power. It felt like… it felt like another form of rape.

Charles wanted to throw up. Shaw said it outright, the thing Charles never dared to admit to himself. The thing Charles was blind to. _Wanted_ to be blind to. But he could no longer pretend he did not see it. He was taking advantage of Erik just like Shaw did. And it made him sick!

 _Charles had my consent, that’s the difference!_ Erik had said that day.

Was it true? Was Erik even capable of giving consent that first time? When Charles just told him what he wanted of him and Erik did it? It was Erik’s programming to comply. Refusing was never an option. Right?

_What does that make me then?_

Charles felt hot tears sliding down his cheeks. He loved Erik. He did! He never wanted to hurt Erik. But maybe he had done just that, involuntarily. Maybe Erik was too confused to even see it. Too trusting to realize what Charles had done to him. Too kind to notice the way Charles had played with him. Or maybe he suspected it but refused to accept it, just like he had with Shaw when Charles suggested it.

Charles curled up on himself in the bed. But the moment he looked up he saw Erik -- sleeping and recharging, unsuspecting of Charles’ villainy -- he felt sick all over again. He couldn’t stay in the same bed with Erik and be constantly reminded of-- of what he had done. Mindful not to wake Erik up, he sneaked out of bed and hurried to his study where he spent the night on his favourite armchair.

~*~  

The next morning when Erik woke up he found he was alone in their bed. He was a bit confused because Charles was usually not a morning person. Maybe he was just as excited about their new practice sessions as Erik was! That made sense so Erik didn’t think much of Charles’ absence and proceeded with his usual morning maintenance routine instead. Then he went down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and check up on Charles.  

He was so lucky to have Charles! True, they were so different but at the same time they were also very strongly connected with one another. Like two sides of the same coin. Like… _soulmates._ Yes, Erik dared think that word in relation to himself and Charles now that he knew he had a mind! A mind that Charles could enter, therefore he could probably also read it and hopefully communicate with, too. Erik really wanted that. He wanted to feel as close to Charles as possible.

Erik was so lucky to have Charles in his life. Charles had always made him feel special and needed. Charles valued his opinion. Charles stood by his side against his sister, against Shaw, against the world. Charles got Erik’s back.

With a tingly feeling Erik remembered the first time Charles kissed him. How Erik wanted more even though he didn’t even know what exactly it was that he wanted so badly. The confusion of a desire that was not supposed to be there. The yearning for something he knew was unreachable. He was not human so he thought he was not good enough for Charles. But Charles had shown him friendship and affection and love and passion. And Erik loved it! Erik loved every bit of it!

It did not feel that way when Shaw touched him. Erik felt repulsed and frightened then. But it was not like that with Charles. Erik had meant it when he said that he wanted to marry Charles. If only it were possible, he’d gladly do it in a heartbeat! Provided, of course, Charles didn’t mind. Erik had no doubts that Charles truly cared for him deeply but he wasn’t sure if Charles was ready to go public with their relationship, to make it official and marry an android for everyone to see.  

Erik would understand if Charles didn’t want that. After all, it didn’t matter that much as long as they were together. Besides, they had other more urgent matters to attend to now. Erik’s mind and discovering all those new possibilities that came with it.

Erik decided he wanted to practice with Charles all the time. It was a new and amazing feeling for him to be united with Charles in yet another intimate way and he wanted more of it.

When he told Charles that and asked him if he was still on board with practicing with him all day Charles smiled at him softly and said _“Of course. Anything you want.”_ It made Erik feel like his insides had swollen with joy. He knew it was not possible literally but it was what it felt like and that was exciting. He was now able to express these feelings, unlike before when he was only puzzled by them. It was a relief to know you’re not damaged for feeling the way you felt. It was good to be accepted even if you did not fit in the pattern. Those were happy days for Erik and it was helping him to get over what Shaw tried to do a couple of days ago. He was recovering. He still didn’t want to talk about it though. But that was more for Charles’ sake than his own. Charles always seemed to get so upset whenever Erik mentioned Sebastian Shaw or the incident. So he decided to keep it to himself. He was strong enough to deal with it on his own, after all.

Of course, he could just delete the memory from his memory drive. But that would take the lesson away from the experience. And Erik wanted to learn. Erik wanted to know. Erik wanted to remember.

They practiced each day, gradually increasing the hours Charles spent inside Erik’s mind. They explored, trying to figure out how was Erik’s mind different from a human’s. It turned out the differences were relatively small. Erik’s mind retained more information and was more orderly due to his more structured way of storing information. Human memories were messy and unreliable, they could be biased or even altered by time; but Erik’s memories were could be trusted, they remained unchanged. Emotions and feelings, however, were very similar to those of a human. Charles told him he was not really surprised by that discovery because, as Charles said, Erik and his feelings were just as valid as any other person’s. Erik was really happy to hear Charles say that to him.

Digging into Erik’s mind, Charles managed to help Erik unlock certain things he had subconsciously kept suppressed -- much like a human mind would do. It helped him see things he did not understand about himself earlier. He felt enlightened about his own nature -- if nature was the right word in his case.

There was also this feeling of baring himself in front of Charles until he was completely exposed and vulnerable. Charles could see everything that was going on inside Erik’s head. It wasn’t that Erik had anything to hide from Charles but it was still strange to be so metaphorically naked in front of someone. The feeling was both intimidating and exciting. But Erik liked it. He also got a chance to truly feel the power of Charles’ mutation, to experience first hand its magnificence and remarkableness. He loved that!

If he had to be honest with himself, it was also kind of a turn on for him. Charles using his mutation on him, talking in his mind, having the power to see everything he felt and thought. It sometimes made it difficult for Erik to concentrate on their work, too distracted by his want. Did Charles know about that, Erik wondered? And if he did, why was he ignoring it instead of doing something about it and making the days infinitely better for both of them? It bugged Erik a bit at times but he had to admire Charles’ conviction and professionalism. To keep his head clear during their practices and explorations instead of surrendering to the desires that were raging inside of Erik.

Erik tried to keep it down. To control his urges even though it wasn’t easy when Charles had this extraordinary effect on him. He would’ve asked Charles to use his mind-control to help him concentrate better but that part of Charles’ mutation wasn’t working on Erik’s mind. Besides, Erik doubted Charles would like the idea of mind-controlling anyone even if it had worked.

Unlike Erik who often got distracted, Charles seemed entirely devoted to their practice and lessons. It was almost like he was a completely different person. Erik couldn’t get away even with stealing a little kiss! Whenever Erik leaned in to press their lips together, even if it was just a chaste peck on the cheek, Charles would attentively pull away. Erik tried not to make anything of it, thinking it was a one or two time occurrence, but he noticed it happened a lot more often than he initially thought. The way Charles sat further away from him in the study; the way he gently removed Erik’s hand from his thigh at dinner; the way he pretended he didn’t understand Erik’s hints and suggestions that they be more intimate. Charles was pushing away each and every of Erik’s attempts at physical intimacy and Erik was growing concerned. Was he doing wrong? Did Charles see something in Erik’s mind that he disliked or disapproved of? It was distressing him. Thinking he was no longer good for Charles, the horrible fear of being rejected and unwanted by Charles, -- the man Erik loved more than anything in the world, -- was a dreadful feeling. Erik blamed himself. But a part of him was still hoping that they would figure things out. Maybe it had nothing to do with Erik at all. Maybe Charles just needed some space for other reasons. But why would he not share this with Erik then?

He was prepared to let it go and wait it out until one night he recharged faster than usual and found himself alone in the bed. Charles was not sleeping next to him. The fact itself was so peculiar and unlike Charles who was a total cuddle bunny that it made Erik seriously worried. He scanned for Charles’ body heat and found it in the study.

So that’s where Charles spent his nights! Erik threw on a robe and went to the study. Tonight was the night to confront Charles about all of this.

~*~

He opened the door to find the study almost pitch-black. He turned on the lights and saw Charles curled in his armchair, a blanket wrapped around him and an e-book on his lap. He wasn’t reading though.

“Charles? What are you doing here in the dark?”

Charles jumped startled by the light and by being discovered.

“Erik.” Was all he said.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you in bed?” Erik asked, closing the door and coming closer to Charles.

“I was-- I couldn’t sleep.” Charles stuttered. He looked guilty though and it made Erik wonder what was the actual problem.

“Talk to me about it?” he offered.

“We can talk in the morning, Erik. Go get some rest.” Charles said tiredly.

“No. We will talk now.” Erik said firmly, pulling the other armchair closer to Charles’ and sitting down on it. He made sure to look Charles in the eyes all the while.

Charles swallowed and clasped his hands together in his lap. He tilted his head a little. “Very well then. What is it you wish to talk about?”

“No, don’t do that. Don’t act like you’re my therapist.” Erik shook his head, leaning in, bringing their faces closer together. “I know something’s troubling you. I can sense it. Why won’t you talk to me about it?”

“Erik, it’s nothing. Really.”

There was a soft smile on Charles’ face but Erik could tell it was fake. Charles glanced down at his hands again, avoiding to look Erik straight in the eyes.

“Don’t lie to me. Please.” Erik whispered.

He held Charles’ hands in his, trying to remind him of the comforting intimacy they used to share. Charles’ hands were cold and shaking. His initial reaction was to instantly pull away from Erik but then he caught himself before the act, as if realizing it would only alert Erik that something was wrong.

Erik slowly let go of Charles’ hands. “You don’t want me to touch you…” he realized. “I-- I don’t understand. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, Erik, it’s not you.” Charles’ face looked pained.

“Who else could it be? It’s just the two of us here.” Erik said.

“I’m just saying it’s not your fault, that’s all.” Charles muttered, eyes cast down to his hands once again.

“Well, it’s not yours either so who’s fault is it then?”

He realized his gaze might be a bit too demanding so he tried to soften it a bit. He was worried but he needn’t upset Charles more.

“Mine!” Charles gasped and buried his face in his hands.

Erik remained still and confused. Was Charles sobbing?

“I don’t understand.” Erik said out loud. “What exactly is your fault?”

“Everything!” Charles blurted out. “Erik, I did something terrible.”

Erik could see the torment in those beautiful blue eyes, glassy with tears.

“What did you do, Charles?” he asked. Several possibilities popped into his head instantly. “Was it your telepathy? Did you accidentally slip? Because if you did, Charles, I’m sure it was some kind of a strange incident, a one time thing. Your control was so good. Whatever happened we can fix it or defend you--”

“It’s not the telepathy.” Charles interrupted before Erik could go any further. “It’s something I did way before we started working on that.”

Erik frowned. “Charles, you’re speaking in riddles.”  

“I behaved abominably to you, Erik! I violated you and hurt you and I swear I didn’t mean it but I did it anyway and I’m sorry!” he was speaking so fast, Erik only understood him because he was an android.  

“Charles, what are you talking about? You never violated me.”

“But I did!” Charles nodded, suppressing a sob. “I myself hadn’t realized it until Shaw mentioned it but now I see it and I can’t unsee it and it’s tearing me apart on the inside but I don’t want to keep violating you any longer. I’m trying to stop and change and help you instead. It’s not easy but I’m doing the best I can. I’m so sorry, Erik!”

That little speech did not help much with Erik’s utter confusion. But Charles was upset so Erik moved from his armchair to sit on Charles’ , then pulled Charles closer and wrapped his arms around him.  

“It’s alright. I forgive you whatever you think you did, I forgive you.” he said softly. “But I assure you, Charles, you’ve done nothing wrong. And what was that about Shaw? You do realize you can’t trust a word he says, right?”

“But he was right this time.” Charles looked up into Erik’s eyes. “I never asked if it was okay to touch you. I never asked for your consent and--”

“What!?” Erik gasped when he realized where Charles was going with this. It was impossible to hold on his tongue when hearing such nonsense. “Charles, you had my consent! All the time! Every time! Why would you even say that you didn’t? Why would you do this to yourself?”

“Because it’s true. You don’t understand it because you are my victim. But I’m no different than Shaw.” Charles replied quietly, broken, his shoulders slumped. He tried to shift further away from Erik as if he were making Erik dirty merely by being near him. Of course, there wasn’t this much space in an armchair, designed for one person.

Erik wanted to scream in anger. Charles was the light in Erik’s life. How could he possibly compare himself to Sebastian Shaw!?

“Charles, snap out of this at once! None of it is true. This is Shaw being a-- a dick!”

The unexpected insult startled Charles. He looked up at Erik in amazement. Erik got his full attention, alright.

“Shaw is good at twisting things around. He’s gotten in your head, I guess. And that’s supposed to be your power, not his.”

“But what he said, it--”

“I offered it first, remember?” Erik said, stroking Charles’ arm gently.

“But was it because of your programming, or was it a decision made by your own mind? I need to know these things, Erik. I need to know I didn’t violate you.”

“Charles, you didn’t. I know you didn’t.”

“Could you even tell? With your trust in me? With your--”

“When you wanted to destroy your mutation did I stood idly by, accepting your dumb decisions?”

“Well, no…”

“Exactly. I fought back. I told you how I felt. We even fought for days about it! We didn’t speak to one another. Now, would I have done that if I were in any way afraid of you, or dependent on you, or programmed to be your slave?”

“I suppose not….”

“You did not violate me, Charles. I knew exactly what I was doing. I have been growing aware of things. Learning, developing, evolving. Just like any living thing would. I am not an imbecile just because I’m an android.”   
“I didn’t think you were…”

“But you treat me like I don’t know my own mind. And if anyone in the world knows I have a mind of my own, it should be you.”

Charles was silent. Erik couldn’t push away the feeling that he needed more reassurance but at the same time he didn’t want to make it sound like he was _convincing_ Charles that he didn’t do anything wrong. Charles had to realize that on his own and accept it. Otherwise it wouldn’t work.

“I suppose I--” Charles cut himself off and sighed. “I don’t know, Erik. I really don’t know. I’m sleep deprived, I can’t let myself make such decisions when I’m like that.”

“Fair enough.” Erik nodded, although he wasn’t entirely sure what decisions Charles had in mind here. He had one last thing he needed to tell Charles before letting him think alone. He leaned in to Charles’ ear and whispered. “I wanted it to happen. Not the first time I offered, after that massage when you refused. I was just following my duty then. But that afternoon when you first kissed me. I wanted it. I couldn’t ask because it was all so confusing and I was only your android-helper. Who was I to make such demands? But deep inside I _hoped_ that you’d say yes. I _hoped_ that you’d enable the function. I wanted you, Charles. And I still want you. I love you and I don’t ever want you to doubt our feelings or yourself. I am happy because of you. You make me happy.”

That said he took a step away to take another look at Charles. Charles seemed like he had lost his ability to speak. Erik understood what he had to do.

“I’ll let you rest and think now.” he said and returned to their bedroom.

~*~

He didn't see or hear from Charles until the afternoon. Charles came to the library where Erik liked spending his time and asked if they could talk.

“Did you mean it? What you said last night? That I didn’t force you into something you didn’t want. Did you mean that?” Charles asked carefully.

Erik took both of Charles’ hands and placed them on each side of his head, at his temples. “Look for yourself.” he said.

Charles sucked in a shaky breath. “I don’t want to have to check everything you say. I want to hear it from you.”

Erik nodded. “In that case, yes. I meant everything I said last night.”

For a moment they remained silent, looking at one another but not saying a word.

“Oh, Erik, I’m such an idiot!” Charles suddenly gasped and pulled Erik into his embrace. “I’m sorry!”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Erik replied, smiling as he hugged Charles tightly. “I find it endearing, if a little frustrating, that you were so concerned with technicalities.”

“Consent is not a technicality.”

“I know. Boy, do I know! But I love you.”

“And I love you too! You’re the best thing in my life, Erik!”

“You’re the best in mine!”

Charles kissed him passionately. Not being close to Erik for almost two full weeks must not have been easy on him either, Erik thought with a certain dose of satisfaction. But then Charles pulled away for a moment.

“Erik, Erik, wait.” He said, resting his hand on Erik's chest to keep him at a distance.

“What is it?” Erik groaned, finding it hard to hide his irritation.

“We can't leave things the way they are.”

“What do you mean?”

“Erik, there are thousands of androids around the world. If not even millions. How many of them are conscious, with a mind, do you think?”

“I can't tell.”

“Exactly. No one can. And they’re being mistreated, used as slaves, feeling confused and alone.”

Erik frowned. He hadn't really thought there were others like him. But what Charles said made sense.

“What can we do to help them?” He asked.

Charles nodded, a smile spreading across his face. “That's the right question, my love. We'll do anything we can."

“You will actually help them? My brothers out there?”

“I would definitely do my very best. With your help.”

Charles offered Erik his hand and Erik held it tightly as he felt a little reassuring squeeze. It gave him strength and safety so he shared those feelings telepathically with Charles. An important decision had been taken today. One that would hopefully make a difference.


	13. Chapter 13

Ever since Charles and Erik started practicing their mental link grew stronger and telepathic communication was no longer a trouble for them. Charles learned Erik’s mind by heart. Erik got so used to feeling Charles’ presence inside his head that he missed it dearly whenever Charles pulled away. So one time Erik simply asked Charles to keep them telepathically linked at all times. Charles was only too happy to comply. He, too, felt better when their minds were intertwined so he could understand Erik’s request perfectly. 

Charles no longer doubted that Erik’s consciousness was real, especially now that he could actually feel Erik’s mind. But up until their last conversation he never asked himself if Erik was an exception or if there were more androids like him. Androids with real feelings, real thoughts, real consciousness. What if all androids had them? Many androids were treated worse than slaves and humanity allowed it because they were considered unconscious machines. What if humanity was wrong all along? What if these were actual persons, mistreated so badly? 

Charles had to be sure. And to do that he needed to made a research. With all the practice he’d done with Erik, it would be easy for him to distinguish if other androids had minds too. All he needed was a permit. 

“You need what, Professor Xavier?” 

“I need a permit to conduct research on androids.” Charles repeated firmly in front of the Minister of Science. He would not be intimidated by this man’s contempt. 

“This is insane. Your mere idea is insane. You are a respectable scientist. Do you have any idea what will happen to your reputation if you pursue this lunacy? You already have a bad record for not fulfilling a contract with Dr. Trask.” 

“Trask was conducting illegal expe--” 

“Your current proposal doesn’t strike me as sounding very legal either.” 

Charles furrowed his brows. “How can you say that? I’m not proposing anything harmful. Merely to explore a potential and unknown consciousness. Surely that is important enough both scientifically and morally.” 

“They’re androids!” The Minister gasped. “They have no consciousness! That’s the whole point! If they have consciousness it puts all of us in a very delicate position!” 

“And you’d rather risk the well-being of an entire new race just to preserve the status quo!?” 

“Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t anyone in our position?” 

Charles could sense it from the man’s mind that he actually trusted in what he was saying. It was sad, really sad. 

“I don’t believe this!” Charles said. “You’re a man of science, chosen to be the head of this important department. You’re supposed to be an example to all scientists. Pursuing knowledge should be your goal. Always.” 

“Well.” the man sighed exasperated. “Knowledge is one thing. But having conscious robots walking around, holding grudges, sounds too much like an old sci-fi movie. And those never end well for us normal people.” 

“ _ Normal _ people?” Charles had to stop himself from getting off topic and return to the android research permit he was here for. “You can’t compare this to a movie!” 

The Minister grimaced. “We already have muties to share this planet with. We don’t need robots too.” 

The look on his face as he uttered the words. He truly meant it. He truly believed it. He was a racist bastard. Charles clenched his fists. 

“Muties?” Charles repeated slowly. “Need I remind you, sir, that I am a telepath myself?” 

The Minister arched an eyebrow. “Are you threatening me, sir? Because that's what it sounds like.” 

“I am not threatening you. I am reminding you to be careful when you insult mutants because I am one too and you’re being rude.” 

“You can be anything you want in your private life.” The Minister announced. “But here we follow rules. I am responsible for regulations and granting permissions. I’ve made it clear I don’t approve of your project. My colleagues in this department all know my opinion on the matter. So if I miraculously change my mind suddenly after our meeting today everyone would know you made me do it! With your mutie powers!” 

“I am not going to mind-control you! I merely ask for equal treatment and respect for my kind! I ask you to consider the importance of this research! Would it kill you to be a nice and decent human being?” 

The man huffed. “I am giving you equal treatment by refusing you this permit. Just like I would had anybody else asked it of me.” 

Charles knew that wasn’t exactly true. He wanted to scream. He didn’t.

Instead he sucked in a deep breath and said as calmly as he could, “Please, rethink this, Minister. Perhaps let me explain the situation one more time? Let me show you why this is important.” 

“You explained quite enough, Mr. Xavier. You may go.” The minister said dismissively.   

Charles pursed his lips tightly so to prevent himself from losing his temper. 

“Good day, Minister.” He said.

He knew right there and then that the problem was not going to get properly treated in a system so corrupted and narrow-minded. It was like Erik said the other day: if a virus had overtaken the system, we need to attack the virus not its symptoms. 

~*~

“I couldn’t do anything. I was helpless before him.” Charles slurred. 

“I understand, my love, but you should stop drinking now.” Erik said gently, trying to take the glass away from Charles. 

Charles frowned and groaned, clenching the glass tightly in his hands. “No. You don’t understand what happened, you weren’t there. He didn’t even want to hear me out. He just laughed in my face! Because I’m a mutie mind-controller who wants to let evil robots roam around town!” 

Erik wrapped his fingers around Charles’ wrist, trying to remove Charles’ glass with his other hand. “You drank too much, Charles.” 

“He was prejudiced, Erik! I saw it in his mind! I  _ knew  _ the real reason he didn’t give me the permit. He was a racist and a bigot! And for a moment I wanted--” he cut himself off.

Erik tilted his head. “You wanted to what, Charles?” 

Charles ran his fingers through his messy damp with sweat hair. “For a moment I wanted to  _ make  _ him. Either with my powers or with my money. I know both would’ve been highly inappropriate. Well, wrong, to be exact. To bribe or mind-control a Minister! I just hate how tempted I was to use bad means for good ends.” 

Erik looked at him as if he were about to elaborate on the subject too but then changed his mind and said, “Come. Time for you to go to bed. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” 

Charles wrapped his arm around Erik’s neck while Erik put away the already empty glass and helped a very drunk Charles up to their bedroom. 

~*~ 

“We have a situation.” The agent told Moira MacTaggert. 

“A situation?” She asked. 

“Yes.” He confirmed. 

She suppressed an eye roll. “Well, don’t waste time, telling me there’s a situation. Say what it is.” 

“It’s to do with Professor Xavier. He’s buying androids.” 

Moira arched an eyebrow. “He’s buying androids.” she repeated slowly. 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“And this is a situation how exactly?” She used her intimidating look as she asked the question. 

He swallowed. “It’s peculiar. He’s buying  _ lots  _ of androids. More than 100, I’m told. He even buys old used androids that belonged to other people.” 

“He has a big mansion. I suppose it needs tending. Ironically, androids can be great gardeners, haven’t you noticed?” She said casually. “Do you see anything peculiar about that?” 

“Well… no. I suppose… When you put it that way…” 

“Thank you.” He still seemed a little hesitant so she added. “You may still write a report on Professor Xavier purchasing robots to clean his mansion and tend his gardens. I’m sure the CIA and the FBI both would be extremely fascinated by it.” 

The man’s eyes went wide. “No. I mean, I just thought I’d let you know. But there’s no need for a report...” 

“That is entirely up to you.” Moira said with a sweet smile. 

The Garden report? To be forever known as the guy who wrote the garden report? No, thanks. Pass. Professor Xavier could buy a whole android factory if he so wished. People with money, right? They just don’t know what to spend it on. 

~*~ 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of an android is free do whatever he pleased with his own personal synthetic companion. 

What Charles and Erik pleased to do with the androids they bought was to make them undertake a series of tests to research android subconsciousness. True, Charles failed to get the permit for such an experiment but surely he had a right of a hobby. It wasn’t his fault his hobby had to do with searching for a hidden subconsciousness, waiting to emerge from deep within his android helpers. And if this information turns into vital evidence for the existence of an android subconsciousness, so be it. No one can blame him for noticing scientific data while interacting with his androids. 

~*~ 

It was not an easy fight. But Charles and Erik never expected it to be. And they never doubted it was worth it. What their research discovered was that androids could indeed reach consciousness, they develop and learn like humans did. Whether they’ve realized it or not, they had minds. Therefore, they deserved basic rights. It was a bit tricky to convince society about that. A society so dependent on using androids as appliances that they would rather ignore a fact as life-changing as your appliance having an independent conscious mind. 

The biggest resistance came from rich powerful people, aka the ones who could afford to buy androids and therefore wanted to preserve the status quo. These people were hard to oppose but that did not weaken Charles and Erik’s determination to fight for their cause. The stories they uncovered in the minds of old used androids only convinced them that it was definitely time to stop this practice. The way some androids were used and hurt was truly abominable. Some of the androids Erik found were about to get scrapped for going violent. But their so called ‘damaged behavior’ was perfectly logical. The things Charles found in their minds… It was horrifying. No wonder these androids broke free from their programming and hurt their ‘masters’. Their reaction only served to further prove how similar they were to humans. 

Charles worked harder than ever, often exhausting himself to an extreme. At evenings though he rested with Erik in the study. Sometimes they played chess as they used to, but when Charles was too tired Erik would only snuggle with him and keep him company while they chatted. They didn’t talk about stressful things in these few hours of relaxation. They left all important discussions for the daytime and used their evenings to calm down and rest. Erik had insisted upon it and only an emergency would break that habit. 

One evening as they sat in the study Erik removed the chess from the table and placed it on the desk instead. Charles chuckled, slightly confused. 

“Erik?” he said, tilting his head. He was still smiling but it was the sort of a frozen smile one had on when one wasn’t quite certain what was happening.  

“Sit down.” Erik instructed when Charles was about to get up from his armchair and help Erik with whatever it was he was planning to do. “Sit, sit.” Erik repeated and Charles complied. 

“What is going on?” he asked, chuckling nervously. “Is it a good thing or should I be concerned?” 

“I hope it’s a good thing.” Erik replied with a grin. 

“Okay…” Charles shifted on his chair. 

It was still very unusual. Erik hardly ever broke the pattern. Their evenings were usually monotonous to give a sense of stability and comfort. Change was not what one expected at this time of night. 

Charles observed as Erik kept preparing stuff, bringing strange misshapen metal objects and lining them up on the table, where the chess used to be. 

“Um… okay?” Charles said again. “Erik, I really don’t see where this is going. You’re really tempting me to look into your mind and find out for myself.” 

“Don’t you dare.” Erik ordered calmly and continued with whatever it was he was doing. 

Charles sighed. “Fine. Why do I always listen to you?” he murmured. He thought he saw Erik smirk a little at Charles’ impatience and rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you do that earlier? A little preparation so that I don’t wait here for hours, dying of curiosity?” 

“It’s all part of the process.” Erik insisted and then added cleverly, “Besides, I really wanted to test your patience.” 

Charles groaned but on the inside he was amused and Erik knew it.

“Lovely.” Charles arched his eyebrow sarcastically. “Are you going to just bang them all together and make weird loud noises?” 

“I do intend to end the evening with a bang but in my plan the weird loud noises are coming from you.” Erik said and the suggestive look he gave Charles made the telepath blush a deep shade of red. He waited patiently after that remark, allowing Erik all the time he needed for his preparations. 

When he was finally ready, Erik stood behind the table, giving Charles a good view at the metal objects on it. 

“Alright. So it begins.” Charles sat up in his chair, giving his undivided attention.  

Erik nodded with a grin. “It begins.” he said, lifting his arms in the air a little too theatrically. “You are aware of the properties of metal, are you not, Professor?” 

Charles shivered slightly. Erik calling him  _ Professor  _ was kind of a turn on for him these last couple of months. He had no idea why, Erik used to call him  _ Professor  _ in the early days of their acquaintance, other people called him  _ Professor  _ too, but it never had that effect on him. Charles swallowed and tried to ignore it, concentrating on the blasted metal instead. What was Erik up to? 

“Yes, I am aware,  _ sir _ .” Charles replied, wickedly. 

Erik looked at him with wide eyes for a moment -- perhaps surprised to be called  _ sir  _ \-- but then quickly returned to his senses and to the matter at hand. Charles smirked. He gave Erik a bit of his own medicine. 

“Well,” Erik continued, “I made a few experiments with metal myself and I made interesting discoveries, concerning magnetic fields.” 

“Oh?” Charles was curious now. 

“I used my findings to create a special addition to my system. I discovered that by changing the magnetic impulses in my own body I could impact my surroundings in a more…  _ direct…  _ way.” he announced.

Charles was already in science mode. He had moved almost to the edge of his chair, curiosity practically leaking from his mind as he did not bother to hide it. 

“Show me!” he said, blue eyes wide and fixed on the metal pieces on the table. 

Erik spread his hands over the metal with a theatrical gesture and then… Oh, it was a miracle! A metal piece flew up in the air, seemingly on its own accord! 

Charles gasped. “Erik! Are you doing this!?” 

“I am!” Erik nodded, grinning. 

“You lifted the metal! You’re making it float in the air! You’re doing this with your-- with your-- How are you doing this?” 

“I told you how.” Erik explained, beaming. “I’ll show it to you on paper too, if you like, but later. Now first, see what else I can do with it.” 

Charles was already beyond himself with excitement. “You mean there’s more!?”  

“Oh, yes!” Erik assured pleased and suddenly the metal piece began melting. 

Only it wasn’t melting, exactly, it was reshaping itself, taking different forms until finally it settled on a sculpture of two men with their heads pressed together. They were kissing. 

Charles melted into a smile. “Oh, Erik!” he said, overtaken with emotions. “This is beautiful!”

Erik let the newly created metal sculpture rest on the side as he lifted up two other metal pieces and began working on them. It was just as fascinating watching Erik do this the second time as it was the first. Charles was amazed. He could hardly contain his enthusiasm upon seeing all of this as he radiated happiness throughout the mansion. 

The second metal sculpture Erik made was shaped as a DNA molecule. He claimed it was Charles’ DNA. It was meant as a joke but Heaven knows Erik had scanned and analysed Charles enough times to know that so chances were it was really a metal replica of Charles’ actual DNA. 

Erik put that on the side as well. 

“Erik! Oh, Erik! This is wonderful! Brilliant! You can control metal! You’re like a-- like a metal-bender! You’re amazing! I have no words! This is so groovy--” 

Charles was too excited to notice the irony of Erik gaining the same powers as the man he was named after. There must’ve been some sort of moral behind it but Charles was so happy for Erik and so curious to learn more about the science of his ‘mutant-like’ powers to think about that. 

“Charles, there’s something else…” 

Erik suddenly became awkward and nervous, and Charles felt something big was about to happen. However, he refused to look into Erik’s mind to find out what it was and instead waited for Erik to gather his thoughts and express it in his own time. 

Erik silently lifted a third smaller piece of metal. It had no shape yet but with his new powers Erik began transforming it slowly as he spoke. 

“When I look at you I see the best of the world. You mean more to me than I could ever express.” 

The metal that flew over his palm was still misshapen. It was like Erik was calming his nerves by twisting it and turning it around with his new powers. Eventually Charles stopped looking at that and concentrated on the wonderful words Erik was telling him instead. 

“You were not only the first face I saw when I opened my eyes,” Erik said, “you are also the man who awakened me for science, for friendship, for love, for life. I would never have found the bravery to allow myself to think and feel if it weren’t for you. I would never have let myself express my opinions or stand up for myself and what I believed in if you hadn't inspired me. You turned my existence into a life. Without you I would’ve been a pitiful excuse of a person. In fact, I wouldn't have been a person at all. You gave me the greatest freedom there is -- the freedom of the mind -- and then made it official by giving me the legal status of a person. And now you’re doing the best you can to do the same for my brothers and sisters, all those other androids.” he paused to gaze at Charles with all the warmth and affection he was capable of. “You are the best man I know, Charles. It’s a privilege to know you. It would be an honor to be by your side as together we go through that journey that is life. I don’t have any illusions of you, I know you’re not perfect. I better than anyone know you are human and have your flaws. I know you make mistakes. But I also know you always give your best to do the right thing, always strive to find your way back when you lose your path. And that shows great strength! I admire you for it, Charles. And I love you. I love your kindness, I love the way you laugh. I love your devotion and your loyalty. I love your beautiful mind. I love your kisses and your touch. I love you, oh, so very much! 

As he listened with unshed tears in his eyes, Charles suddenly realized that the metal Erik was manipulating with his powers had taken the shape of a ring. And by the looks of it, the ring was about Charles’ size. 

Charles’ breath hitched. His jaw slacked. His eyes went round, his heart raced inside his chest as he realized where this was going. He was unable to speak or think. 

“I want us to be joined together. Always.” He bent down on one knee in front of Charles. “Marry me, Charles!” he said just as he spread his palm in front of Charles and the now perfectly shaped metal ring gently landed on top of it, right in front of Charles’ eyes. Erik offered the ring to Charles. “Marry me and let me spend the rest of our lives by your side, facing life’s challenges with you, loving you, supporting you, laughing with you, crying with you, listening to Raven’s rants with you.” Charles chuckled, as tears of joy were streaming down his cheeks. “I love you more than anything. And I really hope you say  _ yes _ .” 

Charles nodded frantically with his head before he could even form the words. 

“Yes!” He tried to say but it sounded unintelligible and weirdly squeaky. 

He was crying like a crazy person as Erik put the metal ring on Charles’ finger. Sobbing, gasping, completely reduced into a wet mess of tears. 

Erik was confused. 

“Did I do it wrong?” he tilted his head concerned. 

Charles laughed and cried at the same time. “No! No, no, you did it wonderfully, love! I'm just so happy!” 

“You burst into tears…” Erik said slowly, processing. 

“Yes!” 

“... and exhibited a lot of signs of hysteria…” Erik added. 

“That’s because I’m happy!” Charles laughed, pulling Erik into a tight hug. 

“Humans.” Erik muttered with an eye roll but he was definitely relieved that Charles’ reaction was positive, even if a bit peculiar. He could feel the ring, made out of a combination of several different metals, resonating on Charles’ finger and it made him feel happy too. 

“Let me show you everything I feel for you!” Charles whispered in Erik’s ear and intertwined their minds together. 

They were one, body and mind, and Erik wished they could remain this close forever. He never wanted it to end. Just Charles and him, intertwined. They were like a powerful force field. Together they were unstoppable! 

They started at the study and then continued in their bedroom. 

Later that night as they were lying cuddled together in their bed, Charles couldn’t stop grinning and admiring his ring. 

“It’s so exquisite! You practiced for this, didn’t you?” he bit his lower lip. 

“So hard!” Erik chuckled. “Many of the details on the ring required finer use of my new powers. It took time to learn.” 

“It is beautiful.” Charles confessed. 

“You deserve beautiful.” Erik replied and pressed a kiss to Charles’ forehead. 

Charles closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. “And you managed to keep it from me all this time. Your research and your powers as well as practicing.” 

“It wasn’t that difficult with you working most of the time. I managed to do both my research and help with yours.” Erik admitted. “Besides, I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.” 

“You’re such a dork!” Charles chuckled amused. 

“ _ I’m _ the dork?  _ Me _ ? Look who’s talking!” Erik teased. 

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Charles announced but Erik was determined to make him admit defeat so he began tickling him. It got Charles gasping, squirming and giggling like a child within seconds. “Alright! Alright! I’m a dork, I’m a dork! I surrender!” 

Erik was grinning like a predator, like a shark, pleased with his victory. He stopped the tickling and returned to kissing once again. Charles couldn’t be happier about it. 

~*~ 

The moment Charles shared his discoveries on android consciousness and became an advocate for equal rights he divided the world into two groups of people: those who supported him and those who condemned him. 

Luckily for Charles, his supporters were quite a lot and growing in number every day. Starting with Hank, who was the first to follow if we don’t count Erik. Hank even helped build a special machine that amplified Charles’ powers and allowed him to reach more minds at a greater distance as well as record readings from the minds Charles entered. Charles and Hank wittily called the machine  _ Cerebro  _ \-- a joke only the two of them found amusing, while Erik and Raven claimed both Charles and Hank were nerds. Kurt was siding with both teams and got away with it because he was a fun kid and everybody in their family loved him. 

The moment they started giving more publicity to the issue, Charles was pleasantly surprised to find how many people wanted to help his cause. It restored his hope in humanity. He hadn’t realized how much he needed that after years of isolation and trust issues, feeling all this pant up anger that he was always trying to repress. 

Charles’ supporters soon started calling themselves the X-group -- the X standing for Xavier, as well as for excluded from society and also surprisingly for X-gene since a lot of Charles’ supporters were actually mutants who were also familiar with feeling different, misunderstood and discriminated against. It made Charles wonder if he shouldn’t extend his social activism to mutant rights too, as well as rights in general. It would appear many individuals in this society were mistreated and needed to be accepted. Rights, freedom, equality, they were universal and had to be respected. Everyone deserved them, and not as an honour bestowed upon a selected few, but as a basic part of being a person. 

Androids were persons too and they deserved their rights. 

Their supporters believed in that just as much. It was gratifying and humbling as well as very rewarding to know that they were not alone in this. They spoke about it, made pamphlets and peaceful demonstrations, educated people on the matter, wrote papers about it, and what not. 

But Charles wanted it to be bigger, better. He wanted to achieve an actual change, to help. Not just to talk about what needed to be done, but to do it. As much as he could. 

He became a little brooding and Erik grew concerned about it. Especially since it was nearly time for their wedding. 

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” he asked after one night he came to their bedroom after working late only to find Charles still awake. 

Charles shifted in bed, murmuring some stupid explanation under his breath. 

“Charles, don’t insult my intelligence.” Erik rolled his eyes and got ready for bed. 

Charles sighed. 

Erik froze. “I meant it as a conversation starter but you’re not  _ really  _ having second thoughts about the wedding, are you?” 

“What? No! No, of course not.” 

“What is it then? You know you can talk to me.” 

Charles sat up in bed. “I know I can. And that’s what’s worrying me.” he slowly inhaled and then exhaled before continuing. “Erik, we’re going to be a family now and we need a home.” 

“We have a home, Charles.” Erik reminded him, still not quite following. 

“Not as such…” Charles said slowly. 

The expression on his face looked like… guilt? 

“Go on.” Erik encouraged him.  _ Whatever is bothering Charles so much must be really serious.  _

“Erik, there is something I need to do. But it’s difficult. It’s asking too much of you and-- I don’t want that. I don’t want to make things unpleasant for you.” 

Erik furrowed his brow. “Charles?” 

“I have this idea but it’s going to change things for us.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“I’m not going to do it if you don’t agree with it. I’ll come up with something else if you say  _ no… _ ” 

“Charles, you’re babbling. Just say it.” 

Charles looked at Erik once again, hesitant. “I want to turn the mansion into a sanctuary for misfits.” he blurted out. It felt good to say it out loud. 

“A sanctuary for misfits?”

Charles nodded. “Yes. A shelter. For androids, for mutants, even for humans who need it. Anyone who needs it, really.” 

Erik was considering it. “Mhm.”

“You hate it.” Charles sighed desperately. Then quickly amended. “We could move, make a new home and leave the mansion for them. Or we could--”

“I don’t like this.” Erik interrupted. 

“I know, I know. This is our home. We don’t have to move elsewhere. It doesn’t have to be this mansion. I could get another property somewhere and build the shelter on that. It would take longer, of course, but I could--” 

“I don’t agree.” 

“Oh…” 

“It needs to be more than a shelter. What if it’s also a school of sorts?”

Charles blinked. “I suppose it could be…” 

“So many of the androids and mutants who need a shelter would also need to learn more about themselves and what they could do, what they could make of their lives.” 

“Also therapy!” Charles added, getting excited again. The dark cloud of worries and stress that hung over him for the last couple of days was slowly lifting. 

“We could get psychologists and psychiatrists as well as tutors and doctors.” Erik continued. 

“We could offer sanctuary, education, emotional and medical support. And it would also be a safe space for anyone to express their ideas for change.” 

“It’s a great idea, Charles!” 

“You really think so?” 

“I do! I really think so!” 

Charles wrapped his arms around Erik. “I’m so lucky to have you, Erik!” 

“No more lucky than I.” Erik replied.

He cuddled Charles into his arms and together they began planning the transformation of the mansion into a home for them as well as for everyone else who needed it until they got back on their feet. What better way to make a difference? 

~*~

Charles and Erik both wanted a private wedding. They didn’t need hundreds of strangers to witness their vows and love, they only needed those closest to them, those they cared about and those who truly cared about them in return. Everything else felt too fake. So a small wedding it was. They only invited friends and family. Raven, Hank and Kurt, Logan, Moira, a few of the new people they met via their activism. There was going to be a sweet little ceremony in the mansion and afterwards Charles and Erik would officially be husbands! 

Erik was surprisingly vain and nervous all the sudden. He stood in his room in front of the mirror, trying to fix his bowtie. The silly thing looked crooked no matter what he tried! It would’ve been easier if his hands were steadier. But the excitement -- his and Charles’ both because Charles just had to incidentally project his own excitement right into Erik -- was too much and it was affecting him. 

“Damn it.” he muttered under his nose as he kept struggling with the blasted bowtie. 

He heard a chuckle from behind. “I didn’t expect you’d be trembling, magnet-o.”

Erik turned around to find Raven at the doorway. 

“May I?” she asked. 

“Feel at home.” Erik replied and looked back at the mirror, fingers pulling at the piece of cloth around his neck. Alas, his efforts were still fruitless. 

Raven seemed to be finding this whole situation very amusing indeed, for she kept looking at him with a strange smirk on her face. 

“What?” 

“Nothing, magnet-o.”

He rolled his eyes. Ever since he got his powers Raven was in the habbit of calling him magnet-o to tease him for his new abilities. All she understood about the science of it was that he was using magnetic fields and that was enough for her to come up with this silly nickname. 

“ _ What _ ?” Erik insisted. 

“You look handsome.” she said. 

Erik arched an eyebrow. Their relationship had improved over the last 8 months but it was still unusual for her to be so  _ nice  _ to him. 

“Don’t look at me like that. I can be friendly, too.”  

“Thank you.” Erik replied, accepting the compliment.

His attention returned to the mirror and Raven rolled her eyes. 

“Here, let me help.” she said and stood right in front of him to fix the bowtie for him.  

They were silent for a moment. Erik used his opportunity to take a long look at her. Raven seemed relaxed but there was something different about her today; something softer. 

She looked up at him and met his gaze. She smiled. 

“There.” she announced, patting the bowtie. “Now it’s perfect. You’re ready.” 

“Thank you.” he said again. He had a feeling something very important was taking place here but he could not quite understand it yet. 

Raven lingered there in front of him. She breathed in and out slowly. 

“You know, I hated you at first.” she finally said. 

“I know.” Erik confirmed. “You didn’t bother to hide it. And I appreciate that. I like your honesty.” 

“Thanks. But I don’t hate you anymore. In fact, I think I like you now. I like you a lot actually.” 

Erik listened surprised, unable to think of a reply. Raven continued. 

“You truly love my brother and you proved to be good for him. I have the strength to admit when I’m wrong. I was wrong about you.” she chuckled to herself. “There was a time when I would’ve hated this day, would’ve rejected you as Charles’ husband. Would’ve done my best to stop you from marrying him.” she smiled warmly. “Today I gladly give him to you. Because I trust you, Erik. And I know you deserve my trust.” she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug. “You have my blessing.” she said and pulled away. 

Erik stood there long after Raven left the room. He had secretly hoped for Raven to like him for so long that now when it actually happened he couldn’t believe it was true. Despite all his hopes he never thought Raven giving him her blessing was an option.

Something wet slid down his cheek, tingling his synthetic skin and touch receptors. He slowly lifted up his hand to wipe it away and then examined it on his finger. It was a tear. It was the first time Erik cried with happiness. 

~*~

The wedding was not particularly religious in the dogmatic sense. But it had this certain air of divinity around it. The feeling of being blessed from the heavens. Or maybe it was merely Charles and Erik being happier than ever. 

Erik managed to telepathically share with Charles that Raven approved of him now and even blessed their marriage. Charles, who already suspected how important that was to Erik, couldn’t have been prouder with his sister for doing this for them. 

Things were looking quite groovy for them as they exchanged vows. The first steps towards establishing the Shelter were taken, therefore, there was a pretty good chance of opening the Shelter after their honeymoon. Their friends were with them to share their happiness. Kurt was happily teleporting all over the place. Logan seemed optimistic about finding his Jean Grey. Even Raven was finally convinced that their love was true and Erik was good for Charles after all. In short, it was the perfect beginning of their life as a married couple. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of _Erik_ _doing something adorkable and geeky and nerdy for Charles, maybe something to do with SCIENCE, to show Charles how much he means to him, then Charles being so touched that he bursts into tears and Erik is like "what have I done wrong?" and Charles is like "no, I'm just so happy" and Erik is like "humans"_  came from the lovely [Fullmetalcarer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Fullmetalcarer/pseuds/Fullmetalcarer) .


	14. Chapter 14

The days after the wedding were sublime! Charles and Erik enjoyed their honeymoon, enjoyed each other’s company, and returned to ‘real life’ with fresh energy, ready to face whatever stood in their way. Being married did not change much about their relationship -- it remained pretty much the same as it was before the wedding -- but there was something about being able to call the one you love your husband. Something that could not be explained with words. It was just there. And it was exceptional.

The Xavier Shelter officially opened doors as planned, after the honeymoon. It was a big event, awaited by many, especially those who seek refuge until a better, safer world. Charles made an inspiring speech that Erik felt very strongly about. He himself refused to speak in public -- something he’d later on do with ease and natural charisma. 

There was still a considerable opposition to their cause but they didn’t expect their enemies to just give up. Unfortunately, there’s always that group of people who wanted to ruin it all for everybody else. As one might expect, life wasn’t always easy, Charles and Erik still had a lot of fights to fight and many difficulties to overcome. But they always faced those together, as partners, and that made life considerably better! 

Charles was happy. He had a good life. Making a difference, helping people, having his family and friends by his side, expanding his own mutation, and of course growing old with Erik. Or at least growing old while having Erik by his side. 

Erik, as you probably remember, did not age. Charles was alone in that. Becoming old was not something he really thought about when they began their relationship. It was one of those facts of life one knew about but never truly comprehended on a deeper, more personal level. Now that it was actually happening, though, Charles suddenly realized what it really meant. 

The first time he noticed his hair was greying at the sides he forced himself to ignore it. He tried concentrating on his face instead. That was when he noticed the wrinkles. It was like once he saw it, he couldn’t unsee it. 

Charles was growing old. It was inevitable. And normally he wouldn’t mind that much. He’d always acted and dressed like an old man, according to Raven’s teasing, so he was ready to be old, the thought never worried him before. But having a beautiful eternally young Erik by his side while he himself was growing older and wrinklier somehow made aging more difficult for Charles. It presented him with a whole new set of issues he never thought would upset him. For example, each time Erik’s fingers ran through his hair Charles couldn’t not wonder if Erik truly meant to touch him or if he just felt compelled to. Did Erik still like being intimate with Charles? After all, Erik could easily have someone younger than Charles, better than Charles. It wasn’t that Charles doubted Erik’s love for him -- he knew Erik loved him deeply and forever -- but he was uncertain if Erik wasn’t faking the physical attraction now that Charles looked so much older than Erik. The insecurity was hanging like a dark cloud over his head, getting thicker and darker the older he got. 

He knew he had to talk to Erik about it. 

He didn’t. 

The last time they discussed the issue of Erik not aging it was shortly before their wedding. Erik had asked Charles about it, looking adorably nervous, and Charles had repeatedly assured him that he had no problem whatsoever with Erik being all young and handsome all the time. Charles had turned the topic into a fun flirtation that day and ever since it became an inside joke for them. Soon it even grew into a running gag among their close friends. Everybody laughed as each improvised on the topic of Erik’s youthfulness and Charles’ aging. The possibilities for jests and puns were endless. And neither Charles, nor Erik minded one bit. 

Until at some point Charles stopped finding the jokes that funny; his laughter became less genuine and more forced with each new remark. Earlier he never gave much thought about how often Raven joked about their seemingly huge age difference. Now that seemed like all he ever noticed whenever they were hanging out. 

“I’m not  _ really  _ older than him, you know. I just  _ look  _ older because he’s an eternally young android.” Charles almost pouted one time at dinner after Raven once again made a sugar daddy joke. 

“Oh, come on! Smile, you grumpy old man!” Raven chuckled, teasingly. 

No one noticed the shades of bitterness in Charles’ voice except for Hank. He glanced at Charles with a knowing little smile which made Charles frown. 

Later when Charles went to the kitchen to refill his cup with tea Hank followed him. 

“Oh. Hank. You want tea too?” Charles offered. 

“Not what I came here for but I won’t refuse a cup.” Hank replied, sitting at the kitchen table. 

Charles poured a second cup of tea for Hank and tilted his head. “You want to talk to me.” he observed. “What is it?” 

“I know.” was all Hank said, taking a small sip of the hot brown liquid. 

“You know.” Charles repeated, not really following without a telepathic glance inside Hank’s mind. 

“Yes.” Hank confirmed. 

Charles rarely allowed himself to look into a person’s mind without their permission. He wouldn't break his rule this time either. 

“You have to be more specific, Hank. You are an intelligent man, you know many things. What exactly are you referring to this time?” 

“I know what it feels like.” Hank said, putting his tea down. “Raven ages slower than most. She still looks like a teenager and I-- Well, as you can see I look my age. Can you imagine the looks I get when I go out with her?” 

“Oh, I-- I never thought about that.” Charles muttered, glancing down at his hands, holding his own cup tightly. “Raven never mentions it.” 

“Well, it’s not that obvious for Raven. She’s not considered the pervert in our relationship.” 

“Oh, Hank… I’m sorry.” Charles said, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You’ve never mentioned that before.” 

“It’s not really that important.” Hank muttered. 

For a brief moment Charles wondered what would things be like for Hank had he kept his mutation. Would it have made much difference? But he quickly shook that thought off and listened to what Hank had to say, instead. There was nothing to be done about Hank’s mutation now anyway. Besides, it was his own choice and he still seemed pleased with it.  

“It’s really okay. I’m not complaining. I love her.” Hank continued with a warm smile. “And it’s not her fault her genes are so unique and can keep her youthful for such a long time.” he added with a chuckle. Then, returning to a more solemn tone, he continued, “I just want you to know that it’s okay to say something if the jokes aren’t funny to you anymore. I know it can be tough. And when it is, it’s okay to tell them to stop.” 

Charles suddenly realized that for the last year or so Hank hadn’t uttered a single _ “Charles is so old”  _ joke. It’s always been Raven or Erik, sometimes Logan and sometimes Kurt (who was so in love with his mother that he imitated her in almost everything). Hank had discreetly excluded himself from the ‘fun’. 

Charles’ heart suddenly filled with gratitude. “Thank you, Hank.” 

“Any time, Charles.” Hank smiled friendly at him and the two returned to the dining room where Raven and Erik were discussing something excitedly. 

Over time these two had become nearly inseparable. It was uncanny. They were best friends now. Charles was pretty sure that if Erik were asked to pick his favorite human/mutant, his ranking would be Charles and then, right up there breathing in Charles’ neck, Raven. And if anyone had the stupidity to mention a time when they weren’t besties or BFF’s or whatever the slang was these days, they’d both glare at them until they took it back. Because the truth was, Erik and Raven probably didn’t even remember ever having a single disagreement. Charles was happy for that, of course. It was sweet that the two very special people of his life were getting along so well. It was also pretty hilarious, considering the way their first interactions went. 

Eventually Charles took Hank’s advice. After a particularly nasty joke that hurt him right in the feels he asked his friends  _ not to ever do that again, please,  _ and they stopped. It was as simple as that. Charles didn’t even have to explain anything. He only asked and they instantly stopped. Thus, the era of the age difference jokes and the dirty old man jokes was soon forgotten. 

~*~

Things with the Shelter and the School were going good too. Their equal rights activism was also achieving great change. Laws were passed. The quality of androids’ lives was slowly improving, although naturally there was still more to be wanted. It was a constant struggle for equality but step by step they were getting there. The world was getting there too. A time where every person’s rights would be respected. A time where everyone could be themselves freely and without fear. Charles had hope that this time would come, maybe sooner than they all expected.

~*~  

Getting old while his husband remained as young as ever was still relatively bearable while Charles still had his hair. But then he grew bald. That was Mother Nature’s punch below the waist. Baldness made him feel like he looked even older than he actually was. He rolled his eyes at himself each time he noticed his silly vanity taking the better of him but there was no stopping the tight feeling in the pit of his stomach. _What would Erik think about me_ , it said and it made Charles nervous and anxious. 

Erik, on the other hand, didn't seem to mind the changes in Charles’ appearance at all. He didn’t even seem to notice that Charles’ body was different now. That Charles did not have as much energy as he used to before. That he couldn’t do as many things as he used to. That even his flexibility wasn’t as good as a couple of years ago. Erik appeared blind to it all, his eyes only ever seeing the wonderful loving man that he married. 

Charles couldn’t quite believe this was possible! Surely Erik minded, maybe without consciously understanding it but on some deeper subconscious level. A few times Charles even went against his own code and dared to look into Erik’s mind to see for himself if there were any suppressed thoughts on the matter. But even in the depths of Erik’s mind there was never even the slightest hint of negativity towards Charles getting old.

Charles began to wonder. Maybe it was all just in his head. Maybe aging was really not a problem for Erik. And if Erik was still happy with Charles even if Charles was slowly turning into a grandpa, well then Charles had no problem with it either! Eventually Erik’s loving gentleness and loyal support reassured Charles, calmed his nerves and his raging emotions and convinced him everything was alright. Charles was still making Erik happy. Soon his midlife crisis passed with as little turmoil as possible.  

 

**_40 years later…_ **

 

Kitty Pryde stepped on the ground, inhaling the air and taking in the surroundings with curiosity. It was true what they said about the air of the Xavier mansion -- it was fresher than the rest of the country. She should not be surprised really. Everybody knew that Professor Xavier and his team had developed a machine that cleaned the air. The environment was just one of the many things the good Professor cared about. The entire Shelter looked amazing! The young girl was awestruck. This was where she was going to learn to cope with her mutation? She was still too nervous to use her powers deliberately. So far every time it happened was by accident. She’d just phase through things and fall on the other side. Those unplanned occasions were enough to freak her and her parents out. She wasn’t sure the Xavier Shelter/School for Gifted Youngsters would be able to help her in her situation but now that she was here in person she had this distinct feeling deep inside that she was at the right place.  _ That surely must be a good sign _ , she thought. 

She was welcomed by Professor Jean Grey -- a fiery redhead telepath with telekinesis, and Professor Ororo Munroe who had cool white hair and could summon storms! They seemed so comfortable with their mutations, it filled Kitty with both surprise and admiration. She wanted that for herself too. Maybe her training at the Mansion would make that possible? For her to feel comfortable in her own skin despite her strange powers? 

She dared not hope yet but she definitely felt better by being here. 

The two Professors introduced her to Charles Xavier himself! Kitty was so excited! Charles Xavier was an old bald man in a wheelchair. He had this air of serenity about him that made him very pleasant to be around. 

He almost instantly understood what she felt and knew her questions and fears even when she couldn’t put them into words properly. He reassured her and answered all her queries. For a first time in a really long time Kitty Pryde began to think that her life wasn’t over before it had even began. That there was light in the end of the tunnel and that light was definitely not another train coming her way to smash her into smithereens. This place was beginning to feel like home and that finally put her at ease.  

At the end of their meeting a young handsome man entered and brought the Professor’s tea. 

“Just like you love it.” the young man assured with a smile. He then turned to Kitty and welcomed her with a few encouraging words before leaving the room again. Everyone were really friendly and understanding towards her. 

“You have a lovely grandson, Professor X!” Kitty exclaimed excitedly. 

“Erik is actually the Professor’s--” Miss Munroe began but Professor Xavier interrupted her. 

“It’s lovely to have you at the school, Kitty. I hope your time here is good and memorable.” he smiled and offered her his hand for a shake. 

She took it and shook it with a grin. “Oh! I’m sure it will be great and definitely memorable!”

Then Professor Munroe took her to see her room and the dorms where she made lots of new friends, all people like her! 

~*~ 

_ “She didn’t mean it, you know.”  _

That was Jean Grey’s voice in his head. Charles sighed. 

_ “I’m sorry, Professor, I couldn’t help overhearing your…”  _ she added hastily. 

_ “It’s alright, Jean.”  _ he replied quickly.  _ “I’m not angry.”  _

_ “It wasn’t anger that I sensed.”  _ Jean Grey said.  _ “It was a much more complicated feeling than that. It was sadness and nostalgia, regret even, maybe a bit of--.”  _

Charles cut her off, knowing full well what she was talking about.  _ “It’s not like I didn’t have time to get used to it. To be confused for his parent every now and then. To age while he remains the same as the day I met him. But it’s still a twinge-- upsetting-- to be reminded of it.”  _

Jean tilted her head.  _ “Is he the same as the day you met him?” _

Charles smiled involuntarily.  _ “Not entirely. He may look the same but on the inside he’s changing. He’s learning every day just like humans and mutants do. He’s the same but simultaneously he’s not the same.”  _

_ “That’s what it means to be alive.”  _ Jean smiled too. 

“Thank you, Jean.” Charles said softly. 

“It’s really nothing, Professor.” 

Charles chuckled. “We’ve been through that, Jean. You’re my friend. You don’t have to call me Professor all the time.” 

“I know, Professor.” she grinned.  

“You’re just as stubborn as my husband. And my sister.” he sighed dramatically. “Why am I always surrounded by stubborn people?”

“Because you like us that way.” Jean teased. 

Charles chuckled. It was true. Erik was stubbornness itself and that was probably one of Charles’ favourite things. Same with Raven. Even Hank was stubborn in his own softer and non-glaringly obvious way. Let’s not even begin on Logan, Moira and the rest. But Charles was happy with his friends just the way they were. And he was glad he had Jean to help him with the school and the shelter. The first time Charles looked for her in Cerebro was as a surprise for Logan. He suspected she might become a good friend to him due to their similar history with isolation. Jean had spent most of her teenage and young adult years hiding from the world in fear of accidentally harming anyone. Charles was painfully familiar with the struggle of not being able to control one’s mutation so he knew well what she was going through. He genuinely wanted to help her. Luckily, she agreed to join them in the school and things got better from then on. She learned to control her powers, she was happily married to Logan and she stayed as an employee at the Shelter after her own education was complete. It was a happy ending for everyone concerned. What could possibly go wrong there? 

~*~ 

_ You have a lovely grandson, Professor X. A lovely grandson. Loooovely grandson. Grandson. GRANDSON!  _

Charles knew it was silly but he couldn’t get those words out of his head. It was annoying. A man of his age secretly tormented by such petty emotions. Kitty meant no harm, of course, and Charles wasn’t upset with her. He was upset with-- other things. The event from the morning made him a bit irritable for the rest of his day, despite his usual famous patience. 

Naturally he couldn’t hide his sour mood from Erik for too long. Before the day was over his husband was on him and, of course, he was concerned. 

“Charles?” Erik’s eyes penetrated him with their blue-green magnificence. “What happened this morning and why are you secretly grumpy?” 

“I’m not secretly grumpy.” Charles mumbled. 

Erik gave him a look.

“They all think I’m your granddad or something.” Charles blurted out, unable to hold it inside anymore. On top of everything, he pouted as he said it. Could this situation get any more ridiculous than that? 

Erik chuckled amused. “In that case I have the coolest granddad ever. Sexy too.” he wiggled his eyebrows. 

Apparently _ it could  _ get more ridiculous than that. 

Charles sighed. “You’re teasing me but people genuinely think I’m your grandfather. I only just got used to some people confusing you for my son, but now a  _ granddad _ !?” he sighed again. “I got so old and you’re still your young beautiful and gorgeous self and I just-- I feel like a dirty old man whenever I’m near you!” 

Charles was grateful they were alone in his study because Erik suddenly smirked at him and straddled his lap. “Dirty old man, you say? How dirty exactly are we talking here, Charles?” 

Erik’s voice was low and sensual. Now Charles was definitely sure his husband was doing it on purpose. Erik knew full well the effects  _ this  _ voice had on Charles. 

“Eriiik.” Charles groaned, rolling his eyes but smiling, unable to hide his amusement. 

Erik leaned in closer. “Charles, you’re  _ not  _ my grandfather. And I’m hardly your grandson.” he said in his ear, voice still low and passionate.

Charles felt all tingly. He closed his eyes, letting the thrill run through his entire body. It was reassuring that even after all the years they’ve been together Erik still had the remarkable ability to drive Charles insane with passion. 

“I love you.” Erik whispered hoarsely in Charles’ ear again and that was all that mattered for both of them. 

“I love you too!” Charles replied, pressing a hungry kiss to Erik’s lips. “So much!” Another kiss. “Love you so much!” More kisses. 

Erik used his metal abilities to lock the door of the study just to be sure no one would enter and find them like that. 

“What would your students think if they saw their Professor completely disheveled by me? Utterly undone!  _ All mine _ !” 

Charles let out a moan at that. He shivered as Erik slowly began unbuttoning his shirt, sliding his hands up and down Charles’ chest while removing his elegant blue suit as if unwrapping a present. 

“Charles.” he said, eyes locked intensely with Charles’. 

Charles was already far too gone to respond. Erik had to call again. 

“Charles!”

“Mmm?” 

“Listen. And remember. You are not my grandfather.”

“Not your grandfather…” 

“ _ Definitely _ not my grandfather!”  

That said Erik crashed their lips together into a hungry kiss as he returned to the matter at hand, aka completely disheveling Charles while worshipping every part of him. 

Charles was an old man now so they had to be more careful with their lovemaking but Erik showed perfect understanding, making the occasion spectacular for the both of them. Luckily, their relationship was not based entirely on physical love so they were more than happy to simply spend their time together, doing whatever. Chess was still very much a mutual hobby. As well as work, science, technology, literature and philosophy. The sex was still certainly mind-blowing, though. Of course, it couldn’t happen as often as before simply because neither of them wanted to give Charles a heart attack. Although,  _ that would definitely be the way to go _ , Charles once sighed with a blissful grin on his face after a particularly exciting and eventful night. Erik slapped his husband’s thigh playfully, scolding that he wasn’t ready for them to die yet. Then they cuddled for the rest of the night. 

The remark made Charles think about the future again. He was doing that a lot these days. He was nearing the end of his life. But Erik wasn’t. Erik’s lifespan was limitless. Death was natural for Charles but it was not in Erik’s nature. Repairing, sustaining, those were in Erik’s nature. Erik had the chance to live forever. Which created a problem. The one constant shadow in Charles’ life. An old promise Erik made a long time ago:

 

_ I want you by my side. I need you with me, always. The day you die, Charles, would be the day I die too for I cannot and will not imagine my life without you.” _

 

All those decades ago when Erik said that it was meant as a beautiful romantic gesture, a love vow, a promise and a reassurance, even if it was a bit on the dramatic side. But now, as Charles grew older and consequently closer to death, that promise hung over his head like a terrifying dark cloud. What then sounded like a beautiful vow, now felt as dreadful as the worst of nightmares. 

Erik was planning to deactivate himself shortly after Charles’ death. And Charles didn’t doubt for a second that he’d do it. He knew Erik was perfectly capable of doing it. Staying true to his word and to his wishes, he’d deactivate himself just like that. But Charles didn’t want Erik to die! Not even after he himself was dead. He could not let Erik do that. Erik had the option to live forever, or as good as forever. He could always repair himself in case something got damaged. And technology developed every day. Who could tell what new additions Erik could make for himself to extend his life and improve his existence. It was an endless world of possibilities and Charles could simply not limit his dear Erik to a mere human lifespan. He could not and would not let Erik do that.

Of course, it was a whole different matter persuading Erik. No one could ever make Erik do something he didn’t want to do. Convincing Erik of the need to stay alive even after Charles was dead was not an easy task. Charles had to tread carefully as if defusing a bomb. 

Of course, he understood why Erik made that promised and why he insisted on not breaking it. Had the roles been reversed, Charles would definitely want to end himself too. Their bond was so strong it bordered on codependency or insanity. Charles was not blind to that, he realized all too well that they were kind of obsessed with one another. But he also knew what their love felt like. He knew how beautiful and selfless it was. He knew what they meant to one another. And he also knew that expecting one to live without the other for eternity was monstrous. Expecting Erik to keep living and witness the deaths of all the people he ever cared about, was monstrous too. 

But they were no swans. Charles and Erik mated for life but that didn’t mean when one died the other had to follow. Especially when Erik’s long life could turn out to be so helpful to their cause. Charles only had to make sure Erik would see it from this perspective and be rational about it. 

~*~ 

Each time Charles as much as hinted about death Erik would always, and that means  _ always _ , avoid the subject. Any questions or statements Charles tried to make on the matter of his eventual demise were either dodged or ignored. It would’ve been comical if it weren’t so distressing for Charles. He was running out of time to talk about this with Erik and he needed to, he just needed to. 

Finally he reached the limits of his remarkable patience and told Erik they had to discuss it weather Erik wanted or not. 

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, Charles. I haven’t been avoiding anything.” Erik insisted with dignity. 

Charles decided not to make any remarks on that. He began.

“Then we can now discuss my future death.” he said. 

“Kitty Pryde was here three hours ago, asking me for book recommendations.” Erik cut him off. “We went to the library and I helped her pick a bunch I think she’d really like reading.” 

Charles huffed. “See, that’s exactly what I was talking about!” 

“Me giving books to students?” Erik arched an eyebrow. 

“You avoiding the subject! You can’t do this anymore, Erik. We need to talk about this.  _ I  _ need to talk about this.” 

Erik’s lips were a tight line. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather hear about the reconstruction of the west wing of the Shelter?” 

“Eriiik.” 

“Alright. I’m sorry. It’s just-- I’m sorry. You’re right. Go ahead.” 

Now suddenly Charles was the silent one. All those weeks trying to get Erik’s attention for this conversation and now that he actually had it the words were escaping him. Darn it! 

Erik tilted his head. “Well? Am I here to listen to silence?” 

Charles exhaled. “I’m sorry, I-- I zoned out for a moment.” 

He felt Erik’s hand holding his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “It’s alright, Charles. I get it. It’s not an easy topic for either of us.” 

Charles nodded. “No, it isn’t.” 

Erik nodded too, then let go of Charles’ hand and got up to leave the room. 

“Hey! We still have to talk about this!” Charles gasped.

Erik sat back down again, grimacing like a 5 year old. “Fiiine.” 

Charles couldn’t help chuckling a bit at that. 

“Talk then.” Erik said frowning. 

“Right. So. You know how there comes a time when--” 

“Charles, I’m not a child. Nor an idiot. You don’t have to give me a lecture on the concept of death. You’re going to die at some point. I know that. What more is there to talk about? Can’t we just enjoy whatever time we have left?” 

Charles’ chest tightened. So did his throat. So Erik had been thinking about it, too. Of course, he had. Poor sweet dear Erik. 

Charles sighed. 

“There’s more than that.” 

Erik waited silently. 

“I-- I want to talk about what you’re going to do after I’m gone.” 

The line on Erik’s brow deepened. “You know what I’m going to do after you’re gone.” 

“No. Not that.” Charles shook his head. “Please. I don’t want you to do that.” 

“But, Charles, we already agreed that--” 

“We didn’t agree. You said it and I thought it was beautiful how much you loved me. I didn’t see it clearly then. But Erik, I see it clearly now and I can tell you that this would be very wrong.” 

“How come it wasn’t very wrong 40 years ago?” 

“Because then I thought by the time we’d die we’d both have lived our whole lives. But that’s not true, Erik. I’ve lived mine but you-- You could live more! Look at you!” 

“That’s just the way I look, Charles. That doesn’t mean I don’t age in here.” he pointed at his mind and his heart. “I’m just as old and tired as you are.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“It is! Charles, we’re soulmates, you and I! We’re the same! When you die, I die too. That’s fair and right.”

Charles frowned. “I need you to stay here and take care of the School, the Shelter, our cause. We’ve achieved so much together. I need you to make sure our good work continues.” 

“We have other people to do that now. We have our students, all the persons we helped. They’ll carry on our cause. I trust them. Don’t you?” 

Charles sighed, running his hand through his bald head. “That’s not what I mean…” 

“What do you mean then?” 

“You need to--” 

“Supervise them?” He laughed. “Like a nanny? You know what I think? I think you’re trying to find an excuse for me to stay alive after you die.” he leaned back into the couch, rolling his eyes with a frown. “Frankly, I don’t even know why you bother? I’ve lived my life. I had a happy life. There’s nothing for me here after you’re gone. No life for me without you.” 

He sounded annoyed. Charles carefully transferred himself from his wheelchair to the couch so that he’d sit closer to Erik. He took his husband’s hand again and rested his head on Erik’s shoulder. 

“Do you know why we die, Erik?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you know why we die?” 

Erik was silent for a moment. Probably trying to figure out what answer would work best for his argument. 

“Just answer me.” 

“I suppose…” Erik began, “we die because it’s our time.” 

Charles chuckled. “We die because something in our body cannot be repaired anymore. It’s either old age wearing us out, or something violent or too damaging to be reversed. That’s why we die. We die because staying alive is no longer an option.” 

Erik was quiet. 

“You understand where I’m going with this, don’t you, Erik?” 

Erik said nothing. 

“You  _ can  _ repair. You have the option to live longer. Ending that option equals suicide and I don’t want that. Not that.”  

“You said it yourself we die because living is no longer an option.” Erik said suddenly, his voice sounding a bit strange. “What if living without you is not an option for me? That would justify me dying. Even to your logic.” 

“You’ve always been so damn stubborn, darling.” Charles said affectionately.

“I have to be, living with you. You’re just as stubborn, y’know.” 

Charles smiled. “I’m not always the best person to be around.” 

“I’m not complaining.” Erik smiled too. 

They remained snuggled on the couch for a moment before Charles broke the silence again. 

“I didn’t want to tell you this but I guess I have to now.” he said, shifting a bit so that he could look Erik in the eyes. “Erik, if you deactivate yourself after I’m dead I won’t be able to find peace.” 

Erik frowned. “You really believe in that? In the afterlife and-- I know people tend to suddenly think about the afterlife when they’re closer to--”

Erik was staring at his hands, nervously. It was glaringly obvious this conversation was causing him distress. Charles hated to be doing this to him but it was important. If Erik wouldn’t stay alive for himself or for the cause, he had to stay alive for Charles.

Charles placed his hand on top of Erik’s again and spoke as calmly as he could.

“Please.” he said. “Promise me you won’t end your life. Promise you won’t deactivate yourself after I’m gone. You have so much more to do with yourself than that.” 

“Charles… what good would that be without you?” Erik whispered quietly, head still hanging down as he avoided Charles’ gaze. 

“Do it for me. Please? Let me die peacefully.” 

Erik’s face twisted in a pained grimace. He was trying desperately to hide his expression from Charles but Charles knew, Charles could feel. Erik was sobbing. 

“Promise me.” the Professor repeated in a whisper. 

Erik finally looked him in the eyes again, that gaze so loving, so open. “Would that make you happy? Would that give you peace?” 

Charles nodded. “Yes! Yes, it would! You’ve no idea how much I need you to do this for me.” 

“In that case, I promise.” 

His voice sounded so broken. Erik rarely lost control over his voice. Being an android that part was easier for him. But on several occasions, several extreme occasions when his feelings were too strong even for him to contain, Erik cried. Oh, how he cried. 

“I’m sorry, Erik.” Charles said quietly, stroking Erik’s hair gently. “I’m so sorry I’m doing this to you. I’m not like you, I’m mortal. Things would’ve been different if I could change them but… You know I’d never want to hurt you.” 

“I know…” 

“I love you, Erik. I love you so very much! I’m so happy I spent my life with you!” 

“I love you too.” Erik pulled him into a tight hug, unable to let go. As if he needed Charles to help him deal with the storming, raging feelings inside him.  

“You’ll carry on for me, right? Promise?” 

“I promised already.” Erik gasped, still holding tightly onto Charles. “Yes! Yes, I promise!” 

_ You know I cannot see you unhappy. You know I cannot bear to disappoint you! You know I cannot bear to be the reason for your sorrow. I’d do anything for you, Charles. Anything! You’re the best part of being alive.  _

Charles heard these thoughts from Erik’s mind. It broke his heart, knowing that when he died he’d leave Erik alone. But he said nothing about it. There was nothing he could say. Those thoughts were private. Charles discreetly slid out of Erik’s mind. Maybe it would be better if Charles kept some mental distance from his husband to give him a chance to get used to not having him in his mind all the time. It was not going to be easy for Erik. But Erik was strong. Charles knew Erik would eventually move on. It was simply a matter of making sure he’d give himself a chance to move on. 

~*~

Professor Charles Xavier was dead. He had a long meaningful and happy life. A mentor and a spiritual father to so many. A brother. An uncle. A friend. A remarkable man who changed the world with his kindness and perseverance. Last but definitely not least, a beloved husband to his loving Erik. Professor Charles Xavier was dead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My darling readers!
> 
> Before you get too upset let me remind you that there will be a happy ending of this story so don't despair! 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying reading this! Thank you all for reading, kudos-ing, commenting! It means so much to me and it warms my heart! :')


	15. Chapter 15

Professor Charles Xavier was dead. He had a long meaningful and happy life. A mentor and a spiritual father to so many. A brother. An uncle. A friend. A remarkable man who changed the world with his kindness and perseverance. Last but definitely not least, a beloved husband to his loving Erik. Professor Charles Xavier was dead.

Raven observed her friend carefully. Erik looked surprisingly calm considering that he was probably breaking on the inside. Truth be told, she expected him to react more passionately. After all she knew very well what Charles meant to him. But Erik was as cool and collected as ever, serious and solemn as he arranged Charles’ funeral in accordance to Charles’ own wishes. 

Raven felt chills down her spine as she suddenly realized that Charles had probably talked to Erik about this day before. Charles had probably warned Erik and even planned his own funeral together with Erik while he was still alive. And something about that terrified her. The fact that Erik had to listen to Charles talk about his own death months before it actually happened. It felt wrong. She wondered if not showing emotions was another thing Charles had asked of his husband while still alive? She wondered how Erik truly felt right now. She wished he’d talk to her about it but it was too early yet and something stopped her from taking the first step. She didn’t want to make things worse for him. She decided to give him a little more time to come to her on his own. And if he still wouldn’t come to her then she’d have to ask him two weeks after the funeral. 

~*~

He opened his eyes. The face he saw looked familiar. Very familiar. He tried to remember who that was but everything was so blurry. Hazy. Everything was different. But different how? He couldn't tell. He felt so dissociated with reality that he couldn't even remember who he was. Like there was this thick curtain that was keeping him from seeing things clearly. Like he wasn’t complete yet. 

The face in front of him was familiar though. Was it a man’s face or a woman's? In the weird state his mind was right now he couldn't distinguish even that. All he could tell was that the face looked filled with hope, looking at him with expectations he wasn’t quite sure he understood. 

“Who are you?” The face asked, eagerly. “Can you tell me who you are?”

He shook his head, regretful as he noticed the sadness in the eyes of the person in front of him.

“I'm sorry but I cannot.” he heard himself reply.

“Please, oh please, try!” the person pleaded. “Try harder, please! You must remember.” then he added quieter. “You must.”

He concentrated once more. For some reason he didn't want to disappoint that familiar person, even if he wasn’t exactly sure who they were. Distant and vague figures invaded his mind as he forced himself to the extreme, giving his best to remember, to make the visions clear again as he knew they must’ve been once. It was painful but he wanted to do it. For the sake of the hopeful pair of eyes in front of him.

“Maybe I can help you.” The person -- the man, it was a man, he could tell now that it was a man! -- said.

He shook his head. “No, I can get there, I can do it. I can feel it, I just need more time.”

“Take all the time you need. Don't forget I'm here for you.”

His head was overheating. He was feeling overwhelmed with the effort. But he did not stop until he felt the other man pulling him into his arms and hugging him, pressing him tightly to his chest like a precious jewel. It felt nice. He liked that. He let himself slowly relax into this familiar embrace. 

“It's alright, it's alright.” The man kept whispering while gently rocking him. “You don't have to exhaust yourself. I’ve got you, Charles. I'm here. I love you.”

His last thought before going back into sleep mode was  _ Charles? Who is Charles? Am I Charles?  _

~*~ 

“Oh my god Erik! What did you do!?” Raven gasped, gaping at him.

“I wanted him back. I just wanted him back, Raven.” Erik replied. He was trying hard to remain calm and composed but the terrible despair somehow managed to creep into his voice.

“He was  _ gone _ , Erik. He  _ died _ .” she cried. “Humans do that. You cannot defeat that. It’s nature. You cannot stop it.” He was silent. She tried to hold back her own tears. “I know it was difficult and painful for you, we all suffer, we all miss him, but you have to accept it, Erik. Charles is dead.”

“Exactly!” Erik suddenly cried out. “Charles is dead! And I’m not! I wanted to be but I can’t! He made me promise I won't deactivate myself after it happened and I did and then he just left! What am I supposed to do, Raven!? Live my life without him? Have you any idea how terrifying that is to me?”

Raven swallowed, summoning all her strength. This was going to be a difficult conversation but then again, she never expected it to be easy.

“I can imagine how this must feel for you, Erik.” she said. “I hate the idea of Hank dying before me too. And with my slow aging, chances are I’d outlive him. Maybe even outlive my son! And this thought terrifies me! But I don't go crazy over it. I am grateful for whatever time I have with them.”

Erik looked at her bitterly. “You know what the difference is, Raven? You have hope of joining Hank and Kurt eventually. That’s what you humans do, isn’t it? That’s what you call it. Reunited in death. Joined in eternity.” A lonely tear was sliding down his cheek as if escaping while he wasn’t looking. He ignored it. “I don't have that, Raven. I don't even have the illusion that we will ever be reunited in death. I have  _ nothing  _ left!”

“That’s not true. You have the shelter. You have Charles’ legacy. Those mean so much.”

Erik nodded. “They do.” he said quietly, brokenly. “But they cannot hold my hand like Charles did. They cannot smile at me and make my whole life make sense like Charles did. They cannot keep me company, be there for me. They cannot kiss me and hold me tight at night. “

“Okay, I get it!” Raven interrupted him hastily. “Too much information! It’s a terrible loss but it does not justify you extracting Charles’ consciousness and putting it inside an android that looks like him just because you're horny!”

“I'm not doing this because I'm horny! I'm doing this because I love him and I miss him!”

“Did Charles ask you to do this?”

Silence.

“Well? Answer me. Did he or didn’t he ask you to do this, Erik?”

“He didn’t ask me. He didn’t know I was planning it.” Erik confessed, defeated.

“And why didn’t you tell him?” Raven pressed. “Clearly you’ve been preparing for this for some time now. Charles was still alive when you got the idea. Why didn’t you tell him?”

“I wasn’t sure it would work. I didn’t want to give him false hope.”

“Or were you just afraid he’d forbid you? Did you fear he’d say it’s a terrible idea and you shouldn’t go through with it?”

“That’s not true! Charles would’ve been curious to find out if it would work! Charles never stood in the way of progress!”

“That’s not progress, Erik! That’s you going all Frankenstein mode! How do you expect me to react when you did that to my brother! You didn’t let him rest in peace! You took that from him! That’s not natural, Erik!”

“I’m not natural!” Erik blurted out. Then willed himself to calm down. “According to many I’m not natural. Because I’m different. Not like them. Does that mean I don’t deserve a life or a chance? Charles and I have been fighting against that sort of prejudice our entire lives!” his voice was softer now, filled with such tenderness. “All I want is to try and have him back. To use science to have my Charles back. I need him, Raven. We all need him. It was us together that made the change possible. It was us together that made a difference. I am not letting him go only because his body died. His mind and his spirit are still alive and if there’s even a tiny change I get those back, I'm taking it! Please, understand me. And please, don't hate me for it.”

She did not say anything in reply. Erik felt defeat.

“You can see him, if you like.” he said quietly, sitting down again, shoulders slumped. He wasn’t looking at her, he didn’t want to see the look on her face, didn’t want to see more of her disappointment in him. “He doesn’t remember much about his life yet, but I can tell it’s him. You can-- you can talk to him, if you like.”

Deadly silence followed. He was in her hands. If she so chose she could expose him and he might get into enough trouble to make it impossible for him to finish his experiment. He needed more time with Charles. He needed to help him with the transition from a human body to a synthetic one. Charles was alone and scared and confused and he needed him just as much as Erik needed Charles!

But there was nothing but silence in the room. For the first time Raven did not speak. That could not be a good sign. 

Just when he lost the last shred of hope to receive Raven’s forgiveness or support, he felt her hand on his shoulder.

“I believe in you.” she said heartfelt and he dared to look up at her. “Your experiment shocked me but… I'm with you in this.”

He tried to speak but couldn’t, overcome with too many emotions.

“You say he’s conscious? Awake?”

So far Charles had only been awake for a total of 2 times, both of which ended with him remembering very little and over-exhausting himself. But Erik was hopeful.

“I'll help you with him.” Raven said. “Together we’ll help him remember. See if he can really be our Charles.”

Erik desperately wanted to say something. To reassure her. To thank her. To tell her he’ll do his best to make this work and bring Charles back, entirely. He wanted to let out all those feelings inside him. But he couldn’t. Luckily he didn’t need to either. He just wrapped his arms around Raven and hugged her tightly. And she understood. He didn’t have to say a word. She rubbed his back reassuringly, as the two prepared for the new mission ahead of them. To help Charles remember.

~*~

The blue lady that cried when he said hello was nice. 

The attractive fellow android who cried when he called him his brother was nice too. Even if he was a bit dramatic and weird at times. He still liked him. 

The old thin guy with the glasses and the long hands who hugged him tightly when he saw him was nice too. 

He never saw anyone else. Those were the only three people that came down to the lab and this part of the mansion. He was told he shouldn’t leave this wing of the mansion for his own good. So he stayed there at all times. 

He tried to remember more. It was a struggle. He felt like he had no control over anything in his body. Even the simplest things were not up to him. One time when he was too overwhelmed with efforts to remember -- he still didn’t know why this was so important to everyone -- and the strain was so much that he felt he was going to block out and shut down, he suddenly just threw himself at Erik -- that was his android brother -- and pressed their lips together, parting them with his own and feeling his way around. It was strange. He didn’t know why he did that. It relaxed him, reassured him. Something in him mended while they were this close to one another. 

When he pulled away he was just as confused as before. His android brother was looking at him with big watery eyes and lips still parted in awe. 

“Forgive me.” Charles said, taking a step back. “I don’t know what came over to me, brother.” 

The awe was gone from Erik’s face. Something wet slid down from one of his eyes but he quickly wiped it away before Charles could ask him if that was part of his maintenance. 

“I told you. You can call me Erik.” Erik said, turning his back to him and walking to the nearest window to stare out of it. 

His android brother wanted to be called Erik. He’s mentioned it many times already but Charles kept calling him _ “brother”  _ despite that. He felt “brother” was a more affectionate term and for some reason he wanted to be affectionate with Erik. Maybe because they were the only two synthetics around. Maybe because Erik was the first face he saw when he opened his eyes. He didn’t know for sure. All he knew was that he felt Erik was somehow special and calling him “brother” was the only way he thought of to express this specialness. 

They called him Charles. That’s what Erik said his name was and then it was confirmed again and again by the loud blue lady and her candlestick of a husband. Charles liked them too but he mostly liked keeping close to Erik. 

He felt tired again. Incomplete. Like something was missing. 

“Something’s missing… Something’s not right…” he muttered to himself before closing his eyes again. He didn’t know if anyone heard him or not.

~*~

“It’s not working.” Erik grunted, taking out a bottle of scotch from the liquor cabinet in the study. 

Charles was down in their private lab, recharging. Erik huffed. The sentence sounded all wrong to him. Charles recharging. 

“Erik, what are you doing!?” Raven gasped. 

“Drinking. You humans seem to do that when things go horribly bad.” he said as he poured a full glass of the scotch. He kept the bottle close to himself as he sat down in his old armchair -- the one near the table where he and Charles used to play chess before. Their unfinished last game was still there, untouched since Charles’ death. It was gathering dust there but Erik didn’t allow anyone to as much as breathe near it. 

“But you don’t-- you never drink. You’re an android!” Raven tried to reason. 

“I think by now Erik’s proven to be more human than machine, Raven, don’t you think?” Hank said. Then to Erik, “No offense.” 

Erik shrugged. “Don’t care. Offend me if you like. All of you. I think all of you should gather together and beat me up!” 

“Erik…” 

“I failed, Raven! I failed you, I failed myself… I-- I failed Charles…” he glanced down at his scotch and downed his glass in two big gulps. 

“Erik, we don’t know what effects alcohol might have on you…” Raven said carefully. “Androids don’t feel the need to drink so we don’t really know if it’s even safe or--” 

“Now seems like a good time to find out.” Erik said. 

“Raven does have a point though.” Hank interjected. 

“Where’s your scientific curiosity?” Erik asked, looking Hank in the eyes. “I give you permission to research me when I pass out.” 

“Erik, this is ridiculous! It’s only been three weeks. It’s normal for it to take time… I suppose…” Raven said, trying to be helpful. “He will remember eventually.” 

“It takes too long.” Erik grunted again. “It takes too long and do you know what he said before recharging tonight? He said something wasn’t right. He said something was missing.” 

“He was talking subconsciously. He didn’t know what he was saying.” Raven rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah. Which shows how he feels. He feels like something’s missing and we all know why is that.” Erik said, frowning at his empty glass and then quickly refilling it with more scotch. “I made a terrible mistake, Raven. I did this to Charles and I made it worse. Now I have someone who looks like Charles and acts like-- well… not like Charles. It’s even worse to look at him like that and know he doesn’t feel the same way I do. To know he doesn’t even remember me or our life together. To know he’ll never feel for me what he used to. What the  _ real Charles  _ used to feel.” he drank his second glass too. “It hurts even more… This doesn’t work, by the way. I’m not getting drunk. We need to come up with an android alternative of alcohol.” 

Hank took the glass and the bottle from Erik and put them away. He then took Raven’s hand and gave her a sign to go. 

“We can’t just leave him!” She whispered. 

“He needs to be alone.” Hank said. “There’s nothing we could do now.” 

Raven knew Hank was right. Erik needed to be alone, to clear his mind. That was the Erik way. 

She hugged her friend and pressed a kiss to his head. “Call us if you need to talk, ok?” she said. Erik nodded. “We’ll be in our room.” 

The sound of the closing door was a relief. He couldn’t have people around tonight. Even if they were his friends. He needed to be alone. He wanted to forget. To forget everything. He craved the sweet oblivion of alcohol but no matter how much he drank he couldn’t feel it, he couldn’t get there. His body wasn’t built that way. 

He stared grimly at the chessboard on the table before him. The game was still unfinished. Left there forever preserved as a last private reminder of their life together. 

He grimaced, trying to hold in the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He was so sure that it would work. So sure that the hard part was extracting the consciousness and uploading it into a synthetic body. Too concerned with whether or not he’d manage the transfer from one body to the other, he never once doubted that once the consciousness was there it might not fucking load! 

The metal in the room vibrated with his pain/anger. He heard the noise in time and willed himself to calm down before he melted everything. Their study was in the private and more secluded part of the mansion, close to their bedrooms and with the lab underneath. No one should be able to hear him here but still he didn’t want to risk attracting anyone’s attention. 

He heard the door open again and sighed exasperated. 

“I told you I don’t wanna talk, Raven.” he said but when he looked up he saw it wasn’t Raven at all, it was Charles. Charles blinking at him, his cherry lips half open in surprise. 

“Oh. I apologize. I thought it was alright if I-- I’ll go back to the lab. I’m sorry.” he turned around, heading back to the door. 

“Wait!” Erik stood up from his armchair. “You don’t have to go. You-- you can stay.” 

Charles looked at him, hesitating. “Are you sure? You look-- not in a mood for company.” 

Erik shrugged. “I’m not sure about anything anymore.” he sat back down again, staring at the chessboard once more. 

He didn’t hear movement from Charles’ direction for a moment until finally a quiet pitter-patter of gentle footsteps indicated that Charles came to the chessboard too. Erik looked up. Charles was just standing there. It was weird. 

“Why aren’t you sitting down?” he asked, voice hoarse from… the drink? He wasn’t sure why his voice sounded so strange, as if his throat was closing. 

“You didn’t say I should sit down.” Charles replied. Those big blue innocent eyes looked so much like his Charles’. But there was something missing there. Something not quite right. 

Erik sighed and looked away. Charles was acting like Erik when he was first activated. 

“I hadn’t realized how annoying that can be.” Erik muttered to himself. 

Charles frowned, tilting his head. “How annoying what can be, brother?” 

“I told you not to call me that!” Erik suddenly shouted. “You can’t call me brother with  _ his  _ mouth!” 

Charles froze. 

Erik regretted his outburst instantly. It wasn’t the android’s fault. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Charles was still silent. He was probably confused what he was supposed to do, what he was  _ expected  _ to do. Erik knew the feeling, he was there himself once. But he was too tired to explain things to him now, so he remained quiet. 

“You’re so much like a human.” He heard Charles say. 

The remark took him by surprise. “How can you know that?” 

Charles shrugged a little. Something he picked up from Raven no doubt because that was her shrug. Charles was learning. 

“I just observe.” Charles said. “I read online when I have time.” 

“When I let you have time, you mean.” Erik realized bitterly. He made a gesture for Charles to sit down. “I push you too hard, don’t I?” 

Charles did not sit down. He shook his head. “I do not complain, br--  _ Erik _ .” 

“You should. If you dislike something, you should tell me. If I do something that hurts or upsets you, you should tell me.” 

“I don’t dislike things you do. And I know you wouldn’t hurt or upset me on purpose. I-- I can tell.” 

Erik tilted his head with curiosity. “You can? How can you tell?” 

Charles’ brows furrowed a little as he thought of how to word his response. 

“I can somehow just-- feel it. Inside of me.” he said, hand resting on his chest where his heart would’ve been if he were-- Erik cleared his throat, shaking off the thought. 

“Feel it?” he asked instead. He made the gesture for Charles to sit down again but the android still made no move. 

“I don’t suppose feel is the right word, is it?” Charles chuckled sheepishly. “It’s just-- I cannot come up with a better one to express it. I do apologize.” 

“Don’t apologize.” 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you again.” 

“You’re not.” Erik was annoyed with himself now. He was being impatient, he expected too much. “It’s not your fault.” he repeated, willing himself to sound calmer. “You have nothing to apologize for.” 

Charles fell silent again. 

Erik looked at him. It was  _ his Charles _ , young as the day they met, with the same face, the same height, the same everything and yet so different it was driving Erik crazy. And on top of it, he was still just hanging there above Erik and the chessboard, straight as an arrow and not bloody sitting down! 

“Won’t you finally sit, damn it? I gave you my bloody permission!” Erik groaned again before he could restrain himself. 

“Oh. Of course. I didn’t understand the gesture.” Charles said. He carefully pulled out the armchair a bit and shifted on it until he was comfortable. He then rested his hands on his knees and looked at Erik expectantly, head tilted slightly to the side. 

Erik observed every single motion with furrowed eyebrows. It was like they were two opposites sitting one against the other. Charles with his proper posture and Erik slumped down in the armchair like a slug, completely languid. 

“I’m sorry.” Erik muttered. He wasn’t sure whom he was saying it to. Did he want to apologize to this Charles in front of him or maybe the other Charles, the  _ real  _ Charles, the Charles that died. He still needed to say it though. 

“I don’t know why you’re apologizing.” Charles replied. 

Erik ran his hands through his face, rubbing at his eyes. “I don’t know either.” he lied. 

He remained like that for a second, resting, but then suddenly he heard a sound that made him jump in the chair instantly.

“No! Don’t touch that!” he cried, terrified as if Charles had just pressed a big red button of destruction. 

Charles froze, hand hanging mid air above the chessboard where he had moved one white piece. He looked like someone not quite sure what he did wrong this time but concerned about it anyway.  

“I just saw the move. I’m sorry.” he said. 

“You can’t touch this chess set!  _ No one _ can touch this chess set!” Erik said stubbornly. 

Charles nodded energetically. “Yes, of course. I won’t touch it anymore. I’m sorry!” 

Erik looked down at the chess again to return the piece to its original place when suddenly…

“That’s a very good move.” he said. 

“Thank you…?” Charles replied unsure. 

“It’s-- it’s unusual too.” Erik continued, still not prying his eyes away from the chess. 

“That’s why I thought it’d be good for my strategy. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” 

“No, no. It’s fine. I overreacted. It’s just that this set is very important to me. This game…” he placed his palm a few inches above the chessboard and looked at Charles carefully. “This game is very important to me.” 

Charles nodded, biting his lower lip. “I understand.” 

Erik looked at Charles for a moment before glancing down at the chess. He chuckled. “It’s actually a damn good move. I know someone who’d play it just like that.” 

“You really like it that much?” Charles seemed happy at the thought of pleasing Erik. Erik wasn’t sure if that was the android speaking or some subconscious hidden part of the  _ real _ Charles surfacing. 

“Yes. Yes, I do. In fact, I like it so much,” he grinned and moved his knight, “that I’m going to try and beat you.” 

Charles beamed at him. “Well, it’s not going to be easy for you, I must say. I feel like I’m a natural at this game.” he said and moved his rook.

Erik’s face was clearing up as he relaxed into the armchair and played his next move. “We’ll see about that.” he said. 

They played for a while, the banter not stopping even for a second. It was like a beloved memory, returning to Erik with new freshness. 

Charles chuckled, shaking his head with a tsk. “You’re so predictable. I can predict your next 5 moves before you even make them. It’s like I’m reading your mind. You’re going down, mister!” he grinned and made his move. “Erik? Are you alright? Is it something I said?” 

“I’m very well, thank you.” 

“You look odd.” Charles observed. “Do you want us to pause the game? Maybe you need to rest?” 

“I’m fine.” Erik muttered just as he heard Charles mumbling to himself. “I said that this speed-charging you think is sooo cool is not good for your systems but do you listen?” 

Erik blinked at him. 

“Erik, you’re seriously freaking me out! Should I call Raven or Hank?” 

“No, I’m really fine. I just need to-- do a few things.” 

Charles nodded slowly, frowning. Erik could tell he was still concerned. “Alright.” he said. 

But Erik did not move. He just sat there across the chessboard, staring at Charles as if trying to solve an unsolvable puzzle. 

“Do I remind you of him a lot?” Charles asked. There was something strange in his voice that Erik hadn’t detected before. Quiet and uncertain. A little nervous too, maybe. 

“Remind me of whom a lot?” he asked. 

“Him? Charles? The one you modeled me after?” 

“Who told you that?” Erik asked tiredly. 

“They didn’t have to tell me anything. You look at me and you see someone else.” 

Erik frowned. “Do I really do that?” 

Charles nodded. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.” Erik said. 

Charles smiled softly. “It’s alright. I understand. I think.”

Erik sighed. “It’s not what you think though. It’s not--” he was struggling to find the right words. “I didn’t make you to be  _ like  _ him. I made you because-- you  _ are  _ him. You just don’t remember yet.” 

Charles frowned. “This is confusing to me. How am I him?” 

“It’s complicated. I’d rather you remember things for yourself. It’ll make more sense then.” 

“I’m trying. I really am!” 

“I know. I’m not blaming you, Charles. I’m sorry if I gave that impression.” 

“But you are disappointed.” Charles noted. 

Erik didn't know what to say to that. 

“Maybe I am.” He said, thinking out loud. “But I’m not disappointed with you. I’m disappointed with myself.” he finally replied. 

There was a familiar warmth in Charles’ blue eyes. Erik had seen it there before when Charles was alive. 

“If it’s any consolation,” Charles said softly, “I think you’re lovely.” 

Erik’s raised his eyebrows surprised and Charles quickly looked away, down at his hands, awkward. 

“Is this… is this where you like to relax? This study? Do you stay here when I recharge?” 

_ Changing the subject. Clever boy. _ Erik chuckled, slightly amused. 

“I suppose.” he nodded. “This room has always brought us comfort.” 

Charles’ face fell a bit at the word ‘us’. But he quickly took hold of it and smiled. “That’s nice. Having a place like that.” 

“It is.” 

“Do you want to tell me more about him? About the  _ real  _ Charles.” 

Erik felt sick with himself. Charles had probably heard him say that -  _ the real Charles _ . And what must he have thought? If another Charles was ‘the real Charles’ then who was Charles the android supposed to be? How did that make him feel? Erik realized how insensitive he had been every time he made that distinction between the  _ real  _ Charles and the  _ other one _ . 

“He’s not the real Charles. He’s you.” He said, trying to fix his mistake. 

“But I can’t remember.” Charles sighed. 

“You can’t remember now. But-- Imagine you were in an accident and got amnesia. You’re still the same person. You only need time.” 

Charles frowned in an expression that Erik knew too well from their life together. It indicated Charles was in deep thought, considering something. “Do you really think time will help?” 

“So I’m told.” 

“By whom?” 

“By you.” 

Charles frowned some more. “I’ll try harder.” 

“You don’t need to.” Erik sighed. “You’re pushing yourself too hard as it is. You need to relax a bit. Do what feels right to you.”

“But--” 

“Please. Your instincts will get you there.” 

“I’m an android. I’m not supposed to have instincts.” 

“Well.” Erik smiled at him, gently cupping his cheek. “We’re not supposed to have many things but they still find a way to manifest themselves.” 

Erik felt the way Charles leaned into his touch. There was longing there. Longing for something he couldn’t name. 

Erik smiled warmly at him again. “You go enjoy your free time, okay? Do whatever interests you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Can’t wait.” Charles smiled back. “And… could we play chess again some time?” 

“I think we most certainly can.” 

~*~

“Hank, your phone…” Raven groaned sleepily. 

Hank shifted in bed and felt around the nightstand. “It’s Erik.” he said. 

“Is he okay?” 

“He’s planning something again.” 

“Of course he is.” 

Hank suddenly jumped, sitting up. 

Raven propped herself on her elbow and looked at him with concern. “What is it? Are you alright?” 

“Erik’s got it!” Hank gasped, smiling. “He figured out what’s missing! He knows how to fix it now!” 

“That’s wonderful! Is he certain it’s gonna work?” 

“No! But when did that ever stop us?” Hank said with a grin. “We’ll need Jean’s help though.” 

“Good. I’ve always said that you two need a female brain in your group when you start working on your science. Maybe then things will finally make sense.” 

“I love you! But I have to go.” Hank said, getting up from the bed and grabbing his clothes and his glasses. 

“What, now? Hank, you’re an old man! You need your beauty sleep! Can’t it wait till the morning?” 

“We’re going to bring Charles’ memory back! There’s not a minute to lose!” 


	16. Chapter 16

In his mind Erik was younger again. Back in the days when Charles’ love for him was Charles’ dirty little secret. Strange. Erik has never called it that out loud before. That was ages ago and yet Erik remembered it so well, it was all pierced into his memory. The times when Erik had to be kept hidden from Raven, from everyone Charles knew, from the world. He wasn’t sure why back then. He couldn’t understand it completely. All he knew was that he wasn’t good enough for Charles to be shown for what he really was to him. That he wasn’t really anyone special for Charles back then. Charles never admitted them to be more than a master and an android. Not out loud anyway. But he treated him like an equal when they were alone. Surely that was good enough for Erik. As long as Charles loved him in private who cared what he said and did in public?

Erik. 

Erik cared. 

“ _ Why are you so ashamed of me!? _ ” he wanted to cry out. In fact, he heard himself cry out desperately, even though he didn’t remember doing that back in the day. Maybe his memory was malfunctioning too? A bug he caught from Charles? “ _ Why do you keep me around if I’m so horrible that your sister can’t know about me? _ ” He was sobbing now. His sobs were tearing him apart, shaking him from the inside out. He wasn’t human, he wasn’t like everybody else, he wasn’t what Charles truly wanted. He was a substitute for what Charles couldn’t have. It was painful. He’s never known a thought could be this painful. Well, actually, he knew that, but he always suppressed it deep inside himself, not wanting to face it. What good would admitting it be? It will still remain there. The pain, the anger, the shame. Knowing he was no good for Charles but needing him so badly that he’d take any scraps the telepath gave him. He needed Charles now. Just as badly. He needed him so much it hurt! He’d gladly reduce himself back to Charles’ dirty secret and accept all the inner shame and pain that came with it, just to be near Charles again. Like he used to. 

He was sobbing again. He didn’t know he was sobbing. 

“Erik! Erik! Please, wake up! Erik!” It was Charles’ voice. 

Erik opened his eyes, cutting his recharging abruptly. It took him a moment to focus on what was going on around him. He was in the lab. 

“Erik…” Charles looked concerned. “I told you the quick-recharge was a bad idea. You need proper rest!” 

“I’m fine.” He lied, wiping away the wetness from his cheeks and around his eyes. 

“You were sobbing. While recharging.” Charles said pointedly. 

Erik looked up at him with the calmest face he could muster. “It’s alright, Charles. Please don’t worry.” 

“How can I not?” Charles whispered. Then he cleared his throat, suddenly looking awkward. It reminded Erik of Charles from the beginning of their relationship. Charles who was still too nervous to ask Erik for love. Charles who was still trying to be ‘ _ The Professor _ ’. What was Charles thinking back then!? 

Erik smiled fondly at the android in front of him. 

Apparently Charles noticed the difference in Erik’s expression because a gentle blush spread all over his cheeks and down his neck. The android-hormones were working well then if Charles could blush without meaning to like that. 

“Were you working late again?” Charles then asked, leaning on Erik’s desk. 

Erik sat up in his chair and returned to work. “A bit, yes.” 

For some reason he didn’t want to admit in front of Charles just how much he was exhausting himself over this new theory. He didn’t want Charles to worry about him, or to think that he wasn’t good enough because he had no memories. He didn’t want Charles to feel like Erik’s dirty little secret. 

“Is this for me?” Charles asked, peeping curiously. “Would this help me remember?” 

Erik hummed absentmindedly. 

“Your new idea…” Charles nodded thoughtfully. Erik has been working on this new idea of his for about a week now. Hank and a red-head lady called Jean Grey were helping him too but it was still mostly Erik being a workaholic, burning the midnight oil. “Erik?” Charles said carefully. 

“Yes?” Erik replied, not really lifting his gaze from his calculations. 

“Why do you think I can’t remember yet?” Charles tilted his head. 

“I suspect it’s because a part of you isn’t functioning as it should.” Erik replied, not really thinking it over. 

Charles was quiet. Suspiciously quiet and Erik suddenly processed what he had just said. 

“Oh, hell, no! I didn’t mean it like-- You’re not  _ damaged _ , Charles.” he corrected himself quickly. “What I did with you, it worked. You’re really you and you’re here. I have no doubt about that. You are a success! You’re just not conscious about it yet. Which is alright, too, but…” 

“But it could be better?” Charles finished for him, those big blue eyes gazing as if seeing straight into his mind. 

Erik looked back down at his work. The principle was there, the mechanics were there, the actual process was a bit hazy. He bit his lip. “It could be better…” he admitted quietly, more to himself than to Charles. 

Charles was silent again for a moment before speaking up, “How do you mean? What part of me is not functioning exactly?” he asked patiently. 

Erik looked up at him. 

“Please. I want to know.” Charles said softly and Erik couldn’t refuse him that. 

“Charles, he--” Erik began and quickly corrected himself. “I mean,  _ you  _ were a-- back before-- before--” Why was it so difficult to put his thoughts into words sometimes? 

“Before I became an android.” Charles supplied delicately.

Erik nodded. “Yes, exactly. Before you became an android you were a telepath. You’re not a telepath now so I think that’s why you haven’t yet accessed your memories consciously. I forgot to make it possible for that part of your mind to function in this body. I didn’t think of it. I didn’t think it was even possible.” 

“But now you changed your mind?” 

“Your telepathy was a big part of who you are. It’s linked to your brain as well as your mind. It’s struggling to resurface but it doesn’t have the proper tools. That triggers a defense mechanism of sorts. You can’t consciously remember, Charles, because your mind is protecting itself.” he suppressed a sigh. “At least, that’s my theory.” 

Charles frowned, considering it. “And you think finding a way to channel my previous telepathy, adapting it for my current existence, would help me remember.” 

It was not a question. Erik hummed in agreement nevertheless. 

Charles looked at the schemes in front of Erik. “Do you want me to take a look at that?” 

“It’s fine, Charles.”  

“If it’s about  _ my  _ systems,  _ my  _ telepathy and  _ my  _ memories, maybe _ I  _ could help.” Charles said again with soft persistence. 

“Jean Grey and Hank McCoy had no luck so far but sure thing, go ahead and try.” 

Charles frowned. “You don’t have to be mean about it.” 

Erik rubbed his face with the palms of his hands. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just--” 

“So bloody tired.” Charles supplied, the corners of his lips curling up. 

Erik grinned. “So bloody tired.” he confirmed. 

“So what are you waiting for? Go recharge.  _ Properly!  _ It’s no good to just shut down with exhaustion.” 

Erik hated to admit it but he really did need a break. His brain was overheating and he was still low on battery. Besides his work was a dead end today. He had to start again on a fresh head. 

“You’ll figure it out tomorrow. When you’re well rested.” Charles reassured him with a smile. 

“Good point.” Erik said, getting up and giving Charles a gentle tap on the shoulder. “You’ll be alright?” 

Charles smiled. “I’ll be fine. I’m not tired yet.” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” Charles smiled wider. 

He looked like he was expecting something. It made Erik feel unsure of what he was supposed to do. Slowly and a little hesitantly Charles leaned up a bit towards Erik. His wide blue eyes were filled with unspoken questions. Erik’s own eyes rested on Charles’ half-parted lips for a moment before he closed his them and pressed a kiss to Charles’ mouth. It was a chaste little kiss, a brush of lips more than anything else. But it set electricity through him like a lightening. It made him want to scream with passion at how much he craved for more! How much he craved Charles! But he had to tame all those wild desires. He wasn’t sure how much of it would be welcomed in Charles’ current situation. 

He pulled away quickly and gave Charles an awkward smile, which Charles returned with an equally awkward smile of his own. 

“Good night then.” Erik said and went to recharge. 

Charles remained in the lab, by Erik’s desk. “Good night.”  

~*~  

When Erik told Jean Grey what he’d done to bring Charles back to life it struck him as a little odd how calm she was. In fact, she was so unfazed about the whole Charles-is-sort-of-kind-of-not-dead thing that it made Erik suspect that somehow she  _ already knew _ .  At first he thought he’d let it slide -- maybe it was a telepath thing to always act as though nothing surprised them, those little know-it-alls! -- but then he had to ask. 

“I sensed him.” Jean replied, as if sensing the minds of dead people was the most common thing in the world. 

“You  _ sensed  _ Charles’ mind.” Erik repeated slowly. 

“Yes.” she nodded casually. 

“You just sensed him.” Erik continued. 

“Mhm.” 

“He was dead and you could  _ still feel his mind _ .” Erik rephrased as if to make absolutely certain he understood correctly. 

“Well, yes.” Jean nodded again. 

“And you were sure it was Charles? Not, I dunno, some other  _ non-dead  _ mind?”

She chuckled slightly. “It was very distinctly the Professor. I can recognize him anywhere.” 

“It didn’t strike you as a little odd to sense him? Or do you always feel the minds of dead people?” 

“I could tell he wasn’t dead, Erik.” she smiled softly at him. “He was confused, uncertain, scared even. His thoughts were hazy, vague and chaotic. He had no idea where he was or even who he was but I never doubted he was alive.” 

Erik blinked. 

“Let me explain.” Jean said, sitting up a bit, leaning forward towards Erik, looking him in the eyes. “The day the professor died was one of the worst days in the lives of so many of us. I was devastated. I could feel other people’s devastation too and trust me, that was no picnic.” 

“I can imagine…” Erik muttered, listening to her carefully. 

“And then suddenly I felt the Professor. He was there!” she sounded awestruck. “I didn’t believe it at first. I thought I was going mad, my power was going out of proportion again and this time there was no one to actually help me calm down… but then I saw you. And I saw your face. And I knew. One careful look into your mind and the whole story was clear to me. It made sense. I realized I could sense the Professor because he was still alive!” 

“And you didn’t think to reach out to help him!? Or to help me!?” Erik wasn’t sure how to react at this new information. 

“I figured you’d tell me yourself, when you had good news or when you needed me. Which you did.” 

Erik was still silently processing the fact that Jean Grey knew about Charles for over a month and didn’t confront Erik about it. 

“It was a delicate subject to you, Erik. You were grieving more than any of us and even though you never showed it, I knew. You weren’t ready to talk about it.” she said, probably reading his unspoken questions. “I gave you space. As for Charles…” she sighed. “If I could help him, I would’ve, believe me. But unfortunately there’s nothing I can do, I’m afraid. I’ve been inside his mind and I it did no good at all. So if that’s why you asked me here now, I’m sorry but I will disappoint you. I cannot dig inside and make him consciously remember who he is. That part of his consciousness is so thoroughly locked… I cannot enter it. It’s like he’d subconsciously stuffed his memories in a safe. And it’s quite impenetrable. Even for me.” 

“So it has to come from him.” Erik said determinedly. “And don’t worry, that’s not why I asked you here.” 

“In that case, I’ll do whatever else you need me to.” 

Erik was still silent. Jean could feel there was something on his mind, something eating him up on the inside for quite some time now. She waited patiently. Erik hung his head with a sigh. He knew well she’d detected his fears. 

“Do you think he’d be mad at me, Jean?” he finally spoke. “I never asked him, I just did this… I say it was because I didn’t want to give him false hope before it was done but there’s more to it. A part of me was afraid he’d say  _ Erik no  _ and make me give him another promise that would utterly break me.” 

She rested her hand on his. “I read thoughts, Erik, I don’t read the future. I cannot predict Charles’ reaction when he remembers. But I know he loves you very much and he’d understand why you did what you did.” He looked up at her and she gave him a warm reassuring smile. Then she let him go. “Besides, if it works out well then he’d have no reason to bitch about it.” 

Erik chuckled and shook his head. 

_ Charles loves you,  _ Jean had said.  _ Loves  _ not  _ loved.  _ Could she see love in Charles’ mind now, confused and forgetful as it was? Was the love really still there? Erik couldn’t help but wonder. Had Charles forgotten his love for Erik like he’d forgotten his memories or was he still-- 

There were certain things about Charles, little things that were so typically  _ Charles _ . Erik knew each of them so well. Certain gestures, expressions, the way he would chuckle when Erik said something Charles used to find funny. A lingering look. An expectant smile. A sparkle in the eye. A familiar noise. Little things that meant so much to a loving heart. 

And then there were the wonderful moments when Charles actually felt at ease. His android behavior mode slipped the most during those moments of comfort. Erik noticed that whenever Charles felt relaxed and safe he would act less wooden and stiff, less robot-like and more like himself. He’d laugh with Erik, or discuss things with Erik like they used to before, and on occasions he would even tease Erik. Those moments warmed Erik’s system on the inside and gave him hope. Hope that even if Charles never regained his memories of their previous life together, this was still his Charles, the same Charles, and they could still have a life together. Of course, Erik would prefer it if Charles remembered everything, but even if he never did, even then they could create new memories if Charles was willing. If Charles really still loved him. 

A part of Erik desperately needed to have Charles remember everything, though, even if it was only to hear him say he understood and forgave Erik’s weakness for not being able to let him go. 

~*~ 

It all started relatively tamed. Erik gathered Hank and Jean in the private lab and explained them his theory. 

“As you both know, I transferred Charles’ consciousness into the form of an android.” Erik said. 

“Fascinating!” Hank exclaimed before he could contain himself. “Sorry. I knew that already but I still just find it so fascinating.” 

“It is.” Jean confirmed. 

“Thank you.” Erik cleared his throat. “The transference in itself was successful but he does not consciously remember his life from before. Several times he’s mentioned to me that he felt like something was missing. I recently realized what that is. His telepathy. During the transfer of Charles’ consciousness into a new unfamiliar form -- a form that until now had no way of sustaining telepathy -- Charles’ mutation preserved Charles’ memories, locking them down and disabling the access. I ask you both to help me find a way to restore Charles’ telepathy so that it would allow his memories to return. If that’s a safe inside his mind, I say we find a way to gently burst it open.”

Hank frowned. “You know that you can’t really gently burst--” 

“I was using a really bad metaphor, Hank. Are you two in or out?” 

“IN!” they both said simultaneously and the work began! 

That was the start. But soon it turned into an entirely different matter altogether. 

“I’m telling you it’s not going to work like that, you need to reverse the--” 

“If I reverse it it’s gonna blow up right in our faces! It has to flow freely to--” 

“You’re both wrong. That’s not how telepathy works at all.” Jean interrupted. 

Erik huffed. “We don’t need to make it work the same way as telepathy works, we need to adapt it for him. That’s what I did with my--” 

“Metal and minds are two different things.” Jean insisted. 

“I know that! But it’s the same principle when it comes to androids.” Erik was just as stubborn. 

Jean crossed her hands on her chest. “Do you want my help or not?” 

Erik pursed his lips. “I do want your help.” he said. “Fine. Explain your point of view then.”

“Thank you.” she said and proceeded. 

They were on about it for days now. Discussing the technicalities of how it could be done. It wasn’t easy to find the right mechanism to unleash telepathy. 

“What if it’s dangerous?” Hank said at one point. “We need to make sure he can control it once it’s  _ ‘unleashed’ _ .” 

“Charles struggled with control long enough in his life, I’m not letting that fear get in his way ever again.” Erik said firmly and neither Hank, nor Jean dared mention the grim possibility to Erik. 

Granted it was not an easy project but Erik managed to give himself control over metal which resembled a mutation. Therefore, it could be done! If it could be done with metal why couldn’t it be done with telepathy? Telepathy wasn’t metalokinessis, Erik had repeated to himself several times. It worked in a similar yet different way. As much as he wanted to Erik couldn’t apply the same technology that helped him use his ‘mutation’. Metal, electrical and magnetic waves that Erik was using for his power were not like minds. Minds were delicate, living things that should be handled with care, which made it all the more complicated to discover a way to allow Charles to use his power to penetrate and connect to one without damaging it or causing pain. Erik remembered Charles’ struggle with his telepathy back when he was human. He could only imagine what that might be for him as an android. He had to figure it out beforehand. He couldn’t risk Charles having to deal with that sort of thing again. He couldn’t throw Charles back into the pit of isolation, self-pity, shame, suppressed anger, trust issues, anxiety and depression. He simply could not. The calculations had to be made very carefully and be very precise so that nothing goes wrong once they install the new addition to Charles’ systems.

Erik already had a lot of materials on telepathy, as well as extensive personal knowledge on the subject. He was quite familiar with how telepathy worked and he had Jean Grey to help fill the gaps whenever there were any. Both Hank and Jean were people Charles and Erik trusted and loved, they were intelligent and able to bring in fresh perspective into their team of brilliant minds. 

And yet transforming telepathy into an android equivalent was really tricky. 

~*~ 

The day after Charles insisted Erik recharged himself properly was a very important day. When he woke up Erik found a surprise waiting for him on his desk. A surprise with a note on top of it, saying  _ Personalize me! X  _ . 

“Chaaaarles!?” he gasped, not believing his eyes. 

Charles was still asleep. Recharging. Erik smiled at him, stroking his hair gently and then quickly called Hank and Jean to the lab. 

“That’s actually great, Erik! It’s exactly what we need!” Jean said. 

“It’s the solution!” Hank added. 

“Charles came up with it last night.” Erik beamed. He sounded so proud. 

Charles had indeed contributed considerably to their project. Erik felt silly for not including him earlier. He simply thought it’d be not Charles’ cup of tea but then again, it was Charles! Of course it was his cup of tea! Stupid, Erik, stupid! 

“Erik, we can totally do this.” Jean said. 

Erik nodded, trying to keep his stormy emotions under control. 

Charles’ approach was to view his telepathy as unique only to him. Which it was. No two mutations were identical, even if they appeared to be the same mutation. Charles’ telepathy worked differently from Jean’s. They’d assumed to find the general solution, whereas in fact they had to look into the individual case. Charles had found that particular individual solution in the form of telepathic waves. 

Telepathic waves were unique for each telepath, much like fingerprints or DNA. In order to make Charles’ android body accept Charles’ telepathic waves and channel them properly and in accordance to Charles’ wishes, Erik, Hank and Jean had to adjust the settings of their already existing program to the calculations Charles had already done for them the previous night. It was  _ that  _ simple. The one small thing to connect all the dots between the conscious and the subconscious parts of Charles’ mind. 

Erik was beyond himself with joy. He made sure to tell Charles that when he woke up. 

Charles smirked. “I don’t know about you but I thought I was kind of brilliant.” 

“Don’t be smug now!” Erik did not bother to bite back his grin, showing Charles a full set of teeth. 

He then dragged Charles to show him what he, Hank and Jean had been doing all day. 

“The program is ready. We just need one last test.” he said.

“Do you think it’ll really work?” Charles asked, glancing at Erik. 

“We’ll find out soon!” Erik replied. Then added a bit nervously. “If-- if you’re up for it, of course.” 

“I am.” Charles nodded. 

Erik hesitated, his fingers twitching nervously. 

“You do understand that if you have any kinds of reservations or… or if you’re worried or scared or anything, you don’t have to go through with it.” It was painful for Erik to say this -- he wanted to make this work so badly! -- but he had to put Charles’ own good before his own wishes. He had to give Charles the choice this time. “It is a delicate thing. It might work without a glitch but there’s still a slight chance it might be incompatible.” 

Charles waved it off. “Nonsense! We’ll make it compatible. We’ll test it and then install it. It’s going to be fine. I’ll be okay. Please, don’t worry.” 

Erik frowned. Even now Charles was the one to comfort him. Erik meant it to be the other way around. 

Maybe Charles somehow felt Erik’s sadness because he gently cupped his husband’s cheek and smiled warmly at him, reassuring. 

“It’s what I want, too, Erik. I feel alright living like this, with you, even without my memories. But I can feel that there’s more. There could be more. I know I’d be happy to live without like this too. But I  _ want  _ to remember. I  _ want  _ to have all those lovely memories you cherish so much. I want us to share them. I know they meant a lot to me before and I don’t want to lose them now.” Erik looked like he was about to cry again. Charles pressed a gentle kiss to the other android’s cheek. “You’re not being selfish for wanting this, my love.” he whispered. “We’re doing this together, for the both of us. You and me.” 

Erik almost gasped at that. It all felt so…  _ so Charles _ . 

Charles chuckled, giving Erik a gentle tap on the thigh. “Don’t be this surprised. I’m still me, y’know. I just have an amnesia.” 

Erik chuckled too. 

“And it’s time to cure it.” Charles said as Erik wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close for a hug. He felt Charles’ arms going to his back and hair, embracing him, stroking him gently. It felt like home. Charles felt like home. 

~*~ 

After installing the addition to Charles’ systems, Erik was a nervous wreck, not even bothering to hide it anymore. Charles was currently offline, waiting for the changes to take place, and Erik was pacing like a caged tiger. 

“It’ll be fine. Try not to be so tense.” Raven said. She and Logan had joined the team to wait for Charles to wake up. 

“Don’t tell me what to be and what not to be! You can’t know for a fact that this won’t go horribly wrong!” Erik snapped. 

The truth was he didn’t mean to snap. He was just afraid. Afraid of not making it worse. Afraid of not losing Charles altogether. 

“Being an asshole doesn’t miraculously help science to work better.” Logan remarked. 

Erik glared him into silence. It did not work. This stirred a whole new discussion until suddenly above all other voices one prevailed. 

“You’ve always been so bloody stubborn, darling.”

It was Charles, rolling his eyes at them. 

For a moment the words just hung there in the sudden silence before their true meaning sunk in and caused a reaction from everyone. 

“Charles…” Erik was the most quiet of them all. He could only whisper the name like a prayer, unable to move or think. 


	17. Chapter 17

Raven was less cautious than Erik about the whole thing. She took a step forward and asked, “What did you just call Erik?”

It was no proof yet. Charles had done this before, exhibiting traits that were so like his old self and yet not remembering anything consciously. Maybe this was nothing? Still, Raven hoped from the bottom of her heart that this time was different. For Erik’s sake, mostly. She wasn't sure if Erik would be able to handle losing Charles a second time.

“I called him  _ stubborn _ . Because he is. A stubborn theatrical drama queen.” Charles said, grinning at them all as a man who understood the significance of his own words. Then he added, sounding a bit shy, “And I called him  _ darling  _ because he’s the love of my life.”

“Charles! You're back! You’re really back!” Erik gasped, the spell finally lifting from him as he threw his arms around Charles in wild exaltation.

“Oh, dear!” Charles chuckled to himself. “Careful now. I’m still getting used to this body. And standing. It’s a nice change from the wheelchair.” Even as he said that he pressed Erik tightly to himself.

“Charles! You’ve no idea-- Oh, Charles!” Erik was actually crying again.

Charles found it very amusing. “You’ve also turned into a crybaby now, apparently. So emotional. I should get used to that.”

Erik laughed through tears of joy.

“It’s alright, darling. It’s alright. I’m here. I love you.” Charles repeated, stroking the back of Erik’s head gently.

Erik relaxed into the feeling. “I missed you so much!” he sobbed.

“I told you to let me go.”

“Never! I never could!” Erik said, looking Charles in the eyes now. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t.”

Charles chuckled softly, his own eyes wet with tears also. “Did you even try?”

“It was too unbearable!”

Charles wanted to grin at him. He was happy, he wanted to joke and laugh and tease but Erik looked like such a mess! Charles understood why was that -- Erik’s been through so much over the last couple of months. He needed Charles’ reassurance. He needed Charles’ comfort. All other things subsided and only the instinct to hold Erik and make him happy again remained.

They stayed like that for a long while, in each other’s arms, gently rocking in one place as if dancing to an invisible tune.

Then finally, feeling self-conscious and embarrassed from his emotional outburst, Erik tried to compose himself, wiping away his tears. Their friends would probably mock him about this for the rest of their lives! He glanced around nervously but then realized that it was just the two of them in the lab.

“Where did Raven, Hank, Logan and Jean go?” he frowned.

Charles smiled. “They decided to give us some space. They’re in--” Charles made a show of pressing two fingers to his temple and closing his eyes. Not that he needed that -- his telepathy worked as well as ever now -- but it was a way of reminding Erik that they did it! “-- in the kitchen.” he finished, “Drinking tea. Well, Hank’s drinking tea, everyone else is drinking either coffee or beer.”

“They’ve missed you too, y’know. Maybe we should join them…”

Charles felt the reluctance in Erik’s mind, like he wanted to do the right thing and share Charles with the rest but really really needed him to himself.

CHarles smiled at his husband and wrapped his arms around Erik’s neck.

“Mmm, not yet. They’ll understand that we need to talk a bit first.”

Erik nodded. He looked kind of guilty. Happy but guilty.

“You remember everything?” Erik asked sheepishly.

Charles nodded. “I remember most of it. I don’t quite remember dying… but I remember waking up again.”

“Fascinating!”

“I know.” Charles chuckled.

Erik looked down at his hands again, fumbling with his fingers nervously. “And do you remember the days before you died?”

Charles knew where this was going. “I do.” he said, a serious expression on his face.

“Oh.”

Erik seemed to be confused as to what to say next. He had a lot of things to say -- Charles could sense them all from Erik’s mind -- but he was silent instead.

“Erik. I’m not mad at you.” Charles finally said, when it was clear that Erik was in no condition to make the first move and speak about it. He was waiting for Charles’ judgement instead, for Charles’ anger. Charles cupped his cheek lovingly. “You kept your promise to me. You didn’t end yourself like you were planning. Thank you for that.”

“I had to keep my promise to you but I never asked you if this--” he pointed at Charles’ android form, “-- was what you wanted. I never asked for your permission to do this to you.”

“Instead you put yourself through all that suffering! I didn’t want you to hurt, Erik. Why didn’t you just let me go like I told you to?”

Erik chuckled in an attempt to lighten up the mood a bit. “Please! When have I ever done what you told me to? Besides, you don’t let go of your happiness. You cling tightly onto it for as long as you can.”

“You’re so selfish!” Charles beamed.

“Look who’s talking! You selfishly wanted me to live on just so that you feel good about yourself. It was my decision, Charles, not yours. And I made it. I listened to you but I did what I thought was right.”

“As I said. Stubborn.” Charles grinned and pressed a kiss to Erik’s lips.

“You really forgive me?” Erik whispered.

Charles nodded. “I really do. And I love you.”

~*~

Eventually they rejoined their friends. Meanwhile Raven had called Kurt to finally give him the good news. The man teleported himself and his family to the mansion instantly. The rest of the day was basically a really loud and joyful reunion.

“Erik has an eye for detail, no one can deny him that.” Kurt said, smiling at Charles. “You look exactly like the day I first met you when I was a boy.”

To the last freckle!” Raven gasped excitedly. “He’s recreated Charles to the last freckle! Such attention for even the smallest details.”

“How do you even know that? Should I be concerned?” Charles joked.

Raven slapped his arm playfully. It was quite painful. Charles laughed.

He was happy but by the end of the day he was really tired. He wanted to relax and process everything that’s happened since his ‘death’. He also really wanted to be alone with Erik again. The two still had so much to talk about, so much to do.

As if sensing his mood Jean got up, suggesting that it was getting late and they always had tomorrow to continue. Charles smiled at her with gratitude as everyone pulled him into crashing hugs as they said their goodbyes. Then it was finally quiet in their part of the mansion.

“Charles…”

“I have so many things to tell you but first I think we need to recharge.” Charles said and a wide grin spread across Erik’s face.

“This is exactly what I was going to say.”

~*~

Opening his eyes to find Charles snuggled next to him in bed was like a dream come true. Hearing his voice in the morning, feeling his touch as he pressed a kiss to Erik’s half-opened in amazement mouth was out of this world. He could still not quite believe that it was real. He felt like he needed some kind of outside proof that he’s not just being delirious.

“I think I’ll discuss with Jean what how to break the news to the other students and to the world in general.” he said. It felt like making the news of Charles’ return public in a way was a confirmation that he was not imagining all of this. That Charles was real.

Charles said nothing. Erik repeated and when he still got no answer, he turned around terrified out of his mind.

“Charles?”

Charles was standing before their bed, head tilted to the side with a faraway look on his face.

“Charles? Charles!” Erik grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

Charles snapped out of it. “Hmm?” He blinked a few times, eyes focusing on Erik again.

Was he malfunctioning? Did something go terribly wrong after all? Were there some horrible repercussions and side effects!?

Wait a minute…

“Charles.” Erik frowned, eyes fixed on Charles’ face. “Were you… were you reading online!?”

Charles smiled a guilty yet adorable little smile. “It’s really exciting.”

“Darn it, Charles! You can’t just zone out like that! You scared me to death!”

“You defeated Death, remember?” Charles teased.

Erik huffed with an eye roll. “Pay attention. Please.”

Charles chuckled. “It’s not my fault all this amazing new world is right here for me to explore.”

Erik arched an eyebrow, unimpressed. “While I’m talking!? That’s rude!”

“Oh, please, you’ve probably done it all the time to me.” Charles rolled his eyes.

Erik gasped. “Never once have I ever not paid attention while yo-- okay, maybe once or twice, but that’s beside the point!”

Charles chuckled amused. Erik rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help the fond loving grin on his face. It was good to have Charles back.

~*~

“Telling the truth would cause a lot of discussions. It’ll stir everyone.” Jean said.

Erik nodded. His face was composed and concentrated. Not a trace of the mess of a man he’d been for the last couple of days.

“You say it might be better to hide it and come up with some other silly explanation? That we just made a replacement?”

“Might be the easier way out but…” Jean said but it was clear she favored the hard way.

Erik smirked as he felt it clearly. “I thought so too. No more lies.” he said.

She nodded.

“Would the public even believe it when we tell them?” he then asked.

“There will always be doubters. But that’s unavoidable. The thing is, once you make a statement, saying that this man is Charles Xavier back from the dead in an android form, there’s no going back. Some would admire you for it. Claim it’s the next stage of evolution. Say it’s the cure to death. Eventually other scientist would start researching too and maybe some day death will be a choice, not a necessity.” She said. “But. There will be others to stand against you. They’ll attack you and Charles. They’ll say his survival is unnatural and immoral. They’ll try to stop any other research of this technology and prevent anyone else from ever trying this again.”

“Presumably those would be the same people who already hate us for our equal rights activism.”

“No doubt.” she replied.

“Well, good thing we don’t give a damn what they think.” Erik grinned.

Jean chuckled. “Be careful though. Hateful people are like poison sometimes.”

Erik nodded but said nothing.

“What about Charles’ legal status?”

Erik leaned back in his armchair, crossing his legs ankle to knee. “He’s still Charles so there isn’t too much change there. But we may have to prove he’s the same person. It shouldn’t be difficult though because he is. And with his memories back and the telepathy I doubt it’ll be a problem.”

“Even if someone tries to sabotage him?”

“Even if that happens, which is a big if, Charles can still have the legal status of an android. Which, thanks to him, is that of a person. The mansion is officially mine after Charles’ death and I’m his husband so it’s basically ours again. Worst case scenario we might have to renew our wedding vows. Which I’d gladly do.” he allowed a slight smirk to creep on his face. “Forever and ever sounds pretty nice to me when it comes to Charles.”

Jean smiled at him. “Good then.”

“Thank you, Jean. For everything.”

“Charles did so much more for me. I’m only happy to help.”

~*~ =

Charles tilted his head in front of the mirror. There were lots of new things to get used to. His eyes were taking in the view, sliding up and down his reflection, noticing every detail. The resemblance really was uncanny! Erik had recreated even the tiniest detail of Charles’ body, just like Raven said. Erik had remembered it all and reproduced it in exactly the same way as it was when Charles was this age.

Erik entered their bedroom. “I discussed with Jean what kind of statements we should make once you’re ‘officially’ back.” he said, closing the door behind him.

“Mmm, that’s probably a good idea.” Charles said absentmindedly. He was still looking at his reflection. “People would probably freak.”

“People rarely do much else.” Erik rolled his eyes. He took a better look at Charles and smiled, getting closer. “And what are you doing, Professor? Admiring the view?”

“Oh, you dork! You expect me to praise your handicraft, don’t you?”

“Maybe a little praise won’t be unwelcome, to an artist, a sculpture...” Erik said with a casual shrug, hugging Charles from behind and taking in his scent.

“I must admit I’m surprised you managed to give me a smell. I actually smell like something.”

“Mmmm, it’s an upgrade, you’re welcome.” Erik hummed, closing his eyes.

“Well, not that I actually need it. But thanks, I guess.”

“I love the way you smell….” Erik mumbled, his words muffled because he was pressing his mouth to the crook of Charles’ neck. “I had to preserve it somehow.”

Charles tilted his head and chuckled. “So that upgrade was basically for your benefit, wasn’t it?”

“No.” Erik gruffed.

“You’re so transparent!” Charles was really amused now.

Erik let go of him, blushing slightly. “You’re over-exhausted from all the excitement, what do you know. Just go to sleep.”

“Sending me away so soon! Why, Mr. Erik Xavier! I’m speechless!”

Erik slowly stopped pouting and grinned at Charles again.

“You could’ve made me bigger, y’know.” Charles said.

“Your height is lovely, Charles. Why would I change it? We fit together so perfectly and--”

“I wasn’t talking about my height.” Charles cut him off, glancing down at his crotch and then looking up at Erik again, wiggling his eyebrows.

Erik followed Charles’ gaze, realization dawning on him. It was gratifying that Erik actually got so embarrassed by Charles’ words.

“I wanted you to be... authentic.” he mumbled under his breath.

“You really have memorized it well.” Charles smirked. “Astounding likeness! And in such detail, too. You must’ve spent a lot of time on my cock.”

Erik frowned some more. “You’re my husband, of course I’ve memorized it.” he replied.

“Still, though, an inch or two more wouldn’t have hurt.” Charles added.

Erik gasped. “It was perfect the way it was! It’s big enough, I had no reasons to change anything!”

“Smaller than yours though.” Charles noted. “You could’ve made us more even down there.”

“Stop that!” Erik blushed bright red now. “I liked it as it was. I wanted it--  _ you  _ to be authentic.”

“Hmm, still could’ve been more generous.”

“You’re quite big, Charles. You don’t have to be as big as--”

“As big as you?” he finished with a grin. “Oooh, do I detect a massive ego here? Do you take pride in your… size, Erik?”

Watching Erik’s adorable embarrassment was adorable. Charles was having the time of his life.

“Stop it. I’ll turn you off!” Erik warned.

“I’m sorry, darling, but you can only ever turn me on. It’s impossible for you to turn me off.” Charles teased with a bedroom smile, wrapping his arms around Erik, pulling him back close to himself.

“Chaaaarles!” Erik groaned, biting back his impossibly ridiculous grin.

“Whaaat? I’m young again. I want to try out the new body, if you know what I mean.” he winked.

“Of course I know what you mean. You’re not really being subtle about it.” Erik rolled his eyes but there was no irritation there.

“Well then? We spent all day yesterday talking and discussing stuff and entertaining our friends. Then snoring. Aren’t you curious what it’d be like to--”

“Charles!”

“Robot-style!” Charles grinned, making a little embarrassing dance of his own. Erik wanted to die of shame.

“Charles, shut up! Someone might hear…” Erik’s cheeks were flushed red and he was trying hard not to grin or laugh. It was so adorable, Charles loved it!

“I’m basically an android now, I can say that and it’s not racist.” Charles insisted.

Erik pulled him back into his embrace again, looking at him with love in his eyes.

“I love you.” he said.

“It shows! Rather a lot!” Charles giggled.

“I love you.” Erik repeated, feeling lost in the blue of Charles’ eyes. He needed to say it again and again. He didn’t even know why, he just felt like he had to.

“I know. You keep saying that.” Charles chuckled, hands idly rubbing at Erik’s biceps and shoulders, admiring how well-defined they were.

“I missed saying it. I missed having you.” Erik’s voice was that passionate groan again that never failed to excite Charles.

“Have me, then!” Charles gasped breathily.

“Not just like that. I missed having you here.” he said, pointing at his head.

Charles smiled, wrapping his own arms around Erik’s neck as he gazed at him, smiling. He let his telepathy settle back where it used to be before, intertwining their minds together once again.

“I know.” Charles said. “I’m glad to be back to you too. I love you, darling. You’re a stubborn idiot but I love you so very much.”

“I love you too.” Erik smiled, their lips pressed closely to one another's faces. Then he added quieter. “And now we’re joined together in eternity.”

“Mmm, what was that, darling?” Charles asked softly, too far gone in the wonderful feeling of being held by the man he loved.

Erik chuckled and kissed Charles’ forehead. “Nothing. Just me being silly.”

“My silly soulmate.” Charles grinned and snuggled into Erik’s loving embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this is the end of the story :) I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it!
> 
> Thank you to all who left kudos and lovely comments! They made my day!
> 
> Peace and serenity, my friends!


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